Managing the Greatest Risk: Protecting Children in Youth Sports

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Managing the Greatest RiskProtecting Children
in Youth Sports

• Fran Sepler
• Sepler Associates
• Saint Paul, MN

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In This Presentation

• Overview of Risk to Kids in Youth Sports
• Special look at use of internet and related risk
• Examination of issues faced by boys in youth
  sports (new this year)
• Discussion about ways to handle complaints

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Youth Sports In America

• More than 10 million children under the age of 16
• Supervised by over 1 million adults
• Youth sports are a ready made resource pool for
  pedophiles
• 30 Felony convictions in past 18 months

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In the last week alone

• Fayetteville GA basketball referee charged with
  aggravated assault after trying to knife an
  assistant coach in front of 7 and 8 year old
  players
• MEDINA, Ohio - A youth soccer player was charged
  with deliberately kicking a goalie in the face
  seconds after a game, leaving him unconscious and
  with a broken cheekbone
• The New Mexico Legislature contemplates
  aggravating assault charges when directed at a
  sports official

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The culture of youth sports needs to be managed

• Risk Management is more than criminal record
  checks

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Assumptions

• Risk to children is real much of the abuse and
  exploitation of children in youth sports is
  preventable
• If you rely on criminal record checks, you are
  providing a woefully inadequate approach to risk
  management
• To truly reduce risk, the culture of youth sports
  will need to change

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Changing the Culture Means

• Recognizing limits on the authority of the youth
  coach
• Setting the bar high on interpersonal conduct
• Acting in the interest of safety, even when
  inconvenient
• Taking responsibility for prevention and
  detection

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Who should we worry about

• Different risk at different ages and stages

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The Child Molester

• WHO IS THEIR TARGET?
• Vulnerable children
• Unsupervised children (male and female)
• WHAT IS THE RISK?
• Surreptitious sexual contact (frottage)
• Sexual assault, including penetration
• Soliciting sexual acts/stimulation
• Violent conduct up through abduction/homicide

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Protecting Kids

• Teach your children to never go anywhere without
  a safe adult. Help them understand that a safe
  adult is someone that you have identified as
  such. At soccer related activities, they should
  stay in groups as much as possible.
• Identify an adult who will be responsible for
  supervising children not with their parents
  during a game.
• Do not clothe small children in items that
  identify them by name, either first or last.

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Protecting Kids, continued

• Approach adults who are watching practices or
  games who do not appear to be with
  players/children. Identify yourself and ask them
  if they are watching a particular player.
• Children should never be allowed to go unescorted
  to public restrooms.
• Never leave a child alone awaiting transportation
  after a practice or game.

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Pedophile Fixated/Seductive

• Creates/seeks opportunities for access to
  children
• Has tremendous aptitude for identifying
  childrens needs and vulnerabilities
• Highly manipulative
• Generally seeks certain profile of victim(i.e.
  male, pre-adolescent, appearance type)
• May initially attain gratification simply by
  proximity
• Creates special relationships
• Profile

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Statements by Pedophiles who have molested kids
in sports

• They needed me and I needed them
• They were so happy when they were with me I saw
  how their parents treated them.
• No one will understand how in love I was with
  him, and he was with me. No one will ever love
  him like I did.
• The coaching relationship is intimate. There was
  nothing exploitive about caring for a kid.

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Technology and Desire for Recognition Provide
Opportunity to Pedophiles

• Proliferation of Web Sites
• Chat Rooms and E-mail
• Web Cams
• Online Yellow Pages
• Private e-mail accounts and IM capability

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Club Web Sites

• Password protect any information that facilitates
  contact directly with children.
• Do not post pictures of individual athletes.
• Do not post practice time and places on public
  board.
• Avoid profiles of children, especially with a
  great deal of identifying information.

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Right From the Web

• The United Quest Red '89 Athena youth soccer team
  consists of girls ages 9 and 10 from the
  northwest metro Atlanta area. We are a brand new
  team that was selected after three days of tryout
  sessions in June, 1999. You can click here to
  view our team roster and a team picture. We play
  in the top Georgia Youth Soccer Association U-10
  (under 10 in age as of July 31, 1999) Athena
  division. The Athena program consists of girls
  "select teams" (also called "travel teams") from
  across Georgia.
• This week's schedule
• First pre-season practice Sunday, February 6th,
  1215 - 145 PM at Chalker Elementary School.
  We'll scrimmage the boys 10 Reds during the
  second half of the session. Wear your blue
  uniforms and wear turf shoes, not cleats. After
  the practice and scrimmage, we'll meet at 200 PM
  at Christina's house to watch the US Women's team
  play Norway.
• Monday We'll practice from 530 - 645 PM at
  United. Wear flats and bring turfs. We'll either
  use one of the cement courts or one of the fields
  behind the clubhouse.
• Thursday We'll practice from 530 - 645 PM at
  United. Wear flats and bring turfs. We'll either
  use one of the cement courts or one of the fields
  behind the clubhouse.
• Sunday We're going to try to schedule a
  scrimmage game on Sunday, February 13th against
  the U-10 boys White team. We should have more
  information (time and location) by Monday
  evening.

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Right from the Web

• Spring pre-season practices We'll start
  pre-season practices on Sunday, February 6th.
  Here's the pre-season practice schedule
• Sundays 1215 - 145 PM at Chalker Elementary
  School - wear turfs
• Mondays 530 - 645 PM at United - wear flats,
  bring turfs
• Thursdays 530 - 645 PM at United - wear flats,
  bring turfs
• Special session, Wednesday, February 23rd Dave
  Smith will work with our team on Wednesday the
  23rd from 530 - 700 PM, field to be announced
  later. If you have a schedule conflict with this
  date, please contact coach Ward as soon as
  possible.
• This is a temporary schedule. We are due to
  receive our regular practice schedule in
  mid-February, and it will probably go into effect
  in late February. (The Canterbury and Noonday
  fields are closed until then.) We've asked for
  Monday Thursday nights again, but we won't know
  for sure until mid-February.
• More new photos (January 8) We've added some
  more action photos from the regular season and
  from the Sugar Spice tournament. Click here to
  jump to the team picture page.

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LEAH FROM U-8 MOONSLIDERS
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Briana FROM THE U-8 PIZAZZ
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AUSTIN is a U7 Player
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Example of Material Copied from Web sites

• 1999-2000 Blue Blaze
• Becky, Dara, Ashley, Maxine, Casey, Kaitlin,
  Jessica, Renee, Kristin, Amanda, Tracy, Kerry,
  Marissa, Jessie, Rebecca, Sabrina
• winter practice every Saturday at 930 am at
  the 6 schoolweekly indoor league every
  other Sunday between 8 am and 11 ammid week
  indoor TBA

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What is the problem with a few cute pictures?

• Game schedule, time and place published, in one
  case for 6 months
• Practice schedule, time and place published
• First names attached to images
• Sufficiently young and vulnerable that this puts
  them at risk

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Text from a Chat Room

• I am a 24 year old guy who is looking to help
  some young athletes get a start in life. I have
  connections with the NBA, and know a lot of the
  players. No one helped me out, so I want to help
  you.
• (later in message) Tell me all about your
  appearance or send photo
• Later found to be convicted sex offender

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Why wont they tell ?

• Threaten to expose them as gay
• Threaten to go on to sibling or friend
• Enormous self blame
• Mix drug or pornography use with exploitation --
  worry will get in trouble.
• Afraid of being cut, punished or exposed

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Protection

• Check references -- thoroughly.
• Challenge age group preferences (if adult is
  non-parent).
• It is highly recommended in the case of
  non-parent coaches, that at least one parent be
  involved in team organization/administration.
  (i.e. team coordinator, team parent or assistant
  coach).
• Question expansion of the coaching relationship
  into other contacts. Explore the relationships.
• Establish policies for communication and enforce
  them.
• Do not be afraid to ask for information,
  references or background.
• Actively give feedback if concerns are raised

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Identification

• Secrets between coach and players
• Coach shows particular, notable, and intense
  interest in several children
• Coach gravitates towards children with troubled
  home lives or poor social acceptance by peers
  outside of soccer
• Children who do not keep secrets or challenge
  coach are described by coach as outsiders, or
  are chided or ostracized
• Attempts to be isolated with one child
• Repeated comments about the appeal or
  attractiveness of a child
• Child is withdrawing from normal support network
• Childs attitude towards activity changes avoids
  or gets symptoms
• Concurrent

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If you have concerns

• Insert a safety net into the situation find an
  adult to share responsibility.
• Monitor closely.
• Document concerns.
• Ask questions.
• Let the individual know that you have concerns,
  and why, being sure to address it from the
  perspective of concern for THEM.
• Be present. Involvement of healthy, caring adults
  is the best form of risk management.

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DO NOT

• Jump to conclusions.
• Use your gut for more than an incentive to
  investigate further.
• Be conclusive or careless in expressing concerns
  to others.
• Pull a child or a coach from a situation that may
  or may not be an issue. Get help.

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DO NOT

• Confuse sexual aggression with sexual
  orientation.
• Attempt to act on impressions gained by
  stereotypes.

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Sexual Abuse by Known,Trusted Adult

• Intrafamilial or similar dynamic
• Regressive conduct
• Impulsive
• May be associated with drug or alcohol use
• Serial sexual abuse
• Mixes nurturance and sexuality
• Shame and compulsion are common

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Identifying Issues

• Child's symptoms are most likely to lead to
  concerns
• Generally no behavioral indicators on part of
  offender or behavioral change has plausible basis
• Symptoms will include depression, avoidance,
  nightmares, fears, acting out, simulating the
  conduct, precocious behavior, self-harm, or
  withdrawal
• Children fear telling will mean loss of loved
  one, loss of affection, or punishment for them
  often think no one will believe them

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If you have concerns

• Normalize your questions by saying sometimes
  kids feel . . .
• If you are concerned about another parents
  child, tell the parent you are concerned.
• Make sure channels of communication are open
• If you are reasonably convinced that there is a
  problem, contact your local social services
  intake department to ask for help with how to
  address it.
• You may be mandated to report suspected child
  abuse and neglect. Check your laws locally.

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Sexual Exploitation

• WHO IS AT RISK?
• Older adolescents and young adults
• WHAT IS THE RISK?
• Sexual behavior or romantic involvement becomes
  part of the terms and conditions for
  participation
• Tolerating sexual advances becomes a term or
  condition of participation
• A consensual relationship begins between coach
  and player

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WITH REGARDS TO CONSENT

• If such a relationship develops in your club
• or program, it implies the consent was
• between the player, the coach and the
  organization.

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INDICATORS

• Coach discloses intimate or personal
  feelings/emotions to player
• Coach seeks personal intimacy with player
• Coach courts player
• Coach responds in kind to seductive behavior
• Special relationships and secrets us v. them
• Coach makes physical contact excessively or
  disproportionately with one player
• Openly states appropriateness of dating players

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Quid Pro Quo Harassment

• Player is told or it is implicit that play time,
  team membership, recommendations, support or
  other sport-related benefits will be enhanced,
  improved, or withdrawn or withheld in any manner
  relative to an intimate or sexual relationship.

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The Hidden Harassment

• The Experience of Harassment in Athletics

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The Research

• 125 Youth Athletes
• All Male
• 12-16 Years Old
• Variety of Sports (Basketball, Soccer, Baseball,
  Hockey)

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Have You

• Been called names you felt were embarrassing or
  demeaning?
• Had references made to or about you that were
  sexual?
• Been subject to intimidation or embarrassment
  that had a sexual element?
• Had your masculinity or sexuality questioned or
  demeaned?
• Been touched sexually?

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The Answers

• Been called names you felt were embarrassing or
  demeaning
• Yes 86
• No 14
• Called names by Peers (86)
• Called names by Coaches (60)
• Called names by Spectators (30)
• Called names by Opponents (45)

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The Answers

• Had references made to or about you that were
  sexual
• Yes 65
• No 25
• Not Sure 10
• By Peers 62
• By Coaches 20
• By Opponents 25
• By Spectators 10

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The Answers

• Been subject to intimidation or embarrassment
  that had a sexual element
• Yes 18
• No 78
• Not Sure 4
• By Peers 16
• By Coaches 5
• By Opponents 2
• By Spectators 2

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The Answers

• Had your masculinity or sexuality questioned or
  demeaned?
• Yes 78
• No 15
• Not Sure 7
• By Peers 75
• By Coaches 40
• By Opponents 60
• By Spectators 30

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Common Behavior

• Fag, queer, or other references most common
• Explicit sexual references as part of insults
• What kind of man are you? statement reported
  from as early as 6 years

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How Does the Behavior Make You Feel?

• Its no big deal
• You have to get kids attention somehow
• It is part of sports
• You dont like it but you cant show it
• When a guy calls another guy a fag it doesnt
  mean anything negative -- its just a word

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Two Stories

• Student A
• 14 Years Old
• Coach singled out
• Youre a queer and your mother is a dyke
• Filed complaint
• To school judicial board
• Deemed to not be harassment

• Student B
• 16 Years Old
• Played for same coach for 10 years
• Complained when his little brother got taunted
• Twenty students participated in investigation
• Coach suspended for harassment

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Common Themes

• Complainant blamed
• Family pressured
• Teammates created greatest pressure
• Female friends not supportive
• Not believed

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Questions to Consider

• Is the behavior harassment?
• Are the rules different for boys and girls?
• Are the rules different in sports?
• Is this an issue of law or values?

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Prevention

• Let players know that they will be supported for
  seeking help with anything that makes them
  uncomfortable as part of their participation
• Assure that there are multiple avenues of support
• Exit interviews for any players that leave
  without explanation
• Hold coaches to high standards AT EVERY AGE AND
  FOR EVERY GENDER

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There is no simple way to analyze the degree of
risk

• Ask questions.
• Gather more data.
• Avoid gossip and cavalier statements.
• Assess the conduct and demeanor of the players.
• Get involved.

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Parents are the primary advocate for their
children

• Parents must be willing to speak up when they
  have concerns.
• Speaking with the coach directly is far more
  important than talking with other parents on the
  sidelines.
• Formal risk management is a SECOND line of
  protection for children.

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Why Wont They Tell (parents)?

• Community pressure
• Do not want kids to have to testify
• Scholarship or team placement issues
• Concerns about child or familys reputation
• Self blame
• We were blinded by the winning and the fun we
  were having

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Courage and Commitment

• Must be willing to speak up
• Must keep sports achievement in perspective
• Massachusetts Mom Five sons abused over ten
  years -- waited until final son scholarshipped.
  Coach sentenced to 20 years. Why did she wait I
  did what I needed to do for my boys.

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Mythbusters

• There is no typical victim
• Detection is not intuitive
• Most kids are confused and bound up by shame --
  they do not think of the molester as hurting
  them

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When You Get A Complaint

• Assemble a risk management team to review the
  complaint
• Make decisions on the appropriateness of interim
  (immediate) action
• Develop a communication plan
• Decide whether to involve law enforcement
• Seek legal advice early

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When You get A Complaint

• Do not make broad public declarations -- proceed
  on a need to know basis
• Contact anyone who may have information that will
  be helpful
• Limit those who are gathering information to one
  or two individuals
• Document all steps you take and what you learn

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When You Get a Complaint

• Make a decision about when and how you will
  inform the accused
• Identify existing policies and procedures
  regarding grievances and appeals
• Develop a communication plan so questions are
  answered in the same manner
• DO NOT PANIC!

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Five questions to ask coaching candidates

• Why do you coach?
• What has been positive and negative about your
  prior coaching experience?
• Why did you leave your last coaching situation?
• If I asked each of these people about you, what
  would they say?
• Parents of players
• Players
• Coaches of your opponents

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Sepler Associates

• 651-681-1821
• Sepassoc_at_aol.com
• Or
• Sokkerfanatic_at_aol.com

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Five things to do to protect yourself from
accusations of inappropriate conduct

• Avoid being alone with players in non-public
  settings.
• Document unusual situations and forward the
  documentation to your club president or league
  representative.
• Do not buy gifts or give money to team members.
• Let your language set the tone. Avoid profanity,
  even in conversations that you think are private
  but may be within earshot of players.
• Never verbally demean, negatively label or
  ridicule a child based on appearance, gender,
  weight, sexual orientation, race or any other
  identifying characteristic.

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Five questions parents should ask themselves
about their childs soccer coach

• Do I believe that this coach is committed to
  protecting my player?
• Am I willing to raise issues with this coach
  without fear of reprisal to my player?
• Does this coach display a healthy limit on
  his/her interest in the personal lives of his/her
  players?
• Does this coach support my role as a parent?
• Does this coach appear to have respect for each
  of his/her players, regardless of things such as
  play time?

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The ten things your club/program can do to reduce
the risk of sexual abuse or exploitation of
children

• Never fill your coaching slots with a warm
  body. Check background, experience and history
  of a coach.
• Do not allow an adult to come, unsolicited, into
  your club solely to coach children of a
  particular gender or age.
• Create a structure where multiple adults share
  responsibility for the well being of each team.
• Follow up on players who leave a team without
  explanation. Minimally, a phone call asking about
  the reasons is essential.
• Educate parents about the expectation that they
  will raise issues to the coach or the club to
  assure that issues are properly addressed.

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The ten things your club/program can do to reduce
the risk of sexual abuse or exploitation of
children (continued)

• Have a strong and strongly enforced rule
  prohibiting fraternization.
• Prohibit gift-giving by coaches that is
  excessively lavish or is not equal amongst the
  entire team (with the exception of awards of
  nominal value.)
• If there is concern about the motives of a new or
  unfamiliar coach, consider asking a more
  experienced coach to co-coach for a few sessions
  with the coach, and to mentor the new coach.

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The ten things your club/program can do to reduce
the risk of sexual abuse or exploitation of
children (continued)

• Require all team travel to be preceded by a plan
  for lodging, supervision and other details, and
  to be signed by all parents and players. No club
  volunteer should be alone in the front seat of a
  vehicle with a child who is not part of their
  family or household.
• Avoid being isolated with a child, or leaving a
  child unsupervised.

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For Further Information

• Local Law Enforcement (Officer Friendly, McGruff,
  etc.)
• Sexual Assault Centers
• Public

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Sepler Associates(651) 642-9449sepassoc_at_aol.co
m