Recognizing and Responding to Violence against Aboriginal Women and Girls

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NWAC Youth Violence Prevention Workshop
Domestic / Relationship Violence
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WELCOME ACTIVITYBALL OF STRING FLING
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Acknowledgements

• Recognizing and Responding to Violence against
  Women in Aboriginal Communities created in
  conjunction with Kenneth McGrath from Mandala
  Learning Solutions Inc who generously donated his
  time to work with the Youth Council
• INAC funding to work on the youth violence
  prevention Toolkit
• The content of this workshop was developed by the
  NWAC Youth Council members and the NWACs Youth
  Department
• A limited survey on violence prevention issues
  was conducted with Aboriginal youth prior to
  developing the workshop
• We partnered with Wabano Cyber Café youth in
  order to make a youth video for the workshop

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Workshop contents
Please use this information at your own discretion

• This is the tool for raising awareness and
  education developed by NWACs youth council in
  consultations with other youth but we are not
  professional service providers so please contact
  relevant agencies and local service providers for
  any professional advice

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• I think that violence toward aboriginal women is
  perpetuated within society.

It is not only one person making them feel
worthless, but instead it is the general accepted
stereotype surrounding Aboriginal women. -
Age 19, Ontario
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Why do we need to talk about violence prevention?

• 1999 Statistics Canada data reports that from
  7,400 Aboriginal and non-Aboriginal women 12.6
  of Aboriginal women had been victims of violence
  by their current partners in the previous five
  years. 
• For non-Aboriginal women, they report the figure
  was just 3.5.
• (Assessing Violence Against Women A Statistical
  Profile 1999).
• Up to 75 of victims of sex crimes in Aboriginal
  communities are female under 18 years of age, 50
  of those are under 14, and almost 25 of those
  are younger than 7 years of age.
• (McIvor Nahanee, "Aboriginal Women Invisible
  Victims
• of Violence 1998 source Correctional Service of
  Canada)

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How violence affects Aboriginal girls?

• The incidence of child sexual abuse in some
  Aboriginal communities
• is as high as 75 to 80 for girls under 8 years
  old
• The heightened vulnerability to violence is
  experienced by
• Aboriginal / Indigenous girls in Canada
• The suicide rate for adolescent Aboriginal girls
  is 8 times the national average of non-Aboriginal
  adolescent girls
• (McEvoy Daniluk "Wounds to the Soul
• The Experiences of Aboriginal Women Survivors of
  Sexual Abuse. Canadian Psychology 36, 3 1995)
• (The Girl Child Having to 'Fit by Jasmin
  Jiwani, Ph.D., October 1998)

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What we will address

• 1) how to recognize specific types of violence?
• What is considered violence, abuse, harassment?
• Types of violence (descriptions, examples)
• 2) how to recognize early signs of violence?
• Major signs for each of the categories
• (In a relationship, school, work place, on-line,
  bars etc)
• 3) how to respond to and prevent violence?
• Scenarios
• Situations
• Obstacles to responding to violence shame to
  talk about it, stigmas, lack of confidence, lack
  of skills to express themselves, poverty, lack of
  resources, low self-esteem, intergenerational
  trauma
• Highlighting healthy relationships
• 4) list of resources and workshop sources
• Websites
• Tools

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Ways to prevent violence

• Learn about types of violence that might occur
• Start learning about prevention early
• Learn to recognize early warning signs of
  violence
• Recognize obstacles in responding to violence
• Build your own security networks and support
  systems
• Know resources available to you and places to
  call in your community / city

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DOMESTIC / RELATIONSHIPVIOLENCE
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ACTIVITY 1THE BRUISE
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Definitions of domestic violence

• The United Nations definition of gender-based
  violence includes any
• act "that results in, or is likely to result in,
  physical, sexual or
• psychological harm or suffering to women,
  including threats
• of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivations
  of liberty,
• whether occurring in public or private life."
• Domestic Violence isn't just hitting, or
  fighting, or an occasional mean argument.  It's a
  chronic abuse of power.  The abuser tortures and
• controls the victim by calculated threats,
  intimidation, and
• physical violence. Actual physical violence is
  often the
• end result of months or years of
• intimidation and control.
• (from http//www.therapistfinder.net/Domestic-Viol
  ence/)

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What is domestic (family)/relationship violence?

• Witnessing domestic violence
• Abuse by family member (sexual, verbal, physical,
  mental)
• Abuse by spouse/partner (sexual, verbal,
  physical, mental)

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Cycle of violence

• Witness
• Abuser
• Victim
• Community

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Cycle of violence
They think its ok after witnessing it over and
over. It doesnt stop until people get right help
If a child is abused, they might end up in a
violent relationship or became abusers
themselves
It gets worse and worse and never goes away
- Age 21, Nova Scotia
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Effects of witnessing/experiencing family abuse

• fear, worry about being safe
• aggression toward others
• depression - has its own symptoms
• sleeplessness
• isolating oneself
• physical symptoms headaches, stomach-aches
• mental disorders paranoia, anxiety
• turning to alcohol, drugs

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Effects of witnessing/experiencing family abuse

• feelings of anger, sadness, shame
• having suicidal thoughts
• being self-conscious
• eating disorders
• neglect of family
• low self esteem
• children in social care
• post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• poor school performance, difficulty paying
  attention

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How it affects Aboriginal youth and girls
Because they dont have the self-esteem to know
that there is someone amazing out there for them.
They think they might never find them - Age
19, Ontario
I think that violence causes Aboriginal
girls to feel low self-esteem, anger, hatred,
sadness, isolation.. - Age 19, Ontario
Affects the way you act, the things you do
Age 26, Nova Scotia
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ACTIVITY 2AM I IN DANGEROF BEING IN ABUSIVE
RELATIONSHIP?
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Domestic/relationship violence Physical

• hitting
• shoving
• pushing
• holding you too tight
• restraining you
• using any type of physical force

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Domestic/relationship violenceMental/emotional

• threatening you
• using financial power over you
• using manipulation
• playing mind games with you
• hurtful words, gestures
• trying to take away power from you
• putting you down
• isolating you, keeping you away from your friends
• doing or saying things to make you feel
  uncomfortable

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Domestic/relationship violenceEarly warning signs

• yelling, breaking things, verbal abuse
• being possessive
• abuser experiencing or witnessing abuse as well
• making you feel guilty
• belittling, humiliating you
• loosing temper then blaming you

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Domestic/relationship violenceEarly warning signs

• disrespects you
• forcibly isolates you
• feeling uncomfortable around your partner
• the way your partner treats his/her friends,
  parents
• partner telling you what to wear, where to go,
  making choices for you

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Domestic/relationship violenceEarly warning signs

• expecting trust from you too soon
• having abusive past
• inflicts emotional abuse
• wants control over you
• always making excuses
• showing extreme jealousy
• wants to know where you are at all times

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Domestic/relationship violenceEarly warning signs

• gets upset if you spend time with friends or
  family
• expects you to do womans work
• being overly authoritarian parent
• blames others and you for his/her problems
• threatens you with physical violence
• its all about him/her
• overly dependent on you
• demonstrating short temper
• uses name calling on you and others

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How you can tell someone is being abused in a
relationship

• being scared at missing partners phone calls
• looking to partner for permission
• start building their life around him/her / start
  loosing their identity
• make up, cover up
• has to call him/her, report on activities,
  movements
• looks tired, doesnt want to talk to you
• wearing long sleeves and long skirts in summer
• answer for their partner
• make excuses for their partner
• their partner has control over their finances

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How to reach out to your friend?

• reassure her/him that she/he is not alone
• make sure she/he is ready to receive help
• tell her she/hell have friends even if she/he
  leaves him
• pick the right timing
• ask for help in order to help her/him
• be ready to lose that friend temporarily
• be cautious with your advice
• see whats available for your friend in the
  community
• dont allow your friends behaviour to leak into
  your life

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How to reach out to your friend?

• make up a 3rd person with the same situation -
  ask her/his advice
• use hypothetical situations
• be there for your friend
• be firm
• open up for conversation
• think of your safety
• invest time and energy - its worth it
• there are limits to what you can do - its not
  your job to fix the problem

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Hell never do it again
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Hell never do it again
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WHY DO WOMEN END UP IN VIOLENT RELATIONSHIPS?
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Why do women end up in violent relationships?

• feeling unwanted
• dont know whats a healthy relationship
• lack of affection, family splitting apart
• teen pregnancy
• being young and naive
• thinking its normal
• low self esteem

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Why do women end up in violent relationships?

• feeling powerless
• being exposed to abusive
• relationships all their life
• thinking they cant do better,
• they dont know of anything better
• they dont think that there is anything better
  for them out
• there, feeling they have nowhere to go

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Why do women stay in violent relationships?

• being manipulated
• if they are on drugs and alcohol
• have no means to leave or nowhere to go
• danger of breaking friendship ties
• light sentences for abusers
• fear for their safety
• dont want to leave the community
• embarrassed to tell anyone

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Why do women stay in violent relationships?

• The abuser (he/she) will often say
• No one will ever love you
• If you leave me I will kill you
• If you leave me I will kill myself
• Ill never do it again

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Why do women stay in violent relationships?

• The victim (he/she) will often say
• I am staying for the kids
• My friends are just jealous
• I can change him/her
• He/shell never do it again

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Obstacles to responding to these types of
violence and telling someone

• shame
• family and friends putting you down
• wanting to keep your privacy
• fear of continued and increased violence
• breaking the ice, initial conversation
• fear of not having support
• unfair justice system for victims
• fear of racial discrimination, stereotyping
• fear of being ridiculed - if a man is abused by a
  woman

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Obstacles to responding to these types of
violence and telling someone

• no support in the community
• fear of being judged
• thinking its your fault and you somehow deserve
  it
• feeling vulnerable, that you may become a target
• fear that it will affect the way people act
  around you
• fear that you won't be taken seriously
• feeling stupid for needing and using the
  resources available

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Why does violence happenin relationships?

• poverty
• lack of self esteem
• why are mom and dad like that?
• healing issues not dealt with
• part of the cycle of violence
• the abuser might have been abused themselves
• intergenerational trauma, effects of residential
  schools
• lack of ties with their community / culture

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How to prevent it from happening to me?

• dont miss warning signs
• dont make excuses
• tell it to yourself and your friend there are
  other options out there
• learn safety tips
• create a network of people - buddy system
• educate yourself about healthy relationships
• educate yourself about the alternatives
• learn now

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How to prevent it from happening to me?

• ask yourself and plan - what would I do if I
  notice early signs
• keep your own identity - who you are, where do
  you come from
• listen to your inner voice - does something feel
  wrong?
• remind yourself that relationships / friendships
  shouldn't hurt

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Youth video

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What if it happens to me ?

• consult professionals
• reach out to people you trust
• turn to your culture for healing
• learn about resources available in your community

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You should know

• it is not your fault
• you do not deserve it
• there are people out there that can
• help you out
• it is not normal nor acceptable
• it is not stupid or dumb to seek help and use
  available resources

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What can you and yourcommunity do about it?

• encourage youth to talk about it and ways to
  address the issue
• raise awareness through youth projects
• hold community circles - victims and offenders in
  the same circle
• turn to traditional teachings as a resource
• advocate that the issue is not taken lightly in
  communities
• teach young people to differentiate right from
  wrong
• teach youth on these issues from early age

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What can you and yourcommunity do about it?

• design strategies on how to help women who left
  once
• help women help men
• beware of whats the abusers home situation
• sensitize community (and society at large)
• healing the community - empower youth
• (communities can heal through empowering youth
  and vice versa)
• younger kids might not know about residential
  schools - teach them

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Traditional ApproachElders Advice

• look into community resources that offer
  traditional approach
• if there is no such resources, do something about
  it, ask why they are not there, get them started
• get offenders involved with the community
• seek culturally appropriate approach
• make healing circle (e.g. activity
• roles in the hat - abuser, abused, elder)
• learn about Elders role
• Elders - to talk about respect to youth
• healing circle - grow strength from that

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ACTIVITY 4FINISH THE SENTENCE
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What to do if you find yourself in any type of
violent situation?

• call for help, run far away as fast as you can to
  a safe place
• call your family, friends

• seek help of someone you trust
• go to elders, adult you can trust
• call or go to police
• walk away

grab friend and fight back and run to the
nearest police detachment - Age 15, Nova Scotia
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HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
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A healthy relationship means

• communication
• trust
• friendship
• conversation
• love
• respect and acceptance
• honesty
• two points of view

• being open with each other
• offering support to each other
• loyalty
• partnership
• respect for partners friends and family

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Signs of healthy relationships

• your family likes them
• they give back
• they listen to you
• theyre supporting your interests
• they respect differences of opinion
• ready to compromise their goals in life

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Important to know about healthy relationships

• respect goes both ways
• affection can be shown without extreme jealousy
• some people dont know how to recognize and
  respond to a healthy relationship
• be realistic in your expectations
• there could still be arguing in a healthy
  relationship
• you need to be healthy in order to engage in a
  healthy relationship

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What can you and your community do about it?

• reinforce positive examples of healthy
  relationships
• talk to your friends - share experiences
• demonstrate to youth that they have a lot to gain
  by engaging in a healthy relationship
• get youth engaged in the healthy alternatives -
  sport, cultural camps, business
• empower girls to believe in themselves

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Am I in a healthy relationship?

• Does he/she always consider your feelings?
• Does he/she ask for your opinion when you're
  making decisions?
• Does he/she respect your parents, family,
  friends?
• Does he/she support your decisions?
• Do you respect him/her?

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CLOSING COMMENTS
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QUESTIONS ANSWERS SESSION