Conflict

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Conflict
December 2003
Applied Sciences Faculty of Extension, University
of Alberta
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Diane Rhyason, PhD

• Senior Manager Lakeland College, Vermilion. 15
  years.
• Associate Director, Legal
• Studies Program, Faculty of
• Extension, University of
• Alberta, Edmonton. Present.

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This seminar is about...

• ? looking at the basis of conflict, primarily in
  the workplace
• ? looking at your conflict style
• ? understanding what is happening in your
  workplace

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This seminar is NOT about...

• ? formal methods such as mediation and
  negotiation
• ? creating mediators
• ? finding the best way to deal with conflict
• There is no best way.

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Conflict

• A. Definitions
• B. Examples
• C. Interpretations
• D. Sources

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A. Definitions

• no shortage of definitions
• a process that begins when one party perceives
  that another party has negatively affected, or is
  about to negatively affect, something that the
  first party cares about.
• a conflict exists whenever incompatible
  activities occur one party is interfering,
  disrupting, obstructing, or in some other way
  making another partys actions less effective.
• (Deutsch, 1973).

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Definitions (cont.)

• Conflict is the interaction of interdependent
  people who perceive incompatible goals and
  interference from each other in achieving those
  goals.
• (Folger, Poole, Stutman 1997).

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B. Examples of Conflict
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C. Interpretations

• Conflict is
• perceived differently by different people
• often perceived as bad
• eliminate conflict in the workplace
• eliminate conflict from your daily life

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D. Sources of Conflict
Most conflicts arise out of feelings of intense
personal frustration and a belief that things
are happening which are simply unfair.
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• Several things often combine to create
  contention
• Our natural need to want to explain our side
  first. After all, we reason, if they understand
  our perspective, they will come to the same
  conclusions we did.
• Our ineffectiveness as listeners. Listening is
  much more than being quiet so we can have our
  turn. It involves a real effort to understand
  another persons perspective.

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• Our fear. Fear that we will not get our way, fear
  of losing something we cherish, fear we will be
  made to look foolish or lose face, fear of the
  truth that we may be wrong.
• Our assumption that one of us has to lose if the
  other is going to win. Assumption that
  differences can only be solved competitively.
• Conflict Management Skills, University of
  California

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Other Conflict-Provoking Behaviours

• Person-centered comments and criticism
• Past-centered comments
• Guilt-induction attempts
• Blaming comments
• Inappropriate reassurance and
• positive thinking

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• Unsolicited advice/commands
• Lengthy attempts at persuasion
• Defensiveness-causing questions
• Extended attempts to win
• Mistrust statements
• Overstatements and over-generalizations
• Infallibility comments (and qualification
  comments)
• Histrionic behaviour (overdramatization)

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• Use of hot phrases and words
• Words or phrases that suggest disinterest
• Phrases that blame or imply blame or suggest
  ignorance
• Phrases that have a threatening undertone
• Phrases that challenge or dare
• Use of code words and innuendo
• Work911 Conflict Prevention

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Conflict is about

• ? Power
• ? Person

? Place ? Process
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Conflict is about... Power

• ? Definitions
• ? Types of power in the workplace

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Power is...

• The capacity that someone has to influence the
  behaviour of someone else, so that person will
  act in accordance with the wishes of the first
  person
• vested authority, or entrusted authority

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Three types of power... (from Truth or Dare)

• ? Power-over
• ? Power-within
• ? Power-with

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Five types of power... (French Raven)

• 1. Coercive power based on fear
• 2. Reward power that achieves compliance based
  on the ability to distribute rewards that others
  view as valuable

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3. Legitimate the power a person receives as
a result of his or her position in the formal
hierarchy of an organization 4. Expert the
influence a person has based on special skills or
knowledge 5. Referent the influence a person
has based on possession of desirable resources or
personal traits
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Conflict is about... Person

• about reactions on a personal, emotional level
• personal style - self-assessments
• identifying the styles of others

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Common Reactions to Conflict

• ? Anger
• ? Hostility
• ? Avoidance
• ? Hurt

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Why is the reaction emotional?

• Peoples behaviour occurs for a purpose. They are
  looking for ways to belong, feel significant, and
  self-protect. When people perceive a threat for
  their self-esteem, a downward spiral can begin.
  People can be led into obstructive behaviours in
  the faulty belief that this will gain them a
  place of significance.

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How we respond to their difficult behaviours
can determine how entrenched those behaviours
become.
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Personal Styles
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• Are you right
• or left-brained?

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• Are you a Theory X
• or Theory Y?

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• Are you someone
• who ?

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• Testing your style...

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• Identifying the styles of others
• the Crazymakers ...

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Conflict is about... Place

• ? The environment in your workplace
• ? The culture of your workplace
• ? The culture of your department
• ? Organizations are messy, complex and
  contradictory things
• ? Using metaphor to understand your workplace

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Metaphors for the Workplace...

• The use of metaphor is basic to human
  communication. We use metaphor for sense-making
  or framing.
• Humans create meaning by using one element of
  their experience to understand another.

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• We are readily able to use the similarities of
  the metaphor and ignore the differences.
• Metaphor helps us to express difficult ideas.

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Conflict is about... Process

• ? Common approaches to conflict resolution
• ? Reframing the conflict
• ? Disarming tools
• ? Capitalizing on your style

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Common Approaches

• competing/confronting a desire to satisfy ones
  interests, regardless of the impact on the other
  party to the conflict
• collaborating a situation where the parties to
  a conflict each desire to satisfy fully the
  concerns of all parties

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• avoiding the desire to withdraw from or suppress
  a conflict
• accommodating the willingness of one party in a
  conflict to place the opponents interests above
  his or her own
• compromising a situation in which each party to
  a conflict is willing to give up something

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Conflict resolution skills

• Handout

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Reframing and mapping the conflict...

• Framing is the process of making meaning about
  something by simplifying it. Chunking it.
• Framing helps us understand why conflict exists,
  what actions are of importance to the conflict,
  why the parties act as they do, and how we should
  act in response. (Gray, 2003)

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• It is important to identify your own frame as
  well as those of others in the conflict.
• Reframing, then, simply means consciously
  moving the conflict from one approach to another
• e.g. from win-lose to win-win from domination to
  compromise.
• Mapping is a systematic way to chunk the
  conflict down and determine the scope of the
  issues.

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Scope includes...

• identifying all the parties
• identifying all the issues
• identifying all the options that are available
  for the opponents
• identifying the history
• ensuring that critical information is available
• clarifying expectations
• identifying hidden assumptions
• identifying opportunities for learning

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About Learning...

• Robert Kyosaki, in his Money and You workshop,
  often relates the very telling story of IBM in
  the United States
• One middle executive there made a tactical
  error that cost the company 9 million. The
  following week he was called to the office of the
  Chairman, sure he was about to be fired. The
  Chairman started discussing plans for a huge new
  project that he wanted the executive to direct.

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• After a certain point, the executive was feeling
  so uncomfortable that he had to stop the
  Chairman Excuse me sir, you know Im amazed.
  Last week I cost us 9 million. Why are you
  putting me in charge of this new project? I
  thought you were going to fire me.
• The Chairman smiled. Fire you? Young man, Ive
  just invested 9 million in educating you. Youre
  now one of my most valuable assets.

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• Here was a Chairman who valued the willingness to
  risk and learn. He knew it was an essential
  ingredient in the successful executive.
• Life is not about winning and losing - its about
  learning. When you fall down, you pick yourself
  up and note where the pot-hole was so you can
  walk around it the next time.

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• A person who has gone too far knows just how
  far they can go.
• No winners and losers,
• just winners and learners.

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Learning Conversations

• Every conversation is three conversations
• The what happened conversation
• The feelings conversation
• The identity conversation

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What happened?

• Assume it is factual matter
• Assume their view is right
• Assume that they understand intentions
• Leap from impact to intent
• Shift from certainty to curiosity
• Map

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Five Step Approach

• An initial meeting to explain the approach
• Fact finding, mapping
• Meet with each person separately
• Call a joint meeting
• Get help!

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DESC Method

• Describe/map
• Express
• Specify
• Consequences

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Disarming tools...
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Managing the emotions of others

• People shout because they dont think they are
  being heard. Make sure they know they are - that
  you are hearing how angry or upset they are.
  Label accurately the emotions/feelings as you
  perceive them.

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• Keep on reflecting back as accurately as you can
  until they come down from the high emotion. If
  you are doing it right, they will explain
  everything in some detail, but as the interchange
  continues the heat should be going out of the
  conversation.

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Managing your own emotions

• DONT
• act defensive
• defend yourself at this point. It will inflame
  them further.
• rise to the bait, and retaliate
• justify
• use inflaming language
• indulge them
• deny that there is a problem
• ignore or deny their feelings

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Responding to resistance from others

• ? When faced with a statement that has potential
  to create conflict, ask open questions to reframe
  resistance.
• ? Explore the difficulties and then re-direct
  discussion to focus on positive possibilities.

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Clarify Details

• Its too expensive
• Too many / much / little / few
• I want the best.

• Compared to what?
• Compared to what?
• What would be best for you?

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Find options

• You cant do that around here
• He(she) would never
• They always
• Weve tried that already.
• This is the only way to do it.

• What would happen if we did?
• How can we find ways for it to happen?
• Are there times they dont?
• What was the outcome?
• What else could we consider?

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Redirect - move to the positive

• It will never work
• I wont
• Its a failure.
• Its disastrous.
• He (she) is useless.
• I cant.
• I dont want to.

• What would it take to make it work?
• What would make you willing?
• How could it work?
• What would make it better?
• What is he (she) doing that is acceptable?
• You cant see a way to do it at the moment?
• What would you like?

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Go back to legitimate needs and concerns

• He (she) is a hopeless case!
• You fool! (and other insults)
• How dare you do such a thing!
• It should be done my way.

• Its hard to see how to work with him (her)?
• What do we need to do to sort this out?
• What do you dislike about it?
• What makes that seem the best option?

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• His/her place is a pigs sty!
• He/she doesnt do their fair share.

• He/she puts a different emphasis on tidiness than
  you?
• Where do you think his/her priorities may lie?

GRRIT Graduated Reciprocal Reduction in Tension
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Letting go

• Sometimes difficult issues should be raised
  other times it is best to let them go
• Now simple rule for deciding
• Do some mapping first
• If you let go, remember..
• You are not solely responsible for fixing
• The most you can do is your best

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Letting go

• The other party has limitations too
• Separate the issue from your identity
• You can let go, but still care about the issue

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• Capitalizing on your style...
• Broaden your options.

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Conflict
December 2003
Applied Sciences Faculty of Extension,
University of Alberta