Divorce

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Divorce

• Chapter16

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Activity
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Trends

• 50 first marriages
• 60 second marriages
• Most divorcees remarry (75 average)
• Increase in divorce rate in last 30 years

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Why do people divorce?

• Top four reasons people give
• infidelity
• no longer love each other
• emotional problems
• financial problems

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Other reasons

• Physical abuse
• alcohol or drugs
• sexual problems
• problems with in-laws
• work conflicts
• unworkable gender roles
• lack of time together

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In a study of unhappy couples in counseling Vs.
happy couples in marriage enrichment classes

• 95 happy couples had never considered divorce
• 95 of unhappy couples had considered divorce

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Other differences between the groups

• Sexual relationship
• Communication
• Conflict resolution
• Children and Parenting
• Leisure activities

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Personal Factors in Divorce

• Age at time of marriage
• Social class
• Level of education
• Occupation and Income
• Race-Ethnicity

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Personal Factors in Divorce

• Religion
• Presence of children
• Personal incompatibility
• Geographic area
• Parental marital history
• History of cohabitation

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Adjusting to Divorce (Paul Bohannans process of
divorce)

• Emotional divorce
• Legal divorce
• Economic divorce
• Coparental divorce
• Community divorce
• Psychological divorce

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Childrens reactions

• Boys 6-8 particularly have problems
• Unable to concentrate at school
• Withdraw from friends
• Belligerent, hostile, aggressive
• Expect to fail
• Feel rejected, abandoned or betrayed

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Boys 9

• Better immediate recovery but 1/2 are unhappy
  and lonely 10 years later.
• Difficulty relating to women.

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Girls

• Well adjusted
• Mothers remarriage may cause distress and
  anxiety.
• 10-15 years later

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Difficulties

• Sustaining intimate, personal relationships with
  young men
• Uncomfortable and distrustful in relationships
• Expectation of rejection and betrayal

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Early Adolescents (at time of divorce)

• Fear of rejection, betrayal, abandonment,
  infidelity in a love relationship
• Feel they have a high likelihood of failure
• Afraid of repeating their parents divorce
• Undercurrent of despair

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The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce
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Criticisms of Wallerstein Study

• Qualitative Study
• Sample more extreme problems

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Childrens Experience

• Fear
• Loneliness
• Conflicting loyalties
• Anger
• Self-Blame

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Consequences for adults
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Consequences of Divorce

• Higher illness death rate
• Immunological system is less effective
• Higher rates of Psychological distress
• 40 higher level of depression
• 2-4 times as likely to commit suicide

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Factors of future divorce and/or marital distress

• Static Factors
• Some personality factors
• Parental Divorce
• Cohabitation History
• Previous Divorce
• Religious Dissimilarity
• Young age at marriage
• Economic status

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Dynamic Factors

• Interaction Danger Signs
• Communication Ability
• Conflict Management
• Physical Aggression
• Dysfunctional Attitudes
• Commitment and Motivation

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Effects of divorce on preteens
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Changes that could occur

• Loss of a parent
• New home
• New neighborhood
• New school
• New friends
• Different amount of money

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Preschool children may

• Act with denial
• Feel rejected
• Feel unloved
• Fear parental abandonment

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Elementary age children may

• Feel-
• anger at responsible parent
• concern for victim parent
• loyalty conflicts
• the need to take sides

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Common reaction of children

• Withdrawal
• Self-absorption
• Possessiveness
• Restlessness
• Nervousness
• Irritability

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Stages of awareness of parents

• Numbness
• Awareness
• Overreaction

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Guidelines for divorced parents

• Let child be a normal child
• Recognize kids are durable
• Beware of anyone who wants to spend excessive
  amount of time alone with your children

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Adult Children of Divorce
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Characteristics

• Higher risk of divorce
• Two layered life
• External - is successful
• Internal - is hurting and empty
• Critical
• Failing in relationships

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Characteristics

• Perfectionist
• Over achievers
• Hostile
• People Pleasers
• Over committed
• Burnout

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Healing

• Decide to be healed
• The spiritual link
• Join a recovery group
• Remember the past
• Grieve losses
• Shake off victim mentality
• Forgiving the past

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Healing

• Working on your problems
• Maintain and enjoy your new life

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Effects

• Trust
• Autonomy
• Mastery
• Self Identity

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Major Negative Emotions about Self

• Worthlessness
• Rejection
• Unlovable

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Effects

• Intimacy
• Role Conflict

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Really Unhappy? Thinking of Leaving?
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Stop and go slow.
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Think things over carefully.
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unCLOUD the issues.
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Stages of Divorce

• Acute
• Transitional
• Stability

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Long-Term effects of Divorce

• 1 to 3 years until people started their lives
  afresh
• 10 years after divorce