Oil on the Waters: Practical Techniques for Calming Difficult Library Users

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Oil on the Waters Practical Techniques
for Calming
Difficult Library Users

• An Infopeople Workshop
• Spring/ Summer 2005
• Presented by
• Edmond Otis, M.S., M.F.T.
• eotis_at_BaronCenter.com

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Our Agenda

AWARENESS Identifying Dangerous Interpersonal
Dynamics ATTITUDE - HOW TO ACT Controlling
for the Predator or Prey Reality
COMMUNICATION Avoiding the Head in the Sand
Syndrome TRAINING Practice Makes
PerfectLearned Reactions for Personal Safety
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Our Goal

• Reduce your risk of being caught off guard or of
  being unable to cope with potentially explosive
  interactions.
• Redirect danger and irrationality before it
  escalates.
• Increase your persuasiveness to interrupt and
  divert the flow of heated emotions, words and
  events.
• Effectively control conflict and facilitate
  productive resolutions.

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Who Are We Dealing With?

• Angry or entitled guests
• Vandals
• Gangsters
• Mentally ill emotionally disturbed
• Substance abusers

• Homeless
• Entitled parents
• Non-English speakers
• Teenagers or small children
• Elderly or developmentally disabled

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GROUP EXERCISE 1

• SKILL ASSESSMENT

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The risk of violence is especially great in
situations where we are actively involved in
problem solving, negotiating, and/or confronting
angry, agitated and potentially violent library
users.
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Know Your tools!

• Personal
• Interpersonal
• ORGANIZATIONAL!

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The broken window theoryDont wait act
quickly.
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Rule 1 Its Not Personal !
Its exhausting to try to change people. Keep
your emotional distance.
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JUST OFFER CHOICES!
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AWARENESS Identifying Dangerous Interpersonal
Dynamics

• Danger cues see handout
• The Assault Cycle
• Reacting to the most common types of assault
• The motivations for conflict violence

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Instinct Trust your intuition!

• Human beings are the only creatures who override
  their intuition.

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You Choose
Personal or Professional Gas
to fire A little
baking soda

• 1. Empathy
• 2. Attentiveness
• 3. Warmth
• 4. Respect
• 5. Engaging
• 6. Flexibility
• 7. Responsive

• 1. Apathy
• 2. The Brush-off
• 3. Coldness
• 4. Condescension
• 5. Robotism
• 6. The Rulebook
• 7. The Runaround

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The Assault Cycle

• Event Trigger
• The event that justifies the violent outburst
• Escalation
• Psyching up or gaining momentum
• Crisis Point
• Violence or violent outburst
• Recovery
• Decrease of vigilance (may be temporary)
• Post-crisis Depression
• Fatigue, depression or guilt for some

(Smith, 1983)
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what do you do if?
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Motivators Of Violent Behavior

• Fear
• Frustration
• Manipulation
• Intimidation

Watch for the Warning Signs!
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GROUP EXERCISE 2

• DONT PULL THE TRIGGER!
• What guest what behavior what event
  trigger

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ATTITUDE Controlling for the Predator or Prey
Reality

• Ive got the power!
• Projecting a professional, competent attitude to
  avoid being a target
• Using the SELF to gain cooperation and avoid or
  defuse explosive situations

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The Predator Or Prey Reality

• How you project yourself onto the social
  environment has a direct impact upon how others
  will relate to you ...

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• as do expectations and stereotypes.

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65 of Communication is non-verbal. The
percentage increases as
emotions rise.
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Know Your Attitude Tools

• Body Language
• Posture, Movements, Gestures Stances
• Positioning, Distance, Proximity Barriers
• Space
• Eye contact
• Voice
• Attitude
• Appearance

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GROUP EXERCISE 3

• Face-to-face
• Know Your Tools
• checklist skill practice

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COMMUNICATION Avoiding the Head-in-the-Sand
Syndrome

• Clear perceptions and non-defensive responses
  positively impact on our social environment
• Verbal communication skills
• Verbal formulas for gaining compliance
• Control the course of verbal confrontation

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Good communication often depends more on what
people hear than on what they say...
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How To Communicate

• 1. Listen 2. Watch 3. Listen 4. Talk
• 5. Continue as needed.

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To Really Communicate You Need To

• Make psychological contact
• Be calm - use relaxed breathing
• Be empathetic and authentic
• Respect peoples feelings, beliefs and emotions -
  we are concerned with behaviors
• Use mimesis
• make yourself similar

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WHY DO PEOPLE YELL?
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More On How To Communicate

• Demonstrate that you hear what is being said
• Speak the persons language
• Reflect feelings and facts
• Clarify and paraphrase
• Ask open-ended questions

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Rule 2

• Never ever tell ANYONE to
• CALM DOWN

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Use the Magic Phrase -

• ... I can see that youre upset.

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Use the Formula For Compliance

• Current behavior consequences
• New behavior benefits

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If your intent is on having them do something
specific or, obey you, then you are too
involved!
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When Dealing with a Group - Follow The Leader!

• Respect the rules of the group
• When dealing with groups - Negotiate with
  individuals
• Find and follow the leader!
• Share a confidence
• Separate angry individuals from each other and
  the crowd

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Triangle The Problem

• Allow people to be responsible
• for their own actions
• and to make choices
• Rule 3
• You are there to help!

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Passing The Buck (correctly!)

• can help everyone.
• Walk together to supervisor
• Repeat the story
• Hand off to supervisor
• Leave
• You can do the same on the phone

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TRAINING Practice Makes Perfect

• Maintaining emotional balance and mental focus
  while under stress
• Leaving and/or calling for assistance
• Skills demonstration and practice

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GROUP EXERCISE 4

• Face-to-face
• Communication Strategies
• skills practice

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Rule 4

• Only say what you mean.
• Always mean what you say.

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How To React Emotional Awareness

• Have a goal - dont be emotionally, mentally, or
  physically passive or arrogant
• Trust what your emotions tell you - use them as
  sensors ...
• However, your emotions are not thoughts - dont
  be trapped by expectations, hopes or patterns

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Rule 5

• It is irrational to rationalize
• with someone who is irrational.

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Interacting With the Police

• Calling 911 or 9-911 from a facility phone.
• Interacting with the dispatcher
• What will they ask?
• What information is critical?
• Code words?
• Expected police response
• Non-emergency versus emergency

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Motivators Of Violent Behavior

• Fear
• Frustration
• Manipulation
• Intimidation

Match Your Reaction to the Immediate Problem !
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GROUP EXERCISE 5 Assessment and Response
Strategies

• Recognize and respond appropriately to difficult
  peoples motivation and actions
• Adapt appropriate response persona (emotional
  common sense verbal and non-verbal
  communication skills)
• Respond to remove yourself from danger
• If necessary initiate appropriate departmental
  policy

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DONT FORGETPlease fill out an evaluation
before you leave.Thank you, and be safe!