Gods Design For Your Marriage

1
Gods Design For Your Marriage
Love Respect
December 7 , 2008 Pastor John Isaacs KingsWay
Community Church
2
Gods Design
Genesis 127 So God created man in His own image
in the image of God He created him male and
female He created them.
3
Genesis 224 For this cause a man shall leave his
father and his mother, and shall cleave to his
wife and they shall become one flesh.
4
Gods Design
Marriage was designed to be a lifelong covenant
bond between one man and one woman.
5
What Happens When Mankind Abandons Gods Design?
6
Romans 124 So God abandoned them to do whatever
shameful things their hearts desired.

• Sexual Promiscuity
• Pornography
• Adultery
• Homosexuality
• Pedophilia

7
Gods Design

• Genesis 1-3
• Ephesians 521-33
• Colossians 318-19
• 1 Peter 31-7
• Titus 25
• 1 Timothy 34, 12

8
Husbands Role

• To be Loving
• To be a Servant
• To be the Leader

9
Wifes Role

• To be a Helper
• To be Respectful
• To be Submissive

10
Love Respect By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
11
Ephesians 531-33 31 As the Scriptures say, A
man leaves his father and mother and is joined to
his wife, and the two are united into one. 32
This is a great mystery, but it is an
illustration of the way Christ and the church are
one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his
wife as he loves himself, and the wife must
respect her husband.
12

• The love she most desires, the respect he
  desperately needs.
• A wife has a driving need - to be loved. When
  that need is met, she is more fulfilled.
• A husband has a driving need - to be respected.
  When that need is met, he is more happy.

13
The Crazy Cycle

• When a husband feels disrespected, it is
  especially hard to love his wife.
• When a wife feels unloved, it is especially
  hard to respect her husband.

14
The Crazy Cycle
He Reacts
She Reacts
15
The Crazy Cycle

• When a wife reacts to her husband, he interprets
  it as disrespect and contempt.
• When a man withdraws from his wife, she
  interprets it as unloving.

16
The Crazy Cycle

• Men hear criticism as contempt and feel
  disrespected.
• Women feel silence as hostility and feel
  unloved.

17
The Crazy Cycle

• When a woman is criticizing her husband, her BPM
  remains steady but his escalates substantially.
• When a man withdraws and walks away, his BPM
  begins to decline but hers will escalate
  substantially.

18
The Energizing Cycle
Motivates
Motivates
19

• Appreciates his desire
• To work and achieve.
• To protect and provide.
• To serve and lead.
• To analyze and counsel.
• To have shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.
• To have physical intimacy.

20
1. Appreciate her desire to be close.
Your wife feels Close to you when

• You hold her hand.
• You hug her.
• You are with her alone so you can focus on each
  other and laugh together.
• You go for a walk or jog anything that
  results in togetherness.

21
1. Appreciate her desire to be close.
Your wife feels Close to you when

• You seek her out set up a date night eat by
  candlelight.
• You go out of your way to do something for her,
  like run an errand.
• You make it a priority to spend time with her.

22
1. Appreciate her desire to be close.
Your wife feels Close to you when

• You let her know you enjoy discussing things
  with her and getting her insights.
• You suggest the unexpected get takeout and eat
  on the beach take a walk to see the full moon
  park on the bluff and watch the sunset.

23
2. Appreciate her desire for you to be open.
Your wife feels you are open when

• You share your feelings, telling about your day
  and difficulties.
• You say, Lets talk, ask her what shes
  feeling, and ask for her opinions.
• Your face shows you want to talk relaxed body
  language, good eye contact.

24
2. Appreciate her desire for you to be open.
Your wife feels you are open when

• You talk about the kids and problems she may be
  having with them.
• You discuss financial concerns, possible job
  changes, or ideas for your future.
• You pray with her.

25
2. Appreciate her desire for you to be open.
Your wife feels you are open when

• You give her your full attention no grunting
  responses while trying to watch TV, read the
  newspaper, or write e-mails.

26
3. Appreciate her desire for you to understand
her.
She feels you understand when

• You listen and can repeat back what she said.
• You dont try to fix her problems unless she
  specifically asks for a solution.
• You try to identify her feelings.

27
3. Appreciate her desire for you to understand
her.
She feels you understand when

• You never dismiss her feelings, no matter how
  illogical they may seem to you.
• You say, I appreciate your sharing that with
  me.
• You dont interrupt her when shes trying to
  tell you how she feels.

28
3. Appreciate her desire for you to understand
her.
She feels you understand when

• You apologize and admit you were wrong.
• You express appreciation for all she does
  Honey, I could never do your job.
• You pray with her and for her.

29
4. Appreciate her need to be a Peacemaker.
She feels at peace with you when

• You let her vent her frustrations and hurts and
  dont get angry and close her off.
• You admit you are wrong and apologize by saying,
  Im sorry, I was wrong, will you forgive me?

30
4. Appreciate her need to be a Peacemaker.
She feels at peace with you when

• You try to keep your relationship up-to-date,
  resolving the unresolved and never saying,
  forget it.
• You forgive her for any wrongs she confesses.
• You never nurse bitterness and always reassure
  her of your love.

31
4. Appreciate her need to be a Peacemaker.
She feels at peace with you when

• You understand her natural desire to negotiate,
  compromise, and defer, and you meet her halfway.
• You pray with her after a hurtful time.

32
5. Appreciate her need to know you are committed.
She will feel your loyalty when

• You speak highly of her in front of others.
• You are involved in things important to her.
• You help her make decisions, such as ones
  regarding the children.

33
5. Appreciate her need to know you are committed.
She will feel your loyalty when

• You dont correct her in front of the children.
• You dont gaze with desire at other women.
• You make her and your marriage a priority.

34
5. Appreciate her need to know you are committed.
She will feel your loyalty when

• You are never critical of her or your children
  in front of others.
• You include her in social gatherings when others
  may leave their spouses home.
• You tell the kids, dont speak to your mother
  that way!

35
5. Appreciate her need to know you are committed.
She will feel your loyalty when

• You call and let her know your plans.
• You keep your promises.
• You nevereverneverever use the D word.

36
6. Appreciate her need to be cherished.
She will feel your loving care when

• You say, Im so proud of the way you handled
  that.
• You speak highly of her in front of others.
• You give her encouragement or praise with
  kindness and enthusiasm.

37
6. Appreciate her need to be cherished.
She will feel your loving care when

• You are physically affectionate with her in
  public.
• You teach the children to show her and others
  respect.
• You value her opinion as valid. Understanding
  that different isnt wrong.

38
6. Appreciate her need to be cherished.
She will feel your loving care when

• You choose family outings over, guy things.
• You make her feel first in importance.
• You are proud of her and all she does.

39

• Appreciates her desire
• To be close.
• For you to be open.
• For you to understand her.
• To be a peacemaker.
• To know you are committed.
• To be cherished.

40
His Loving Care, Regardless of whether or not
she is respectful. Her Respect, Regardless of
whether or not he is loving.
41
The RewardedCycle
Regardless of
Regardless of
42
Gods Design
His Love
Her Respect
43
Gods Design
Her Respect
His Love
44
Gods Design
His Love
Her Respect
45
Gods Design
Her Respect
His Love
46
Gods Design
His Love
Her Respect
47
Gods Design
Her Respect
His Love
48
Gods Design
His Love
Her Respect
49
Gods Design
His Love
Her Respect