Winning with People

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Winning with People

• Dr. John C. Maxwell

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Critical Questions People Principles

• Are we prepared for relationships?
• Are we willing to focus on others?
• Can we build mutual trust?
• Are we willing to invest in others?
• Can we create a win-win relationship?

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The Readiness Question

• Are we prepared for relationships?

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People Principles

• The Lens Principle
• The Mirror Principle
• The Pain Principle
• The Hammer Principle
• The Elevator Principle

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The Lens Principle

• Who we are determines how we see others

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Who You Are Determines

• What you see
• How you see others
• How you view life
• What you do

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Determining Who You Are

• Genetics
• Self-image
• Experiences in life
• Attitude choices about those experiences
• Friends

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The Mirror Principle

• The first person we must examine is ourselves

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The Mirror Test

• Self-awareness
• Self-image
• Self-honesty
• Self-improvement
• Self-responsibility

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The Pain Principle

• Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by
  them

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Truths in Dealing with Others

• There are many hurting people
• Those hurting people often hurt people
• Those hurting people are often hurt by people
• Those hurting people often hurt themselves

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Dealing with Hurting People

• Dont take it personally
• Look beyond the person for the problem
• Look beyond the situation
• Do not add to their hurt
• Help them find help

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The Hammer Principle

• Never use a hammer to swat a fly off someones
  hand

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Tempering Your Behavior

• Total picture
• Timing
• Tone
• Temperature

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Developing a Softer Touch

• Let the past stay in the past
• Ask yourself, Is my reaction part of the
  problem?
• Remember that actions are remembered long after
  words are forgotten

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Developing a Softer Touch

• Never let the situation mean more than the
  relationship
• Treat loved ones with unconditional love
• Admit wrongs and ask forgiveness

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The Elevator Principle

• We can lift people up or take people down in our
  relationships

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Four Kinds of People

• Some people add something to life We enjoy them
• Some people subtract something from life We
  tolerate them
• Some people multiply something in life We value
  them
• Some people divide something in life We avoid
  them

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Being a Positive Influence

• Commit to daily encouragement
• Know the little difference that separates hurting
  helping
• Initiate the positive in a negative environment
• Understand life is not dress rehearsal

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The Connection Question

• Are we willing to focus on others?

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People Principles

• Big Picture Principle
• Exchange Principle
• Learning Principle
• Charisma Principle
• Number 10 Principle
• Confrontation Principle

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The Big Picture Principle

• The entire population of the world with one
  minor exception is composed of others

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Breaking the Selfish Pattern

• Perspective
• Maturity
• Responsibility

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Improving Your Ability to See

• Get out of your Own Little World
• Check your ego at the door
• Understand what brings fulfillment

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The Exchange Principle

• Instead of putting others in their place, we must
  put ourselves in their place

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The Power of Perspective

• We naturally do not see ourselves others from
  the same perspective
• When we fail to see things from the perspective
  of others, we fail in our relationships
• Learning to see things from others perspectives
  help us succeed in our relationships

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Making the Exchange

• Leave your place visit their place
• Acknowledge that the other person has a valid
  viewpoint
• Check your attitude
• Ask others what they would do in your situation

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The Learning Principle

• Each person we meet has the potential to teach us
  something

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Whats Your Attitude?

• No one can teach me anything Arrogant
• Someone can teach me everything Naïve
• Everyone can teach me something - Teachable

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Learning from Others

• Make learning your passion
• Value people
• Develop relationships with growth potential
• Identify peoples uniqueness strengths
• Ask questions

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The Charisma Principle

• People are interested in the person who is
  interested in them

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Making People Like You

• Become genuinely interested in other people
• Smile
• Remember that a persons name is to him or her
  the sweetest and most important sound

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Making People Like You

• Be a good listener encourage others to talk
  about themselves
• Talk in terms of the other persons interests
• Make the other person feel important, and do it
  sincerely

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The Number Principle

• Believing the best in people usually brings the
  best out of people

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Five Things About People

• Everybody wants to be somebody
• Nobody cares how much you know until he knows how
  much you care
• Everybody needs somebody
• Anybody that helps somebody influences lots of
  bodies
• Somebody today will rise up and become somebody

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A High Belief in People

• Our disappointment in a few people should not
  stop us from believing in people
• A trusting heart is emotionally healthy
• We behave in light of our beliefs

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A High Belief in People

• A healthy marriage is built on high expectations
• Expressing belief in peoples potential
  encourages them to reach their potential

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The Confrontation Principle

• Caring for people should precede confronting
  people

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What We Know About Relationships

• Conflict is unavoidable
• Confrontation is difficult
• How we handle conflict determines our success in
  tough situations

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Road Map for Healthy Confrontation

• Confront a person only if you care for that
  person
• Meet together ASAP
• First seek understanding, not necessarily
  agreement

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Road Map for Healthy Confrontation

• Outline the issue
• Encourage a response
• Agree to an action plan

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The Trust Question

• Can we build mutual trust?

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People Principles

• Bedrock principle
• Situation principle
• Bob principle
• Approachability principle
• Foxhole principle

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The Bedrock Principle

• Trust is the foundation of any relationship

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Trust Relationships

• Foundation of any relationship
• Frame of any relationship
• Height of any relationship

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Build Your Trustworthiness

• Trust begins with yourself
• Trust cannot be compartmentalized
• Trust works like a bank account

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Rebuilding Trust with Others

• Forgive them
• Explain that the violation must never happen
  again
• Remember their better moments

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The Situation Principle

• Never let the situation mean more than the
  relationship

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Keeping the Proper Perspective

• Do I see the big picture or just the bad
  picture?
• Do I communicate the big picture along with the
  bad one?
• Is this a one-time situation or an oft-repeated
  one?

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Keeping the Proper Perspective

• Do I make too many situations a life-or-death
  issue?
• Do I show my unconditional love during difficult
  situations?

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The Bob Principle

• When Bob has a problem with everyone, Bob is
  usually the problem

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Characteristics of Bob

• Bob is a problem carrier
• Bob is a problem finder
• Bob is a problem creator
• Bob is a problem receiver

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How to Handle Bob

• Respond with a positive comment
• Show your concern for someone being criticized
• Encourage steps toward a resolution
• Ask Bob to think before speaking
• Keep Bob away from others

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Are you Bob?

• Do I experience some kind of conflict almost
  every day?
• Do people often rub me the wrong way?
• Do bad things just naturally happen to me?
• Do I have a few friends and wish I had more?
• Do I always seem to say the wrong thing?

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The Approachability Principle

• Being at ease with ourselves helps others be at
  ease with us

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Putting People at Ease

• Personal warmth they truly like people
• Appreciation for the differences in people
• Consistency of mood
• Sensitivity toward peoples feelings

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Putting People at Ease

• Understanding of human weaknesses and exposure of
  their own
• Ability to forgive easily and quickly ask for
  forgiveness
• Authenticity

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The Foxhole Principle

• When preparing for battle, dig a hole big enough
  for friend

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Assumptions Foxhole Principle

• The foxhole is for you and a friend not a
  friend alone
• Before the battle, you have developed a
  friendship
• You have also been in your friends foxholes with
  them

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Truths About Foxholes

• Foxholes without friends are unhealthy
• Foxhole experiences forge great friendships
• Foxholes prove friendships

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Foxhole Friends

• Are few
• Provide strength before during the battle
• See things from the same perspective
• Make a difference in our lives
• Love us unconditionally

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The Investment Question

• Are we willing to invest in others?

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People Principles

• Gardening principle
• 101 percent principle
• Patience principle
• Celebration principle
• High road principle

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The Gardening Principle

• All relationships need cultivation

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Relationship Categories

• Some people come into our lives for a reason
• Some people come into our lives for a season
• Some people come into our lives for a lifetime

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Cultivating a Relationship

• Commitment
• Communication
• Friendship
• Memories
• Growth
• Spoiling each other

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The 101 Percent Principle

• Find the 1 percent we agree on and give it 100
  percent of our effort

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When to Practice the 101 Principle

• Is the person worth the commitment?
• Is the situation worth the commitment?
• Is the issue worth the commitment?
• Is the return worth the investment?

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Benefits of the 101 Principle

• It allows you to build a foundation for change
• It prevents unnecessary conflict
• It reduces the odds of making enemies

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Benefits of the 101 Principle

• It keeps something of value that could otherwise
  be lost
• It helps you to feel good about your part of the
  relationship
• It enables you to make the best of difficult
  situations

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The Patience Principle

• The journey with others is slower than the
  journey alone

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Making Patience a Virtue

• Prioritize patience as a virtue worthy of
  developing
• Understand that it takes time to build good
  relationships
• Practice the exchange principle

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Making Patience a Virtue

• Realize that people have and create problems
• Identify areas where people need patience with
  you
• Recognize that all relationships have give-ups,
  give-ins, and give-and-takes

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The Celebration Principle

• The true test of relationships is not only how
  loyal we are when friends fail, but how thrilled
  we are when they succeed

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Learning the Celebration Principle

• The joy of accomplishment is diminished when no
  one celebrates with you
• Many people identify with failure fewer people
  identify with success

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Learning the Celebration Principle

• What hinders people from success often keeps them
  from celebrating others success
• The people who celebrate with you become lifelong
  friends

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Celebrating with Others

• Realize its not a competition
• Celebrate when others see success
• Celebrate success others dont see yet
• Celebrate most with those closest to you

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The High Road Principle

• We go to a higher level when we treat others
  better than they treat us

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High Road Travelers

• High roaders understand that its not what
  happens to you but what happens in you that
  really matters
• High roaders commit themselves to traveling the
  high road continually
• High roaders see their own need for grace, and
  therefore, they extend it to others

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High Road Travelers

• High roaders are not victims they choose to
  serve others
• High roaders set higher standards for themselves
  than others would
• High roaders bring out the best in others
• High roaders bring out the best in themsleves

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Moving to the High Road

• Stay on Kindness Street as long as possible
• Turn right on Forgiveness Avenue
• Avoid Get Even Alley because it is a dead end
• Climb to the top of the hill, for there you will
  see the high road
• Take it and stay on it and if you lose your way,
  ask for help

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The Synergy Question

• Can we create a win-win relationship?

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People Principles

• Boomerang principle
• Friendship principle
• Partnership principle
• Satisfaction principle

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The Boomerang Principle

• When we help others, we help ourselves

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Giving to Others

• Takers receive and never give
• Traders receive and then give
• Investors give and then receive

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Investing in Other People

• Investors understand that people are of great
  value
• Investors embrace the boomerang principle
• Investors practice the principle of sowing and
  reaping
• Investors believe that helping others is the
  divine work of people

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Enriching the World

• Think others first
• Focus on investment, not the return
• Pick out a few people with great potential
• With their permission, begin the process
• Enjoy a return in due season

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The Friendship Principle

• All things being equal, people will work with
  people they like all things not being equal,
  they still will

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Business Relationships

• People Knowledge your understanding of people
  helps build your business
• Service Skills your treatment of people helps
  build your business

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Business Relationships

• Business Reputation your reputation for
  relationships help build your business
• Personal Friendship your friendship with others
  builds your business

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Truths About Real Friends

• Real friends are scarce
• Real friends are refreshing
• Real friends make us better
• Real friends remain faithful

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The Partnership Principle

• Working together increases the odds of winning
  together

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I want to make a difference

• with people
• with people who want to make a difference
• with people who want to make a difference doing
  something that makes a difference

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When You Partner With Others

• You lose nothing
• You help yourself
• You are rewarded with hope

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The Satisfaction Principle

• In great relationships, the joy of being together
  is enough

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Creating the Climate for Relationships

• Shared memories create a bonded environment
• Growing together creates a committed environment
• Mutual respect creates a healthy environment
• Unconditional love creates a safe environment