What about Parents Matching Part 2 How to do it Overview and comments

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What about Parents Matching?Part 2How to do
it!Overview and comments
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Diagram of Original ideal.
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God
Father A
Mother A
Father B
Mother B
Boy
Girl
1. Father and Mother get ready. Connect with
God, the ideal, the heart and vision of True
Parents. Each take ownership of matching.
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Diagram of Original ideal.
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God
Father A
Mother A
Father B
Mother B
Boy
Girl
2. Father and mother discuss the child, connect
to each other, and unite to match.
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Diagram of Original ideal.
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God
Father A
Mother A
Father B
Mother B
Boy
Girl
3. BCs get ready. Connect with parents, God,
the ideal, the heart and vision of True Parents.
Praystudysharecommit to a process.
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Diagram of Original ideal.
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God
Father A
Mother A
Father B
Mother B
Boy
Girl
4. Parents connect to other parents and find a
heavenly match. UPF
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Diagram of Original ideal.
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God
Father A
Mother A
Father B
Mother B
Boy
Girl
5. BCs are introduced. Give take. Accept the
match, take ownership, commit to the eternal
Blessing and offer it to God.
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• When to start? Start RIGHT NOW.

God started a long time ago
The average girl starts thinking about marriage
around 12 or 13. The average boy probably not
until at least 16, much older.
Parents need to create and pass on this
tradition. Start educating them from 10 years
old or younger that they will be matched.
Be prepared to explain why matching is the best
way to find happiness.
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Importance of prayer, unity between the parents
and their equal ownership.

• If one parent takes the full responsibility and
  the other has no ownership, it is more likely
  there can be difficulties. BOTH perspectives are
  equally valuable and essential.
• If the parents are not united, its much more
  difficult for the children to feel a strong
  foundation and support for the matching.
• If one parent is pushing but the other is
  resisting or hesitant, slow down.

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Importance of unity between the parents and their
equal ownership.
We will make mistakes. Nobody is an expert at
this. We are creating and pioneering the
Traditions for the eternal Kingdom of Heaven
(i.e. matching). Even if the match is prepared
by God, still it might not work out. it
happens. If your spouse is not here, be sure to
call him/her 2 or 3 times this weekend and report.
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Comment on Parental Love

• Parents love for their children is intense,
  biased, deep, and emotionalmore important than
  their own happiness.

Parents dont really know their kids that well.
Matching is very intense and emotional
Dont do it alone. Get wise counsel. Talk it
over with someone you trust.
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Comment about READINESS
Parents should get ready first!!!
Parents should be ready BEFORE the kids!
God gave parents the responsibility.
Dont need to ask the kids if they are ready.
They have very little to go on but feelings.
You figure out what ready means. Then you
mentor them into readiness until you can tell
them that they are ready with sincerity and
confidence so they will know its true. Explain
it using objective criteria for ready.
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Decide together a plan or strategy.
Understand what your spouse believes about the
matching process. Husband and wife take a lot of
time together to discuss matching.
Make sure you know what the ideal is that you are
going to present to your children.
Make a list of points to discuss about matching
with your BC.
Pray for guidance.
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Getting Started
Study about matching. Do your homework.
Fathers words on matching and Blessing.
(Blessing and Ideal Family) The Gift for
Life Matching testimonies. (www.absolutelove.org
) BFD Website gt Resources gt Matching (Guidance,
PMC recordings, PowerPoints, etc.)
www.familyfed.org/bfd Dae Mo Nims guidance (see
above webpage).
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• Be prepared.

Gods guidance can come from any direction but
you will never notice it unless you are looking
for it. (ex. RAS, reticular activating
system) Follow your intuition.
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Lay a worthy foundation.

• Set aside serious time for this. This is
  heart-wrenching serious. It requires a serious
  and undisturbed time commitment. Date your
  spouse for this.
• Do task oriented conditions (i.e. not only
  fasting or HDH). Make contacts. Seek guidance and
  help. Expect to spend a lot of money on this.
  Spend TIME on the websites.

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Parents and children unite!

• Talk to your child, starting NOW

Schedule REGULAR weekly (or bi-weekly) discussion
sessions of 1 hour. Relax. Go over your list of
points to discuss about matching.
Get his/her opinions and preferences. Talk about
trust in each other. Talk about faith in God and
each other. Talk about commitment in
relationships. What about confidentiality? What
about the church?
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Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Go out someplace away from home so this will be a
strictly private discussion. No younger siblings
allowed.
Make this a special occasion in the childs life.
Take this seriously. There is no such thing as
too much give and take.
BC should know what the parents are doing and
APPROVE of it as far as they decide.
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Agree together how to proceed.
Talk about how to prepare yourselves as parents
and how the BC should prepare him or herself for
the commitment to love. Decide on any
conditions you want to do. Decide how you are
going to work together with God. What about
signs? How are you going to decide a match?
Agree on guidelines within your family. Are you
ready? How will you know? Talk to OTHER couples.
BC talk to matched BCs.
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The Searching
Use of the websites www.bcmatching.org .
International www.blessedfamilies.org
Matchbook www.familyfed.org/bfd
Familiarize yourself with all the information on
the matching websites. Get a password. Look over
the candidates.
Expect resistance from your children.
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The Searching
Contact your friends, church leaders, local
church parents. Make people aware you are
looking.
Ask for suggestions and ideas. (Ask your own BC).
Think of other sources like older BCs, matched
couples, youth leaders, friends of your child,
your other children, etc.
Follow up on small leads to where they end.
Network. Follow your intuition. Everyone is
unique and God works uniquely. My advice DONT
BE PASSIVE.
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Matching Styles
Horizontal Parents to Parents
Vertical Parents to Children
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Expect misunderstandings.
Almost everyone reports (confidentially) Communi
cation misunderstandings, lack of communication,
different styles. How difficult it was to
understand other families Expectations gone
awry Assumptions that proved false and even
disruptive Immense challenges that they overcame.
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Making initial contact
Keep it light. Get more serious gradually.
Hello. We saw that your son/daughter is eligible
to be matched. Is that still true? We might
be interested to meet you/email you/talk on the
phone to get to know your family better. Many
people will not respond right away. Many may
not be ready now, but might be ready later.
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What is exchange marriage?
A male and a female is exchange enough! We are
created so different by God that we can try for
eternity but never understand each other. Thats
the joy.
If they are very different in character then they
have to grow a lot to love each other.
If they are very different, then they balance
each other as parents and provide greater
stability for their children.
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A Little Reassurance
Parents matching is the original Principle of
Creation.
True Father has bequeathed the responsibility to
parents and God must have agreed and must follow
the Principle and support it.
You may be thinking, It is only Father who can
do the Matching, not us, however, that is not
so. You are able to do the Matching, because God,
who is supporting me, is also supporting you,
just the same. True Father
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A Little Reassurance

• God will work in the matching process in ways
  similar to ways he has always worked in your
  life. Many go by their intuition. Some have
  dreams. Some relate to God by observations and
  signs, etc.

God wants to be involved. God is intimately
involved already and more serious than you are.
Let Him play His role.
CONCLUSION Parents dont have to MAKE (i.e.
force) the match, they can search to FIND a match
guided by God..
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Have a public heart for all BCs.
This is not a competition to get the best ones
before they are all taken. Dont center
exclusively on your own child. Want Gods will
and happiness for other couples and BCs
also. Pray for other BCs and all BCs in general.
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Have a public heart for all BCs.
Be patient. If you project a feeling of
desperation, its a turn-off. Help other
parents to find matches for their children before
the time for your own. Try to have Gods point of
view. Share with others.
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• Parents get to know each other besides focusing
  on the boy and girl.

Its very valuable if the parents take time to
get to know the other parents and family. God
is very idealistic in matching, so be sure you
understand the practical reality of what you are
getting into. Take it slow. Avoid rushing,
especially if any one of the six is
hesitating. Remember the importance of husband
and wife unity to hear from God.
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Defining the Right Match

• How will the Parents come to a conclusion that
  this is the right one?

How will the BC conclude this is the right one?
Will he/she seek a confirmation from God?
How will he/she take ownership of this eternal
commitment?
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BCs getting to know each other
Protocols by Ken Hardman Dr. Durst
Flag Page, Myers-Briggs, Love Languages, Apology
Languages, Money Habitudes, eHarmony.com, READY,
spiritual gifts, etc.
Important to decide at what point BCs can start
talking to each other. Parents have the
responsibility to Match so avoid saying, You get
to know each other and decide.
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Boy and girl now must decide to accept the match
and take 100 ownership. ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL.
Consider a betrothal time period before the
formal matching. This is BEFORE any public
announcement.
How do they get to know each other so they can
conclude I want to marry him/her? -- Many
tools about personality, communication, gender
differences, relationships are available.
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ESSENTIAL UNDERSTANDINGS
The meaning and value of the Blessing are far
greater than marriage.
If they arent ready to get married to each
other, they arent ready to get Blessed.
Once the boy and girl are ready for the full
commitment, then have a public Commitment
Ceremony to seal the match. Celebrate. Involve
relatives and friends. Vows and written pledge.
Songs. Holy wine. Gifts, etc.
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• After matching, how much touching is allowed?

They are in the position of Adam and Eve, i.e.
betrothed, but still brother and sister. Holding
hands and brief hugging is acceptable. No
kissing, caressing, massaging, clinging, petting,
long embraces, or touching private areas is
appropriate. Please no public displays of
affection. Younger BCs are watching. Theyll be
glad they waited, were disciplined, and made an
offering to God of the beginning of their eternal
love. Get married before sex!
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Requirements
Blessing workshop. Purity interview Matching
Report Form with pictures AIDS test 7-day
fast 40-days abstinence and education after
Blessing
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Discussion in 2s, 3s, or 4s for 20 minutes.
(Anybody is OK. Suggest change partners.)
Discuss your inspirations or the issues raised
for you in this talk. Use the handout notes if
needed.
Come back at _______ Take a short break (10 min.)
before then. Start again on time.