Breaking the SilenceBreaking the Cycle Hope and Healing for Children of Addicted Parents

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Breaking the Silence-Breaking the CycleHope and
Healing for Children of Addicted Parents

• Pam Newton, M.S., LCDC
• Betty Ford Center
  Five Star Kids

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Statistically Speaking
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• The National Center on Alcohol and
  Substance Abuse at Columbia
  University (CASA) stated in March of 2005 that
  currently
• Half of all American children (35.6 million) live
  in a home where a parent or other adult uses
  tobacco, drinks heavily, or uses illicit drugs,
• 23.7 percent of children (17 million) live in a
  household where a parent or other adult is a
  binge or heavy drinker, and
• 12.7 percent (9.2 million) live in a household
  where a parent or other adult uses illicit drugs.

The National Center on Addiction and Substance
Abuse at Columbia University. (2005). Family
matters Substance abuse and The American
Family. New York The National Center on
Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia
University.
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Child abuse doubled from 1986 to 1997. The
reasons are

• 3. Poverty
• 2. Better reporting
• 1. Substance Abuse

The National Center on Addiction and Substance
Abuse at Columbia University. (1999b). No safe
haven Children of substance- abusing parents.
New York The National Center on Addiction and
Substance Abuse at Columbia University.
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• 1 risk factor for a child being abused is
  alcoholism/addiction in the home.
• COAs are 4 times more likely to suffer neglect.

The National Center on Addiction and Substance
Abuse at Columbia University. (1999b). No safe
haven Children of substance- abusing parents.
New York The National Center on Addiction and
Substance Abuse at Columbia University.
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Cycle of Addiction

• COAs are four times likelier than non-COAs to use
  alcohol or develop alcohol-related problems.
• COAs tend to initiate alcohol use earlier and
  engage in problem drinking at a younger age than
  non-COAs.

The National Center on Addiction and Substance
Abuse at Columbia University. (2005). Family
matters Substance abuse and The American Family.
New York The National Center on Addiction and
Substance Abuse at Columbia University.
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Characteristic Concerns of COAs
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Characteristic Concerns
Children feel responsible for parents drinking
or drug use.
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• Children equate drinking /drug use with not being
  loved.

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• Children fear the alcohol drug abuser will get
  sick or die.

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• Children feel angry with non-using parent

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• Children are embarrassed by parents behavior.

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• Children never know what to expect.

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• Children are confused by the difference
  between dry and drunk behavior.

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Children sometimes want their parent to drink or
use drugs.
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Common Challenges for COAs

• Behavioral
• Emotional
• Medical Psychiatric
• Educational

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Behavioral Issues

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Eating Disorders
• Suicidal Ideation
• Victimization
• Addiction
• Lower Self-Esteem
• Poor Communication/Social skills
• Lower Internal Locus of Control

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Emotional Issues

• Mistrust
• Guilt
• Shame
• Confusion
• Ambivalence
• Fear
• Insecurity

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Medical Psychiatric
COAs had higher rates of admission for

• injuries,
• poisonings,
• substance abuse,
• mental disorders,
• diseases of the gastrointestinal and respiratory
  systems

Children of Alcoholics Foundation, 1990
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Educational Challenges

• Learning disabilities
• Repeated grades
• Attend more schools

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Educational Challenges, cont.
COAs tend to have higher rates of

• Truancy
• Delinquency
• Drop-Out
• Pregnancy
• Expulsion
• Institutionalization

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Family Dynamics
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Common Beliefs in Families of Addiction

• Its not okay to express feelings freely.
• Its not okay to talk about problems.
• Indirect communication is best.
• Unrealistic expectations.
• Dont be selfish.
• Do as I say, not as I do.
• Its not okay to play or be playful.
• Dont rock the boat.

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Dont Talk Dont Trust Dont Feel
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A Childs View of Recovery

• Change is scary-even if its what they have hoped
  for.
• What is my role now?
• Kids are confused about the meetings parents go
  to.
• Kids sometimes feel resentful about all of the
  slogans and terminology.

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• Children expect everything to be all better now.
  Sometimes parents relationship worsens after
  recovery.
• Children react to limits being set when there
  might have been none or inconsistently set ones
  before.

OGorman, P. Diaz, P. (2004). The lowdown on
families who get high. Washington, D.C. Child
and Family Press.
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The Parents Perspective
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Balancing Recovery and Parenting
Friends
Spouse
Job
12-Step Meetings 90/90
School
Counseling or Therapy
Exercise
Sponsor
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Resiliency
The capacity to spring back, rebound,
successfully adapt in the face of adversity,
and develop social competence despite exposure
to stress.
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Resiliency

• Resilient children possess the following traits

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Autonomy

• Positive self-esteem
• Self-discipline
• Resistance to negative messages
• Ability to separate

Werner, E.E. Smith, R.S. (2001). Journeys from
childhood to midlife Risk, resilience, and
recovery. Ithaca, NY Cornell University Press.
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Social Competence

• Flexible
• Sensitive to others
• Effective communication skills
• Sense of humor
• Tolerance of others

Werner, E.E. Smith, R.S. (2001). Journeys from
childhood to midlife Risk, resilience, and
recovery. Ithaca, NY Cornell University Press.
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Problem Solving Skills

• Resourcefulness
• Initiative
• Planning skills
• Generates alternatives
• Uses imagination

Werner, E.E. Smith, R.S. (2001). Journeys from
childhood to midlife Risk, resilience, and
recovery. Ithaca, NY Cornell University Press.
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Sense of Purpose and Future

• Goal oriented
• Hopefulness
• Looks forward to the future
• Persistent
• Educational aspirations
• Faith/spirituality

Werner, E.E. Smith, R.S. (2001). Journeys from
childhood to midlife Risk, resilience, and
recovery. Ithaca, NY Cornell University Press.
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Protective Factors
Caring and Support
High Expectations
Active Participation
Werner, E.E. Smith, R.S. (2001). Journeys from
childhood to midlife Risk, resilience, and
recovery. Ithaca, NY Cornell University Press.
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Those of us who take care for young children, who
work with or on behalf of them, can help tilt the
balance from vulnerability to resiliency by

• Accept childrens temperamental idiosyncrasies
  and allow them some experiences that challenge,
  but do not overwhelm their coping abilities
• Convey to children a sense of responsibility and
  caring and, in turn, reward them for helpfulness
  and cooperation

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• Encourage a child to develop a special interest,
  hobby, or activity that can serve as a source of
  gratification and self-esteem
• Model, by example, a conviction that life makes
  sense despite the inevitable adversities that
  each of us encounters
• Encourage children to reach out beyond their
  nuclear family to a beloved relative or friend.

Werner, E.E. (1986). Resilient offspring of
alcoholics A longitudinal study from birth to
age 18. Journal of Studies on Alcohol, 47, 34-40.
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Important Messages COAs Need to Hear

• You are not alone.
• You are not responsible for the drinking or drug
  use in your family.
• Its not your fault.
• You cant control your parents drinking or drug
  use.
• Things can be better for you.
• There are people and places that can help you.
• All of your feelings are okay.