Educating for Marriage

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Educating for Marriage Intimate Relationships

• FYC 4503
• Dr. Carolyn Wilken

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Marriage Intimate Relationships

• Couplingthe most complex of relationships

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Current Challenges for Couples

• Changing roles of women
• Widely different cultural backgrounds of partners
• Physical distance from families of origin

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Compatibility Models of Coupling

• Similarity
• Complimentary
• Sequential Filter

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Similarity

• Based on the concept of matching birds of a
  feather flock together
• Similarities in
• Personality
• Values
• Roles
• Age
• Race
• Religion

• Didnt hold up to research!

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Complimentary

• Opposites attract.
• You fill up my spaces

• Didnt hold up to research!

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Sequential Filter

• Conduct different comparisons at different stages
  of couple development
• Social similarity
• Values similarity
• Personality similarity

• Didnt hold up to research!

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Social Exchange Models

• Relationships based on satisfactory exchange of
  rewards and costs between partners
• Equity Models
• Investment Models

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Equity Model

• Couple formed when expectation of reciprocal
  rewards

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Investment Model

• Steady increase in rewards over time
• Popular model of long-term marriages
• Put in too much to get out now

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Interpersonal Process Model

• Combination of compatibility and social exchange
• Interpersonal processes occur between partners
• Interaction between partners and their networks
• Intra-psychic factors
• Circumstantial or environmental factors

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Factors of High Risk Marriages

• Previous marriage
• Divorced parents
• Premarital cohabitation
• Premarital child bearing

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Areas of Highest Conflict in Marriage

• Communication
• Sexuality
• Dispositional characteristics
• Communication

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Happy Couples

• Talk more
• Spend time together
• Less time in conflict
• Exchange more rewards
• More humor
• Fewer punishments

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Stages of Breakup

• Intra-psychic
• Dyadic
• Social
• Grave dressing

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Purpose of Marriage Preparation

• Enhance communication skills
• Develop friendship with each other
• Commitment to the relationship
• Develop couple intimacy
• Develop problems solving skills

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Components of Marriage Preparation

• Information
• Develop skills
• Explore values and attitudes

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Developmental Stages Marriage Preparation

• High School
• Knowledge of relationships
• Skill building
• College
• Text books and lectures
• Community education/Extension
• Less structured and academic
• Current and applied

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Pre-Marital Counseling

• Identified couples
• Often religious based
• Educative counseling

• Focus on
• Commitment to growth as individuals and partners
• Effective communication
• Conflict resolution skills

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16 Topics for Pre-Marital Counseling

• Marriage as commitment
• Family of origin and individual backgrounds
• Temperaments and personalities of partners
• Communication skills
• Couple interaction patterns
• Roles in marriage
• Conflict resolution skills
• Decision making skills

• Financial resources and management skills
• Recreational interests
• Education, work goals and expectations
• Sexuality and affection
• Children and parenting
• Religious/spiritual values
• Relationship strengths
• Wedding plans

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Groups Counseling

• Advantages
• Economic
• Work with more people
• Set realistic goals
• Interact and observe other couples

• Disadvantages
• Dominance of specific group members
• Note enough time for individuals
• Less disclosure

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Format of Group Sessions

• Provide specific relationship information early
• Use small group discussion not lecture
• Avoid one-shot programs
• Schedule 3-6 months before wedding
• Help couples assess their progress

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Advantages of Private Couples Classes

• See as individuals and as a couple
• Can observe couple interaction
• Emphasize bilateralism of relationships
• Keeps discussions out in open

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Marriage Enrichment

• Marriage Encounter (Catholic)
• Marriage Enrichment (Quaker)
• Leadership Training (Methodists)

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Components of Marriage Enrichment Programs

• Dynamic, experiential, educational preventive
• Promote balance between relational and individual
  growth
• Ongoing
• Focus on positive aspects of relationship
• Emphasizes communication

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Divorce Education

• Focus on ending the relationship
• Improve adjustment to new roles status
• Enhance autonomy
• Problem solving skills

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No Divorce Education Until.

• Key issues of survival have been resolved
• Food
• Financial issues
• Housing
• Child care

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Re-Marriage

• 2/3 marriages end in divorce
• 40 American marriages are re-marriages
• 25 more re-marriages end up in divorce

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Challenges of Re-Marriage

• Create unique family style
• Combining 2 families (or more)
• Solidifying marital relationship
• Step-Parenting
• Discipline
• Extended families
• Finances

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Reported Biases of Family Life
Educators Impact Programs WHY?

• Assume that for women being married better than
  NOT being married
• Show less interest in womens careers than in
  mens careers
• Perpetuating belief that childrearing is womans
  responsibility
• Deferring to husbands needs over wives