Making the Best Marriage

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Making the Best Marriage
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Attention

• We fall in love and get married. Then over the
  years, love deepens, the bond strengthens, but
  our feeling of marital satisfaction waxes and
  wanes. Marriage is like a beautiful garden, says
  Renee Colclough Hinson, Ph.D., executive director
  of The Association for Couples in Marriage
  Enrichment. "It requires skill and constant
  attention. If tended to, it will thrive, but if
  neglected, it will wither and die.
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Unity for Eternity
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It Takes Work For All of Us

• "There is no couple that doesn't have to work
  hard at improving their relationship," says
  Sallie Foley, MSW, author of Sex Matters for
  Women and an instructor at the University of
  Michigan. Believing that the good times will
  continue to roll on their own is setup for
  disappointment and disillusionment.

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Close Together
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Marriage Facts

• Money. There never seems to be enough, or if
  there is, one person is upset about how the other
  spends it.
• Sex. It's the reason 45 percent of couples seek
  marriage counseling. Usually, one partner desires
  sex more often and on different terms than the
  other.

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What is happening here?
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• Work. Partners have different role expectations
  about who does what within and outside of the
  home. Can you relate to this statement?
• Children. Couples may disagree over how to raise
  and discipline children. What are some
  disagreements that might occur?

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Positive Communicators

• A. John Gottman, University of Washington
  psychology professor says that happy couples use
  five times more positive behaviors in their
  arguments than negative ones. For instance, they
  draw on humor to relieve tension and pepper the
  conversation with expressions of affection to
  maintain calm.

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Positive Communicators

• B. Send "I" Messages. A good example is "I'm
  concerned about the current state of affairs of
  home. Can we set aside some time to discuss our
  roles, responsibilities and chores around the
  house?" "You" statements are demanding, critical
  and controlling, but "I" statements are
  self-revealing and invite real listening and
  understanding. Does this make sense?

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Together Forever
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Positive Communicators

• C. Be Empathetic. Listen to your partner and
  give empathetic responses to the content of the
  message you're receiving. "I understand that you
  feel you are being taken for granted because you
  do most of the work. You want to convey to your
  partner that you care and can see the problem
  through her or his eyes. How can this approach
  be applied?

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Positive Communicators

• D. Think It Through. Come up with a solution you
  both can accept. This action will reinforce
  shared decision-making. Be sure to discuss the
  obstacles that may thwart achieving the solution
  and develop strategies to work around them. What
  are some good examples?

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Solutions Makes A Difference
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Positive Communicators

• E. Provide Feedback. "I really appreciate it
  when you take care of this work around the house.
  I don't feel like I have sole responsibility for
  everything." Positive feedback will encourage
  your partner to stick with the solution.

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I Corinthians 134-13

• Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous,
  love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is
  not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it
  is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over
  injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but
  rejoices with the truth. It bears all things,
  believes all things, hopes all things, endures
  all things.

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• Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they
  will be brought to nothing if tongues, they will
  cease if knowledge, it will be brought to
  nothing. For we know partially and we prophesy
  partially, but when the perfect comes, the
  partial will pass away.

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• When I was a child, I used to talk as a child,
  think as a child, reason as a child when I
  became a man, I put aside childish things. At
  present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but
  then face to face. At present I know partially
  then I shall know fully, as I am fully known. So
  faith, hope, love remain, these three but the
  greatest of these is love.

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What does this mean?
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Prayer

• We know that all of us need Gods blessing at all
  times.
• Let us pray. Holy God our Father in Heaven.
  Nothing can separate us from your love. Bless
  our marriage to grow in mutual respect and in
  love for one another. By your Spirit, draw us
  closer to you. In your gracious name we pray.
  Amen.

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Go in Peace