How to Bring Out the Best in Kids by Doing What is Best for Them

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Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours

• How to Bring Out the Best in Kids by Doing What
  is Best for Them
• By Dr. Kevin Leman

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Give me a minute Dad!
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You just dont understand Mom!
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She keeps looking at me!

• She keeps looking at me.

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Will you guys stop it? Im about to lose my
mind!!!!!
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Tonight we will discuss 3 main ideas

1. Reality Discipline
2. Why Kids Misbehave
3. When to Let the Little Buzzards Tumble

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Reality Discipline

• What is it?
• Two Prerequisites of Reality Discipline
• The desire to love as unconditionally as
  possible.
• The willingness to take the time and make the
  effort to enforce reality discipline.
• There are SEVEN Principles of Reality Discipline
• Establish a Healthy authority over children
• Hold children accountable for their actions
• Let reality and life be the teachers
• Use actions more than words.
• Stick to your guns.
• Relationships come before rules
• Live by your values- model the behavior you want
  to see in your children

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Why do Kids Misbehave?
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There are 3 main reasons why children MISBEHAVE

• 1.To gain attention
• 2. To acquire power
• 3. To exact revenge
• What can we do?
• Develop consequences- be consistent!
• Make children accountable for their behavior.
• Provide boundaries.
• Take swift action and do not waiver.
• Reject the behavior but love the child.
• Nurturing does not mean enabling, so resist the
  urge to fix everything.

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Activity- Behavior-Response-Perception

• Behavior- Child forgets to do his chores and
  goes off to play with his friends (negative)
• Parent Response- UNHEALTHY-
• You are so irresponsible!
• Childs Perception of Self- I am bad
• Behavior- Child forgets to do his chores and
  goes off to play with his friends (negative).
• Parent Response- HEALTHY-
• You wont be going to the scout meeting tonight
  because you have to stay home and do the chores
  you didnt do this afternoon.
• Childs Perception of Self- If I dont do them,
  I will have to pay the price. She is giving me
  the choice.

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Types of Parent/Authority Figures

• Authoritarian-Make all decisions for the child.
• Permissive-Is a slave to the child
• Authoritative-Give the child choices and
  formulates guidelines with him or her

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Authoritarian
You will do what I tell you to do no matter
what.
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Permissive
Oh you dont feel like cleaning your room
today? Okay, you can clean it tomorrow.
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Authoritative
You guys can go to the movies, but you need to
be home by 11 oclock. If you are not home by 11
oclock there will be consequences. Do you
understand?
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Building Relationships with Adolescents

• 1. Have home games
• 2. Let teenagers see your mistakes.
• 3. Dont snowplow the roads of life for
  teenagers.
• 4. Listen to your teenagers when they are ready
  to talk.
• 5. Dont bully teenagers into submission.
• 6. Expect the best of them.
• 7 . Love and respect your mate and other adults.

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Be REAL!!!!!

• R-RESPECT them.--Respect them for the person that
  they are. They are little humans.
• E-ENCOURAGE them.Always encourage them and
  communicate your expectations.
• A-AFFIRM them.---Appreciate them for who they
  are.
• L-LOVE them.---Love them by holding them
  accountable for their actions.

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The ABCs of Self-Image

• Look for the positive
• A- Accept children for who they are.(They are all
  different)
• B-Make sure children have a sense of belonging.
  (Family, Classroom, etc.)
• C-Help children develop competence.(They feel
  like a somebody or are good at something)

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When to Let the Little Buzzards Tumble

• Fair and swift discipline delivered as a
  consequence of unacceptable behavior is very
  effective in teaching important lessons to
  children in ways that words cannot convey.

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Principles

• Make tough decisions
• Get children out of most activities(one activity
  per child per semester)
• Raise your own children(Person that teaches your
  child how to speak is the person that teaches
  your child how to think)
• People are more important than things
• Discipline in love, not anger.
• Have dinner together as a family
• Dont spoil your child with material things
• Turn off your television
• Actions speak louder than words.

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Actions Speak Louder Than Words

• Be sure that children feel lovedeven if you do
  not like them much at the moment.
• Respect is a two-way street.
• Allow children to make appropriate choices and
  decisions.
• Be brave enough to discipline and pull the rug
  out!

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