Dealing with Emotions in the Workplace

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Dealing with Emotions in the Workplace

• William Ashton, Ph.D.

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Disclaimer

• The content of this workshop is based upon sound
  psychological research. However, I cannot
  guarantee that the procedures presented will work
  in every situation. The political and
  organizational context you will be working in
  will have a profound effect upon the usefulness
  of the following material.

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Some Definitions

• Conflict
• a Mixed-Motive Situation
• I want one thing and you want it too
• Emotion
• a psychological state caused by both
  physiological and cognitive processes
• Frustration-Aggression Hypothesis
• Party Other

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Goals of this Workshop

• Understand the importance of dealing with
  emotional behavior so that attention can be
  refocused on positive productive effort.
• Identify ways to handle your own reaction to
  anothers emotional behavior
• Learn when to allow someone to ventilate or to
  cool-down
• Learn basic conflict resolution skills

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Dont Sweep It Under a Rug!

• Change is opportunity and danger
• Avoidance is Bad
• Poor organizational functioning
• Increased job stress
• Conflict is Good
• New information
• New procedures
• Staff Changes

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Son of Dont Sweep It Under a Rug!

• Anger is good
• Anger is a natural human emotion
• Anger is a symptom which can alert you to an
  important underlying cause
• Use anger as a signal Look for its cause

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Why Avoid?

• Lack of Conflict Resolution Skills
• Corporate Culture
• Does your culture encourage open discussion or
  frown upon open conflict?
• Personal Style
• Personal History

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Personal Style

• Conflict Styles
• Ignore conflict/feelings
• Soothe feelings
• Explore conflict and possibilities
• Appeal to Authority
• Ignore feelings focus upon facts
• Hypersensitive/over-responsive to conflict
• Assert self as final arbitrator

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Personal History

• What is your personal history with conflict?
• How did your parents handle conflict (with each
  other and with you)?
• How did you handle conflict as a child?
• How do you handle conflict with your significant
  others (spouse/children)?
• How do you handle conflict at work?
• What is your orientation towards conflict?

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Dealing Effectively with your Response to
Another's Emotions

• Reflect upon your Conflict Style
• Control Stress Reaction
• Fight or Flight Response
• Secret Breath
• Personal Space
• Escape Pod
• Im surprised that you feel this way and Im a
  little taken aback right now, can we talk about
  this at 330 today?

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To Ventilate or Not to Ventilate that is the
question

• Good Times to Ventilate
• When the target is not present
• Whey you are not the target
• When you do not know what is going on or the
  partys viewpoint
• When the party is upset and you feel that talking
  it out will help

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To Ventilate or Not to Ventilate

• When Not to Ventilate
• When there is not enough time
• When you are upset
• When the party and target are upset and
  uninterested in talking
• Yelling Match
• Name Calling

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Ventilation

• Allows for parties to voice their concerns and
  feelings
• Provides both parties with information regarding
  the others viewpoint
• It provides an emotional release which
  paradoxically calms down the system
• It creates an atmosphere for problem solving

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Ventilation Skills

• Acknowledge support the emotional behavior
• Set up ground rules
• Ill give party 5 minutes to tell me their story
  and then other 5 minutes to tell me their story.
  Please dont interrupt. Everybody will have
  their chance.
• Use Listening Skills

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Cooling Down Period

• Speak softly and calmly (quietly)
• Acknowledge support the emotional behavior
• You seem upset. I can see that this issue is
  very important to you.
• You are quiet and are not responding to my
  questions. I can tell that this is upsetting
  you.

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More on the Cooling Down Period

• Describe the effect of the emotional behavior
• When you refuse to respond to my questions, its
  difficult for me to help you.
• You are speaking so loudly that I am beginning
  to feel attacked. Im not able to help you when
  I feel this way.
• Slamming things on you desk is disrupting the
  office.

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Even More on the Cooling Down Period

• Your Back Up Phrase
• This behavior is inappropriate behavior for the
  office.
• Negotiate a cooling down period
• Give parties something to do - write out story
• Set definite time agenda
• At 430 we will get together to talk about this
  problem and Ill listen to both of your concerns.

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Son of theCooling Down Period

• Offer reassurance and support
• You are both very upset right not and you both
  have a good reason to be. However, now is not
  the right time to try to solve this problem.
  Well discuss this at 330.
• If you are the target, arrange to have a
  third-party at the meeting

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Conflict Resolution

• The Setting
• Privacy free from interruptions
• Right length of time
• Ground Rules
• focus upon the problem, not the person
• no attacks (name calling, yelling)
• dont bring up the past
• take responsibility for you actions

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Conflict ResolutionInformation Gathering

• 1. Party tells their side of the story and how
  they feel using I messages
• 2. Other retells partys side of the story. Then
  they may question for better understanding.
• 3. Other tells their side of the story and how
  they feel using I messages.
• 4. Party retells others side of the story. Then
  they may question for better understanding.

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Information GatheringAn Example

• Party Accounting is full of a-holes. Our hands
  are tied -- every time we ask them for a P.O. it
  takes them five days to get it to us.
• Mediator Remember our ground rules, no name
  calling. Can you restate what you said as an I
  statement?
• Party Okay. When accounting takes five days to
  get us a P.O. I feel angry because the
  departments are yelling at us for their supplies.
  I want accounting to be faster with the P.O.s

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• Mediator Okay, I can see how upsetting that
  situation can be and you have the right to be
  angry. Other, could you restate partys story?
• Other Its not our fault, they always forget
  the suppliers code and FEIN and we have to
  look it up.
• Mediator Remember our ground rules. You first
  have to restate party's story. Then well hear
  yours.
• Other Okay. Party said that when we take five
  days to do a P.O. they get upset because the
  department are mad at them for supplies. He wants
  us to be faster. Okay?
• Mediator Yes, thank you. Now, can you describe
  your side with an I statement?

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• Other When party submits a P.O. without a
  supplier s code or FEIN , we have to look it up.
  We get upset at that because it slows us down. I
  want everyone here to remember to put down their
  supplier code and FIEN s.
• Mediator Thank you for working with the
  process. Now, party can you retell other s
  story?
• Party Other said that when we submit a P.O.
  without a supplier s code or FEIN they have to
  look it up. They get upset because it slows them
  down. They wish that we would remember to put
  down the code and FEIN .

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Conflict ResolutionOptions

• 5. Both parties come to an agreement to the
  nature of the problem.
• 6. Both parties brainstorm possible solutions to
  the problem.
• 7. Both parties agree to a solution.
• 8. If no agreement, find a best alternative given
  no agreement.

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OptionsAn Example

• Mediator Okay, whats the problem here?
• Party You mean that those blanks on the P.O.s
  are important?
• Other Yep. We cant submit the P.O.s to
  accounting without it -- they get sent back.
• Party I didnt know that. Most of the time we
  have the information. Were just too busy to put
  it down.
• Other Somebody has to. We either have to call
  you, accounting or the vendor to get the info.
• Party From now on well enter the information
  when we have it.

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Neat Negotiation Tricks

• Separate Demands from Interests
• Nonspecific Compensation
• party compensates other in some other way
• Expanding the Pie
• increasing the available resources
• Logrolling
• trade off important issues for unimportant issues

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Workplace Violence

• What is workplace violence?
• Harassment
• Intimidation
• Threats
• Domestic partners brining domestic disputes into
  the workplace.

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Warning Signs of Workplace Violence

• Slot-movement
• neat appearance messy appearance
• punctual always late
• gregarious withdrawn
• General Warning Signs
• Reduced productivity
• inconsistent work quality
• strained co-worker relations
• safety violations
• depression
• frequently blaming others

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What to Do?

• Some researchers feel that there is no typical
  profile of an employee prone to workplace
  violence
• any worker is likely to become violent
• However, research shows that warning signs are
  present in two-thirds of episodes

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Your Companys (re)Action

• Be proactive!!! (be proactive!!!)
• Develop a Human Resource policy regarding
  employees who are showing warning signs
• Develop your policy with a human resource
  professional and an attorney
• Have counselor on call
• Referral to counselor must not be seen as a
  punishment

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(another)Word to the Wise

• The U.S. Office of Personnel Management, the
  federal governments human resources agency,
  instructs employers to have advance planning for
  workplace violence issues, stating, The
  likelihood of a successful resolution is much
  greater if you have prepared ahead of time.

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Thank You!

• Happy Conflict Resolution!

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Rights of Use for This Material

• Some trainers are very protective of their
  materials theyre afraid that theyre giving
  away their business. I feel that freely
  distributing information like this is just good
  advertising for a trainer or consultant. So
  please use my material as you see fit with the
  provision that you, in print, reference me.
  Please use the following information in full
• William Ashton, Ph.D.
• The City University of New York, York College
• Department of Political Science and Psychology
• www.york.cuny.edu/washton