Scientific Writing, HRP 214

1
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. Cream and chocolate comprise chocolate sauce.
• B. Cream and chocolate compose chocolate sauce.

2
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. Cream and chocolate comprise chocolate sauce.
• B. Cream and chocolate compose chocolate sauce.
• composer putting notes together to make music

3
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. The dessert was comprised of cream and
  chocolate.
• B. The dessert was composed of cream and
  chocolate.

4
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. The dessert was comprised of cream and
  chocolate.
• B. The dessert was composed of cream and
  chocolate.

5
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. Chocolate sauce composes cream and chocolate.
• B. Chocolate sauce comprises cream and chocolate.

6
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. Chocolate sauce composes cream and chocolate.
• B. Chocolate sauce comprises cream and chocolate.
• think includes (but exhaustive list)
• compare composed of (generally exhaustive)

7
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. Cream and chocolate are comprised in chocolate
  sauce.
• B. Cream and chocolate are composed of
• chocolate sauce.

8
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. Cream and chocolate are comprised in chocolate
  sauce.
• B. Cream and chocolate are composed of
• chocolate sauce.

9
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. I hope that my sister and I will reconcile.
• B. I hope that my sister and me will reconcile.

10
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. I hope that my sister and I will reconcile.
• B. I hope that my sister and me will reconcile.

11
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. He told Dan and me that they would meet us at
  noon.
• B. He told Dan and I that they would meet us at
  noon.

12
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. He told Dan and me that they would meet us at
  noon.
• B. He told Dan and I that they would meet us at
  noon.

13
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. I always thought it was further to the moon.
• B. I always thought it was farther to the moon.

14
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. I always thought it was further to the moon.
• B. I always thought it was farther to the moon.

15
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. Between you and I, we should have it done in
  no time.
• B. Between you and me, we should have it done in
  no time.

16
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. Between you and I, we should have it done in
  no time.
• B. Between you and me, we should have it done in
  no time.

17
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. He died of unknown causes.
• B. He died from unknown causes.

18
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. He died of unknown causes.
• B. He died from unknown causes.

19
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. She could have made it further in life.
• B. She could have made it farther in life.

20
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. She could have made it further in life.
• B. She could have made it farther in life.

21
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. Its the nuts, sir. Theyre complimentary.
• B. Its the nuts, sir. Theyre complementary.
• C. Its the nuts, sir. Theyre complimentary.
• D. Its the nuts, sir. Theyre complementary.

22
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. Its the nuts, sir. Theyre complimentary.
• B. Its the nuts, sir. Theyre complementary.
• C. Its the nuts, sir. Theyre complimentary.
• D. Its the nuts, sir. Theyre complementary.

23
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. The medical students heard seventeen lectures
  about the compliment cascade.
• B. The medical students heard seventeen lectures
  about the complement cascade.

24
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A. The medical students heard seventeen lectures
  about the compliment cascade.
• B. The medical students heard seventeen lectures
  about the complement cascade.

25
Scientific Writing, HRP 214WARM UP from a
textbook
The fear expressed by some teachers that
students would not learn statistics well if they
were permitted to use canned computer programs
has not been realized in our experience. A
careful monitoring of achievement levels before
and after the introduction of computers in the
teaching of our course revealed no appreciable
change in students performances.
26
Scientific Writing, HRP 214WARM UP from a
textbook
The fear expressed by some teachers that
students would not learn statistics well if they
were permitted to use canned computer programs
has not been realized in our experience. A
careful monitoring of achievement levels before
and after the introduction of computers in the
teaching of our course revealed no appreciable
change in students performances.
27
Scientific Writing, HRP 214WARM UP
? Many teachers feared that the use of canned
computer programs would prevent students from
learning statistics. We monitored student
achievement levels before and after the
introduction of computers in our course and found
no detriments in performance.
28
Scientific Writing, HRP 214WARM UP 2

• Anti-inflammatory agents may be protective for
  the occurrence of Alzheimers Disease and may
  reduce the progression of the disease.
• Identify the problems
• -- to be is a weak verb (may be protective)
• --you dont protect for, you protect against
  (word choice)
• --occurrence is a vague, weak noun
• --can you reduce progression? (word choice)
• --progression of disease? disease progression

29
Scientific Writing, HRP 214WARM UP 2

• Anti-inflammatory agents may be protective for
  the occurrence of Alzheimers Disease and may
  reduce the progression of the disease.
• ?
• Anti-inflammatory agents may protect against
  Alzheimers Disease and retard disease
  progression.

30
Scientific Writing, HRP 214WARM UP 3

• Important studies to examine the descriptive
  epidemiology of autism, including the prevalence
  and changes in the characteristics of the
  population over time, have begun.
• Identify the problems
• --wheres the verb?
• --watch fluff words like important
• --can changes occur without being over time?
• -- changes in the characteristics of the
  population is vague and wordy

31
Scientific Writing, HRP 214WARM UP 3

• Important studies to examine the descriptive
  epidemiology of autism, including the prevalence
  and changes in the characteristics of the
  population over time, have begun.
• ?
• Studies have begun to describe the epidemiology
  of autism, including recent changes in the
  disorders prevalence and characteristics.

32
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Lecture Four, July 13th, 2005 Writing Basics II
• Paragraphs, logic, and organization

33
Scientific Writing, HRP 214paragraphs
Although the methodological approaches are
similar, the questions posed in classic
epidemiology and clinical epidemiology are
different. In classic epidemiology,
epidemiologists pose a question about the
etiology of a disease in a population of people.
Causal associations are important to identify
because, if the causal factor identified can be
manipulated or modified, prevention of disease is
possible. On the other hand, in clinical
epidemiology, clinicians pose a question about
the prognosis of a disease in a population of
patients. Prognosis can be regarded as a set of
outcomes and their associated probabilities
following the occurrence of some defining event
or diagnosis that can be a symptom, sign, test
result or disease.
34
Scientific Writing, HRP 214What are you trying
to say? Idea flow chart (outline)
35
Scientific Writing, HRP 214sentence-level editing
Although the methodological approaches are
similar, the questions posed in classic
epidemiology and clinical epidemiology are
different.
36
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Despite methodologic similarities, classic
epidemiology and clinical epidemiology differ in
aim.
37
Scientific Writing, HRP 214paragraph parallelism
In classic epidemiology, epidemiologists pose a
question about the etiology of a disease in a
population of people. Causal associations are
important to identify because, if the causal
factor identified can be manipulated or modified,
prevention of disease is possible. On the other
hand, in clinical epidemiology, clinicians pose a
question about the prognosis of a disease in a
population of patients.
Whats the structure of the comparison/contrast? H
ere In discipline 1, group 1 poses a question
about XX in a population of XX. In discipline
2, group 2 poses a question about YY in a
population of YY.
38
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Classic epidemiologists pose a question about the
etiology of a disease in a population of people.
Clinical epidemiologists pose a question about
the prognosis of a disease in a population of
patients.
39
Scientific Writing, HRP 214sentence-level editing
Prognosis can be regarded as a set of outcomes
and their associated probabilities following the
occurrence of some defining event or diagnosis
that can be a symptom, sign, test result or
disease. ? Prognosis is the probability that an
event or diagnosis will result in a particular
outcome.
40
Scientific Writing, HRP 214Altogether
Despite methodologic similarities, classic
epidemiology and clinical epidemiology differ in
aim. Classic epidemiologists pose a question
about the etiology of disease in a population of
people etiologic factors can be manipulated to
prevent disease. Clinical epidemiologists pose a
question about the prognosis of a disease in a
population of patients prognosis is the
probability that an event or diagnosis will
result in a particular outcome.
41
Scientific Writing, HRP 214compare to outline
42
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Before you start writing, ask
• What am I trying to say?
• When you finish writing, ask
• Have I said it?

43
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Paragraph organization tips
• 1. Avoid a succession of loose sentences
  (monotonous).
• 2. Paragraph flow is helped by
• parallel sentence structures
• logical flow of ideas
• if necessary, transition words
• 3. Your reader remembers the first sentence and
  the last sentence best. Make the last sentence
  memorable. Emphasis at the end!

44
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Paragraph organization tips
• Avoid a succession of loose sentences
  (monotonous).
• --Outlining and organizing can help arrange
  ideas.
• --But, when stringing together a series of
  ideas, dont forget to vary sentence structure
  for readability.

45
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Example from Strunk and White The third concert
of the subscription series was given last
evening, and a large audience was in attendance.
Mr. Edward Appleton was the soloist, and the
Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the
instrumental music. The former showed himself to
be an artist of the first rank, while the latter
proved itself fully deserving of its high
reputation. The interest aroused by the series
has been very gratifying to the Committee, and it
is planned to give a similar series annually
hereafter. The fourth concert will be given on
Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive
program will be presented.
46
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• 2. Paragraph flow is helped by
• parallel sentence structures
• logical flow of ideas
• if necessary, transition words

47
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• logical flow of ideas
• Sequential in time
• General? specific
• Logical arguments (if a then b a therefore b)

48
Scientific Writing, HRP 214example
Usually, when a defendant absconds, a bondsman
hires a bounty hunter to find and arrest him
within the grace period (which, in California, is
six months). If that fails, the bondman tries to
seize any collateral that the defendant put down
to secure the bond, or sues the defendants
indemnitors, who signed the bail application as
guarantors. But Zabala hadnt put down any
collateral, and so far Greenone of the few
bondsmen who always do their own bounty
huntinghad found neither him nor his
indemnitors. The grace period was nearly up.
Soon, Green would have to pay the court
thirty-one thousand dollars.
49
Scientific Writing, HRP 214organized by time
sequence and general? specific
1. First, a bondsman hires a bounty hunter to
find and arrest the defendant within the grace
period. 2. Then, if that fails, the bondman
seizes collateral or sues indemnitors. 3. Now,
in this specific case, the defendant (Zabala) is
AWOL and has no collateral or available
indemnitors 4. Conclusion the bondswoman
(Green) is out of options. Notice how the
author didnt need to write first, then, in
this specific case, or conclusion? the
organization of sentences and context gives
readers these clues without spelling them out
50
Scientific Writing, HRP 214examine the logical
structure

• A bondsman has these and only these options
• Hire a bounty hunter to find and arrest the guy
  within a grace period.
• If (1) fails, seize collateral or sue indemnitor.
• Pay the money herself.
• In this case,
• Grace period nearly done without arrest.
• No collaterol, no indemnitors.
• ? Green (the bondswoman) will be responsible for
  the 31,000.

51
Scientific Writing, HRP 214transitions used
Usually, when a defendant absconds, a bondsman
hires a bounty hunter to find and arrest him
within the grace period (which, in California, is
six months). If that fails, the bondman tries to
seize any collateral that the defendant put down
to secure the bond, or sues the defendants
indemnitors, who signed the bail application as
guarantors. But Zabala hadnt put down any
collateral, and so far Greenone of the few
bondsmen who always do their own bounty
huntinghad found neither him nor his
indemnitors. The grace period was nearly up.
Soon, Green would have to pay the court
thirty-one thousand dollars.
52
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• 3. Your reader remembers the first sentence and
  the last sentence best. Make the last sentence
  memorable.

53
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• But Zabala hadnt put down any collateral, and
  so far Greenone of the few bondsmen who always
  do their own bounty huntinghad found neither him
  nor his indemnitors. The grace period was nearly
  up. Soon, Green would have to pay the court
  thirty-one thousand dollars.
• Long, short, long.

54
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• But Zabala hadnt put down any collateral, and
  so far Greenone of the few bondsmen who always
  do their own bounty huntinghad found neither him
  nor his indemnitors. The grace period was nearly
  up. Soon, Green would have to pay the court
  thirty-one thousand dollars.
• Long, short, long.
• Nice sentence variety and build-up to the
  conclusion.

55
Scientific Writing, HRP 214Paragraph exercise

• Headache is an extraordinarily common pain
  symptom that virtually everyone experiences at
  one time or another. As a pain symptom,
  headaches have many causes. The full range of
  these causes were categorized by the
  International Headache Society (IHS) in 1988. The
  IHS distinguishes two broad groups of headache
  disorders primary headache disorders and
  secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache
  disorders are a consequence of an underlying
  condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic
  infection or a head injury. In primary headache
  disorders, the headache disorder is the
  fundamental problem it is not symptomatic of
  another cause. The two most common types of
  primary headache disorders are episodic
  tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine.
  Although IHS is the most broadly used/recognized
  classification system used, a brief comment on
  others would be appropriate especially if there
  are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.

56
Scientific Writing, HRP 214verb-tally
to be 8 to have 2 passive verbs 1 Others?
experiences, distinguishes

• Headache is an extraordinarily common pain
  symptom that virtually everyone experiences at
  one time or another. As a pain symptom,
  headaches have many causes. The full range of
  these causes were categorized by the
  International Headache Society (IHS) in 1988. The
  IHS distinguishes two broad groups of headache
  disorders primary headache disorders and
  secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache
  disorders are a consequence of an underlying
  condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic
  infection or a head injury. In primary headache
  disorders, the headache disorder is the
  fundamental problem it is not symptomatic of
  another cause. The two most common types of
  primary headache disorders are episodic
  tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine.
  Although IHS is the most broadly used/recognized
  classification system used, a brief comment on
  others would be appropriate especially if there
  are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.

57
Scientific Writing, HRP 214wordiness tally

• Headache is an extraordinarily common pain
  symptom that virtually everyone experiences at
  one time or another. As a pain symptom,
  headaches have many causes. The full range of
  these causes were categorized by the
  International Headache Society (IHS) in 1988. The
  IHS distinguishes two broad groups of headache
  disorders primary headache disorders and
  secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache
  disorders are a consequence of an underlying
  condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic
  infection or a head injury. In primary headache
  disorders, the headache disorder is the
  fundamental problem it is not symptomatic of
  another cause. The two most common types of
  primary headache disorders are episodic
  tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine.
  Although IHS is the most broadly used/recognized
  classification system used, a brief comment on
  others would be appropriate especially if there
  are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.

58
Scientific Writing, HRP 214avoid meta-comment

• Headache is an extraordinarily common pain
  symptom that virtually everyone experiences at
  one time or another. As a pain symptom,
  headaches have many causes. The full range of
  these causes were categorized by the
  International Headache Society (IHS) in 1988. The
  IHS distinguishes two broad groups of headache
  disorders primary headache disorders and
  secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache
  disorders are a consequence of an underlying
  condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic
  infection or a head injury. In primary headache
  disorders, the headache disorder is the
  fundamental problem it is not symptomatic of
  another cause. The two most common types of
  primary headache disorders are episodic
  tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine.
  Although IHS is the most broadly used/recognized
  classification system used, a brief comment on
  others would be appropriate especially if there
  are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.

59
Scientific Writing, HRP 214outline ideas

• Headache is an extraordinarily common pain
  symptom that virtually everyone experiences at
  one time or another. As a pain symptom,
  headaches have many causes. The full range of
  these causes were categorized by the
  International Headache Society (IHS) in 1988. The
  IHS distinguishes two broad groups of headache
  disorders primary headache disorders and
  secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache
  disorders are a consequence of an underlying
  condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic
  infection or a head injury. In primary headache
  disorders, the headache disorder is the
  fundamental problem it is not symptomatic of
  another cause. The two most common types of
  primary headache disorders are episodic
  tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine.
  Although IHS is the most broadly used/recognized
  classification system used, a brief comment on
  others would be appropriate especially if there
  are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.

60
Scientific Writing, HRP 214Idea flow chart
(outline)
61
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Headache is an extraordinarily common pain
  symptom that virtually everyone experiences at
  one time or another. As a pain symptom,
  headaches have many causes. The full range of
  these causes were categorized by the
  International Headache Society (IHS) in 1988. The
  IHS distinguishes two broad groups of headache
  disorders primary headache disorders and
  secondary headache disorders.

Repetition can sometimes help transitions, but
here its just repetitive!
62
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• ?
• Headache is a pain symptom that almost everyone
  experiences. The International Headache Society
  (IHS) groups headaches into two types based on
  cause primary headache disorders and secondary
  headache disorders.

63
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Secondary headache disorders are a consequence
  of an underlying condition, such as a brain
  tumor, a systemic infection or a head injury. In
  primary headache disorders, the headache disorder
  is the fundamental problem it is not symptomatic
  of another cause. The two most common types of
  primary headache disorders are episodic
  tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine.

Also, consider ordering first (primary), then
second (secondary)
64
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• ?
• In primary headache disorders, the headache
  itself is the main complaint. The two most
  common types of primary headache disorder are
  episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and
  migraine. Secondary headache disorders result
  from an underlying condition, such as a brain
  tumor, a systemic infection, or a head injury.

65
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• ?
• In primary headache disorders, the headache
  itself is the main complaint. The two most
  common types of primary headache disorder are
  episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and
  migraine. Secondary headache disorders result
  from an underlying condition, such as a brain
  tumor, a systemic infection, or a head injury.

66
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• ?
• In primary headache disorders, the headache
  itself is the main complaint. The two most
  common types of primary headache disorder are
  episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and
  migraine. Secondary headache disorders result
  from an underlying condition, such as a brain
  tumor, a systemic infection, or a head injury.

67
Scientific Writing, HRP 214together

• Headache is a pain symptom that almost everyone
  experiences. The International Headache Society
  (IHS) groups headaches into two types based on
  cause primary headache disorders and secondary
  headache disorders. In primary headache
  disorders, the headache itself is the main
  complaint. The two most common types of primary
  headache disorder are episodic tension-type
  headache (ETTH) and migraine. Secondary headache
  disorders result from an underlying condition,
  such as a brain tumor, a systemic infection, or a
  head injury.

68
Scientific Writing, HRP 214Compare to outline
69
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Finally, organizing the whole story

70
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• Compositional organization
• Like ideas should be grouped.
• Like paragraphs should be grouped.
• Dont Bait-and-Switch your reader too many
  times.
• When discussing a controversy, follow
• arguments (all)
• counter-arguments (all)
• rebuttals (all)

71
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Organizing your thoughts Do you have a
system? If you dont, get one. Spend more time
organizing and less time writing. Its just
plain less painful! The 101 feature-story
ratio 10 parts organization/research 1 part
writing.
72
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Develop a road-map. Think in paragraphs and
sections
73
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A note paraphrasing and plagiarism

74
Scientific Writing, HRP 214a few notes on
paraphrasing

• Use your own words
• Work from memory
• Draw your own conclusions
• Do not simply re-arrange the original authors
  words
• Do not mimic the original authors sentence
  structure

75
Scientific Writing, HRP 214paraphrasing

• Original
• If the existence of a signing ape was
  unsettling for linguists, it was also startling
  news for animal behaviorists.

• Unacceptable
• An ape who knew sign language unsettled
  linguists and startled animal behaviorists.
• Unacceptable
• If the presence of a sign-language-using chimp
  was disturbing for scientists studying language,
  it was also surprising to scientists studying
  animal behavior.
• Fine
• When they learned of an ape's ability to use
  sign language, both linguists and animal
  behaviorists were taken by surprise.

76
Scientific Writing, HRP 214REVISING

• The revision process

77
Scientific Writing, HRP 214REVISING

• Dont be afraid to cut.
• Experiment with re-arranging your words and
  paragraphs (try alternative permutations). (zoom
  in)
• Give your work an organizational review. (zoom
  out)
• Read your work out loud.
• Work with a good editor.

78
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• A final note on writing
• Save often and back up your files!

79
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• And finally
• This weeks Top 5 countdown

80
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• 1. Do not use they or their when the
  antecedent is singular (but can vary gender
  references)
• Every one of us knows they are fallible.
• Every one of us knows she is fallible.
• Each student pulled out their notebook.
• Each student pulled out his notebook.

81
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• 2. Prevalence v. Incidence
• Incidence is a RATE
• ? how many new cases develop per unit of
  population per unit of time?
• Prevalence is a PROPORTION
• ? how widespread is a given disease?

82
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• principle v. principal
• Principle is a fundamental truth or law
• Principal is a leader
• The schools principal declared it a holiday.
  (mnemonic your pal)
• Her principles were impeccable.

83
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• rational v. rationale
• Rational is an adjective, meaning sane or
  logical.
• Rationale is a noun, meaning justification.
• She was a rational human being.
• Their rationale for the move was that it would
  save a great deal of money.

84
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

• 5. To hyphenate or not to hyphenate, that is the
  questionunits
• Hyphenate multiple adjectives that modify a noun.
  
• The ball was 21 feet in diameter. (noun)
• The ball had a 21-foot diameter. (adjective)
• The machine carried a 44-pound scientific
  payload.
• The machine carried 44 pounds in science
  equipment.

85
Scientific Writing, HRP 214Homework

• Read chapters 13-16 of Sin and Syntax (pp.
  197-finish)
• 3-4 unit students
• Continue work on your chosen manuscript, paper,
  thesis, or grant proposal in preparation for the
  2nd half of the course.
• First due date
• DUE JULY 20th
• Outline your methods and results sections. Bring
  hard copy to class next week.

86
Scientific Writing, HRP 214Preview to next time

• For next time
• Overview of grant writing and scientific
  manuscripts