The Christian Vision of Self

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The Christian Vision of Self

• Michael Cheney

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What is a self-image?

• A self-image
• collage of mental pictures (past, present, and
  future) of yourself.
• the way one sees (images) self-image
• thinks (conceives) of him/herself self-concept.

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What is self-esteem?

• An accumulated set of evaluations/ judgments you
  make about yourself.
• How you feel about yourself.
• Judging self as either
• successful-unsuccessful,
• lovable-unlovable,
• competent-incompetent
• Attractive - unattractive

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The Vicious Circle of Low Self-Esteem
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Self Esteem Is A Choice!

• I can decide to esteem myself
• If I change my attitude toward myself, then I
  change

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True Love of Self

• Appreciation of good qualities
• Sympathetic effort to understand weaknesses and
  limitations
• A realistic attention to personal needs
• A place called home (Im with someone I like 24
  hours a day)

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• The better the self-image, the larger the
  capacity for loving.

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• The greater the self-appreciation,
• the less danger there is of selfishness.

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We Must Accept Responsibility For Our Lives
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Full Responsibility

• Full responsibility
• acknowledging that there is something inside me
  on which all my actions, responses, and reactions
  to the various stimulations and situations of
  life are based.
• Other people or situations merely stimulate my
  response, but do not determine my specific
  reaction

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Full Responsibility
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What Determines Who We Are?

• Projecting the concerns and character weaknesses
  of people giving the input rather than accurately
  reflecting what we are. (Social Mirror)
• Do our genes determine us (Genetic determination)
• Does your childhood experiences determine you?
  (Psychic determinism)
• Does your environment determine who you are?
  (Environmental determinism)

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The last of human freedoms - to determine your
attitude and response in circumstance
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Between Stimulus and Response
Freedom
STIMULUS
RESPONSE
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Reactive and Proactive Behaviors

• Reactive
• Are easily offended
• Blame others
• Get angry and say things they later regret
• Whine and complain
• Wait for opportunities to come to them
• Change only when they have to

• Proactive
• Are not easily offended
• Take responsibility for their choices
• Think before they act
• Bounce back when something bad happens
• Seek and create opportunities
• Focus on things they can do something about

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Circle of Concern (No Control)
Circle of Concern
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Circle of Influence
Reactive people focus efforts in Circle of Concern
Proactive people focus on Circle of Influence
Circle of Concern
Focus on peoples weaknesses, problems in
environment circum-stances out of their control
Circle of Influence
They work on the things that they can do
something about
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Proactive Focus positive energy enlarges the
Circle of Influence
Focus on TO BE
Circle of Influence
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Accepting Responsibility

• Remember Our actions and reactions are caused by
  something in us
• We must learn to accept full responsibility for
  our lives.
• Focus on the Circle of Influence (that which you
  can change, i.e, YOURSELF)
• Dont be a bystander carpe diem stand up and
  make a difference

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Benefits of being an owner, not a blamer
Benefits of Owners
Happiness Growth Self-Knowledge
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2 Ways of Putting Ourselves in Control of Our
Lives

• Make promises and keep them.
• Set a goal work to achieve them.
• Work only in your Circle of Influence by making
  small commitments and keeping them.

• Be a light, not a judge
• Be a model, not a critic
• Be part of the solution, not the problem
• Determine your free response in daily stimuli

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We Must Seek Growth, Not Perfection
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Perfectionism

• All of us are somewhat obsessive-compulsive
  about perfectionism
• Obsession (mind)
• Compulsion (conduct or doing)

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• Perfectionism is indeed a slave master

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Roots of Perfectionism

• Exacting parentswho only settle for the best
• Parents who themselves are perfectionists
• Peer pressure (making mistakes in front of our
  peers and experiencing negative judgments)

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Unhealthy Attitudes

• If Im not perfect
• Then others will not like me
• Then I will not get ahead
• Then Im a failure

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Anatomy Of A Perfectionist

• Begins with a Belief/Attitude
• My worth is determined by my performance
• Therefore, mistakes detract from my worth
• The only way to impress is to be perfect.
• The Belief results in obvious Emotions
• Fear and panic
• Fear the displeasure and punishment of others
• Fear I will have to pay for my imperfection
• Results in loneliness, sadness, and depression.
• The belief also determines my Physical symptoms
• Results in stress that may affect my sleeping,
  eating, or health.
• The belief and emotions in turn dictate Behavior
• Results in compulsive people-pleasing
• Results in not asking for help.

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High Price of Perfection

• Only leaves room for failure
• Results in discouragement
• Leads to frustration, anger, disappointment
• Can be a suicide course
• Alienates us from others

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How To Determine If You Are A Perfectionist

• Do you feel uncomfortable with personal mistakes
  or oversights or even the mistakes or oversights
  of others?
• Can you laugh at your mistakes or weaknesses?
• Can you laugh at other peoples mistakes and
  weaknesses?

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Antidotes to Perfectionism

• Failures are just learning experiences. The only
  real failure is the one from which we learn
  nothing.
• Seek growth, not perfection
• means acknowledge that life is a process in which
  skills are gradually developed
• Set out to enjoy what you do

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Remember

• More people will like you, if you admit readily
  to your mistakes? Why?
• Because theyll more easily identify with you?
• If you come across perfect, more people will
  merely begrudge you, not like you.

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Antidotes

• Distract yourself from your obsessive-compulsive
  need to be perfect by directing all your thoughts
  toward the enjoyment of whatever you are doing
• Desensitize yourself to the failures of
  imperfection. Talk over, laugh at, be open about
  your failures and imperfections

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We Must Stretch by Stepping Out of Our Comfort
Zones
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Fear Gets in the Way

• Fear of Failure
• Fear of Pain and Suffering
• Fear of Rejection

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Comfort Zones

• Comfort zones are
• behaviors,
• emotions,
• thoughts,
• actions,
• and so on that we feel comfortable with

Expressing love
emotions
relationships
hobbies
Giving affirmation
clothes/style
actions
activities
Risks
Personal authenticity
behaviors
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Stretching

• The deliberate stepping out of ones comfort
  zone.
• Two qualifications
• Must be right
• Must be reasonable

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Ways To Stretch
Thinking ? Acting
Acting ? Thinking

• Thinking your way into a new way of acting
• Acting your way into a new way of thinking

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Benefits of Stretching
Growth
Expanded Comfort Zone
Awareness of personal potential resulting in
higher self-esteem
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Areas For Stretching

• Expression of Emotions
• Giving a Speech
• Telling Others How Grateful We Are
• Disagreeing With a Teacher
• Speaking Up in Class Even When Silence Would Be
  Better
• Introducing Yourself to A Stranger
• Writing a Letter of Praise Or Protest to a
  Politician
• Personal Authenticity
• Relationships

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Small Stretches which would be most profitable
for you to do at this time

• Taking a nap
• Making a list of things to do, and sticking to it
• Doing a favor for someone anonymously
• Trying something you might fail at

• Writing a poem or song
• Offering a genuine compliment or affirmation
• Saying no to a request without giving into guilt
  feelings

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Big Stretches

• An emotion Ive never shared.
• A risk Ive never taken.
• An achievement Ive never taken.
• A rejection Ive never chanced.
• A need Ive never admitted to anyone.

• An apology Ive never offered.
• A secret Ive never shared.
• A hurt Ive never revealed.
• A love Ive never expressed.

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Prescription for Procrastinators

• Attitude is wrong youll never feel like doing
  what you dont enjoy.
• Therefore, follow this formula
• Action leads to the proper mood and enthusiasm.
• What we will discover is that our very activity
  will generate enthusiasm in us and increase our
  motivation.