John Lees Styles of Loving

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John Lees Styles of Loving
Lee argues that there are a number of different
types (or styles) of love that can be
distinguished by the cluster of symptoms attached
to each type.
Primary Styles of Loving 1. Eros 2.
Ludus 3. Storge
Secondary Styles of Loving 1. Mania (eros
and ludus) 2. Pragma (storge and ludus) 3.
Agape (eros and storge)
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Eros Passionate Love

• This is where the term erotica come from
• Characteristic of this style is the experience of
  an immediate physical attraction (i.e., love at
  first sight)
• Individuals may have an attraction to a certain
  ideal physical type and eros love occurs when
  such a type is encountered
• This tends to be exclusive but not possessive

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Ludus Game-Playing Love

• This style is playful, casual, and carefree
• It is an attraction to the game of love rather
  than love itself
• It can involve more than one partner at a time
• The degree of commitment may be intentionally
  kept vague (i.e., playing hard to get)
• There is no jealousy or possessiveness

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Storge Friendship Love

• Affectionate love that develops between siblings
  and friends
• It is a friendship that slowly develops into love
  over time
• It is a long lasting form of love
• It is a kind of love that focuses on
  companionship
• It is peaceful and steady

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Mania Possessive Love

• It is an overpowering sense of love that combine
  the symptoms of eros and ludus styles of love
• It can cause distraction, anxiety, and loss of
  sleep
• There may be an obsessive preoccupation with the
  partner
• It is intensely jealous, possessive, and in
  constant need of reassurance

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Pragma Pragmatic Love

• This is a practical approach to love that
  combines ludus and storge styles of love
• Compatibility in an essential concern with this
  type of love
• The focus on qualities that reflect similar
  interests, values, and concerns
• This particular style is utilized by computer
  dating services today

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Agape Altruistic Love

• This is a combination of eros and storge styles
  of love
• It reflects a selfless giving without the
  expectation of anything in return
• It is a kind and gentle form of love
• Patience is a characteristic and generally absent
  from other styles
• It is love for the sake of love

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John Lee in Triangular Form
Eros
Mania
Agape
Ludus
Storge
Pragma
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Robert Sternberg Love as a Triangle

• Sternberg conceives of different kinds of love
  being a combination of three basic components of
  intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment.
• The nature or type of love is determined by the
  presence or absence of these components and/or
  various combinations

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Liking Intimacy Alone

• Liking is the experience of intimacy without
  passion or commitment.
• Friendship may be a example of this form of love

Intimacy
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Empty Love Commitment Alone

• The experience of commitment with out passion or
  intimacy
• A stagnant marriage may be an example of this

Commitment
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Companionate Love Intimacy Commitment

• The experience of intimacy and commitment without
  passion
• A long-term happy marriage may be an example of
  this

Intimacy
Companionate Love
Commitment
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Infatuation Passion Alone

• The experience of passion without intimacy or
  commitment
• Puppy Love may be an example of this

Passion
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Fatuous Love Passion Commitment

• The experience of passion and commitment without
  intimacy
• Love at first sight may be an example of this

Passion
Commitment
Fatuous Love
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Romantic Love Intimacy Passion

• The experience of passion and intimacy without
  commitment
• An extramarital affair may be an example of this

Intimacy
Romantic Love
Passion
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Consummate Love Intimacy Commitment Passion

• The experience of intimacy, commitment, and
  passion all at the same time.
• An example of this is

Intimacy
Consummate Love
Commitment
Passion
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Abraham Maslows
Hierarchy of Needs
Physiological Needs
These needs include those things necessary to
basic survival. They include such things as food
and water, rest and an appropriate climate, the
avoidance of pain, etc.
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Abraham Maslows
Hierarchy of Needs
Safety and Security Needs
Physiological Needs
These needs include such things as finding safe
circumstances, shelter, satiability, and
protection. They may also include a need for
structure and order.
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Abraham Maslows
Hierarchy of Needs
Love and Belonging Needs
Safety and Security Needs
Physiological Needs
These include the need for friends, affectionate
relationships, children, and a sense of community.
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Abraham Maslows
Hierarchy of Needs
Self-Esteem Needs
Love and Belonging Needs
Safety and Security Needs
Physiological Needs
There are two levels of this need The lower
level involves the need for attention, the
respect of others, status, recognition, etc. The
upper level includes self-respect, confidence, a
sense of independence and freedom.
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Abraham Maslows
Hierarchy of Needs
Self-Esteem Needs
Love and Belonging Needs
Safety and Security Needs
Physiological Needs
These first four levels represent
Deficiency-needs or D-needs. An individual
develops Deficiency-love or D-love for a person
who meets their D-needs. Because of this
self-centered aspect, D-love can be fragmented.
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Abraham Maslows
Hierarchy of Needs
Intellectual
Self-Esteem Needs
Love and Belonging Needs
Safety and Security Needs
Physiological Needs
This is the internally directed need for
intellectual development. It is not focused on a
deficiency but rather a sense of enhancing the
nature of ones being.
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Abraham Maslows
Hierarchy of Needs
Aesthetic
Intellectual
Self-Esteem Needs
Love and Belonging Needs
Safety and Security Needs
Physiological Needs
This is the internally directed desire to
acquired an appreciation for the beauty or
aesthetic nature of things. Again, it is not a
deficiency but rather an enhancement of ones
being.
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Abraham Maslows
Hierarchy of Needs
Self-actualization
Aesthetic
Intellectual
Self-Esteem Needs
Love and Belonging Needs
Safety and Security Needs
Physiological Needs
The level is seldom reached but it is the result
of the inner-directed drive of humans to grow,
improve, and use their potential to the fullest.
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Abraham Maslows
Hierarchy of Needs
Self-actualization
Aesthetic
Intellectual
Self-Esteem Needs
Love and Belonging Needs
Safety and Security Needs
Physiological Needs
The final three levels of need are referred to as
Being-needs or B-needs. An individual develops
Being-love or B-love for a person who meets their
B-needs. B-love cannot be fragmented because it
is attached to the uniqueness of the other
individual. There is no sense of insecurity or
competition.
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Abraham Maslows
Hierarchy of Needs

• Varying degrees of dominance of D-love and B-love
  affect the functionality of a relationship
• Two individuals with D-needs could develop a very
  unstable relationship if the various needs are
  not met by other partner
• A B-need can partner with a D-need individual and
  function well as a couple
• Two B-need partners is the ultimate combination