Helping Students

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Helping Students

• Euro ICM 2007

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Introduction

• Romans 1215
• 1 Thessalonians 514
• Galatians 61-2

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Discipleship or Counseling?

• Counseling is issue focusedaddressing a problem.
• Important you cant take the place of trained
  mental health professionals.
• However, neither can a mental health professional
  take your place.

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Primary resources

• How to Help a Friend, Paul Weller
• The Skilled Helper, Gerard Egan

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The effective helper

• "How well do I cope with my own problems?"
• "Can't help at a level higher than we live."
  Paul Welter

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Characteristics of the Helper

• An Accurate Empathy.
• A Nonpossessive Warmth
• An Inherent Genuineness.

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Ineffective Helpers

• The Curious Helper.
• The Lonely Helper.
• The Bossy Helper.
• The Rescue Helper.

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Confidentiality

• Covenants of communication not vows of silence.
• Avoid "clandestine relationships."

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Counseling and the Holy Spirit

• Pray for and rely on the gifts of the HS.
• You dont need to tell everything you know or
  suspect

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Levels of Urgency

• Problem A problem has a solution.
• Predicament A predicament does not have an easy
  solution.
• Crisis A crisis is a large, shortterm
  predicament.

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Helping a Person in Crisis

• Take time to be with your friend.
• Expect that you will be able to help in some way.
• Count on your presence to make a difference.
• Learn to be comfortable with silence.

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Helping a Person in Crisis

• Bring your friend into the present.
• Establish eye contact.
• Walk along side your friend emotionally.
• Accept your friend's point of view.
• Use the Bible in a helpful way.

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Levels of Urgency

• Problem A problem has a solution.
• Predicament A predicament does not have an easy
  solution.
• Crisis A crisis is a large, shortterm
  predicament.
• PanicA state of fear in which the person sees
  only one way out.

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Helping a Person in Panic

• The mind is caught in a fantasized, dreadful
  future event.
• Behaviour often appears irrational.
• A panicked person RUNS.
• Need to focus on the present relationship between
  the friend and the helper
• Being "with" the friend is more important than
  trying to help.
• Decide if professional helpers are needed.

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Levels of Urgency

• Problem A problem has a solution.
• Predicament A predicament does not have an easy
  solution.
• Crisis A crisis is a large, shortterm
  predicament.
• PanicA state of fear in which the person sees
  only one way out.
• Shock-- A state of disorientation

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Helping a Person in Shock

• A numbed or dazed condition.
• Signs of shock
• No recognition reflex.
• No dialogue happening.
• Inability to recall the immediate past.
• Emotions are shut down.
• Confusion is apparent.

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Helping a Person in Shock

• Be confident talk in a quiet, firm voice.
• Don't be alarmed if the friend suddenly becomes
  very agitated.
• Get assistance when needed.
• Stay with your friend until he is back to normal
  or until professional help has arrived.

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A ProblemSolving Approach.

• Primarily addresses the predicament level of
  helping.
• The goal is to guide them through a process that
  they can apply for themselves in the future.
• It is important to try not to solve the
  predicament for the person
• Three States Exploration, Setting Goals,
  Facilitating Action

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First Stage Exploration.

• Determine the presenting problem.
• Pay attention to the relationships in the story.
• Practice good listening skills.
• SOLER

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First Stage Exploration

• Attend to Nonverbal behavior.
• Practice Accurate Empathy.
• Use appropriate probes (Questions that aid
  selfdiscovery).

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Characteristics of helpful probes

• They encourage further clarification and
  definition.
• They help the person define problems more
  clearly.
• They help the person to think in more concrete
  terms.
• They help the person to get in touch with their
  feelings.

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Accurate empathy.

• Identifying themes in the conversation.
• Connecting islands..
• Helping the person to draw conclusions from
  premises.
• From less to more.
• Offering alternative frames of reference.
• Helper selfsharing.

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Second Stage Setting Goals.

• Help your friend set goals
• Must be their goals designed to achieve their
  purposes

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Good Goals

• Must be able to state them as accomplishments.
• Must be clear and specific concrete versus
  abstract.
• Must be measurable or verifiable.
• Must be realistic.
• Must deal appropriately with environmental
  obstacles.

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Good Goals

• Must be under the person's control.
• Must not be too costly.
• Must not be too high or too low.
• Must be "owned by the person."
• Must be in harmony with the person's values.
• Must be with in a reasonable time frame.

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Third Stage Facilitating Action.

• Each goal must have a program.
• Brainstorm for programs.
• Try a balance sheet method.
• Help person to order the steps of the program.
• Steps cannot be too small but can easily be too
  large.
• Provide support and challenge.

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Special Issues Stress and Depression.

• Three stages of stress
• Alarmwhole system in "general quarters."
• Resistancewhole system mobilizes to resist.
• Exhaustionwhole system's resources expended.

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Causes of Depression.

• Lack of attention to the body's needs.
• Disruptions of body chemistry.
• Loss/grief.
• Anger that is not dealt with appropriately.
• Stress that is not dealt with appropriately.

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Symptoms of Depression.

• Loss of motivationapathy.
• Withdrawal from people.
• Future looks black.
• Low energy.
• Workaholic.
• Food disordersbinge eating or no appetite.

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Symptoms of Depression.

• Sleep disordersinsomnia or sleeping too much or
  at inappropriate times.
• Compulsive behavior.
• Changes in physical/spiritual activity.
• Loss of perspective.
• Inability to concentrate.

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Symptoms of Depression.

• Feelings of
• worthlessness
• hopelessness
• helplessness
• disapproval by God

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Helping the depressed.

• Refer to a physician or mental health
  professional.
• Encourage person to express and ventilate
  angerwithin reason.
• Help the person to see alternatives.
• Encourage the person to take action on his or her
  own behalf.
• Encourage the person to break down isolation.
• Address the person's spiritual needs and
  concerns.
• Be consistent and faithful for the person.
• Take suicidal clues seriously.

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Special Issues Suicide Prevention.

• Majority of suicides give a very clear threat.
• University students are in the highest likelihood
  bracket.
• Never be afraid to ask the person specifically
  and directly about suicide.
• A person who is suicidal in one situation may not
  be in another.

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Clues of the suicidal person.

• Any selfdestructive behavior.
• Making out a will.
• Cleaning out a closet.
• Giving away prized possessions.
• A sudden brightening after an extended period of
  depression.
• Getting "right with God.

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Clues of the suicidal person.

• Melodramatic behavior.
• Accident proneness.
• Withdrawal.
• Oversleeping.
• Flat or inappropriate affect.
• Extreme ambivalence.
• Delusions or hallucinations.

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Questions to assess suicidal risk.

• "On a scale of 110, 10 being the most depressed
  you've ever been, where are you now?"
• "Have you had thoughts of taking your own life?"
• "How often do you think about it?"
• "Why don't you do it?"

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Special Issues Crisis Intervention.

• The ABC method.
• Achieving Contact...with the person in crisis.
• Boiling Down...the problem to its essentials.
• Cope...actively with the problem.

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Special Issues Use of the Bible in Counseling.

• A lifetime of inductive Bible Study.
• Choose passages that have touched you personally
  in some way.
• Use the Bible to bring enlightenment and
  understanding to the problem not guilt and
  condemnation.

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Special Issues Referrals.

• When the person's problem will not respond to
  simple Problem Solving method.
• When you suspect a person's problem is medical.
• When a person's counseling needs are causing you
  to neglect essential area's of ministry on an
  ongoing basis.

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Special Issues Referrals.

• When you begin to feel that this person's needs
  obviously surpass your time or training.
• When you know a person can be helped more
  effectively by someone else.
• When you are just not sure of what the person's
  problem is.
• When the person is suicidal or severely depressed.

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How to refer.

• Create the expectation.
• Start where the person is
• Help the person resolve his or her emotional
  resistance ...
• Help the person to understand the kind of help
  they can expect to receive ...

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How to refer.

• As a rule, let the person make their own
  appointment.
• Encourage the person to really give the new
  helper a chance ...
• Let the person know that your pastoral care and
  concern will continue after the referral.