Planning for and Executing Difficult Conversations

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Planning for and Executing Difficult
Conversations

• Professor Sarah R. Cole
• Moritz College of Law
• Feburary 2009

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Options for first conversation with senior
administrator?

• Send written comments
• Have a conversation
• Do nothing

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Difficult conversation as planned negotiation

• Negotiation approach to conversations
• Focus on underlying interests/concerns
• Yours and his
• Jointly explore options that might meet both of
  your concerns
• Invent before deciding (brainstorming)
• Determine best and worst alternatives for each
  side if no resolution
• BATNA
• WATNA
• Look for general principles/objective criteria to
  justify particular solutions

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Preparation for Conversation

• What are the underlying interests/concerns?
• Yours?
• His
• Possible options that meet both concerns?
• BATNAs?
• Objective criteria?

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Useful techniques for conversation

• Clarify your own purpose and intent
• Knowing own intent is critical for learning
  conversation
• Each conversation has three components
• What happened (who said or did what)
• How person feels (are feelings hurt? What are my
  feelings? Are they valid?)
• Identify conversation (what does this situation
  mean to me?)
• Learning conversation
• Understanding what happened from others point of
  view
• Explain own point of view
• Share and understand feelings
• Work together to find a way to manage problem
  going forward

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The transparent conversation

• Agree about purpose of conversation
• Design a process for the conversation
• Stay focused on jointly designed process
• Agree to monitor process and discuss again Use
  empathy as well as assertiveness
• Try to avoid blaming
• Dont be afraid to talk about feelings
• Try not to challenge others self-esteem