The LOVE LAB

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The LOVE LAB

• Creating Healthy Lives, Marriages Families

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Is Your Marriage primed for Romance?
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Summary

• The goal for this series is to develop an
  Emotionally Intelligent Marriage.
• The simple truth is that happy marriages are
  based upon a deep friendship.
• Both happy and unhappy couples deal with the same
  problems.
• A lasting marriage results from a couples
  ability to manage inevitable conflicts.

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What Makes Marriages Work?

• Overcome Gridlock
• Solve Your Solvable Problems
• Accept Influence
• Turn Toward Your Spouse
• Enhance Your Love Maps
• Nurture Your Fondness Admiration
• Create Shared Meaning

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PRINCIPLE 3

• Turn Toward Each Other
• Instead of Away

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Emotional Bank Accounts
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BID

• The Fundamental Unit of Emotional Communication

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What Do Bids Look Like?

• Verbal
• Questions
• Statements
• Comments
• Opinions
• Laughing
• Grunting
• Sighing
• Groaning

• Non-verbal
• Affectionate touching
• Facial expressions
• Playful touching
• Tickling
• Wrestling
• Dancing
• Gentle bumping
• Gestures

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Turning Points The Choices We Make in Responding
to Bids

• Turning Toward
• Turning Against
• Turning Away

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What if Your Spouse Doesnt Turn Toward You?

• A Dangerous Condition

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Six Bid Busters

• Being Mindless rather than Mindful
• Starting on a Sour Note
• Using Criticism rather than Complaints
• Flooding
• Practicing a Crabby Habit of Mind
• Avoiding the Conversations You Need to Have

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The Stress-Reducing Conversation

• Take turns.
• Dont give unsolicited advice.
• Show genuine interest.
• Communicate your understanding.
• Take your spouses side.
• Express a we against others attitude.
• Express affection.
• Validate emotions.