Teen Dating Violence

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Teen Dating Violence

• Mesa Police Department
• Family Violence Unit

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How serious is this problem?
Place local news casts regarding DV here or crime
scene photos
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• What is teen dating violence?It is what happens
  in a teen dating relationship when one person
  uses physical , emotional or sexual abuse to gain
  power and keep control over the other person. 

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Love shouldnt hurt!

• Dating Violence is not an argument once in a
  while. It is a continual pattern of abusive
  and or violent behavior.
• 1 in 3 teens will be in a dating/abusive
  relationship.

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Statistics

• A female is battered every nine
  seconds.California Alliance Against Domestic
  Violence, 1994
• It is estimated that one third of all high school
  and college students will have been in an abusive
  relationship by the time they graduate.Levy,
  1992
• Relationship violence is the number one cause of
  injury to women ages 15-44 more than rapes,
  muggings and car accidents combined.Center For
  Community Solutions, 1997
• Violence happens in same-sex relationships too.
  When it does, gay and lesbian teenagers often
  dont know where to turn for help. If they are
  not comfortable telling people that theyre gay,
  that makes the situation even harder. (AzCADV)
• Girls are not the only ones who are abused
  physically or emotionally in relationships. Boys
  also experience abuse, especially psychological
  abuse. Boys rarely are hurt physically in
  relationships, but when it happens its often
  severe. Boys can also be pressured or forced into
  unwanted sex, by girls or other boys.(AzCADV)
• 95 of abusers are male.

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Stats continued

• 30 of all teens report worrying about their
  personal physical safety in a relationship.
• 29 have been pressured to have sex or engage in
  sex when they do not want to.
• 20 report that they have been hit , slapped, or
  pushed by a partner.

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How do you know if you are being abused?

• Take the relationship quiz?

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Are you going out with someone that..

• is jealous and possessive, won't let you have
  friends, checks up on you, won't accept breaking
  up?
• tries to control you by being bossy, giving
  orders, making all the decisions, not taking your
  opinions seriously?
• puts you down in front of friends, tells you that
  you would be nothing without him?
• scares you?
• makes you worry about his reactions to things you
  say or do?
• threatens you?
• uses weapons to threaten and intimidate you?
• is violent?
• has a history of fighting, loses temper quickly,
  brags about mistreating others?
• grabs, pushes, shoves, or hits you?
• pressures you for sex or is forceful or scary
  about sex?
• gets too serious about the relationship too fast?
  
• abuses alcohol or other drugs and pressures you
  to take them?
• has a history of failed relationships, and blames
  the other person for all the problems?
• makes your family and friends uneasy and
  concerned for your safety?
• makes you feel like you need to apologize to
  yourself or others for your boyfriend's behavior
  when he treats you badly?
• These are all considered RED FLAGS

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What do you experience being in an abusive
relationship?

• Fear
• Isolation
• Low self esteem
• Denial
• Blame
• Depressed
• The isolation of abusive relationships provides
  an ideal climate for the progression of
  addictions.
• i.e. Drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, cutting.

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Cassies Story
Barbara Dehl is a 47-year-old mother of 4
daughters who lives in Nampa, Idaho. On December
4, 1999, after nearly a 3 year battle with local
authorities in Soda Springs, Idaho, her 17 year
old daughter, Cassandra Cassie Marie Dehl, a
high school senior, was killed by her abusive
older boyfriend. After several years of beatings
and attempted strangulation at the hands of her
boyfriend, Cassie died. Her boyfriends truck
plunged 400 feet from a forest service road into
an old abandoned mining pit. Cassies abusive
boyfriend was not in the truck as it crashed down
the embankment, but Cassie was. This accident was
not reported for more than 15 hours and the fact
that Cassie was in the wreckage and left at the
scene was not reported for nearly 18 hours. When
investigators finally arrived at the scene,
Dehls beautiful 17-year-old daughter, who wanted
to be a first grade teacher, was dead, her body
frozen solid. Cassie suffered years of abuse at
the hands of her boyfriend and it was learned
after her death that her boyfriend strangled
Cassie days before she died.

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Vicki and Jenny Crompton

• Jenny Crompton was 15 years old when her High
  School boyfriend stabbed her 66 times.
• Police say he was waiting in her house when she
  got home from school, angry that Jenny had
  recently broken off their volatile year-long
  relationship.

• Jennys mom ,Vicki, wrote a book titled, Saving
  Beauty from the Beast that teaches parents how
  to protect their children from unhealthy
  relationships.

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PSAs
Get Public service announcements from
Seeitandstopit.org. Place them into your power
point.
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Activity(Role play)Wheel of Misfortune

• Power and Control wheel is a tool used to educate
  victims on the tactics that abusers use to gain
  power and control over a person.
• Rules
• You will be assigned a Player (1 or 2)
• Spin the power and control wheel.
• Two players will act out the tactic the arrow
  lands on. The scenario will be given to you.
  Player 1 will be the abuser and Player 2 will be
  the victim.
• Act out the scenario.
• Audience will determine how Player 1 is gaining
  power and control over player 2

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Dating Bill of Rights

• I have the right
• To ask for date.
• To refuse a date.
• To be treated with respect always.
• To choose and keep my friends.
• To tell my partner when I need affection.
• To refuse affection.
• To change my mind - at any time.
• To leave a relationship.
• To be treated as an equal.
• To refuse sex at any time for any reason.

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As a boyfriend or girlfriend

• I have the responsibility
• To determine my limits and values.
• To communicate clearly and honestly.
• To ask for help when I need it.
• To not humiliate or demean my boyfriend or
  girlfriend.
• To refuse to abuse - physically, emotionally or
  sexually.
• To take care of myself.
• To respect myself and my boyfriend or
  girlfriend.
• To allow my boyfriend or girlfriend to maintain
  their individuality.
• To be honest with each other.

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The truth about abuse

• It is a learned behavior. People are not born to
  abuse others. Sometimes abusers grow up in
  violent homes and continue the cycle in their own
  personal relationships.
• Drugs/Alcohol DO NOT cause someone to be violent.
  These chemicals just aggravate the situation.
• Dating Violence is not anger out of control.
• Domestic Violence/ Dating Violence is using anger
  to gain power and control over someone.
• Most of the time abusers will never get better
  because it is a learned behavior and cannot be
  unlearned. Sort of like learning to ride a bike
  You can never forget how to do that.
• The best remedy for Domestic Violence besides
  education is to hold abusers accountable for
  their actions. Let them know that it is wrong and
  you wont stand for it.

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Where do we learn these abusive behaviors?

• Violence in the home
• Children raised in violent homes are
• 6 times as likely to commit suicide
• 26 times as likely to commit sexual assault
• 57 times as likely to abuse drugs
• 74 times as likely to commit other crimes against
  persons

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Patriarchal Society and Historical View of Women

• Whenever women and children are seen as
  belonging to a man, violence has been used as a
  tool of legitimate control.

• In 584, 43 catholic bishops and 20 other men
  representing bishops took a vote to declare if
  women were human. The result was 32 yea and 31
  nay.
• Thomas Edison said, Direct thought is not an
  attribute of femininity. In this, women are now
  centuries behind man.
• Former U.S. President Grover Cleveland said,
  Sensible and responsible women do not want to
  vote.
• In June of 1997, Justice Donald Roberts of
  Franklin County, NY said, every woman needs a
  good pounding now and then.

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Socialization

• Act Like a Man
• Act Like a Woman
• What stereotypes are you taught early on?
• How are woman and men supposed to act?
• What happens if you think outside the perceived
  stereotypes? Labels?
• Class discussion

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Media

• Images you see in magazines and television that
  promote violence against women.
• Popular Music and videos glorify violence against
  women and portray sexist attitudes towards women.
  

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Bullying

•       Perpetrators of domestic violence were
  often identified as bullies in school.1
• Bullying is defined as something that someone
  repeatedly does or says to dominate or gain power
  over another person.

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Video 3In the Mix, Twisted Love
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Activity 2What would you say?

• Rules-
• Break up into groups.
• Each group will receive a letter from a concerned
  teen about an abusive relationship. As a group
  read the letter and respond to the letter with
  advice.
• Be honest in your responses.
• Assign a spokesperson to read the response.
• Discuss as a class your responses.
• Think of different approaches. Be creative.

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Tough Guise Part 2
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If I am being abused, What do I do?

• Teen safety plan
• If you believe you are at risk
• Try not to be alone with them.
• If youre going out arrange another way of
  getting home rather than going with them.
• Dont drink or use drugs.
• Always have extra money in case you have to call
  a taxi or make a phone call.
• Make up a code word for family, friends,
  teachers so they know when to call for help.
• Ask parents or family members to screen calls and
  visitors.
• Take different routes or change the time that you
  leave if you think you will be followed.
• If you want to break up, do it over the phone
  rather than in person.
• Try talking to your parents, school personnel,
  counselorsthey can take the steps to protect
  you.
• Take all threats of harm seriously and notify an
  adult because your safety may be at risk.

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Resources for teens

• SafeYouth.org
• http//www.uhavetheright.net/
• National Domestic Violence Hotline
• 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
• Your School Resource Officer or counselor can
  help.

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-Activity 3

• EVERYONE STAND UP AND PLACE YOURSELF IN ONE OF
  THREE ANSWERS to the following statements.
  Discussion.
• Agree
• Disagree
• Unsure
• Women should be treated like Queens.
• It is okay to hit a women as long as it is out of
  love and compassion.
• A healthy relationship Equality
• Most relationships that are only verbally abusive
  almost never turn violent.
• Being an abuser is a choicebeing a victim is
  also a choice.
• There is no exuse for abusing another person.
• People who are more educated or have more
  resources are not as susceptible to abuse.
• Boys that are abused by girls are sissies.

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Dating Quiz

• Mesa receives approximately 300 cases of Domestic
  Violence each month.
• The national average of DV cases that do get
  reported is 20
• Abusive relationship are usually happy at first .
• Most abuse does not escalate as time goes on.
• Relationship abuse is all about one person being
  angry or on drugs or alcohol.
• Victims in abusive relationships usually stay
  because they like it.
• Abusive behavior is a learned behavior.
• If there is abuse in the home, the young boys
  will automatically grow up to be abusers.
• Abusers in relationships are generally 55 boys
  and 45 girls
• If a man goes through anger management class or
  counseling, he will not try to gain power and
  control again.
• The most dangerous time for a victim is when
  she does leave the relationship.

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Continue dating quiz

• Just because a boy bullies other boys does not
  mean he is likely to bully other girls.
• Men and Women should be treated as equals.

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Reports

• Law Enforcement agencies talk about DV casesread
  the reports.
• More crimes scene photos.

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Evaluations

• Did we make the grade?

B
A
C