Practical Ways to Learn and Master English Language

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Practical Ways to Learn andMaster English
Language

• By Ali Mansoor

This presentation / Lecture has an alternate
and Better title too ?
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How to waste your timeand Annoy foreign teachers
byasking the same questionover and over again
on daily and weekly basis.
A 3 hours Presentation / Lecture on
Teacher, Can you tell me some good ways to
improve my English?
And when you are done saying that? I just go like
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• Unlike traditional teachers, this presentation /
  Lecture might have some slang and offensive
  slang.
• Do you mind? Of course not, because slang is
  English language too and we must learn English
  well ?

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Contents that are gonna get your sweet attention

• I will open your tiny eyes and pull you out of
  your sweet childish dream to bring you to reality
  of this world
• I will scold you for 3 hours. You better have
  cotton or earplugs if you are allergic to
  lectures and call it nothing but Bull Sht
• I will sound like a racist and shockingly
  prejudiced to Chinese Nation. Truth is totally
  against it. I love China and Chinese nation.
  Specially Girls ?
• I will share my own great English learning
  experience
• Then I will repeat the same crap again because
  you just love it, dont you?
• So sit tight, clean your dirty and clogged ears,
  keep your eyes open, listen, take notes and note
  down your silly questions that you are gonna
  throw at me at the end of lecture.

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Introduction, Why English?
Answer is Are you satisfied? If not then
listen ?
We must learn and master English because The
most important thing is that we need to pass the
exams and survive the anger of our baba and mama,
also we need to get constant supply of money from
our father and mother.
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• Who knows one day you meet some English speaking
  aliens from outer space who would destroy the
  world just because you couldnt communicate well
  and annoyed them by saying, my English is poor,
  can you tell me some ways to improve it?
• We can get all the hottest chicks and studs of
  the campus and get laid often ? Oops, did I just
  say that?
• We can get married and produce lots of babies
  with bigger and lovely eyes
• Well we can travel around the world without any
  troubles and get laid in each and every country.
  Damn! Did I just say that again?
• We can communicate effectively with foreigners
  and learn more foreign culture. A better
  understanding and effective communication will
  bring benefits to China.
• We can get better jobs and higher salaries.
• Remember! English is 2nd most spoken languages in
  the world
• We can have better lives

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Traditional and common ways of learning English
that are boring, and total piece of crap
Have you seen donkeys that walk on 2 legs? If
not, look at our young generation and college
students going to schools and colleges. They are
hardworking donkeys on 2 legs cuz they have to
carry huge load of books, study day and night and
even sacrifice their precious weekends to attend
additional classes with long faces and heavy
eyelids in order to learn English and chase their
parents dreams.
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Studying in traditional classroom setup where
teacher is trying his/her best to transfer
knowledge from books to you without touching the
minds of either parties. Reading and memorizing
words without any targets just to pass some
crappy TEM exams. Wasting time and energy to
pass some exams that are total worthless in real
life. Simply speaking, Books, classes and exams
are not going to teach you English. Interesting
thing is English Listening class. Students put on
headphones, teacher plays recording, students
tick answers, teachers open their mouth and Blah
blah blah, students look out of the window and to
their watches praying that class will end or
thinking how to kill this teacher in order to get
rid of this class for good.
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Whats wrong with traditional ways

• Well if I talk about traditional ways to learn
  English the list will go on and on
• According to Students
• Traditional ways of learning English are geared
  towards wasting time, passing exams and getting a
  degree asap.
• There is nothing interesting and nothing
  practical to students
• There is nothing practical that can help in our
  real lives after university graduation.
• According to my ideas
• Traditional in class English learning uses non
  interesting, and obsolete ways of studying that
  are boring, and not very effective.
• These traditional ways do not utilize the new
  methods and do not help students to bring out and
  use their own creativity.
• They provide less practical experiences, little
  learning and heavier load of reading more books.
  And Blah Blah Blah
• Lets move on to better time wasting redundancies
  ?

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Some Misunderstandings and stereotypes in our
minds

• We can learn English and start speaking in few
  days
• English is impossible to learn and master.
• We need a very special way to improve English
• We need foreigners and foreign teachers to learn
  and improve our English
• We have got some shortcuts to do a quickie
  learning just like you do a quickie with your hot
  chick in a dark corner at night. Did I just say
  that?
• We need to spend lots of money to learn English
• We need very expensive and pro stuff to learn
  English
• We need an environment and that is not here. So
  its not my fault that my English is poor.
• Go to hell, I hate English, its just my parents
  who push me to learn
• There is no use of English in real life, so lets
  just pass the exam no matter if we have to pay or
  do anything to keep teacher happy. I like the
  second one D personally D

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The biggest mistake that you happily make and
never feel sorry for it

• If someone tells you the right way to improve
  your English, you simply say thanks and later
  ignore it.
• you know the best ways to improve your English
  but you just dont wanna do it. Because you are
  lazy or you have some very self satisfying lame
  excuses. Fortunately those excuses always work
  for you ?
• You never realize that learning English is all
  self consciousness, self practice and self
  awareness.
• You completely ignore the real effects of
  consistent practice.
• You never set target, model and you never follow.
• You make plans and set goals but your plans and
  goals together with your great ambition to learn
  English will be gone with the wind in few days.
  Why? Are you asking me to answer this why? Dont
  get me started.
• You know what a colleague of mine said one day?
  We are never going to lose our bread in China ?
  wanna Explanation?

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I just dont understand why do you have to pay
for something that is totally free of cost? Are
you really an airhead? Or youve really got so
much money?

• I sometimes feel like laughing when I see people
  spending 1000s of RMB for learning English and
  getting their kids to learn English.
• Why? because English is something that you can
  learn freely or with very little payment only.
• Spoken English is of course totally free ?

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Setting targets to learn English

• Ask yourself why do you want to improve your
  English? Where and for what do you want to use it
  for? How often do you have to use English and
  what skills you should focus more to develop?
  Reading, writing, speaking, listening or nothing
  at all?
• For pronunciation Set your target, American
  English or British English
• Set long term goals, medium term and short term
  goals for practice and study

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All sorta Goals

• Short term goals What you should be able to do
  by the end of the day?
• Medium term goals What you should be able to do
  and master by the end of the term or month?
• Long term goals What skills you should have
  acquired by the time you graduate.

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For spoken there is nothing but practice, set
practice sessions accordingly. Again set targets
and goals. Long, medium, short term
goals Practice with friends. If you cant find
friends, speak to yourself, speak in mirror, have
an imaginary friend and talk to your imaginary
friend. Dont care if people think you are mad
or your father wanna take you to psychiatrist.
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• Live with English. Set English as your
  environment. You live with, eat, sleep, get up,
  look, talk and stay with English.
• Change your environment. Change your computer
  into English. Throw your Chinese books away,
  specially break your Chinese Dictionaries,
  English to Chinese Dictionaries now. Do it right
  now.
• Throw your Chinese music, movies, tapes out of
  the window.

English is my home, I live with it
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• Everything around you should be in English.
  Change your cell phone language to English. Do it
  right now.
• Change your girlfriend and parents too if
  possible
• You need this change and without a true
  dedication you can never be successful
• If you cant do it, then just pass the exam and
  be happy passing your life with a clerical job
  and a fat and smelly woman beside you.

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My Golden Life and my own English learning
experience
Before I move on and freely tell you the ways to
learn English, ways that are worth a million USD
I am gonna give you freely. Truth My Test
scores in TEFL TESOL International exam were Out
of 100 (94 English Grammar, 99 Pronunciation n
intonation, 98 Reading n writing, 99 Teaching
English), and 101 Charms and Handsomeness
LOLROF
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How did I (Me, Ali) learn English? P
1st. My Parents Training ?
I have the greatest father and mother in this
world. Trust me. What I am today is all there
continuous teachings, training, guidance, care
and extreme love. My English skills are just one
tiny effort of my parents.
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My Childhood training (Parents were concerned
bout it specially my mom trained me for English
speaking, father was busy making money. Thats
important too) I used to read English
newspapers, and later talk to my parents in
English about the news of my interest. I use to
tell them in English what I just read. I went to
English medium school starting off when I was 6
years old. All my subjects were in English. I
used to use and mix up more English words in my
own language. I lived and still live with
English. I used and still use everything in
English. I use computer in English, everything
around me is in English. I chat in English, my
phone language is in English. I never send
messages in Chinese or in my language. I even
chat with my parents and sister in English
online. I had no friends in my childhood because
they did not speak English and did not share my
passion towards learning. It was and still is all
my dedication towards this language. Whats
more, outside class, I should be learning and
speaking Chinese. I do learn, but I prefer to
speak English all the times. What could be better
than speaking Chinese with Chinese people around
you mastering it. But I love English.
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My Personal Learning methods
Apart from my parents training and early school I
learnt English With Movies, Songs, Internet
websites and Chatting online in English By doing
my exams always in English (writing) and speaking
in English to my teachers, teachers wont but I
did. (some of my teachers even were annoyed
because my English was better than their English
skill LOL) They called me show off. Was I? By
making some foreign friends and hanging out with
them. Being a free guide to tourists and taking
them around in my car freely. By Speaking
English consistently for 10 years, even spoke to
myself when I was alone and did not find anyone
around. Once was caught by police for doing so
D Kept an electronic English to English
dictionary only (English to English, one
explanation of word led me to learn 6 or 7 new
words in order to understand that word I am
looking up) thus rapidly increased my vocabulary.
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I played and still play Computer games always in
English. If I buy games and later if I find its
in Japanese or Chinese, I will simply break the
CD/DVD into two pieces and throw it away. I
practiced a lot that I nearly forgot my own
language. There was time I had difficulties
speaking my own language. I think in English, and
I even dream in English now. ? if you are at this
stage. You can stop learning English ? Playing
English word games a lot in E dictionary and
Played Scrabble a lot (I have got scrabble here
with me. Let me introduce it to you. The best
way to improve vocabulary in this world is
playing scrabble daily. (Ive got scrabble here
with me, I will give it to you but trust me, I
will sell it to you, its not free, so sorry. I
have to charge you for your ignorance)
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I improved my English but my pronunciation was
still Pakistani LOL that funny pronunciation that
left foreigners LOLROF. Foreigners laughed at me.
I ignored it and kept on practicing. I started
teaching English and finally got a job offer in
China. They gave me 3 months to improve my
pronunciation. I used LTSE intensive practice
for 2 months. For improving pronunciation, I find
nothing better than Learn to Speak English. What
is LTSE? Allow me to introduce it. For slang
and daily life English I watch and follow movies
a lot for pronunciation, intonation, phrases,
expressions, words and slang. Even some Americans
admire my knowledge of Slang ) When I watch
movies, I always follow the dialogue styles, I
practice speaking words and phrases with similar
feelings and tones shown in the movie. And thats
what you never do even if teachers ask you to.
You just wanna WAF Movie D what is WAF?
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Allow me to give you a demonstration of how you
(Students ) behave in a non traditional English
class by an expert and most professional Handsome
charming and intelligent teacher with big lovely
eyes like me D Situation In a non traditional
Spoken English Class. T All right students,
what shall we do today? Ss (screaming) Movie
(there goes your ambition. You just wanna have
fun and waste your own time) T forget it. I
have a very interesting lesson plan for you Ss
Aaaawww, (and all you see are long faces) Now
Teacher can see that and knows he just messed up
his class, no one is gonna take interest in class
any more except that Ss will give him the feeling
that they are forced to do it. Class is now
going to be a boring and time wasting. Nothing
would work except that all of us would just want
to get out of the class asap.
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Example Situation 2 T Morning students. What
shall we do today? Ss Practice spoken English T
very good. (now T lays out the dialogue or class
activity plan) T lets make pairs. Ss doing
nothing but giving a strange look at teacher.
Finally after wasting a lot of time pairs are
made. And activity notes are distributed,
activity has been explained. Ss know what to do.
Whats happening now? All of Ss are speaking in
Chinese in order to prepare for activity or
dialogue. (first biggest mistake that shows total
ignorance and lack of interest in learning
English). Some of them still dont know what they
should do. They just sit and look at others.
Ss. Prepare in what ever way they can have fun
with, without paying attention to practicing in
their own pair, without talking to other pairs
and getting their suggestion, without helping
others, without even asking teacher for help.
Result? Little learning, not much fun, no
creativity, and total piece of crap performance
due to lack of practice and interest. Sometimes
no learning at all. Question is,
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How to fully benefit from a non traditional
activity based classes?
Follow teacher, be active, ambitious and keep a
good mood. Forget everything else. Get activity
and before starting preparations, raise your
hands and talk to teacher. Clarify everything.
Once you understand what to do, get some
suggestions from teacher. Call teacher often
during preparation and ask for suggestions. Talk
to your partner(s) in English only. Get ideas,
give ideas and prepare. Speak English all the
time. Pay attention to language, get help from
peers and teacher. Be creative and unique.
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Talk to other pairs and groups in English and ask
for their suggestions to your performance idea
and preparation. Give your suggestions to other
groups and pairs Before performing ask Teacher
for correction of mistakes if you think there are
any. Try to be the first one to perform and
always be ready to perform again if you think
first attempt wasnt good. Listen to others
performing and take notes on good and bad style,
language and mistakes.
This pictures says it all
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After everyone has performed, share your notes
with teacher. Have a feedback session to discuss
and learn new related vocabulary and language
points. Note down the language points. Go home /
dorm and review language, add new ideas, new
language points and improve your situation
performance. In the next class, dont go for a
new activity. Have the same activity again and
this time performing with learnt language,
vocabulary and improved practice. See the
difference all by yourself. Now do you ever do
that or would you ever do that?
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4 P(s) of Learning English
Well what was said before, that was all about
me Now what about college students? How to get
along well with English learning during college
life? I am gonna take speaking in consideration
only, not reading and writing Same rules apply
to reading, writing and listening with minor
changes. Here are 4 Ps. Planning, Practice,
Practice, and Practice
Practice Makes Perfect
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How to memorize new words?
Best time to memorize words is early morning Dry
fruit keeps the memory healthy. Almond, walnuts
and pistachios are best. Use vocabulary cards,
and try to use learnt words when you practice
speaking with friend or in class. Learn selected
vocabulary, dont try everything. Use words in
speech practice that you memorize. Set vocabulary
targets carefully that you can use in practice
later. Use recorders. Record words, definition
and a sample sentence using new word.
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Dont ever use Chinese to write meanings, or
pronunciation. Thats the most pathetic and
worthless attempt to learn new words. Listen to
your recorded words later every evening. Listen
to it before sleeping. Helps catching your
pronunciation mistakes too. Record same words
again with new improved pronunciation Play
Scrabble a lot (buy it from me first LOL)
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Practicing Speaking
Plan speaking activities, attend English
activities, movie clubs, English corners and
English saloons. If there are none, arrange your
own English corners every evening. Go out with
friends and take a walk while speaking English
only. Give yourself challenging and different
topics everyday to talk about. Use more English
words in between Chinese language. Practice is
the key. The more you practice the quicker you
improve
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Record your speaking sessions, and listen to them
later. Ask your teachers to listen to them and
give you suggestions. Do it politely and first
find out if you teacher has time to watch your
master piece LOL. Ask yourself how many hours a
day do you speak Chinese? Speak English in
totally opposite to the result. ? get my point?
If you say its not possible, then stop trying
to learn English. Just pass the exam thats
enough for you.
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Watch and follow Watch movies selectively as per
your target of learning. Watch movies and follow
the dialogues with feelings, style and
pronunciation. Act them out in similar ways
together with your friends. Perform for other Ss
during English activities. Volunteer for
it. Record your own acted voices, feelings,
styles n pronunciation if you have rich baba who
can buy you a Sony HDD Handy Cam with 30GB Hard
Disk. Watch your recorded sessions and correct
your mistakes. Practice same thing over and over
again till you master it. Then move on. In the
beginning it will be frustrating. You cant sound
right, or even close. But remember Persistency
and dedication is the key. Keep up the work and
practice daily. Dont ever give up or you will be
among all those losers that you see around campus
hanging with older and ugly girls ?
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7 days with a movie ?
Day 1, choose a movie, watch with English
subtitles, note down vocabulary n phrases Day 2,
watch the movie again with vocabulary n phrases
already looked up in the English to English
dictionary. Remember so far you should have
broken your English to Chinese dictionaries.
Day 3, watch the movie and select dialogues to
practice Day 4, watch the movie, pause and
follow the dialogues, practice and record
sessions Day 5, listen to your recorded sessions
and correct mistakes Day 6, go out and
regenerate the dialogues with a friend. Follow
style, tones and feelings Day 7, relax and have
a free talk with a friend. Or put on a show in an
English activity.
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Last Words to open your eyes even wider
Make good friends with a foreigner / teacher and
pass more time with them. Of course you have to
earn this time, by doing favors, and working and
helping foreign teacher Remember nothing is
free, you need to invest something to get
something. One more thing that I am sure about
is listening to this lecture is not going to help
you, not a bit. Only you, yourself are going to.
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If you think you can master English the way you
are trying to now, I am sorry to say you will
never and I am ready to bet that you will never
ever learn English and I will always have my job.
Its not that easy as you thought, and its
easier than you even expected. Confusing
statement, but true, cuz you need to break the
Chinese shell that you live in, and build an
English shell around you. And thats something
you never wanna do, never will do. Will you ever?
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And before I say that Im done, one last picture
will encourage you to be successful in life
? Well then I am sure I and other
foreigners are doing their job very well, with
ambitions, with aims, with care and respect to
Chinese nation. Question is are you doing your
job?
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And thats all Folks!Now lets Move on to QnA
session if you have some strength left ?
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The End
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A movie clip to utilize right now

• Well lets watch a movie clip and see if we can
  make good use of it. Using Ice Age.
• Watch and take notes to learn phrases, vocabulary
  and sentences
• Watch and follow tones
• Re-produce with a partner or alone. Take your
  time.
• Dont worry about your body language or acting at
  this point.
• Now how can you use the learnt language in your
  daily life?

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Using LTSEWhat is Learn to speak English 8.0?

• First thing first ? its on sale, Buy it from me
  LOL
• Ask your father to rob a bank and get you a P4
  computer system with Internet, microphone and
  sound system.
• Spend at least 3 Days on each lesson (in your
  free time only)
• Day 1, learn and do exercises (piece of cake,
  click answers on each exercise if you dont wanna
  spend more time)
• Day 2, practice phrases, and vocabulary
  pronunciation over and over again. Record and
  move your pronunciation diagnostic meter to
  green. Only then move to next word.
• Day 3, practice dialogues with a friend,
  regenerate or create new dialogues, record your
  session for later review of mistakes
• Day 4, Consult your teacher or the one who sold
  you LTSE (that will be me) P