Social Styles

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Social Styles

• Raising self awareness and enhancing your
  influence
• Professor Robert Bontempo
• Columbia University Graduate School of Business

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ASSERTIVENESS - is a measure of the degree to
which you see yourself as tending to ask or as
tending to tell as you interact with
others. .
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ASK ASSERTIVE cautious and reserved
about sharing opinions questioning low-key,
quiet
TELL ASSERTIVE opinionated, forceful
makes statements and declarations directs
actions of others
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Assertiveness
ME
ASKS
TELLS

• Ask Assertive
• Slower pace
• Fewer Statements
• Quieter Volume
• Non-Directive/Relaxed Use of Hands
• Leans Back
• Indirect Eye Contact

• Tell Assertive
• Faster Pace
• More statements
• Louder Volume
• Directive Use of Hands/Points for Emphasis
• Leans forward
• Direct Eye Contact

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RESPONSIVENESS - is a measure of the degree to
which you see yourself as tending to control -
i.e. keep your feelings and emotions inside - or,
it is the degree to which you emote - i.e.
outward display your feelings and emotions with
others.
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CONTROL focus on ideas, things, data and tasks
tend not to share feelings publicly
EMOTE readily shares feelings expresses anger,
joy happiness, hurt feelings
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Responsiveness

• More Controlling
• Monotone
• Task Subjects
• Facts/Data
• Less Use of Hands
• Rigid Posture
• Controlled Facial Expressions

CONTROLS

• More Emoting
• Inflections
• People Subjects
• Opinions/Stories
• More Use of Hands
• Casual Posture
• Animated Facial Expressions

ME
EMOTES
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CONTROL focus on ideas, things, data and tasks
tend not to share feelings publicly
ASK ASSERTIVE cautious and reserved
about sharing opinions questioning low-key,
quiet
TELL ASSERTIVE opinionated, forceful
makes statements and declarations directs
actions of others
EMOTE readily shares feelings expresses anger,
joy happiness, hurt feelings
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Verbal and Non-Verbal Cues
1. Monotone 2. Task Subjects 3. Facts/Data 4.
Less Hand Movement 5. Rigid Posture 6. Controlled
Facial Expressions
CONTROLS
1. Slower Pace 2. Fewer Statements 3. Quieter
Volume 4. Non-directive/Relaxed
Use of Hands 5. Leans Back 6. Indirect Eye
Contact
1. Faster Pace 2. More Statements 3. Louder
Volume 4. Directive Use of Hands/Points
for Emphasis 5. Leans Forward 6. Direct Eye
Contact
EMOTES
ASKS
TELLS
1. Inflections 2. People Subjects 3.
Opinions/Stories 4. More Hand Movement 5. Casual
Posture 6. Animated Facial Expressions
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Social Styles
CONTROLS
Analytical
Driving
ASKS
TELLS
EMOTES
Amiable
Expressive
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Analytical
Driving
Logical Thorough Serious Systematic Prudent
Pragmatic Efficient Decisive Candid Independent
CONTROLS
TELLS
ASKS
EMOTES
Expressive
Amiable
Cooperative Supportive Diplomatic Patient Loyal
Enthusiastic Spontaneous Outgoing Fun
loving Persuasive
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Driving Style More Telling More Controlled
Behavior
CONTROL
ASK ASSERTIVE
TELL ASSERTIVE

• Present time frame
• Direct action
• Tends to avoid
• inaction

EMOTE

• Swift action
• Maximum effort to control
• Minimum concern for
• caution in relationships

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Expressive Style More Telling More Emoting
Behavior
CONTROL
ASK ASSERTIVE
TELL ASSERTIVE

• Future time frame
• Impulsive action
• Tends to avoid
• isolation

EMOTE

• Rapid action
• Maximum effort to involve
• Minimum concern for
• routine

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Amiable Style More Asking More Emoting Behavior
CONTROL
ASK ASSERTIVE
TELL ASSERTIVE

• Present time frame
• Supportive action
• Tends to avoid
• conflict

EMOTE

• Unhurried action
• Maximum effort to relate
• Minimum concern for
• affecting change

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Analytical Style More Asking More Controlled
Behavior
CONTROL
ASK ASSERTIVE
TELL ASSERTIVE

• Historical time frame
• Cautious action
• Tends to avoid
• personal involvement

EMOTE

• Slow action
• Maximum effort to organize
• Minimum concern for
• relationships

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Style Strength Risk
Analytical
Precise, systematic
Inflexible, nit picking
Amiable
Supportive, easygoing
Conforming, permissive
Expressive
Enthusastic, imaginative
Overbearing, unrealistic
Driver
Determined, objective
Domineering, unfeeling
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Style Risk Advice
Analytical
Inflexible, nit picking
Decide, take a stand
Amiable
Conforming, permissive
Set/achieve goals, challenge others to do their
best
Expressive
Overbearing, unrealistic
Restrain yourself
Driver
Domineering, unfeeling
Listen to others
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Uses Facts
Takes Risks
Avoids Risks
Uses Opinions
Reference Williams and Miller (2002). Change the
Way You Persuade, HBR.
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If you are aDriver
And they are
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If you are an Expressive
And they are
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If you are an Amiable
And they are
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If you arean Analytical
And they are