Dealing With

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Dealing With Difficult People Robert Talbot,
DCSW, BCD
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Seminar Goals

• Learn how to differentiate between difficult
  behaviors and difficult situations
• Understand the reasons behind difficult behaviors
• Recognize how our thoughts contribute to negative
  impressions of others, and how to modify those
  thoughts
• Learn techniques for dealing with difficult
  people
• Know the benefits of your EAP

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What is a Difficult Person?

• Someone who consistently makes it hard to
  accomplish a task, or is hard to interact with.
  For example, someone whose behavior is
• Hostile or aggressive
• Negative or pessimistic
• Withdrawn or passive
• Overly agreeable but doesnt deliver
• Opinionated and defensive

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How to Decide if Someone Really is Difficult

• How would those around us rate our behavior?
• Have I seen this behavior in three or more
  situations?
• Is this person under a great deal of stress?
• Am I under stress?

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The Anatomy of a Difficult Person

• The behavior is learned
• It is based on emotional factors
• They dont know any other way
• They may have low self esteem
• There may be medical or biological factors
• from Robert Bacal, Dealing with Difficult
  Employees

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What Do They Get Out Of It?

• Power/control
• Attention (positive or negative)
• Reaction
• Ego boost

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They Really Push My Buttons

• The first step in dealing with people who act
  difficult is to develop control of the person
  that can be controlled by you, and that is you.
• From Brad McRae, Negotiating and Influencing
  Skills

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Techniques/Coping Skills

• Think about what their behavior really costs you
• Do the opposite of what your natural inclination
  is
• Dont take it personally
• Accept that you are helpless to change them
• Dont act like them!

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Effective Communication and Listening Techniques

• Give up the need to be right
• First seek to understand, then to be understood
• Avoid acting defensively
• Listen for some truth in what they say
• Paraphrase the issue from their point of view and
  ask for clarification
• Use I statements to express your views

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Effective Communication Techniques (contd)

• Ask for additional information if needed
• Explore options
• Look for workable, realistic options recognize
  compromise may be necessary
• Under-promise and over-deliver, but honor your
  agreements
• Take a time-out if necessary

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Benefits of the EAP

• Confidential
• Prepaid
• Available 24 Hours a Day, 7 Days a Week
• Appointment Offered Within 48 Hours
• Telephonic consultation available
• Household Benefit
• Child care, elder care, and legal concerns