Sexuality and the Adult Years

1
Sexuality and the Adult Years

• Human Sexuality
• M. Ahrens

2
Single Living

• Increasing rates
• postpone marriage
• choice to remain single
• choice to cohabit
• more divorces
• education, career goals
• 25 US households are single persons (1999)

3
Single Living

• Lifestyles satisfaction vary widely
• celibacy by choice or circumstance (elder F)
• long-term monogamy without marriage
• serial monogamy
• concurrent relationships
• research single persons engage in sexual
  activity less often are less satisfied than
  married persons

4
Cohabitation

• Increasing rate acceptance
• precursor to marriage
• preference for informal rather than
  official/legal status
• avoid financial costs of divorce /or remarriage
• 4.5 mil by 1999 cohabiting US
• Mid- 20s 25 of age group
• - Common Law Marriage

5
Cohabitation

• Domestic partnership
• same- or other-sex couple living in same
  household in committed relationship
• advantages informal vs. contractual health,
  financial benefits less pressure to assume
  traditional gender roles less stigma if they
  break up
• disadvantages disapproval from others possible
  legal problems

6
Social Impact

• Contradictory research
• no effect on stability, sexual satisfaction,
  likelihood of divorce
• lower satisfaction, happiness, commitment with
  higher divorce
• 2000 more difficulty in marriages and divorce
  risk higher
• cohabitation is rarely permanent not effective
  prep for marriage
• about 90 of U.S. adults marry

7
Marriage

• Personal social functions
• stable families convey social norms
• integration of financial, household,
  child-rearing tasks
• defines rights of inheritance
• emotional social support system
• research marriage generally associated with
  better mental physical health (esp. males)

8
Marriage

• Discrepancy between ideal and actual marriage
  practices
• unrealistic expectation of financial, social,
  sexual, emotional fulfillment automatic
  happiness
• fewer support networks for marriage lack
  extended family, larger, less familiar community
  longer life

9
Marriage

• focus on pleasure while dating lack of
  preparation for daily issues
• solutions before marriage
• discuss practice financial household
  responsibilities
• discuss parenting choices logistics
• plan for both independent mutual goals
  activities

10

• Husbands are like fires - they go out if
  unattended.
• Zsa Zsa Gabor

11
Marriage

• Predicting marital satisfaction
• Gottmans research
• negative facial expressions, high heart rate,
  excuses denial, wifes contempt, husbands
  stonewalling marital discord
• 51 ratio of positivenegative interactions
  assoc. with satisfaction
• 3 styles validating, volatile conflict
  avoiding
• (p. 404)

12
Marriage

• Murrays PREPARE inventory
• assesses 11 relationship areas
• 80 accuracy in predicting divorce or stability
  after 3 years
• P. 404-405

13
Marriage

• Sexual behavior within marriage
• more frequent with wider variation
• factors that ? sexual satisfaction
• higher frequency
• mutuality in initiation of sex
• good sexual communication
• factors that ? sexual satisfaction
• less romance, more stress
• eroding individuality/autonomy
• less attention to appearance
• less privacy spontaneity
• sexless union can be satisfying

14
The GOOD Marriage

• Foundation based on
• commitment to relationship with detachment from
  childhood family connection to extended family
• intimacy unity with autonomy
• balancing parenthood couple-hood
• management stressful events
• resolution of differences without exploitation or
  submission

15
The GOOD Marriage

• Creating imaginative pleasurable sex life
• sharing laughter maintaining interest
• providing emotional nourishment
• renewal of courtship early marriage activities
  interests

16
Extramarital Relationships

• Nonconsensual
• Varied complex reasons assert individuality
  autonomy confirm attractiveness emotional needs
  not being met excuse to end marriage desire of
  revenge desire for variety excitement secrecy
  ? attraction
• wide range in reported frequency
• NHSLS results 25 of men, 15 women admitted

17
Extramarital Relationships

• Nonconsensual (contd)
• impact on marriage varies
• spouse may feel betrayed
• infidel may feel guilt, damage to self- other's
  respect
• motivate couple to seek help
• higher divorce rate

18
Extramarital Relationships

• Consensual
• Open Marriage 15 of married, 28 of cohabiting,
  29 of lesbian, 65 gay male couples
• Swinging

19
Divorce

• Statistics
• half or more of all first marriages
• General explanations
• no-fault divorce laws (Louisianas 97 covenant
  marriage license)
• reduction in social stigma
• ? ing expectations of marriage
• womens economic independence
• more general wealth
• ? ing religious influence

20
Divorce

• Specific reasons or factors
• most frequently cited by couples communication
  problems, basic unhappiness, incompatibility
• research findings age teen marriages 2 X
  likely to divorce education lower SES higher
  divorce women with grad degrees higher divorce

21
Adjusting to Divorce

• Numerous losses ? grieving
• shock ? disorganization ? volatile emotions
  ? relief or acceptance
• Opportunity for reassessment personal growth
• most resume sexual activity, most remarry
• 2nd marriages ? likely to fail for variety
  reasons

22
Sexuality and Aging

• Double standard Aging
• aging F are viewed negatively aging M positively
• most crucial to sexual well-being
• Older M performance attractive to other sex
• Older W feeling attractive to other sex

23
Sexuality and Aging

• Sexual activity in later years
• factors maintain activity
• prior interest, regularity, good physical health
• emphasis on quality frequency
• ? affection, emotional closeness, intellectual
  stimulation with nonsexual relationships

24
Sexuality and Aging

• Aging Sexual Response - Older Women
• vaginal lubrications slower and ?
• ? urinary leaking/infection (incontinence)
• ? expansion of vagina
• ? desire clitoral sensitivity
• orgasmic platform may ?
• possible ? number of orgasmic contractions,
  possible pain with uterine contractions
• ? rapid resolution

25
Sexuality and Aging

• Aging Sexual Response - Older Men
• ? time for erection
• erectile ability affected by health
• ? myotonia, ? testicle elevation, slow develop
  full erection ? ? plateau phase ? control
• loss of ejaculatory inevitability ? orgasmic
  contractions, ? seminal fluid
• more rapid resolution longer refractory period
  - hours to days

26
Sexuality and Aging

• Homosexual relationships in later life
• similar to heterosexual ones
• lesbian advantages
• less likely to be widowed
• higher pool of alternatives
• aging double standard not as important
• Toward androgyny in later life - factors
• hormonal difference decline fewer gender-based
  duties in retirement ? power for F,?
  emotionality for M

27
Widowhood

• Statistics
• widows to widowers 4.41
• 50 of widowers 25 widows remarry
• Widow husband dead
• Widower wife dead

28
The secret of staying young is to live honestly,
eat slowly, and lie about your age. Lucille
Ball
29

• Diversity Boxes
• Interracial Marriage (p. 402)
• Attitudes Toward Extramarital Sexuality in Other
  Cultures (p. 411)
• On The Edge Box - Are Extramarital Affairs in
  Cyberspace REAL? (pp. 408-409)

30
Media Resources

• Grumpier Old Men movie
• http//www.nih.gov/nia National Institute of
  Aging website - Health Info Age Pages
• Poster Art look for print-ads that picture
  older people. Group according to product or
  service. What suggest about older people?
  Stereotypes? What is not there and why?
• Modern Maturity Sept/Oct 99 issue

31
Activities - Optional

• Interview people/friends who are single,
  cohabiting and married goal is to understand
  motivations for their choices, expectations with
  the choices, benefits gained from choice, would
  they want their kids/friends to make same choice?
• How does this apply to your own life???

32
Activities - Optional

• Pair up discuss whether you want to know about
  your partners affair or be uninformed? How do
  you want to find out about it? Would you leave
  the relationship? What would you do if you stay?
  
• What Positive coping strategies and ideas?

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Activity - OptionalMarriage Encounters

• Pair up (OK same-sex pair) you are getting
  married discuss honest feelings and thoughts
  about the following issues note preferences
  look for similarities, moderate differences,
  extreme differences.
• Will couples with similarities get bored?
• Will couples with differences get divorced?
• What can be done to avoid above problems?

34
Issues to Discuss for Marriage Encounters

• Fidelity Rules Household Chores
• Birth Control Childbearing Decisions
• One or Two Careers Childraising Responsibilities
• Frequency of Sex Disciplining Kids
• Whose in-laws can visit Who buys presents
• Joint or Separate Bank Accounts
• Renting or Buying Place to Live (or Moving into
  Whose Place)
• Others??

35
Swinging

• Two couples decided to spend the weekend away
  together at a posh hotel. When they get there,
  one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping
  as a trial.
• After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the
  guy turned to his new partner and said, Wow!
  This is the very best sex I have had in years I
  wonder how the girls are doing?