But What About Me

1
"But What About Me?"

• Nancy Webb MSW, RSW
• May 4, 2007

2
Introduction

• This Workshop is about
• Mental Illness and how it affects the forgotten
  sibling.
• The unique needs of the sibling within the
  family.
• How the sibling might respond.
• Practical tools for supporting the sibling.

3
Agenda

• Welcome
• Exercise What is it like growing up with a
  brother or sister who has special needs? What are
  one or two challenges?
• Brainstorming Session
• Terms
• Needs of Siblings
• Practical Tools

4
Terms

• Mental Illness There are many different
  diagnoses applied to mental illness.
• In a family however it is the way the illness
  presents and is received that tends to concern
  siblings.
• Forgotten sibling
• Able sibling Not directly affected.
• Very little research on this topic.

5
Unique Needs of Siblings

• Special Concerns
• Other Sibling
• Parents
• Self
• Friends
• The Future

6
Sibling with Disability

• Cause of Disability and Prognosis
• Siblings Feelings Thoughts
• Safety Concerns
• Example Ryan

7
Parents and Relatives

• Parental Expectations
• Communicating with Parents
• Parents Feelings and Reactions
• Sharing Time
• What is Normal?
• Example Julie

8
Able Sibling

• Health Concerns Is it contagious?
• Feelings Often complex and confusing
• Guilt Am I a bad person?
• Fear Im afraid my sister will hurt me.
• Resentment Why cant my sister just be normal?
  Why cant we do things like other families?
• Anger Sometimes I hate my brother.
• Example Sarah

9
Friends

• Age and Circumstances
• Bringing Friends Home
• Teasing Self and/or Sibling
• Dating
• Choosing a Life Partner
• Example Eric

10
The Future

• What will happen if my parents die?
• Will I be responsible for guardianship?
• Will my new partner accept my sibling?
• Having children- genetic questions
• How do I balance my siblings needs with my new
  familys needs?
• Self-care vs. selfishness/selflessness

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Practical Tools

• Parental Acknowledgment
• Actively listen to sibling
• Take time
• Model desired responses
• Be knowledgeable, sincere, and honest.
• Provide understandable answers
• Be open to non-verbal communication
• Anticipate questions
• Allow questions to be repeated

12
Self Acknowledgement

• Name the felt emotions
• Map the meaning and effect of these emotions,
  on day to day living.
• Accept we can only change ourselves our
  perceptions, attitude, reactions, values and
  stance
• Act Personal Backpacks resurrect forgotten
  capabilities, enlarge current abilities/support,
  move forward

13
Where to Get More Information

• Books
• Strohm, K. (2005). Being the other one Growing
  up with a brother or sister who has special
  needs. Boston Shambhala.
• Gallagher, P.A., Powell, T.H. Rhodes, C.R.
  (2006). Brothers and Sisters A special part of
  exceptional families. Baltimore Paul H.
  Brookes Publishing Co.
• Available through www.parentbooks.ca
• Nancy Webb nwebb_at_hincksdellcrest.org
• 412-924-1164 x 3208