EQUIPPING THE DAUGHTERS OF ZION THROUGH MENTORING

1
EQUIPPING THE DAUGHTERS OF ZION THROUGH
MENTORING

• A seminar prepared and presented by
• Tope Aiyere
• At the National Womens Conference
• On Saturday 18th February 2006

2

• The title of this seminar is really another way
  of saying that we are in the business of raising
  a generation of women who will thoroughly
  equipped and committed followers of Jesus Christ
  in the 21st century.
• Jesus provides our ultimate mentoring model by
  the way He interacted with his disciples while on
  earth.

3
Outline

• Issues / challenges
• The need to mentor women in the church
• What is Mentoring?
• Who can be a Mentor?
• Steps in setting up a successful mentoring
  programme
• Framework for mentoring sessions
• Rules governing mentoring
• Conclusion

4
Issues / Challenges
5
Issues / challenges - general

• Post-modernism
• Humanistic philosophy
• Low commitment mind-set
• Declining regard for traditional institutions and
  institutional authority

6
Issues / challenges facing women

• Modern day role complexity
• Time pressures of 21st century life
• Work life balance - balancing Church, home,
  career, etc.
• Post-modern philosophy re role of women
• Confusing messages / lack of clarity from the
  Church

7
The need to MENTOR women in the Church
8
The Problem

• Many young women today are struggling in their
  roles in life as students, as friends, as
  employees, as Christians and also as women in the
  church.
• The world throws conflicting messages at them
  and in addition to this, what they hear at church
  can at times be unclear to them.
• Often there appears to be nobody to turn to for
  general explanations on areas they are confused
  about or even someone to share their problems
  with.
• As a result, confusion can set in.

9
Some questions to consider

• Why do so many young people backslide?
• For those who do not backslide, why have they
  become Sunday Christians rather than women who
  will walk in the power of the Holy Spirit?
• Why do so many young women (Christians) go for
  years with Christ in their head but not in their
  heart?

10
Some questions to consider Continued..

• 4. Where are the women who will selflessly reach
  out and show them the ropes of the life they
  have accepted in Christ?
• 5. How can we ensure that we move young women to
  a higher level of commitment, discipleship and
  personal effectiveness for Jesus?

11
A possible solution

• Mentoring is one of the keys to solving
  addressing these questions transitioning
  converts to effective disciples
• The Bible enjoins us to Bear one anothers
  burden, and so fulfil the law of Christ
  (Galatians 62)

12
The potential / opportunity

• Nurturing nature
• Collaborative / cooperative orientation
• Numerical strength / potential for significant
  impact / resource pool

13
What is MENTORING?
14
What is MENTORING?

• Mentoring is a dynamic relationship of trust in
  which one person enables another to maximise the
  grace of God in his/her life and service.  It has
  a sound biblical and theological basis with Jesus
  as the ultimate model, retaining all that is
  consistent with his life and teaching. 
• (Extract from "Mentoring to Develop Disciples
  and Leaders" by John Mallison)

15
Key elements of our definition

• Relational / relationship based
• An enabling process build capability
• Founded on trust
• Biblically based
• Jesus, our ultimate model
• Aimed at maximising the grace of God in the life
  of the mentee
• Mentoring is one of the means of building /
  extending the Kingdom of God

16
Who can be a MENTOR?
17
Basic requirements

• Be a follower of Jesus
• Have a living relationship with God through His
  Son Jesus
• The ability to- listen- respond sensitively
  and- encourage / challenge
• A commitment to seeing people attain their full
  potential in God

18
Steps in setting up a successful MENTORING
programme
19
KEY STEPS

• There are various steps involved. The major steps
  are
• Developing a vision / plan and obtaining the
  approval from presbytery.
• Choosing / training of mentors
• Starting the programme
• Monitoring / evaluation / review
• Revisiting / refining the vision / plan
• Due to time constraint, I would be focussing on
  steps 1 to 3.

20
Step 1 Permission from presbytery (Informal)

• The leaders of the women / youth teams should
  first and foremost share the vision with
  leadership before proceeding to the next step.
  This is very important as it puts the leadership
  of the church in the picture right from the very
  beginning. It might also help to put the
  leaderships in principle approval in place.

21
Step 2 - The meeting

• A meeting between the Young peoples department
  (potential mentees) and the Womens department
  (potential mentors) must take place.
• The following should be decided at the meeting
• It must be agreed by both departments that there
  is a need for mentoring to take place and that it
  will need to be a joint venture in order for it
  to work.
• Coordinators who would pilot the programme must
  be selected.
• Key aims of the Mentoring scheme from the
  aspect of both the mentor and the mentee must be
  put in place.

22
Step 2 - The meeting Continued..

•  The mentor Few examples of these aims are
• Spiritual development of the mentee
• To provide guidance and direction
• To impart life skills, knowledge and experience
• To assist the mentee in finding her place in God
  as well as the society
• Good role model for the mentee
• The mentee She must be willing to be mentored.

23
Step 3 - Permission from presbytery (Formal)

• The chosen coordinators from step 2 is now faced
  with the task of obtaining approval from the
  presbytery (or the leaders / authority in the
  church). The backing and the support of the
  leaders must be in place before proceeding to the
  next step. A letter should therefore be written
  to the presbytery to let them know the intention
  of starting a Mentoring programme for the young
  women in that church.

24
Step 4 Choosing of mentors

• After the approval and support of the presbytery
  have been sought, the coordinators should choose
  the mentors. Women who can satisfy the
  requirements mentioned earlier (see slide 9),
  have a good standing in the church and understand
  the need for confidentiality should be chosen.
  The mentors need to be committed to the programme
  and be ready to give sufficient time to it. They
  are accountable to the coordinators (who in turn
  are accountable to the Women leaders and the
  youth leaders).
• Tip Try not to choose women who are too busy
  due to other commitments
• in the church as they may not have
  sufficient time on their hands.

25
Step 5 Training of mentors - 1

• After deciding who to choose as mentors, the
  coordinators should now write a letter to them
  informing the mentors of their proposal. The
  mentors should be given the option of agreeing to
  take part in the programme or not. No one should
  be forced but coordinators should encourage them
  to prayerfully consider their involvement in the
  programme.
• The mentors who have agreed to take part in the
  programme should be invited to a Mentor
  Training where the Mentoring ministry is
  further explained. Their responsibilities and
  roles as mentors as well as the characteristics
  of the young people who are to be mentored will
  also be explored.

26
Step 5 Training of mentors - 2

• Furthermore, the mentors will be informed about
  how the programme is to be run.
• After the training, an Agreement form stating
  the guidelines that govern the scheme would be
  given to the mentors to complete and sign before
  returning it to the coordinators.

27
Step 6 Allocating mentees

• After step 5, the list of trained mentors should
  be passed on to the youth leaders who are now
  faced with the task of explaining what mentoring
  programme is to the young women. They should
  state the benefits of having a mentor and
  encourage them to take part. The potential
  mentees should be given the option of choosing 3
  names in order of preference from the list of
  trained mentors. It is important to make the
  mentees aware that there is no guarantee of being
  allocated the mentor of their 1st choice but that
  coordinators will try as much as possible to
  allocate them a mentor from the 3 names theyve
  chosen.

28
Step 7 Final decision

• The coordinators, on receiving the list from the
  youth leaders, would now make a final decision on
  which mentor to allocate to each mentee. Letters
  would be written to both mentor and mentee and a
  meeting set up where both can formally meet. The
  Mentoring programme is therefore ready to take
  off.
• The mentors as well as the coordinators should
  set time apart to meet for prayer. This can
  probably take place quarterly and serve as a
  means of encouraging themselves in the Lord.

29
Framework for Mentoring sessions
30
Framework for Mentoring sessions -1

• Mentoring can be informal, formal or a
  combination of both. Personally, I would
  recommend a combination of both as it gives a lot
  of room for flexibility.
• I believe a mentor should focus on 3 main areas
  in the mentoring process
• The spiritual This involves the mentor
  encouraging the mentee to pray, study the bible,
  attend meetings where their faith would be built
  up, fast etc.
• The physical This involves the physical well
  being of the mentee. Eg. How to cope with stress,
  planning her time, taking good care of her body /
  health.
• The emotional This involves how the mentee sees
  her self. Most times, the young people need help
  in this regard.

31
Framework for Mentoring sessions-2

• It is advisable to keep a record of important
  things your mentee shares with you. Let her know
  that you are keeping record of what takes place
  during your sessions. Personally, I ask them to
  read what Ive written down in case Ive
  misunderstood them in any way. Please note that
  this book / document should be kept in a safe
  place where no one can see it. This helps the
  mentor to cover her back and at the same time
  know the targets youve set for your mentee
  towards next meeting.

32
Framework for Mentoring sessions-3

• With the agreement of your mentee, always try to
  set specific, measurable and attainable targets
  for her so that she will be encouraged to carry
  on. For example, if you are focussing on
  spiritual development, you may both agree to read
  a chapter of the Bible per day. On this note, it
  is good to work alongside your mentee so that
  youll both be sharing from a specific book when
  next you meet.

33
Rules governing MENTORING
34
Rules governing mentoring

• A healthy mentoring relationship is one that
  respects the experience of each person involved.
  This therefore creates space and opportunity for
  significant growth in a persons spiritual walk
  (www.paravista.org.au).
• There are several guidelines in mentoring young
  people. Ill try and explore few of them.

35
Rules governing mentoring Continued..

• Set rules that would govern your relationship
  right from the very start so that the mentee
  knows what to and what not to expect.
• Set time and day to speak to the mentee that
  would not infringe on the time youll spend with
  your family.
• Let the mentee know that you are always there for
  her.
• Try as much as possible not to make decisions for
  the mentee. Good questions to ask include
• What do you think?
• Why do you want to do that?
• Do you think thats a good idea?
• What do you think you should do?

36
Rules governing mentoring Continued..

• You can then wisely guide her in the right
  direction by making suggestions (not laws) which
  she might find useful. Let your mentee know from
  the very beginning that she is not obliged to
  take your suggestions as ultimately, the decision
  lies with her. Also, this helps her to be free
  with you.
• Dont be judgemental. It is easy as Christians to
  quickly go for the Thou shalt not. in the
  bible when we are confronted with issues. A
  gracious mentor should be prepared to listen and
  give guidance and support.
• Try not to look shocked when she shares her mind
  with you. No matter how bad a mentee may be, try
  and be calm and assure her of your support when
  needed.

37
Rules governing mentoring Continued..

• Appreciate the need for confidentiality in all
  cases except when it may bring harm (eg. death or
  if a mentee is self-harming which might lead to
  death). Dont allow yourself to be lured to a
  place of Promise not to tell anyone.. Let them
  know that you will tell the right authority when
  you think they need help but with their
  permission.
• Give your mentee space.
• Encourage your mentee, always letting her know
  that she can succeed.
• Be aware that some mentees may need help at
  ungodly hours out of the set time. If possible,
  let them know that they can call you at the time
  of their crisis.

38
Rules governing mentoring Continued..

• Be transparent as youll need to share from your
  experience with her. Let her know that youve
  also made mistakes and suggest ways in which
  youve overcome them.
• Above all, pray for your mentee always and let
  her know that you are praying for her. This would
  help to encourage and calm her.

39
And finally
40
Finally..

• If we offer genuine friendship relationships to
  our young people, nurture these relationships and
  offer a true sense of companionship on the
  journey of faith - then it may be the relational
  glue found in these friendships that will help
  them not only to remain within our faith
  communities but will empower our young people to
  lead us towards a more hopeful future.

41
Short case study