Attraction, Affiliation

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Lecture 10

• Attraction, Affiliation
• and Love

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Outline

• Attraction and Liking
• Love
• Attachment
• Equity Theory
• Interpersonal Communication
• Relationship Dissolution

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Factors Influencing Attraction

• Propinquity - Proximity
• Mere-exposure effect
• Similarity
• Reciprocal Positive Evaluations
• Physical Attractiveness

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Proximity - Quote 1a

• Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe that
  friends are necessarily the people you like best,
  they are merely the people who got there first
• - Sir Peter Ustinov, 1977

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Proximity - Quote 1b

• When Im not near the one I love, I love the one
  Im near
• - E. Y. Harburg, 1947

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Propinquity (Proximity)

• A powerful predictor of friendship is
  geographical nearness
• - Proximity kindles liking
• Actually it is not geographical distance that is
  critical but functional distance

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Mere-exposure effect

• The tendency for novel stimuli to be more liked
  after repeated exposures
• Do people like the Mona Lisa or is it a familiar
  face? To know her is to like her
• Can we use this to get people to like us?

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Frequency of Exposure and Liking in the Classroom
(from Moreland Beach, 1992)
Attraction Rating
of Times the RA came to Class
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Similarity

• We like people that are similar to us
• Newcomb (1961) Dormitory Study
• People who are similar provide social validation
  of beliefs
• We assume it will be enjoyable to spend time with
  those who are similar to us

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Birds of a feather orOpposites attract

• Demographics
• Personality
• Two warm people or two cold people
• Dominance vs. Submissive
• Physical Attractiveness
• Folkes (1982) dating service study

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Another Quote

• The average man is more interested in a woman who
  is interested in him than he is in a woman with
  beautiful legs
• - Marlene Dietrich (1901-1992)

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Reciprocal Liking

• We like to be liked
• We like those who like us
• Curtis Miller (1986)
• Participants in Pairs
• Told target that other participant doesnt like
  them

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Attractiveness Quotes 2

• IT IS ONLY SHALLOW PEOPLE
• WHO DO NOT JUDGE BY
• APPEARANCE
• - Oscar Wilde, 1891

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Effects of Attractiveness on Liking

• Buss Barnes (1986)
• Asked university students what qualities they
  want in a mate

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Effects of Attractiveness on Liking II

• Walster (Hatfield) and colleagues (1966)
• University of Minnesota dance (N 752)
• Battery of personality test
• Blind Date (Not the TV show)

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What is Beautiful is Good

• Stereotypes
• What are they?
• Snyder, Tanke, Berscheid (1977)

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Test of the No one is Ugly After 2 a.m.
Hypothesis

• Pennebaker et al. (1979)
• How attractive are the men/women here tonight?

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What is Love?

• Love is something so divine,
• Description would but make it less
• Tis what I feel, but cant define,
• Tis what I know, but cant express.
• - Beilby Porteus

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Zick Rubin (1970)

• The Love Scale
• 3 Factors
• Attachment
• Caring
• Intimacy

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Companionate vs. Passionate Love

• Companionate Love
• The affection we feel for those with whom our
  lives are deeply intertwined
• Passionate Love
• A state of intense longing for union with
  another. Passionate lovers are absorbed in one
  another, feel ecstatic at attaining their
  partners love, and are disconsolate on losing it.

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Companionate vs. Passionate Love

• Driscoll et al (1972)
• Brehm (1985) - Love continuum
• Fehr (1988) Young adults view of love

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Companionate vs. Passionate Love

• Passionate love tends to cool after a period
• leading cause of divorce
• Gupta Singh (1982) Love Marriages vs.
  Arranged Marriages

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Love Styles (Hendrick Hendrick, 1992)

• Eros
• passionate
• physical appearance
• Ludus
• game-playing
• no commitment
• Storge
• friendship
• slow-moving to commitment

• Mania
• possessive
• obsessive
• Agape
• altruistic
• gentle, caring, dutiful
• Pragma
• pragmatic
• match on vital statistics

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The Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1988)
Commitment
Passion
Intimacy
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Attachment

• Parent-child relationships
• Secure
• Characterized by trust, a lack of concern with
  being abandoned and the view that one is worthy
  and well liked
• Avoidant
• Characterized by a suppression of attachment
  needs
• Anxious/ambivalent
• Characterized by a concern that others will not
  reciprocate ones desire for intimacy, resulting
  in higher-than-average levels of anxiety

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Attachment

• 2 Kinds of Avoidant Attachment (Bartholomew,
  1990 Bartholomew Horowitz, 1991)
• Fearful Avoidant
• Characterized by avoidance of close relationships
  because of mistrust and fears of being hurt
• Dismissive Avoidant
• Characterized by claims of self-sufficiency and
  no need for close relationships

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Maintaining Relationships

• Social Exchange Theory
• Interpersonal Communication
• The Role of Positive Illusions

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Quote

• What, after all, is our life
• but a great dance in which we are all trying to
  fix the best going rate if exchange?
• Malcolm Bradbury, 1992

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Social Exchange/Equity Theory

• Equity
• A condition in which the outcomes (i.e. rewards)
  people receive from a relationship are
  proportional to what they contribute to it (i.e.,
  costs cf. reward/cost ratio)
• Comparison level
• Peoples expectations about the level of rewards
  and costs (punishment) they deserve in a
  relationship.

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Quotes

• What is a friends? I will tell you.
• It is a person with whom you dare to be
  yourself.
• - Frank Crane

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Interpersonal Communication

• Self-disclosure
• The act of deliberately revealing significant,
  personal information about oneself that would not
  normally be known.
• Dimensions of self-disclosure
• Breadth (quantity) of information
• Depth (intimacy) of information

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Role of Positive Illusion

• Love is blind
• Idealization of our romantic partners in order to
  maintain the relationship
• Murray Holmes (1993)
• Study 1 asked if partner tended to initiate
  conflicts
• Study2 asked to list similarities and differences

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Why Relationships End

• To marry a woman you love and who loves you is
  to lay a wager with her as to who will stop
  loving the other first.
• - Alfred Capus

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Relationship Dissolution

• Conflict in Relationships
• Who is more likely to report problems?
• A. What are your partners character flaws?
• B. Research on Co-habiting couples
• C. Literature on Divorce

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Predictors of Relationship Failure

• Rubin, Peplau, Hill (1981)
• Followed 231 dating couples. After 2 yrs 103
  couple broke up.
• Finding
• Best predictorUnhappiness of female

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The Happiness Continuum

• Married men ? Single women ? Married women ?
  Single men

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Relationship Dissolution

• Accounts of relationship Dissolution
• Three types

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Relationship Dissolution

• Who is more negatively effected?
• Male or Female?
• Breaker or Breakee?

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Relationship Dissolution

• How do people react?
• Sadness, anger, and some people obsess?
• - Why do people obsess?