FORGIVENESS, RECONCILIATION

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FORGIVENESS, RECONCILIATION RESTORATIONTHE
SACRED AND THE SECULAR
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Introduction

• A short history -possibly of interest
• BHAG- Interdisciplinary Conference on Forgiveness
• Our starting point

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Defining the concepts

• Forgiveness,
• Reconciliation,
• Restoration
• Restitution
• Offense
• Justice
• Pardon
• Condoning

• Atonement
• Repentance
• Grace
• Mercy
• Salvation
• Sin

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Quotes

• Read the quotes on the following slides.
• What is your reaction in terms of our topics of
  forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration?
• Note, some slides are merely to provoke a
  reaction rather than provide an opinion.

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Quotes

• Sharon I am sad to see him in this condition,
  The prophet Joel makes it very clear that God has
  enmity against those who 'divide my land,
• Pat Robertson quoted by Alan Cooperman
• The Washington Post

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Quotes

• "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover
  If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn
  to God," he said. "You just rejected him from
  your city."
• Pat Robertson quoted by Alan Cooperman
• The Washington Post

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Quotes

• In August, he called for the assassination of
  Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez, Robertson
  later apologized for his remarks, saying he
  "spoke in frustration."
• Pat Robertson quoted by Alan Cooperman
• The Washington Post

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Quotes

• Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them
  so much.
• Oscar Wilde

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Quotes

• In the Bible it says they asked Jesus how many
  times you should forgive, and he said 70 times 7.
  Well, I want you all to know that I'm keeping a
  chart. Hillary Rodham Clinton
•  

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Quotes

• Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of
  his tribe are the laws of nature!
• George Bernard Shaw

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Quotes

• To err is human to forgive, divine.
• Alexander Pope

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Quotes

• Forgive your enemies, but never forget their
  names.
• John F. Kennedy

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Quotes

• The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the
  attribute of the strong.
• Mohandas Gandhi
• Without forgiveness, theres no future. Desmond
  Tutu

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Quotes

• When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do
  not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look
  the evil full in the face, call it what it is,
  let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and
  only then do we forgive it.
• Lewis B. Smedes

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Quotes

• You will know that forgiveness has begun when you
  recall those who hurt you and feel the power to
  wish them well.
• Lewis B. Smedes

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Quotes

• It takes one person to forgive, it takes two
  people to be reunited.
• Lewis B. Smedes

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Quotes

• Nothing worth doing is completed in our
  lifetime,Therefore, we are saved by hope.
• Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete
  sense in any immediate context of history
• Therefore, we are saved by faith.

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Quotes

• Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be
  accomplished alone.Therefore, we are saved by
  love.
• No virtuous act is quite a virtuous from the
  standpoint of our friend or foe as from our
  ownTherefore, we are saved by the final form of
  love which is forgiveness.
• Reinhold Niebuhr

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Quotes

• "I am a patient man -- always willing to forgive
  on the Christian terms of repentance and also to
  give ample time for repentance. Still I must save
  this government if possible."
• Abraham Lincoln, from the July 17, 1862 Letter to
  Reverdy Johnson

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Quotes

• Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until
  they have something to forgive,
• C. S. Lewis in the Joyful Christian

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Quotes

• We cannot love unless we have accepted
  forgiveness, and the deeper our experience of
  forgiveness is, the greater is our love.
• Paul Tillich

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The Girl In The Picture

• I let the feeling of forgiveness grow in my heart
  until a great inner peace came over me. But that
  is not something that happens overnight. It's not
  easy to love one's enemies.
• Kim Phuc in The Power of Forgiveness

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The Girl In The Picture

• But it's not easy to forgive, especially in the
  context of a war. You always have a choice. I
  have chosen reconciliation, and my life has
  changed. I have stopped being a victim. So I say,
  look, this is how I found peace.
• Kim Phuc in The Power of Forgiveness

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First Things

• Forgiveness is a response to an event
• That event may be called an offense or a
  transgression
• We perceive the event as a moral wrong

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First Things

• Following a transgression, victims experience
  common reactions
• Psychologists have called this condition
  unforgiveness

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Literature Unforgiveness
Unforgiveness as a stress condition following a
transgression response.

• Feature list
• resentment
• bitterness
• hatred
• hostility
• residual anger
• fear
• (Worthington, et al., 2001)

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Forgiveness

• At a basic level, forgiveness is one way to deal
  with the condition of unforgiveness
• There are many definitions of unforgiveness and
  there are various psychological methods to deal
  with unforgiveness.
• We will want to examine the definitions and
  methods and seek to understand them from the
  perspective of Scripture as well as other
  disciplines.

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Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the overcoming of negative
affect and judgement toward the offender, not by
denying ourselves the right to such affect and
judgement, but by endeavoring to view the
offender with compassion, benevolence, and love
while recognizing that he or she has abandoned
the right to them. (emphasis added) (Enright
Gassin, 1992, p. 101)
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Robert Enright et al.

• 1. What forgiveness is
• Moral
• It is a response to an injustice (a moral
  wrong).It is a turning to the "good" in the face
  of this wrongdoing.
• Goodwill
• Merciful restraint from pursuing resentment or
  revenge.Generosity or offering good things such
  as attention, time, remembrances on holidays.
• Moral Love or contributing to the betterment of
  the other.

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Robert Enright et al.

• Paradoxical
• It is the foregoing of resentment or revenge when
  the wrongdoer's actions deserve it and giving the
  gifts of mercy, generosity and love when the
  wrongdoer does not deserve them.
• As we give the gift of forgiveness we ourselves
  are healed.

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Robert Enright et al.

• Beyond duty
• A freely chosen gift (rather than a grim
  obligation).
• The overcoming of wrongdoing with good.

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Robert Enright et al.

• 2. What it (forgiveness) is not
• Forgetting/Denial
• Time passing/ignoring the effects of the
  wrongdoing.
• Condoning
• Nothing that bad happened. It was only this one
  time. It won't happen again.
• Excusing
• The person did this because.....it wasn't really
  their responsibility.

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Robert Enright et al.

• What it (forgiveness) is not
• Condemning
• She/he deserves to know they have wronged me.
• "Forgiving" with a sense of moral superiority.
• Seeking Justice or Compensation
• Forgiveness is not a quid pro quo deal--it
  doesn't demand compensation first.

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Robert Enright et al.

• 3. Important Distinction
• Forgiveness     One person's moral response to
  another's injustice
• Reconciliation  Two parties coming together in
  mutual respect

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Forgiveness
forgiveness is a victims internal choice to
relinquish unforgiveness and to seek
reconciliation (Worthington Wade, 1999, p.
386)
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Forgiveness
forgiveness occurs when the person (a)
releases a just anger or sense of revenge, (b)
ceases to withdraw from or avoid (c) experiences
a sense of desire for conciliation (Worthington
Drinkard, 2000, p. 94)
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Forgiveness
psychological change is a hallmark of
forgiveness and change requires the passage of
time (McCullough, Fincham, Tsang, 2003, p.
540)
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Forgiveness
We define forgiveness as the adaptive framing of
a seeming mistreatment or transgression such that
one is no longer constrained by a negative
attachment to it. (emphasis added) Heartland
Forgiveness Project. http//raven.cc.ukans.edu/
7Eforgive/theory.html Retrieved June 30, 2004.
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Forgiveness

• Some researchers have examined forgiveness as a
  personality trait.
• There are measures of dispositional forgiveness
  also known as willingness to forgive

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Reconciliation

• We now switch to the concept of reconciliation

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Reconciliation

• Reconciliation is defined as the restoration of
  trust in an interpersonal relationship through
  mutual trustworthy behaviors.
• (Worthington Drinkard, 2000, p. 93)

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Reconciliation

• If positive feelings do develop, the forgiver
  may reconcile with the forgiven. However,
  reconciliation is not a necessary sequela of
  forgiveness.
• Heartland Forgiveness Project. http//raven.cc.uka
  ns.edu/ 7Eforgive/theory.html Retrieved June 30,
  2004.

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Restoration

• Restoration has been mentioned in the context of
  a personal restoration as well as the restoration
  of relationships.
• Restoration has been used in the context of
  restoring criminals to society.

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Multiple Dimensions

• We can look at forgiveness in several ways.
• I propose both a state and a process view of
  forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration
• Here are recent formulations of the definitions
  (Sutton Thomas, 2006).

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Forgiveness

• Forgiveness is a multidimensional intrapersonal
  relational concept. It is a reasonably stable
  motivational state that exists when people
  experience positive cognitive, affective, and/or
  physiological responses toward offenders and
  their transgressions.

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Forgiving

• Forgiving is a multidimensional motivational
  process that reflects overall increasing positive
  changes in cognitive, affective, and/or
  physiological responses toward offenders and
  their transgressions. The process has a starting
  point following a transgression. The process may
  be interrupted or reversed. The process may or
  may not result in a stable state of forgiveness.

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Dispositional Forgiveness

• Dispositional forgiveness is a personality trait
  that reflects a tendency to respond to many
  transgressions with positive cognitions, affects,
  and/or physiological states within a fairly short
  time frame.

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Reconciliation

• Social Dimension Interpersonal
• Change Dimensions
• State of Reconciliation
• Process of Reconciling
• Influenced by a trait of Dispositional
  forgiveness and situational forgiveness.

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Reconciliation

• Reconciliation is a new state of closeness that
  exists between or among people who were separated
  because of a transgression committed by one or
  more of those persons. The state is characterized
  by prosocial behaviors. Some of the people have
  likely experienced positive intrapersonal change
  in the forgiving process.

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Reconciling

• Reconciling is a process of building a
  relationship between or among people following a
  transgression that caused a disruption.
  Reconciling includes various verbal and nonverbal
  behavior patterns that suggest no transgression
  will recur.

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Restoration

• Social Dimension Intracommunity
• Change Dimensions
• State of Restoration
• Process of Restoring
• Influenced by a trait of dispositional
  forgiveness and situational forgiveness.

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Restoration

• Intracommunity restoration is a state that exists
  when community leaders affirm a status for an
  offender who lost such a status following a
  transgression.

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Restoration

• The status may or may not include all of the same
  features as the status held before the
  transgression but must be considered acceptable
  to the leaders and the offender to constitute
  restoration.

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Intracommunity Restoring

• Intracommunity restoring is a process whereby
  community leaders and an offender engage in
  certain behaviors deemed necessary by one or both
  parties for the offender to achieve a mutually
  agreeable status within a community following the
  loss of such a status.

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New Thoughts

• Science is moving toward a unified theory.
• The distinctions of mind and body often make
  little sense.
• There are various multimodal methods for viewing
  a whole person

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New Thoughts

• I propose a SCOPES model based on the work of
  Lazarus
• I only want to briefly explain the six dimensions
  because I want us to spend some time thinking
  about these ideas and defer the details until we
  have had a thorough discussion.

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SCOPE RESTORATION

• S- spiritual dimension
• Gods perspective toward us
• Our responses toward Gods actions
• Our responses toward others actions
• Spiritual and religious beliefs that influence
  our responses
• Spiritual activities that influence our responses

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SCOPE RESTORATION

• C- Cognition- our thoughts and ideas
• Multisensory memories of events
• words phrases
• images
• other sensory data
• action sequences

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SCOPE RESTORATION

• C- Cognition- our thoughts and ideas
• I cant get out of my mind

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SCOPE RESTORATION

• O- Observable behavior
• Apologies
• Smiles
• Positive remarks
• Acts of restitution
• Touch
• All verbal nonverbal responses

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SCOPE RESTORATION

• P- Physiological responses
• Brain chemicals
• EEG and ECG
• Sickness illness rates
• Overlap with mental conditions e.g., anxiety
  depression

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SCOPE RESTORATION

• E- Emotional
• Anger
• Anxiety
• Depression, loss, sadness
• Stress
• Motivation

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SCOPE RESTORATION

• S- Social
• The social context in which we experience the
  events and responses
• God individual or group
• Couple marriage
• Family
• Groups communities

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SCOPES

• S Spiritual
• C Cognitive
• O Observable behavior
• P Physiological responses
• E Emotional responses
• S Social context of all experiences

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References Notes

• I have provided an extensive bibliography on my
  Evangel web page. It is a work in progress so,
  please let me know if you find errors.
• You may use these slides provided you maintain
  the context and include the references to the
  various sources that have been quoted. Note that
  some quotes were merely used to generate group
  discussion and do not clearly proclaim an
  opinion.
• Suttong_at_evangel.edu