Thought Frequency As Pie Charts

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Thought Frequency As Pie Charts
The relationship
The relationship
Men
Women


Sports
Sex
Sex
Pets
Men thrashing
Going bald
Food
Things we shouldnt have eaten
Aging
Career
Having to pee
Strange ear nose hair growth
Aging
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Quotes
"Life has taught us that love does not consist in
gazing at each other but in looking outward
together in the same direction." --- Antoine de
Saint-Exupery
It is with true love as it is with ghosts
everyone talks about it, but few have seen
it. --- La Rochefoucauld
"When two people are under the influence of the
most violent, most insane, most delusive, and
most transient of passions, they are required to
swear that they will remain in that excited,
abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously
until death do them part. --- George Bernard
Shaw
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ALVY'S VOICE OVER I THOUGHT OF THAT OLD JOKE,
YOU KNOW, THIS GUY GOES TO A PSYCHIATRIST AND
SAYS, "DOC, MY BROTHER'S CRAZY. HE THINKS HE'S
A CHICKEN." AND, THE DOCTOR SAYS, "WHY DON'T
YOU TURN HIM IN?" AND THE GUY SAYS, "I WOULD,
BUT I NEED THE EGGS." WELL, I GUESS THAT'S
PRETTY MUCH HOW I FEEL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. YOU
KNOW, THEY'RE TOTALLY IRRATIONAL AND CRAZY AND
ABSURD AND...BUT, I GUESS WE KEEP GOING THROUGH
IT BECAUSE, UH, MOST OF US NEED THE EGGS.

---ANNIE HALL
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CECILIA I JUST MET A WONDERFUL NEW MAN. SURE,
HE'S FICTIONAL BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING.
---THE PURPLE ROSE OF
CAIRO
IKE WELL, I'M OLD-FASHIONED. I DON'T BELIEVE
IN EXTRAMARITAL RELATIONSHIPS. I THINK PEOPLE
SHOULD MATE FOR LIFE, LIKE PIGEONS OR CATHOLICS.
---MANHATTAN
CLIFF WENDY AND I FINALLY DECIDED TO CALL IT
QUITS, YOU KNOW, AND EVEN THOUGH THE LAST COUPLE
OF YEARS HAVE BEEN TERRIBLE, THIS KIND OF THING
MAKES ME FEEL SAD, YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW
WHY. BABS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU TOLD ME? YOU
TOLD ME IT'S BEEN PLATONIC FOR A YEAR. AND I
SAY, ONCE THE SEX GOES, IT ALL GOES.
---CRIMES AND
MISDEMEANORS
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ARTHUR I HAD DROPPED OUT OF LAW SCHOOL WHEN I
MET EVE. SHE WAS VERY BEAUTIFUL. VERY PALE AND
COOL IN HER BLACK DRESS...WITH NEVER ANYTHING
MORE THAN A SINGLE STRAND OF PEARLS. AND
DISTANT. ALWAYS POISED AND DISTENT. BY THE TIME
THE GIRLS WERE BORN...IT WAS ALL SO PERFECT, SO
ORDERED. LOOKING BACK, OF COURSE, IT WAS RIGID.
THE TRUTH IS...SHE'D CREATED A WORLD AROUND US
THAT WE EXISTED IN WHERE EVERYTHING HAD ITS
PLACE, WHERE THERE WAS ALWAYS A KIND OF HARMONY.
OH, GREAT DIGNITY. I WILL SAY...IT WAS LIKE AN
ICE PALACE. THEN SUDDENLY, ONE DAY, OUT OF
NOWHERE...AN ENORMOUS ABYSS OPENED UP BENEATH OUR
FEET. AND I WAS STARING INTO A FACE I DIDN'T
RECOGNIZE.

---INTERIORS
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Early Attraction Factors

• Proximity (physical distance, repeated
  exposure)
• Anxiety Affiliation Link
  (Dr. Zilstein study)
• General Emotional Arousal
  Attraction Link

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Results of Schachters Dr. Zilstein study
Nonanxious subjects
Anxious subjects
Schachter (1959) manipulated the anxiety levels
of female subjects by having them anticipate
either painful or innocuous shock. The dependent
variable was subjects choice to wait with others
or to wait alone.
20 18 16 14 12 10 8 6 4 2
20 18 16 14 12 10 8 6 4 2
of Subjects
The results indicated that anxious subjects chose
to wait with others more than non-anxious
subjects. Also, a follow-up study found that
anxious people preferred to wait with other
anxious people rather than those who were not
anxious
Choose to wait alone
Choose to wait with others
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Attitude similarity and attraction
Attraction toward other person (range 2-14)
Byrne and Nelson (1965) asked to rate how much
they liked a stranger after learning he agreed
with varying proportions of their attitudes
expressed on a questionnaire. (Higher numbers
indication greater liking.)
13.00 12.00 11.00 10.00 9.00 8.00 7.00 6.00
As the graph shows, the greater the proportion of
attitudes subjects shared with the stranger, the
more subjects liked him.
.00 .20 .40 .60 .80 1.00
Proportion of similar attitudes held by other
person
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WHY SUCH A POWERFUL EFFECT OF SIMILARITY? A)
COGNITIVE CONSISTENCY (WE LIKE OURSELVES,
THEREFORE WE LIKE THOSE WHO ARE LIKE US) B)
SOCIAL COMPARISON (VALIDATION OF ONE'S
BELIEFS) C) ANTICIPATE/PREDICT OTHER'S BEHAVIOR
(e.g., LIKES/DISLIKES, INTERESTS) D) THEY WILL
LIKE US ALSO (RECIPROCAL)
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REPULSION HYPOTHESIS
Basic premise Differences are disliked
perceived as threatening

• Lab studies Avg.
  attraction score
• Similar attitudes
  5.5
• No information regarding attitudes
  5.2
• Dissimilar attitudes
  2.1 (less attraction)

No difference
Iowa Caucus Study (Democratic) Description of
person
Democrat
No difference
No party affiliation
Republican
Disliked
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D S S D S D S S D D D D D S S
D D D S D D D S D D S D
Reject those who are dissimilar
S S S S S S S
S
End result is that we are left with similar
people to interact with
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The motivational value of dissimilarity is
various other theories in social psychology

• Balance Theory
  Imbalance is motivating
• Congruity Theory
  Incongruity is motivating
• Dissonance Theory Dissonance
  is motivating
• Equity Theory
  Inequity is motivating

Naturally discovering similarity/dissimilarity
(rather than being given others attitudes is
quite different
Active search process
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Misattribution of Emotional Arousal

• Bridge characteristics
• Tilted, swayed (6 ft.), wobbled
• Low handrails (3 feet)
• 230 foot drop to rocks and rapids

versus
TAT (men wrote stories) scored for sexual
content of men who called female back
Higher scores and greater percent called back
when on this bridge

• Arousal (anxiety) misattributed as partly due to
  sexual attraction

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• EATING LIGHTLY AND SELF-PRESENTATION
• Basic Premise People are motivated to behave in
  ways to enhance their image
• Females have greater number of eating disorders
  and dieting than males (emphasis on thin as
  attractive)

Undesirable Male
Equal intake of candy by males and females
Desirable Male

• Females ate less food when interacting with a
  desirable male

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Conversation Style and Relationship Type
Intimate Friend (versus Casual Friend)
Voice Quality
Trait Ratings
Feminine Babylike High pitch Relaxed Pleasant
Submissive Scatterbrained Approachable Sincere
Much better than chance identification of who was
being spoken to, a casual versus intimate friend.
No difference in what was said (transcript
analysis). Focus on how things were said,
paralinguistic cues.
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Physical Attractiveness

• Advantages
• Greater overall liking (best predictor of
  desire to date)
• More desirable character traits (e.g.,
  sensitive, warm, intelligent)
• Higher income
• Higher evaluation of work performance
• More lenient treatment in the legal system
• Better mental health
• Matching

Often different in physical attraction
Short
Length of relationship
Couple is equal in physical attraction
Long
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Misattributions of friendly behavior
Routine Conversation
Female
Viewed female as promiscuous were attracted to
the female saw themselves as flirtatious and
seductive
Male
Female
Observers
Viewed males as behaving in a sexual manner
females as promiscuous
Male
Sexual
Interaction
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Communication/ consolidation
Relationship continues
The life cycle of a relationship
Buildup
Deterioration and decline
Attraction
Ending
Triggering factors Proximity, Similarity,
Erotic love etc
Social-exchange and equity Communication,
Self-disclosure, Communal concern, External
supports
Social-exchange and equity/inequity Relative
attractiveness of alternatives, Barriers to
dissolution
Important variables influencing attraction
Low Relationship in stable state
High Upset of deterioration and trauma of
disruption
High Heady feeling of romantic love
Emotion
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Social Exchange Theory
Loss of freedom, , time, etc.

• Costs (Inputs)

• Benefits (Outputs)

Companionship, sexual fulfillment, etc.

• Comparison Level (e.g., a standard)

Other person in a relationship, yourself in the
past, an ideal

• Comparison Level for Alternatives

Evaluation of the value of other partners
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Gender and the Personal Columns
Males
Females
Offer
Seek
Seek
Offer
Money Job information Personality traits (e.g.,
sincerity)
Money Status Career
Young Physically attractive
Physical attractiveness
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Relationship Breakups
About 50 survival rate on average overall
relationship satisfaction goes down across time

• Who identifies more problems?
• Who initiates most breakups?
• When are the partners most likely to remain
  friends, when the male of female initiates the
  breakup?

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Relationship-Enhancing and Distress-Maintaining
Attributions
Relationship-Enhancing Attribution
Distress-Maintaining Attribution
Positive Event
My partner takes me out to an expensive dinner
My partner is sweet and thoughtful
My partner took me out to write the cost off on
taxes
Internal, stable, global
External, unstable, specific
Negative Event
Something unexpected must have come up
My partner is always uncaring and selfish
My partner forgot my birthday
External, unstable, specific
Internal, stable, global
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Sample Liking Scale Items
When I am with _____, we are almost always in the
same mood. I think that _____ is unusually
well-adjusted. I would highly recommend _____ for
a responsible job. In my opinion, _____ is an
exceptionally mature person. I have great
confidence in _____s good judgment. I think that
_____ is someone one of those people who quickly
win your respect. _____ is one of the most
likeable people I know. _____ is the sort of
person whom I myself would like to be. I would
vote for _____ in a class or group election.
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Sample Love Scale Items
I would do anything for _____. I feel responsible
for _____s well being. I feel very possessive
toward _____. If I could never be with _____, I
would feel miserable. If I were lonely, my first
thought would be to seek _____ out. I would
forgive _____ for practically anything. In would
greatly enjoy being confided in by _____. When I
am with _____, I spend a good deal of my time
just looking at him/her. I would be hard for me
to get along without _____.
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Liking Loving for Dating Partners and Same-Sex
Friends
Index Women Men Love for Partner
89.5 89.3 Liking for Partner
88.7 84.6 Love for Friend
65.3 55.1 Liking for Friend 80.5 79.1
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Interpersonal Relationship --- Newer Approaches

• Individual subjective reactions to cues in an
  interaction

• Active search/detection process for cues

Relationships

• Timing and sequencing of cues (e.g., baking a
  cake example)

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Interpersonal Relationship --- Newer Approaches
(cont.)

• Future possibilities
• Strategies

Thoughts about interpersonal interactions
Evaluation of interaction as good, average, poor

• Who is told? When they are told? What is said?
  Why they are told?

Narratives/stories about relationships

• Differences in perceptions memory for facts