Completed Assignment: Fundamentals

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Completed Assignment Fundamentals

• How do your experiences with close relationships
  relate to theory research findings on
• Gender Roles?
• Personality?
• Evolution?

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How do you think this relates to

• Friendship
• How you respond to being single?
• Gender Roles
• Personality
• Evolution

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What does it mean to be single?

• Describe the state of being single
• Attitudes
• Lifestyle
• Emotional Experience

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Singlehood The relationship status in which an
individual is not currently involved in a
romantic relationship

• In other words, most people at some point in
  their lives

All info in this section from DePaulo, B. (2006).
Singled Out How Singles are Stereotyped,
Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily
Ever After. New York St. Martins Press.
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Single Demographics (21st Century)

• On average, Americans spend the majority of their
  adult lives single
• In 2005, 26 Americans reported being single (Pew
  Internet American Life Project)
• Singles make up 40 of workforce
• Single purchase 40 of all homes
• ½ American service members are single
• ? American children live in single parent
  households
• 10 of Americans never marry

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Single Statistics

• By the year 2003
• Almost 52 million Americans (18 yrs) had been
  single their entire lives
• 22 million divorced
• 14 million widowed
• 76 million were currently single ( not
  cohabitating ? 11 million were cohabitating

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The Case for Singlism

• Singlism
• The institutionalized stigmatization of people
  who are single

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What presumptions have people made about you
while you were/are single?

• What presumptions have you made about others who
  are single?

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Examples
?
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DePaulos Myths about Singles

• Marrieds know best
• You are interested in just one thing Getting
  coupled
• You are miserable alone your life is tragic
• Like a child, you are self-centered immature
  your time isnt worth anything since you have
  nothing to do but play
• Single women Your work wont love you back
  your eggs will dry up. Also, you dont get any
  you are promiscuous

• Single Men You are horny, slovenly,
  irresponsible, you are the scary criminals. Or,
  you are sexy, fastidious, frivolous, gay
• Your kids are doomed
• You dont have anyone you dont have a life
• You will grow old alone you will die in a room
  by yourself where no one will find you for weeks
• Lets give all the perks, benefits, gifts, and
  cash to couples call it family values

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1. Marrieds Know Best

• Married people make decisions for/ about singles
  in group situations
• e.g., Singles often relegated to living room
  couch, while marrieds get private room
• e.g., Marrieds often pay/ gift/ vote together,
  while singles are on their own
• Married people tend to socialize w/ couples
  (limited communication experience)
• Abandon single friends
• Make new friends with couples

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Combatting Myth 1 Marrieds Know Best

• Married people make decisions for/ about singles
  in group situations
• Married people tend to socialize w/ couples

• Dont let this happen
• Ask why a decision was made
• State your preference
• Point out the inequity
• Work at maintianing those friendships
• Call your friends
• Organize get-togethers

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2. Always Looking for Love

• Unlike marrieds, singles lives are reduced to a
  focus on potential coupling
• Marrieds are asked about all aspects of their
  lives (interests, activities, goals)
• Singles are asked about love life
• Single females had majority, but Ø vote
• In 2000, 2/3 single women preferred Gore less
  than 1/3 preferred Bush
• Married women were equally split
• Called lipstick liberals encouraged to vote
  based on make-up, sex puns, dating opps
• Presumed social schedules too busy to vote
• Note single men had lowest turn-out

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If not love, then what?!
55 of singles (not in a committed relationship)
were NOT looking for a romantic partner (Pew,
2005)

• Politically
• Fair decent pay
• Adequate affordable healthcare
• Affordable housing
• 60 own homes
• Quality education
• Safe affordable childcare after-school
  programs
• International issues
• Opinions about Iraq war

• On average, marriage occurs later in life than
  ever before
• Friends serve role of family
• Care for ea other when ill
• Provide guidance support
• Personal interests are pursued
• Dating occurs, but does not define most people

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3. Your miserable, tragic life alone

• Pity is often foisted upon singles
• Assumed that they are sad, messy, lonely
  individuals who entertain themselves by engaging
  in silly, time-consuming tasks (e.g., rearranging
  ones sock drawer)
• Singles are blamed for alone-ness
• Presumed bitter, neurotic, insecure, overly
  picky, loveless, commitment phobic, stubborn
  inflexible, (often) latent homosexuals who are
  envious of couples b/c they waited too long to
  settle down

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Example Sheryl Crow

• I ran into someone pretty well-known recently,
  who said to me, Oh my God, I was just thinking
  about you the other day! I was thinking shes
  such a great girl, why doesnt she get married
  and have kids?
• I felt like the breath rushed out of my body. I
  couldnt believe somebody was actually voicing
  what most of America probably thinks of me.
• I know it seems odd to people If you are not
  married by a certain age youre either gay,
  asexual, or a freak who cant get along with
  anybody. I know people wonder.
• (The Week, 2003)

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Reality Folks are single happy!

• Almost ½ American adults are single
• Call people on their stereotypes!
• They probably dont realize they are doing it
• Point out the flaw in their logic
• Singles are a diverse group!
• That many people Ø all be miserable
• Singles are Ø different from other groups they
  tend not to be lonely
• Loneliness is a state of mind
• I, for instance, married a man who left me
  feeling lonely not because he wasnt home but
  because he was.

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4. Selfish, Immature Engaged in Inconsequential
Personal Activities

• Last-minute babysitting vs. Jazzercize
• Alternating holiday work schedule

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Lets look at singles marrieds behavior
head-to-head

• Who is selfish?

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Marriage Ceremonies

• Extravagant self-celebrations
• Avg cost 1 yr salary
• Avg shower wedding gift 200
• Couple wedding party treated like royalty or
  stars
• Singles treatment
• Own table in back corner, served last
• Each spend of income on gifts
• since make less
• Ø typically share expense w/ someone else
• Bouquet toss/ garter belt indignity

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Respective Male Generosity data from Nock (1998)

• Time 1 87 or 88 Time 2 5 yrs
• Financial (wedding) Gifts
• Avg amount Ø diff
• When giving to friends
• When married gave less then when single
• Avg Housework
• When married cleaned less than when single
• Avg Work Hrs
• When married worked more per year than when
  single
• BUT contributed less to work-related service
• E.g., Unions, professional societies, farm orgs

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Male Generosity data from Nock (1998)When
Single Vs when Married

• Time 1 87 or 88 Time 2 5 yrs
• Financial (wedding) Gifts
• Avg amount Ø diff
• When giving to friends
• Married gave less
• Divorced same
• Remarried less again
• Avg Housework
• Married less (-1.4 hrs/ wk)
• Divorced more (2.4 hrs/ wk)
• Remarried less (-2.3 hrs/wk)
• Avg Work Hrs Singles provide more work service
• Married 2.2 weeks more/ yr
• Remarried 7.4 weeks less/ yr

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Who is Selfish?

• Comparing males generosity when single when
  married (Nock, 1998)
• Time 1 87 or 88 Time 2 5 yrs
• Financial (wedding) Gifts
• Avg amount Ø diff
• When giving to friends
• When married gave less then when single
• Avg Housework
• When married cleaned less than when single
• Avg Work Hrs
• When married worked more per year than when
  single
• BUT contributed less to work-related service
• E.g., Unions, professional societies, farm orgs

• Marriage Ceremonies
• Extravagant self-celebrations
• Avg cost 1 yr salary
• Avg shower wedding gift 200
• Couple wedding party treated like royalty or
  stars
• Singles treatment
• Own table, back corner
• Spend of income on gifts (since make less)
• Bouquet toss/ garter belt indignity

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Relationship Obligations

• Single women provide care for elderly parents
  more often than married women males
• Presumed that they have no other responsibilities
• Marriage obligates individuals to
• Receive reciprocal benefits
• Care for one another when sick
• Negotiate/ compromise related to important
  disagreements

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Work wont love you backYou work too muchYour
eggs will dry upPostponing childbirth is
riskyYou dont get anyYou are an old maid who
nobody wantsYou are promiscuousYou cant whore
around forever

• 5. Single Women, Beware!

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Concerning Trends arent actually concerning
(Boushey, ----)

• The epidemic of cohabitation
• Early marriages are more likely to end in divorce
  than later marriages
• Cohabitation offers a safe period of practice
  marriage w/o financial legal responsibility
• The overall duration of relationships is the same
  for cohabitators marryers
• Single womens new life pattern
• No diff btwn avg full-time workg women highly
  successful working women in terms of marriage
  kids by age 40
• Education career success do not impede relats
• Successful woman choose not to reproduce more

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You are horny, slovenly, irresponsible.You
also are scary criminals, sexy, fastidious,
frivolous, probably gay

• For shame,
• single men!

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Do spouses rein in single men?

• Misleading to claim that single men drink almost
  twice as much
• Low base rate of alcoholism (Simon, 2002)
• Any difference appears large, but Ø actually
  large numerically
• 1.4 diff btwn continuously married single men
  ? diff of approx 1 in 100
• Divorced men highest 4.5 more than singles
• Spouses do affect health behav, but Ø always for
  the better

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Criminals are criminals, regardless of marriage
status

• Serial killers Ø always loners (Levin, 2003)
• E.g., married John Wayne Gacy Kenneth Bianchi
  (Hillside Strangler)
• Male sexual partners are the most common sources
  of violence against women (National Institute of
  Justice, 2000)
• 64 of women who reported rape, physical assault,
  / or stalking since age 18 were victimized by a
  husband, cohabitating partner, boyfriend, or date
• Compared to when single, unhappy marriages lead
  to more delinquent behavior happy marriages lead
  to less

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7. Your Kids are Doomed

• Being single is not the problem, being poor is
• both sustained poverty descent into poverty
  appear to move parenting in more harsh, punitive,
  irritable, coercive directions. (UCLA, ----)
• Child outcomes are most affected by
• Conflict w/in families, disagreements btwn
  parents, arguments btwn parents kids

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8. Lonely losers

• Low base rate of loneliness, regardless of being
  single or married
• Continuously single women were the LEAST lonely
  of all groups
• The loneliest folks are those who were previously
  married (i.e., divorce or death), particularly
  men
• May not have acquired skills to make new friends
• May have abandoned old friends when married
• May not know how to live alone anymore

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10. Family Values Institutionalized
Discrimination

• Singlism-related discrimination goes unrecognized
  (considered acceptable)
• Married individs favored for rental properties
  b/c married (DePaulo, Morris, Sinclair, ----)
• Actual realtors students
• Cohabitors made more stable than married
• Married men are paid 26 more than single men
• Total compensation package also 25 more
• Doctors reported that they give better care to
  marrieds (Goodwin, ----)

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More Benefits for Marrieds!

• Military marrieds get
• Higher pay insurance benefits for spouse
• Better living arrangements (if both military)
• More likelihood of promotion if (female) spouse
  is good entertainer
• Work less fewer holidays
• Cheaper retail services for couples
• Memberships entrance fees to
• Airline flight clubs, auto clubs, country clubs,
  reunions, fishing licenses

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Marrieds already benefit

• Shared expenses
• Utilities, rent/ mortgage, furniture, etc
• Often Multiple incomes
• But, even if not, social security covers ea other
  (even if divorced)
• Death/ Illness decisions care automatic (Family
  Medical Leave Act)

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No such thing as Marriage Penalty

• Really it is a singles penalty
• Singles pay more than marrieds, always
• Married unmarried couples who file jointly pay
  the same tax until they jointly make 200,000
• ONLY At 200K
• Married filers owe 46,592
• Unmarried joint filers owe 45,002
• Singles ALWAYS owe more for same amount of total
  taxable income

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Institutional Discrimination is a Societal Problem
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Where do these biases come from?!

• Religion
• Some religions promote marriage
• E.g., Catholicism
• Business Self Interests
• Businesses want to incent families married
  partners to use their products
• e.g., fishing licenses, gym memberships
• Married folks want benefits!
• E.g., lower taxes
• Poorly conducted/ reported science
• E.g., Waite Gallagher (2000)

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So, what about that poorly conducted science?

• What did you learn from reading the chapter on
  Waite Gallagher?
• What did their results actually say?
• How should you examine research findings?