Intimate Relationships

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Intimate Relationships

• Brian W. Findley, M.Ed.
• Health Concepts and Strategies

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Developing Intimate Relationships

• Successful relationships require positive
  self-concept and self-esteem.

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Developing Intimate Relationships (cont)

• Positive views of self develop in childhood
• gender roles (the activities society deems
  appropriate for men and women) are learned in
  childhood and affect the way we relate to others

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Developing Intimate Relationships (cont)

• Successful relationships can still be established
  and maintained even if childhood is less than
  ideal, but person must be willing to learn and
  change

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Friendships

• First relationship formed outside the family
• reciprocal relationships between equals
• based on companionship, respect, acceptance,
  help, trust, loyalty, reciprocity
• may be longer lasting and more stable than a
  romantic relationship

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Love, Sex, Commitment

• Love draws people together
• Sex provides passion, pleasure, intensity
• Commitment reflects responsibility, reliability,
  faithfulness

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Love, Sex, Commitment

• Love and commitment are central to enduring
  intimate relationships
• Passionate love involves both pleasure and pain,
  a result of the stress response (physiological
  arousal) that accompanies many emotions

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Love, Sex, Commitment

• Over time, in most relationships
• Passion
• Intimacy
• Commitment

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Jealousy

• A result of insecurity and possessiveness
• can introduce violence into a relationship
• healthy self-esteem/clear communication minimize
  jealousy

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Communication

• Important to interpret non-verbal messages
• make sure body language agrees with words

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Communication (cont)

• Self-disclosure - revealing risky personal
  information, help create greater intimacy
• Listening -understand instead of judging,
  blaming, advising, controlling

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Communication (cont)

• Feedback - constructive response to anothers
  self-disclosure involves reciprocal
  self-disclosure

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Communication (cont)

• Gender Differences
• men - competitive
• women - affiliative

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Conflict

• natural
• needs to be handled constructively so it doesnt
  damage or destroy relationship
• let anger dissipate first
• most sources deal with everyday life

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Conflict Resolution

• Clarify the issue, listen carefully to each side
• Find out what each partner wants
• Identify alternative ways to getting what each
  wants
• Negotiate changes
• Solidify agreements verbally/in writing
• Review, renegotiate, make adjustments

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Conflict Resolution (cont)

• Requires trust in each other
• establishing basic rules in arguments can help
  avoid destructive conflict

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Pairing and Singlehood

• People choose partners who are similar in
• socioeconomic background
• education level
• lifestyle
• physical attractiveness

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Pairing and Singlehood (cont)

• Attraction begins with physical appearance
• As intimacy develops, basic values and
  aspirations take precedence

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Pairing and Singlehood (cont)

• Similarities between partners increases the
  chances of a successful relationship
• when differences exist, tolerance and
  communication skills are even more essential

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Dating

• Predominant way of finding romantic partner
• Traditional - steady dating, engagement, marriage
• Newer pattern - intimacy develops in group
  context, getting together, living together,
  marriage

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Cohabitation

• Dramatic social change
• Acceptance due to greater tolerance of premarital
  sex, increased availability of contraceptives,
  tendency to delay marriage

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Cohabitation (cont)

• Advantages
• greater autonomy
• freedom from social expectations of marriage
• greater sense of independence
• fewer obligations

• Disadvantages
• lack of legal protection
• lack of benefits
• family pressure to get married
• does not necessarily lead to happier or
  longer-lasting marriages

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Singles

• Number is growing
• more acceptable option
• marriage is being delayed
• financial independence takes longer
• cohabitation is more acceptable
• divorce rates are high
• gays/lesbians cannot marry

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Singlehood

• Advantages
• more personal/career opportunities
• greater variety in sexual partners
• more freedom / control in making life decisions

• Disadvantages
• loneliness / lack of companionship
• economic hardships
• discrimination / pressure to get married

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Singlehood (cont)

• Enjoyment of singlehood depends on
• whether it is a choice
• satisfaction with social relationships
• standard of living
• job
• resourcefulness in creating interesting life

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Marriage

• Occurs for more personal, emotional reasons than
  practical, economic reasons
• greater burden to fulfill needs and expectations
• unreasonable preconceptions make it difficult to
  appreciate benefits

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Marriage (cont)

• Benefits
• intimate relationship
• setting for raising children
• providing for future
• physical/emotional health are bolstered

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Predictors of a Happy Marriage

• Realistic expectations
• acceptance of the others personality
• good communication skills
• effective ways of resolving conflict
• agreement on religious/ethical values
• egalitarian role relationships
• balance of individual/joint interests and leisure
  activities

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Families

• Six qualities of strong families
• commitment to each other
• appreciation for one another
• communication
• time spent together
• spiritual wellness
• successful strategies for coping with stress,
  crisis, conflict

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