Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage

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Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage

• Kathryn Edin, Harvard University
• Maria Kefalas, Saint Josephs University
• based on the book Promises I Can Keep

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The Spread of Single Parenthood

• Current Theories
• Male Earnings
• Female Earnings
• Welfare
• Indeed, it is only a slight exaggeration to say
  that quantitative social scientists main
  contribution to our understanding of single
  parent families has been to show that nothing
  caused them to become more common. Nevertheless,
  they did.
• (Ellwood and Jencks, 20022)

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Courtship

• Conceive in less than a year.
• Her kids, his kids, their kids.
• I want to have a baby by you a high form of
  social praise.
• Fathers want a blood tie with the mother.
• (Lena, 15, W, 15 month old child).
• My boyfriend wanted to get me pregnantso that
  I wont leave him. So that Ill stay with him
  forever. Then he said to me, When you have
  kids by somebody, theyll always go back to you.
• Contraception initially, then stop when the
  relationship reaches another level.
• Confidence from raising siblings and cousins.

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The Pregnancy

• 65 neither planned nor avoided.
• (Aleena, 17, W, 2 year old child)
• As I got older, like around 14, I was on the
  pill so I couldnt get pregnant, but I was
  confused. I wanted to have a baby, but just not
  at that time, you know. But I always loved
  kidsI would go through a time where I would
  try to get pregnant. But thenI would figure,
  Well, how am I gonna raise this baby? I didnt
  know whether this week I wanted to try or next
  week I didnt. But I was always thinking it.
  Always.
• What is responsible for her? Deal with it.
• Strong opposition to abortion as
  convenient solution
• His response?
• Denial of paternity,
• Pressure to terminate,
• Abandonment,
• Violence,
• Cheating,
• Ripping and running.
• Cohabitation or breakup.

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The Magic Moment

• Many survive or reunite at birth.
• (Angelica, 19, white, 2 year old child, in a
  three-year relationship with her sons father,
  who cheated throughout pregnancy)
• I believe like people do change. When our son
  was born, it just kind of fell into place. He
  changedhe did a 360. Like, granted, hes still
  an asshole sometimes, but he can be saved,
  definitely. Theres something about him worth
  saving.
• Most see at least a good chance of marriage
• But see marriage as 4, 5 or more years off.
• Strong rejection of shotgun marriage norm,
• A shared child a powerful reason to stay together.

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Why So Few Marriages?

• Childbearing and marriage are not decisions that
  go together. (Melissa, 19, white, 3 year old
  child)
• You should get married when youre 40. This
  way, youve got everything situated and you know
  what youre getting into by then. PauseI
  guess the kids come first. I dont know, I guess
  thats just the way it goes.
• This doesnt indicate a disinterest in marriage,
  but rather, its high symbolic value.
• This doesnt indicate a disinterest in marriage,
  but rather, its high symbolic value.
• High bar for marriage.
• Economic
• Relational

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Economic Bar

• Marriage making it (symbols of success).
• The white picket fence lifestyle
• house,
• furniture,
• car,
• savings,
• debt payoff,
• decent wedding.
• Economic ability to set up household together is
  NOT enough (most already cohabiting).
• Not respectable to marry without meeting bar.

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Relationship Bar

• He, she, and we must be ready. Takes YEARS to
  attain.
• Mistrust high
• Want partnership of equals/best friend.
• Normative demands of marriage higher than
  cohabitation.
• Women worry men will feel more right to control
  them if married (more than if cohabit).
• Divorce a sacrilege.

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What Accounts for Break Up?

• Financial instability/irresponsibility (25 )
• Criminal involvement (30 )
• Incarceration (20 )
• Substance abuse (35 )
• Infidelity (40 )
• Domestic abuse (45 )
• TOO HIGH A BAR FOR MARRIAGE?

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What about the Kids?

• Marriage a lifelong quest, kids along the way.
• Will the babys father rise to the occasion? Hope
  so, but dont count on it.
• Life before children marred by school failure,
  depression, drug and alcohol abuse, and volatile
  personal relationships. Often described as
  spinning out of control.
• What would your life be like without your
  children? Children provide them with
• Order
• Validation
• Purpose
• Companionship

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The Spread of Single Parenthood Revisited
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Opportunity Costs or Absolute Preferences?

• Fewer forgone opportunities
• The poor and the middle class face vastly
  different opportunity costs when they have
  children young.
• For the poor, childbearing is costly, but only in
  terms of out-of-pocket costs, which dont vary by
  age. For the poor, opportunity costs are small
  and dont vary by age. For the middle class, the
  opportunity costs are large, but decline somewhat
  with age.
• Stronger absolute preferences (a greater taste)
• McLanahan (2004) argues that never before in
  American history have middle class parents made
  larger investments in their children.
• But the poor are more likely to make children,
  not marriage, education or career, the center of
  meaning making activity.
• This does not necessarily mean the poor love
  children more. Children can rise to the top of
  the list of potential meaning making activities
  from mere lack of competition.

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Marriage a luxury, Children a Necessity

• My son is my heart. When I have hard times
  I always tell myself I wanted him. Even if I get
  that rock on my finger, that white picket fence,
  and that deed that says the house is mine, Ill
  still have my son just in case anything goes
  sour. Ill say to my husband, You leave! This
  boy is MINE.
• Sonja, 23, Puerto Rican, four-year-old son

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What Liberals Need to Recognize

• Once hopeful relationships often crumble under
  strain of very serious problems, problems that
  probably require a direct response.
• Poor deserve access to same relationship
  resources that help strengthen middle class
  marriages.
• Will probably keep couples together longer, which
  MAY be good for children, but unlikely to get
  many married.

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What Conservatives Need to Realize

• Poor couples already believe in marriage and
  oppose abortion.
• The economic bar is real, and strong community
  norms about the sanctity of marriage uphold it.
• Stable employment, for BOTH men and women is
  essential.
• Assets, as well as income, are essential.

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What Everyone Needs to Recognize

• These policy goals make little sense for the half
  of first births that are to teens.
• Must convince young women and men to wait. Can
  we transform the culture?
• This may not help their own economic prospects
  much, but theyll be better parents, and their
  kids will likely benefit.
• Relationships may have a better chance because
  men typically age out of bad behaviors.

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Policy Message

• As long as young women have few avenues of
  forging meaning and identity elsewhere, they will
  probably continue to have children sooner than
  most middle class observers think they should,
  and in circumstances that are less than ideal.