The North Carolina

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The North Carolina 4th Grade Writing Test FOCUS
LESSON The Mall of America- You Cant Tell It
All Kathy Bumgardner kbumreading_at_yahoo.com
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The Mall of AmericaYou Cant Tell It ALL
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It is the morning of the North Carolina Fourth
Grade Writing Test. A 4th grade student opens up
her writing test to find the following prompt
that she will need to respond to
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Tell about a time that you had fun with a
friend or a relative. Write a story about a fun
time with a friend or a relative.
NC 4th Grade Writing Prompt
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• The 4th Grade girl began to think
• I have had many fun times.
• What should I write about?
• I think maybe my trip to see my friend Lauren
  last year.
• But we did SO MANY fun things that weekend!

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• My teacher has told us we have to write about ONE
  MAIN EVENT.
• I think I will write about the MALL of
  AMERICA.but that is TOO BIG to focus on as one
  WOW Moment!
• What are the things we did at the Mall of
  America?

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The Mall of America It is a really BIG place!
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We walked around and saw many wonderful stores
and lots of people.I could write about one of
thoseOR
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We even saw a live show with real singers and a
band. It was cool. I could write about that.OR.
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There was even an amusement park that was IN the
mall! It was called Camp Snoopy and we spent
almost 2 hours just in the park!
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In Camp Snoopy we saw a ferris wheel, some
swings, the log flumes. We even went shopping in
the SNOOPSHOP and bought some hats.
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But when we went up on this bridge in the park we
could see all around. That's when we saw the
roller coaster that went all the way around the
park and way up into the air. WOW! We ran
straight to get a ride on that coaster!
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The Mall of America

• Things we did that were fun
• Went shopping in stores
• Saw lots of people
• Watched a real band on stage
• Went into an amusement park inside of the mall
  called Camp Snoopy

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I liked Camp Snoopythe
amusement park the best

• Shopped for hats in the Snoop Shop
• Rode some great rides

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I can narrow it to the rides.

• Ferris Wheel
• Swings
• Log Flumes
• Roller Coaster ?

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That is it! I remembered the ROLLER COASTER RIDE.
Wow.! That is something I could write my story
about!!
Roller Coaster
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? I am going to write about the ride that Lauren
and I took on that ROLLER COASTER at the Mall of
America. That will make a great WOW Moment! I can
put the ride into SLOW MOTION REPLAY and show my
readers why it was so much fun!
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MY FOCUS STATEMENT My story is going to be
about. the time that I had fun with my friend
Lauren when we rode the roller coaster at the
Mall of America
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• What did I see?
• What did I hear?
• What did I think?
• What did I feel?
• What was I saying to others?

SLOW MOTION REPLAY
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• MY PLAN
• Who Lauren and me
• What a fun time on the roller coaster at Mall
  of America
• When Cold February
• Where Minnesota- Mall of America
• Rising Actions
• Arrive at mall
• Head to amusement park
• Describe- huge, lots of rides
• See roller coaster- goes around whole park

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• MAIN EVENT The Roller Coaster Ride
• Getting on
• Jerking forward
• Zooming and screaming
• Dark tunnel- see statues
• Going up and down hills- tipping in-ward
• Scared of falling out
• Everyone frozen with fear
• Lights blinking high up

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• CLOSING ACTIONS
• Pull back in
• We hop out
• CONCLUSION
• We tell each other that we had fun
• We go to next ride

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Introduction
A time I had fun with a friend was when I went
to Minneapolis, Minnesota on a chilly February
morning to visit the great Mall of America. It
all started one morning in the state of
Minnesota. I was 10 years old and had come to
visit one of my best friends Lauren. Lauren had
moved with her family to Minnesota from
Greensboro and I was happy to get to visit her
again. That morning we decided to go to the huge
Mall of America. We had quite a time!
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Rising Actions
At about 1100 we were out the door and almost
there. When we arrived, I jumped out of the car
and headed for the door. We went in and ran
straight to the giant amusement park. It was a
huge place, with huge rides! There was a ferris
wheel, a roller coaster, a log flume, giant
swings and much, much more! Of course I ran
straight for the roller coaster. It was a huge
roller coaster with steel green tracks that went
swiftly around the whole amusement park.
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Main Event
When it was our turn to get on, Lauren and I
hopped into the first seat. My mom and Laurens
mom were right behind us. My heart was pounding
as I awaited the ride.Then, all of a sudden the
ride jerked us forward and off we went! We were
zooming across the place with our arms in the air
and screaming our head off! Boy were we speeding!
We were going as fast as a speeding bullet!
Suddenly, we were in a dark tunnel, with Paul
Bunyan moving statues spinning all around us.
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Main Event (continued.)
The roller coaster was going up a hill-like thing
and then it started speeding downward again. Wow!
I felt like I would fall off because the roller
coaster was tipping in-ward pulling my body
forward. Im going to fall out I thought while
terror gripped my stomach. My hands were
clenching the slippery bar with excitement.
Suddenly I felt wild and free as we raced down
the gigantic tracks. This is so much fun! I
screamed. No one else answered. I think they were
frozen with fear.
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Main Event (continued.)
In the blink of an eye we were on the other side
of the amusement park passing by a store. Lights
shone in our eyes as we squinted because they
were as bright as the afternoon sun. We were
above everything there and high in the air.
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Closing Actions
When we pulled back into the place where you get
on, we all hopped out. Lauren and I almost fell
over as we stumbled together dizzily.
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Conclusion
That was so fun! we both screamed with
excitement as we hugged each other. Giggling, we
skipped merrily over to the next ride. That was a
time I had fun with a friend.
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• Was this story focused?
• Was there a beginning, a middle, and an end? Was
  the story complete?
• Did most of the details and elaboration fit the
  story and help the reader see the story?
• Did she choose interesting words that fit and use
  a variety of sentences?
• Did she use mostly correct spelling,
  capitalization, punctuation, and complete
  sentences in this story?

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• Parts of a narrative
• AN INTRODUCTION
• RISING ACTIONS
• MAIN EVENT
• CLOSING ACTIONS
• CONCLUSION
• Did her Mall of America story have all of these?

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• FEATURES of
• GOOD WRITING
• Focus
• Organization
• Support Elaboration
• Style
• Conventions

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• Remember that when planning a narrative that you
  must be able to choose a topic that you can
  manage in that Moment in time.
• It must be narrow enough to be able to focus on
  in one story. It should be focused on one
  Moment in Timeone WOW Moment.one MAIN EVENT.

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What is a MAIN EVENT?
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What is a MAIN EVENT? This is what a story is
building up to. The main event is what the
story is really all about. It is
unfolded as the story is told. It is the
CENTRAL PROBLEM, CONFLICT, DILEMMA, or MAJOR
PART OF THE ADVENTURE. It may even be the
STRUGGLE.
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The MAIN EVENT changes the main character in some
way They will never forget it. They have
learned a lesson. They have had a change of
heart. They have gained something new.
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The MAIN EVENT carries significance. It is
something worth writing about. It is the major
scene in a play. It is the major part of a
chapter. It is that one vacation or field trip
picture that highlights the best part of the
whole trip. It is that WOW moment in time frame
by frame. It is the slow motion replay.
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• A Main Event
• Should Contain Some or
• All of the Following
• ACTION-What are you doing? What is going on
  around you? Show your reader.
• DESCRIPTION-What does it look like? What do you
  see? What do you smell? How does it feel to your
  skin?

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THOUGHTS / FEELINGS-What are you thinking? How
are you feeling? DIALOGUE-What are you saying?
What are others saying? (Caution Do not list
he saidI saidhe said ) Use conversation
strategically!
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Stretching It Out
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Spicing Up My Writing Style
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Above all.

• Remember to STAY
• FOCUSED !!!

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Whats the MAIN EVENT?

• Trip to Disney World or The Scary Roller Coaster
  Ride?
• Fun at the Beach or Finding a Special Shell?
• The Best Field Day Ever or Winning the Tug of War
  Event with My Class
• My Favorite Christmas or a Surprise Bike for
  Christmas

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• Remember.that when planning to write to a prompt
  that you should choose a topic and plan your
  story so that you can
• FOCUS on a whole story
• ORGANIZE with a beginning, middle, and end
• SUPPORT and ELABORATE with details that help your
  reader SEE your story.bring your story to life!
• Add STYLE- wise word choice/variety
• Use correct CONVENTIONS

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Happy Writing !