Constructing an Adult Life

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Chapter 10
Janet Belskys Experiencing the Lifespan, 1e

• Constructing an Adult Life

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Emerging Adulthood Scanning a New Developed
World Life Stage

• Lasts from 18 through the late 20s, devoted to
  constructing an adult life
• Why so long to get there?
• Life expectancy gains Now that we routinely live
  to our 70s or 80s, we have the luxury of putting
  off adult commitments to an older age.
• More intense educational requirements Most of us
  go to college andwith so many of us working to
  finance collegeit can take till our mid 20s to
  get an undergraduate degree.
• Cultural norms stressing finding ourselves We
  believe that we need to try out the possibilities
  so we can be SURE of what we want before we
  settle down.
• .

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A Time of Huge Variability

• Between individuals We reach the markers of
  adulthood-being self supporting finding a mate
  and having children- at very different ages.
  (Poll your class!)
• Between cultures In non-western societies people
  may not go through this life stage.
• Depending on socioeconomic status Affluent
  emerging adults can enjoy exploring the world if
  you are working full time to finance school your
  emerging years can be an exhausting time.
• PLUS U.S. emerging adults often move backward
  and forward on the way to constructing an adult
  life (see next slide).

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In the UNITED STATES the Path to Constructing an
Adult Life Can Be Erratic

• But emerging adulthood differs in interesting
  ways in different nations.

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Emerging in Italy A Difficult Time

• The Italians put a premium on hiring men (and
  women) with families, so its hard for young
  people to get a good job.
• There are strong norms against cohabitating and
  against unwed mothers.
• So many Italian young people live in the nest
  during their 20s.
• Reaching full adulthood and having the
  financial ability to leave home- often does not
  happen until the 30s.

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Emerging in Sweden A time of true exploration

• Nest leaving routinely occurs at age 18
• Why?
• College is financed by the government.
• Employers make an effort to hire the young.
• In Sweden, the 20s are often a time to explore,
  travel, and enjoy life.
• Plus, in Sweden there is no stigma about
  cohabiting or having children before being
  married. So living together outside of marriage
  is common.

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Nest Leaving Some Other U.S. Facts

• Traditionally our norm is to leave the house at
  18, but today many 20 somethings must return to
  the nest periodically on the way to constructing
  an adult life.
• Parents and children accept these re-entries but
  can sometimes get anxious about this off time
  event.
• Nest leaving is not a collectivist value so
  ethnic minority emerging adults and their parents
  are more likely to live together.
• Statistically speaking, guys tend to stay in the
  nest longer and feel more comfortable about
  living (being taken care of ???) by mom and dad.

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Exploring the social clock

• We pace our progress through adulthood through
  shared age norms of where we need to be in life
  at a given age.
• Are we on-time (on schedule) or off-time (either
  too early or too late) for what we- and society-
  expect at our age?
• Being off-time in the late direction can cause
  physical and mental stress. (Help! I havent
  begun my career and Im already 45!!)
• The social clock norms vary depending on the
  culture and time in which we live.
• Do you agree with the mid-1990s social clock
  norms on the next page?

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Do you agree with these social clock norms?
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Emerging Adulthood is a stressful (and exciting)
time

• The fact Most adult mental disorders are at
  their peak in the early 20s.
• Some outer-world reasons why
• This is when the rubber meets the road and we
  confront the reality of making it in life.
• This is when we need to decide who to be as an
  adult--- or, in Eriksons words, construct an
  IDENTITY .

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Constructing an Identity

• Eric Eriksons Identity versus Role Confusion
• We need a period of moratorium to find the right
  adult path.
• Identity confusion-- the sense that there is
  nothing I want to do creates tremendous anxiety.
• James Marcias 4 identity statuses
• Diffusion adrift, aimless, without any sense of
  having an adult future. (Comparable to Eriksons
  role confusion)
• Foreclosure given an identity from another
  person. (My dad says I should be a doctor, so
  thats what Ill do.)
• Moratorium Actively exploring possible
  identities (Let me try X, Y and Z. Im so
  interested in all of these careers! )
• Achievement Identity formation complete. ( I
  found my life calling! I know exactly what I want
  to do.)

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Critiques

• Do we ever permanently reach achievement? Arent
  our identities evolving as we travel through
  life?
• Cant we be in different identity statuses in
  specific facets of our life?
• Isnt searching for our individual identity a
  culturally bound idea? In much of the world,
  people dont have the luxury of choosing a life
  path.
• Bicultural Identities Identifies with ones
  traditional culture and the western global
  society--- a classic situation for young people
  in the developing world and among developed world
  immigrant emerging adults.

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Constructing a Career Findings from Studies of
Childhood and the Teenage years

• Teenagers have high career goals. Unfortunately,
  they can be set up for disappointment as they
  emerge into adulthood and realize they cant be
  doctors or rock stars.
• One key to predicting being in diffusion or
  making a smooth career transition is whether a
  teen is a worker (enjoys being productive) or a
  player (only liking leisure).
• However, many high school players do become
  workers when they find a satisfying career.
• Bottom line EMERGING ADULTHOOD IS
  WHEN WE CHANGE THE MOST AS PEOPLE!!!

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Finding Flow

• Flow feeling of being totally absorbed in an
  activity, at the peak of your powers
• Time flies by unnoticed.
• You are extremely intrinsically motivated.
• Occurs when there is just the right
  person-environment fitan activity is highly
  challenging and yet matches your abilities.
• The activities where we experience flow are a
  good tip off to potential careers.
• Bottom line Use your flow states to alert you
  to the fields you might enjoy.
• .

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The Non -College Career Path

• Although most US high school students enter
  college, only roughly 1 in 4 graduate.
• People who go directly from high school to work
  often enter the secondary labor market, jobs with
  few benefits and low pay.
• The key to constructing a satisfying non-college
  career is to undertake a moratorium search and
  find a job that gives you flow.
• Sometimes taking time off to work right after
  high school makes you a more focused, better
  student later!

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The School to Work Transition

• Problems with the U.S. approach
• Today, we encourage everyone to go to college.
  This sets many non-academically inclined kids up
  for failure.
• Today, we do little to help people make the
  transition from school to work. We leave them to
  find jobs on their own.
• Some interesting alternatives
• The German plan Instead of going to college,
  young people enter an apprentice program that
  guarantees a job in that field.
• The Japanese plan Instead of there being a
  separation between what happens at school and
  work, employers develop relationships with
  schools and hire students that the faculty
  recommends.

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Career Search Tips

• Dont go right to college, especially if
  academics is not your thing. Develop a track
  record at work and then perhaps go back later.
• Search for a job where you feel a sense of flow.
• Conduct an active moratorium career search by
  reaching out to people for advice and exploring
  potential careers.
• Understand that it may take a number of yearsand
  trial jobs- before you find your ideal career
  identity.

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Getting the Most from College

• Immerse yourself in the college scene. Try to
  live on campus or close to school join
  organizations if possible, avoid working long
  hours.
• Connect your classes to potential careers. Set up
  internships or research experiences with faculty.
  
• Make connections with professors. Reach out to at
  least one professor and be sure to see your
  advisor every semester. (If that advisor seems
  distant, ask a favorite professor to be your
  advisor!)
• Use these moratorium years to get to know people
  of different religions and ethnicities.

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Predicting College Success A Flow Chart
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Finding Love

• For most of history parents selected our mates.
  Within the past 25 years, the landscape of love
  is changing in these interesting ways
• We now have virtual datingmeeting your mate on
  the internet.
• We have much more cross-ethnic and interracial
  dating.
• Same sex relationships are much more acceptable.
• People often cohabit (or live together) before
  getting married.

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Coming Out to Mom and Dad

• Most gay young people tell a good friend first
  about their sexual orientation, not their
  parents, but many do come out to their families
  (at an average US age of about 19).
• Most parents accept, love, and rally around their
  gay daughters and sons, after a difficult period
  of coming to terms with their childs sexual
  orientation.
• However, each persons situation is unique.
  Diversity of parent-child relationships is the
  norm.
• Bottom line for gay emerging adults It may not
  be as bad as you expect, but trust your gut
  instincts about how your parents will respond.

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Cohabitation is on the rise
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Cohabitation A Fact Sheet

• People cohabit at every age but the prime
  cohabitation zone is between the ages of 18 and
  25 .
• Cohabitation is fulfilling the intimacy needs we
  used to get from marriage, but in a less
  committed way.
• Correlational studies show couples who cohabit
  before marriage are more likely to divorce but
  this does NOT mean that living together causes
  divorce.
• People cohabit for different reasons some as a
  way station on the pathway to being wed some
  without any thought of marrying.
• Bottom line- Dont buy into the stereotype that
  living together makes for a bad marriage!

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Mursteins Structured Three Phase Mate Selection
Theory

• 1) Stimulus Phase
• We approach people who visually appear to fit
  us I think this person looks like we might
  mesh.
• 2) Value Comparison Phase
• Then as we date we try to figure out whether we
  match up according to values.
• 3) Role Phase
• Now we have decided that this is the one, and
  discuss our plans for our shared life.
• BOTTOM LINE We match up by Homogamy or similarity

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More About Homogamy

• We tend to gravitate to similar others
• Through a passive process Example At that
  40,000 dollar a year private college, your family
  can afford, you are likely to meet other upper
  middle class kids who share your lifestyle.
• Through an active process As you choose to get
  involved in saving the whales or working for the
  College
• Republicans, you meet like minded people.
• Also your social network fosters homogamy If
  your family and friends like your mate (and you
  like your family and friends!) your relationship
  is more likely to develop and progress.

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BUT LOVE RELATIONSHIPS ARE LESS STRUCTURED AND
RATIONAL, TOO

• People in more enduring, happy relationships see
  their loved ones through rose-colored glasses
  (thinking they are unrealistically perfect).
• Event-driven relationships (REPEATEDLY breaking
  up getting back together, and then breaking up)
  is not a good sign.
• Dont think that if things didnt work its the
  fault of your personality or even your partner.
  Random events influence the course of
  relationships, too.

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Homogamy
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The Impact of Personality Adult Attachment Styles

• Basic premise Just as with children, we can
  categorize adults into distinctive attachment
  styles
• Preoccupied/ ambivalent (insecure)
• Clingy needy over engulfing
• Avoidant/dismissive (insecure)
• Withholding aloof distant
• Securely attached
• Joyfully able to reach out in love
• Responsive to a mates signals
• More likely to have happy marriages or be
  involved in enduring relationships

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Do Attachment Styles Shift? Sometimes

• Self-fulfilling prophecies help keep attachment
  styles stable.
• Clingy people tend to be rejected more often.
• Avoidant people tend to remain isolated.
• A secure individual lives in an atmosphere of
  love.
• Still, attachment styles can and do change
• Being in a loving relationship can make us
  secure.
• After experiencing a traumatic love affair we
  can temporarily become insecure.

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Evaluating your own relationship