Personal Finance: Another Perspective

1
Personal Finance Another Perspective

• Family 1 Money and Marriage
• Note Most of the ideas from this section are
  from Gordon B. Hinckleys Proclamation on the
  Family and Bernard E. Poduska, For Love and
  Money How to share the same checkbook and still
  love each other, Brooks/Cole Publishing, 1993.
  The book is a great resource, but out of print.
  It can be purchased at Amazon.com or ebay.com.

2
Objectives

• A. Understand the key principles of money and
  marriage
• B. Understand why money may be an issue in
  relationships
• C. Understand a few recommendations for money
  and marriage

3
Personal Financial Plan

• Section XI. Money and Relationships
• If you fill out TT21 - Questions on Money and the
  Family you will fulfill the requirements for
  this section. It covers family and finances
  including
• How did your family handle their finances?
• How did they teach you financial responsibility?
• How did they prepare for missions and education?
• Action Plan
• How will you handle finances in your family?
• How will you teach your children finance?
• How will you save for your childrens education
  and missions?

4
Ten Key Principles of Marriage and Money

• Are there principles of marriage and money that
  can help us to be happier and wiser stewards over
  our blessings?
• Yes
• Are there only ten?
• No
• But these will at least give you something to
  think about as you ponder this topic
• You will likely have many more than ten principles

5
Key Principles of Marriage and Money (continued)

• 1. The family is ordained of God
• From the Proclamation on the Family, it states
• The family is ordained of God. Marriage between
  man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.
  Children are entitled to birth within the bonds
  of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a
  mother who honor marital vows with complete
  fidelity. (Proclamation on the Family, 1995)
• President Hinckley said
• We must work at our responsibility as parents as
  if everything in life counted on it, because in
  fact everything in life does. If we fail in our
  home, we fail in our lives. No man is truly
  successful who has failed in his home. (Each a
  Better Person, Ensign, Nov. 2002, 99.)

6
Principles of Marriage and Money (continued)

• 2. Your spouse has priority
• President David O. McKay said
• Let me assure you, Brethren, that some day you
  will have a personal priesthood interview with
  the Savior, Himself. . . I will tell you the
  order in which He will ask you to account for
  your earthly responsibilities. First, He will
  request an accountability report about your
  relationship with your wife. Have you actively
  been engaged in making her happy and ensuring
  that her needs have been met as an individual?
  From Notes of Fred A. Baker, Managing Director,
  Department of Physical Facilities, as quoted by
  Robert D. Hales, BYU Devotional, 15 March 1988.

7
Principles of Marriage and Money (continued)

• 3. Marriage partners are equal
• From the Proclamation on the Family, it states
• By divine design, fathers are to preside over
  their families in love and righteousness and are
  responsible to provide the necessities of life
  and protection for their families. Mothers are
  primarily responsible for the nurture of their
  children. In these sacred responsibilities,
  fathers and mothers are obligated to help one
  another as equal partners. (Proclamation on the
  Family, 1995)
• Equal partners means both have equal
  responsibility and equal say in financial matters

8
Principles of Marriage and Money (continued)

• Control of money by one spouse as a source of
  power, or failure to be a part of financial
  management are both inappropriate. Elder Marvin
  J. Ashton wrote
• Management of family finances should be mutual
  between husband and wife in an attitude of
  openness and trust. Control of the money by one
  spouse as a source of power and authority causes
  inequality in the marriage and is inappropriate.
  Conversely, if a marriage partner voluntarily
  removes himself or herself entirely from family
  financial management, that is an abdication of
  necessary responsibility. (Marvin J. Ashton,
  Guide to Family Finance, Liahona, Apr. 2000, 42)

9
Principles of Marriage and Money (continued)

• 4. Marriage partners should seek the best
  interests of the family.
• From the LDS Family Relations manual it states
• When a husband and wife work together to manage
  their finances, they become unified in an
  important effort to set their home in order.
  Some of the most serious problems in marriage
  arise when financial resources are not managed
  carefully and in the best interest of the family.
  (LDS Church, Marriage and Family Relations
  Instructors Manual, A Strengthening Marriages,
  8 Managing Family Finances, Purpose, 2000, 35.)
• We should follow the example of Christ. Nephi
  said
• He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit
  of the world for he loveth the world. (2 Nephi
  2624)

10
Principles of Marriage and Money (continued)

• 5. Financial problems are usually behavioral
  problems, not money problems
• The Lord shared a parable in which explained
• For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling
  into a far country. . . and delivered unto them
  his goods. And unto one he gave five talents, to
  another two, and to another one But he that had
  received one talent went and digged in the
  earth, and hid his lords money. (Matt 2514-18)
• All three had the same opportunity. It wasnt
  money, but the use of that money that made the
  difference. The Lord expects more from us!

11
Principles of Marriage and Money (continued)

• 6. Change is necessary
• If you always do what you have done, you will
  always get what you have always got!
• For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also
  reap. (Galatians 67 )
• If you
• Continue to spend instead of save, you will
  continue living from paycheck to paycheck.
• Continue to borrow to support a lifestyle, you
  will continue to get further and further into
  debt
• Continue to save and invest wisely, you will
  likely continue to achieve your goals

12
Principles of Marriage and Money (continued)

• 7. Money spent on things you value leads to
  satisfaction and accomplishment.
• In Matthew 624, 31-33 it states
• No man can serve two masters for either he will
  hate the one, and love the other or else he will
  hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot
  serve God and mammon. . . But seek ye first the
  kingdom of God, and his righteousness and all
  these things shall be added unto you.
• If you know your goals, you will spend your money
  on those things that you value. If you do not,
  you will scatter your resources (and your time)
  trying to determine what is important to you.

13
Principles of Marriage and Money (continued)

• 8. Financial freedom is more the result of
  decreased spending than increased income
• In Psalms 2120 it states There is treasure to
  be desired and oil in the dwelling of the wise
  but a foolish man spendeth it up.
• There is a difference between financial
  independence and financial freedom
• Financial independence is the acquisition of
  enough wealth to enable you to sustain a high
  standard of living without further effort
• Financial freedom is having enough discretionary
  income to enable you to make the financial
  choices that are important to you

14
Principles of Marriage and Money (continued)

• 9. Spouses are to leave their parents and become
  one
• Therefore shall a man leave his father and his
  mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they
  shall be one flesh. (Genesis 224)
• Spouses are to leave the things their parents
  did, including the things their parents did
  incorrectly
• The are to work together to become one one in
  purpose, one in unity, and one in goals

15
Principles of Marriage and Money (continued)

• 10. The best things in life are free
• Nothing is more important than eternal life
• Seek not for riches but for wisdom, and behold,
  the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto you,
  and then shall you be made rich. Behold, he that
  hath eternal life is rich. (DC 67, 117)
• The things which are truly the most important to
  us, and that will make a difference in our lives
  are not those things which cost money
• They are those things which bring us closer
  together as families and communities, both
  temporally and spiritually.

16
Summary of the 10 Key Principles of Marriage and
Money

• 1. The family is ordained of God
• 2. No one or nothing is more important than your
  spouse
• 3. Partners are equal
• 4. Partners should seek the best interests of
  the family
• 5. Financial problems are usually behavioral
  problems, not money problems

17
Principles of Marriage and Money (continued)

• 6. Change is necessary.
• 7. Money spent on things you value leads to
  satisfaction and accomplishment
• 8. Financial freedom is more the result of
  decreased spending than increased income
• 9. Spouses are to leave their parents and become
  one.
• 10. The best things in life are free

18
Questions

• Any questions on the 10 key principles of
  Marriage and Money?

19
B. Understand Why Money May be an Issue in
Marriage

• Elder James E. Faust commented
• Money itself seems neither to make a couple
  happy, nor the lack of it, necessarily, to make
  them unhappy, but money is often a symbol of
  selfishness. (James E. Faust, The Enriching of
  Marriage, Ensign, Nov. 1977, 9.)
• To minimize money problems in marriage, we should
  learn the potential problem areas and know how to
  eliminate them
• What are the potential problem areas in marriage?

20
Why Money May be an Issue (continued)

• In a survey conducted by Worth magazine
• Couples admitted to fighting about money more
  than anything else.
• A staggering 57 of those surveyed agreed with
  the statement, In every marriage, money
  eventually becomes the most important concern.
  (Eric Tyson, Personal Finance for Dummies, IDG
  Books Worldwide, 2000. p. 10)
• Why do you think this is the case?
• What do you think are the major reasons money is
  such an issue in marriage and relationships?

21
Lack of Financial Knowledge

• Why the lack of knowledge regarding personal
  finance?
• Ignorance
• They truly dont know about personal finance
• Carelessness
• They know, but dont want to put it into practice
• Compulsiveness
• They know, but cant discipline their spending
• Pride
• They know but dont do, because how they look to
  others is more important than how they look to God

22
Lack of Knowledge (continued)

• What can be done?
• Ignorance
• Learn about finance. Finish this series. Make
  learning a lifelong process.
• Write out your personal and family goals, and
  complete your personal and financial plan
• Carelessness
• Become exact in all you do
• Keep good records and keep learning
• Get and stay on a budget
• Be accountable for your spending

23
Lack of Knowledge (continued)

• Compulsiveness
• Learn to live a disciplined life
• Ask Does this action get me closer to or farther
  from my personal / family goals?
• If it brings you closer, do it.
• Pride
• Put God first in your lives
• Ask Does this action bring me closer to God
  and obedience to His commandments?
• If it doesnt, dont do it.

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2. Lack of Communication

• Why is communication between spouses so critical?
• Communication is a sign of respect between
  spouses
• Be willing to understand, discuss, and reconcile
  attitudes early in a relationship
• Resolve misunderstandings before they escalate
• Implement family processes that promote trust and
  mutual discussion

25
Lack of Communication (continued)

• What can be done?
• Develop a regular communication plan (weekly,
  monthly, quarterly, annually)
• Ideally, a weekly finance/inventory meeting where
  you discuss finances, budget, investments, etc.
  should be one of your most important meetings
  (after church meetings, FHE, temple attendance
  and weekly dates)

26
Differences in Financial Personality Types and
Family Baggage

• How have family rules and personalities shaped
  your attitudes and beliefs about finances?
• Think how you were brought up
• Your spouse was likely brought up differently

27
Financial Personality Types (continued)

• Miser
• Dad/mom pays cash for everything
• Mom/dad pays the bills and kept the books
• The family never talks about money
• The family never knows where they are financially
• Spender
• Dad/moms motto is shop til you drop
• Mom/dad always feel that things will work out
• There is no budgeting or planning for major
  purchases, and no planning for the future
• If I cant take it with me, then Im not going!

28
Financial Personality Types (continued)

• Unequally Yoked
• Mom/dad only gives spouse a little money each
  weekspouse has to ask whenever they want
  anything else
• Mom/dad has the final saythe purse is power
• Mom and dad are not equal partners
• Selfish Provider
• Dad/mom said since they earned the money, they
  would decide where the money went
• Mom/dad has to ask when they need money
• There are no goals, no budget, or plan for large
  purchases, future retirement, or education

29
Financial Personality Types (continued)

• Sleeper
• Disasters and crisis happen to others, not us.
• We pay tithing--its like guaranteed insurance. .
  .
• We dont have to plan, because things always work
  out
• The Wise Steward
• We pay the Lord first, and ourselves second
• We save part of everything we earn
• We share basic financial information as a family
• We are wise stewards over all we have

30
Financial Personality Types (continued)

• What can be done?
• Recognize that you and your spouse grew up
  differently
• Accept it! Work it out together
• While you cannot control how you were brought up,
  you can control how you work together
• Work together as equal Christlike partners
• Work through communication and the development of
  common goals
• Know what you both want to accomplish in life,
  then work toward those goals

31
Financial Personality Types (continued)

• Elder Robert D. Hales said
• If the example we have received from our parents
  was not good, it is our responsibility to break
  the cycle. Each person can learn a better way
  and in so doing bless the lives of family members
  now and teach correct traditions for the
  generations that follow. (How Will Our Children
  Remember Us? Ensign, Nov. 1993, p. 10).

32
4. Lack of Shared Goals

• Why does the lack of shared goals result in so
  many problems in marriages?
• Marriage
• Family
• Friends
• Service
• Missions
• Worthy causes

33
Lack of Shared Goals (continued)

• What can be done?
• Individually write down your personals goals
• Then as a couple, discuss each others goals with
  the goal solely to understand
• You do not evaluate or criticize their goals
• As a couple, write your Family Financial Plan
  incorporating both family and personal goals
  together
• Develop family goals, then prioritize your family
  goals
• Work toward what you think are your most
  important goals

34
Lack of Shared Goals (continued)

• Then write your other goals
• Starting a family
• Educating your children, helping them during
  school, and helping them during and after
  college
• Charitable giving
• Owning a business
• Saving for a big purchase (a car, a trip to
  China, etc).
• Recreation and vacations

35
Lack of Shared Goals (continued)

• Remember to always keep your priorities in order
• Pay the Lord firstan honest tithing and generous
  offerings
• Pay yourself second and invest your money wisely.
  Live on a budget and get and stay out of debt
• Prepare for emergencies, with cash reserves, food
  storage, and adequate insurance
• Save for retirement, and then education and
  missions for your children
• Allocate funds wisely for other personal and
  financial goals

36
5. Lack of Gospel Maturity

• Why do problems arise when we do not live our
  lives consistent with the way we know we should
  live?
• As we study, ponder, pray, and live the gospel,
  we live worthy of the influence of the Holy
  Ghost. We then can have strength and inspiration
  to understand where we are, to recognize our
  weaknesses, and to know what we need to do.
• Then, with that knowledge, we can work so that
  our weaknesses can be made strengths with Gods
  help. (Ether 1227)

37
Gospel Maturity (continued)

• Gospel maturity is doing those things necessary
  to bring us back to our Heavenly Father. King
  Benjamin gave us the method for becoming mature
  in the gospel
• For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has
  been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever
  and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of
  the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man
  and becometh a saint through the atonement of
  Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child,
  submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love,
  willing to submit to all things which the Lord
  seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child
  doth submit to his father. (Mosiah 319)

38
Reasons Money may be an Issue (continued)

• What can be done?
• Remember your ultimate goal, which is exaltation
  with your spouse
• Behold he that hath eternal life is rich.
  (DC67)
• Remember your ultimate interview with the Savior.
• Work on those things that will be asked first
• Remember your stewardship over your blessings
• You will have to give an accounting
• Remember to choose wisely
• For you are His steward and are accountable for
  your choices

39
C. Recommendations for Money and Marriage

• Following are a few ideas which have been helpful
  in my marriage
• Please note that I am not a family therapist or
  expert in family matters. I just have seven kids
  and am still married
• I am only a teacher with a few ideas (and ideas
  can be very dangerous!!!)

40
Recommendations (continued)

• 1. Delegate Action but Share Responsibility
• It's not unusual for one spouse to play the
  primary role in managing the finances, but it is
  critical that both are involved and aware.
• Make sure both are involved
• If one has more knowledge, it is their
  responsibility to teach the other
• Switch responsibilities each year or so
• Be certain you can clearly articulate all assets
  and liabilities and locate the necessary back-up
  documentation.
• Hide no spending from each other
• Hide no assets or liabilities from each other

41
Recommendations (continued)

• While some decisions may be delegated, major
  decisions must be agreed on beforehand.
• Set a limit over which purchases must be
  discussed, i.e. 20, except groceries.
• This will increase as your assets increase
• Remember that managing the various dimensions of
  your partnership is a shared mutual
  responsibility
• If both are not on the same page financially,
  help each other learn about financial
  responsibility
• Teach your spouse, because once you are gone,
  your spouse will have to do the work

42
Recommendations (continued)

• 2. Develop family goals as a couple
• Develop and work on specific family goals
• Agree on and write down your family goals
• Saving should be a weekly activity
• Opinions should be discussed freely and openly
  without fear of ridicule.
• We must agree to disagree agreeably
• If you have concerns about your partner's
  spending, financial decisions or your delegated
  role in managing money, make sure you express
  those thoughts and opinions in a Christ-like
  manner
• Memorize and follow DC 121 34-46.

43
Recommendations (continued)

• 3. Separate real" from imagined problems
• Too often arguments over money are about things
  entirely different. Separate out the real from
  the imagined problems
• Finances and the things you "own" are very
  tangible assets, and hence it is easy to project
  emotional issues onto these money matters.
• Think carefully before discussing these concerns
• Ensure there isn't a larger problem at the core
• Set up an established time when you can discuss
  spending and financial issues
• Avoid discussing finances at a time or place that
  may have or cause pre-existing stress

44
Recommendations (continued)

• 4. Keep the romance alive
• Elder L. Tom Perry counseled
• Perhaps it would also be appropriate to have a
  date with our wives each week, to remind us of
  the great blessing they are in our lives. (L. Tom
  Perry, Family Traditions, Ensign, May 1990,
  19.)
• I further encourage time alone each quarter and
  each year with only your spouse (without the
  kids)
• After all, when the kids are grown, there will
  still be the two of you

45
Questions

• Any questions on why money may be an issue in
  relationships, and what you can do to minimize
  those issues?

46
Review of Objectives

• A. Do you understand the key principles of money
  and marriage?
• B. Do you understand why money may be an issue in
  Marriage?
• C. Do you understand a few recommendations on
  Money and Marriage?

47
Review Problems

• 1. What were the 10 major principles of money
  and marriage? Why are they so important?
• 2. What were the five major issues in money and
  marriage discussed in this section? Why are they
  so important?

48
Review Answers (continued)

• 1. The key Principles of Marriage and Money are
• 1. The family is ordained of God
• There is no higher earthly institution or
  organization. It must be first on your priority
  list
• 2. No one or nothing is more important than your
  spouse
• Your spouse has priority over all things,
  including job, hobbies, friends, money, and all
  other things
• They should know and feel it

49
Review Answers (continued)

• 3. Partners are equal
• Your spouse is equal in all areas, including the
  responsibility with you in fulfilling your
  parental responsibilities. Neither of you should
  have power over the other. The Lord counseled
• No power or influence can or ought to be
  maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by
  persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and
  meekness, and by love unfeigned. (DC 12141)

50
Review Answers (continued)

• 4. Partners should seek the best interests of
  the family
• All actions of the spouses should be in the best
  interests of the family.
• Since the family last throughout eternity, work
  on that which lasts longest
• 5. Financial problems are usually behavioral
  problems, not money problems
• Determine the reason for the poor behavior, and
  work on that

51
Review Answers (continued)

• 6. Change is necessary to improve
• None of us are perfect
• We should first work on improving ourselves
  first, then try to show our spouses-- through
  example--the best way to go
• 7. Money spent on things you value leads to
  satisfaction and accomplishment
• Know what you want to accomplish in life, then
  work on those things.
• Those should be the most important things to you.

52
Review Answers (continued)

• 8. Financial freedom is more the result of
  decreased spending than increased income
• Happiness is not dependent on money, but our
  attitude toward our spouses and what we have been
  blessed with
• We should be willing to curb our spending on
  things that are not important
• 9. Spouses are to leave their parents and become
  one.
• Spouses need to stop the traditions of the
  fathers and do things the way they, as a couple,
  consider most important.

53
Review Answers (continued)

• 10. The best things in life are free
• The things which are most important, the things
  which bring eternal life, are free.
• And, if you keep my commandments and endure to
  the end you shall have eternal life, which gift
  is the greatest of all the gifts of God. (DC
  147)

54
Review Answers (continued)

• 2. The five most common problems regarding
  finance in marriage are
• 1. Lack of financial knowledge
• Knowledge is important to make good decisions.
• But knowledge by itself is insufficient.
• You must be willing to act on that knowledge

55
Review Answers (continued)

• 2. Lack of communication
• Relationships require communication to stay
  healthy.
• Develop processes to ensure time to communicate
  effectively in all areas of you lives
• 3. Differences in financial personality types
  and family baggage
• We were all brought up differently.
• While we cannot change how we were brought up, we
  can change how we work together as partners

56
Review Answers (continued)

• 4. Lack of shared financial goals
• It is critical that partners be working toward
  the same general goals.
• Set those goals together and then work on them
  together
• 5. Lack of gospel maturity
• Gospel maturity is not just knowing what you
  should do, but doing it as well
• The more willing we are to do what needs to be
  done as a partner, the better the marriage will
  be and the more likely we will be able to return
  with our families to heavenly Fathers presence.

57
Case Study 1

• I received the following email. What problems do
  you see and what recommendations would you make?
• I would be interested in a unit on the emotional
  component of money, and how to avoid contention
  when two people have opposite ideas of how money
  is to be managed. Sometimes, the pathway of
  applying correct principles leads right to the
  doorway of contention.
• For example one spouse believes in your advice
  to save a small amount of money. The other
  spouse refuses to allow that and insists on
  spending it. If the spender is the husband and
  the saver is the wife, how do you reconcile those
  positions while avoiding contention?

58
Case Study 1 (continued)

• Second email
• How does the more sophisticated money manager
  spouse, say the wife, remain patient with the
  more primitive money manager, say the husband,
  when real financial harm or financial chaos is
  being created? How can that be tolerated in
  order to avoid contention? Which is the higher
  priority avoiding contention or working to stop
  the financial hemorrhaging?
• And the second issue involves the difference in
  risk tolerances of husbands' and wives, i.e., the
  husband has a particular talent and has started
  his own business, the wife wants a steady
  paycheck. If the pros and cons are of equal
  weight in both scenarios, doesnt the husbands
  idea win by default if he is the wage earner?

59
Case Study 1 (continued)

• Another point is that the presentation seemed to
  assume that the viewers came from LDS families
  I for one am a convert, and did not grow up with
  parents who saved for a mission or paid tithing.
  In fact, I have to be extremely careful about my
  tithe paying as it is an extremely sore subject
  for my non-member family who disapproves of the
  practice.
• Again yet another scenario in which it is the
  very act of trying to obey correct principles
  leads to contention and opposition within the
  family. You have my permission to use my
  questions and concerns.
• Signed

60
Case Study 1 Answers

• Following are a few possible areas of concern
• Marriage partners are equal. It doesnt seem so
  from this email. It appears that the writer is
  appealing to an outside authority to support what
  they think is correct. It appears communication
  may have broken down between spouses
• Control of money as power. It appears there is a
  type of money control question heremoney is
  power. This money as power is inappropriate
  for equal partners
• Best interests. It appears that both may not be
  seeking the best interests of the family but
  may be trying to further their own interests.
  Family interests must be put first

61
Case Study 1 Answers (continued)

• Behavioral problems. This appears to me to be,
  at least in part, a behavioral issue and not a
  finance issue. It seems communication is a major
  concern here, and finances are the representation
  of that issue
• Change. It seems from the reading that both
  assume an unwillingness or an unlikely ability to
  change, both individually and as a couple
• Respect. From the choice of adjectives I sense a
  loss of respect sophisticated versus primitive,
  saving versus spending, etc. Perhaps this is to
  make a point but it causes concerns.
• Leave parents. It seems like one spouse has not
  left their parents. Financial decisions are
  between husband and wife, not between spouse and
  parents

62
Case Study 1 Answers (continued)

• Following are a few recommendations that may be
  helpful for this couple
• Build the relationship. Assume both spouses are
  trying to do what is best, and that both are
  trying. Realize that there may be differences of
  opinion, and that is OK. They should first work
  to understand, and then be understood.
• Develop individual and family goals. There
  appears to be a difference as to the goals of the
  spouses. They should work together to come up
  with shared individual and family goals

63
Case Study 1 Answers (continued)

• Build the financial knowledge of the couple and
  family. Perhaps the spouse could recommend some
  reading on the importance of becoming financially
  self-reliant. There are a number of good
  articles by the leaders which can help. They
  could also do some Family Home Evening lessons on
  personal finance.
• Resolve family differences. There appears to be
  a difference in how each was brought up and how
  they relate to their families. While they cannot
  control how they were brought up, they can decide
  how they will do things in their family. And
  they should do it in the best interests of
  their family.

64
Case Study 1 Answers (continued)

• Improve communication and problem-solving skills.
  There seems to be concerns in this area. They
  need to make finances a part of their weekly
  companionship interview where they discuss
  finances, children, scheduling, goals, etc.
• Strengthen testimonies. Finally, they should
  work to strengthen their testimonies and live
  according to the gospel of Jesus Christ. They
  need to work to bring Heavenly Father into the
  relationship through prayer, scripture study,
  etc. When they are doing what God would have them
  do, they can have His help. Since families are
  ordained of God, God will help them resolve their
  differences and become more like Him.