Partnering with Parents The Empowerment Factor

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Partnering with Parents The Empowerment Factor
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Our Agenda

• The Dynamics of Parenting Teens
• How Parent Empowerment links to Student Success
  for Teens.
• Effective Communication Strategies
• Parental Development and Family Systems
• Parent Empowerment Principles

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Parents Biggest Fear Life and Death

• My biggest fear is that she makes it out of
  her teens ALIVE and without problems that will
  follow her for the rest of her life.

Source ChangeWorks Publishing Consulting
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Whats the hardest part of parenting teenagers
today?
Most of society seems to be giving a
diametrically opposed message to the ones I am
giving my kids. The outside message from
films, TV, music and the media seems to be
have sex, drink and take drugs, resort to
violence to solvedisputes,treat partners badly,
and never confide in your parents. Oh, and
driving fast is cool, too.
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The hardest part is
maintaining the values in our house despite the
daily deluge of inappropriate messages.
keeping them safe and letting them experience
life for themselves...
trying to place yourself between Gestapo and
friend.
managing their defiance
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Parents say

• Being a parent is wonderful.
• I wouldnt trade it for the world.
• 96 agreed

• Source Public Agenda A Lot Easier Said Than
  Done

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One dad said
I want to know where the manual is. When you
get a piece of electronics it comes with a book.
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Parents want to teach values

• to be honest, courteous, reliable
• to have self-discipline, good nutrition,
  religious faith
• to always do the best in school
• to save money and spend carefully

• Source Public Agenda A Lot Easier Said Than
  Done

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In actuality

• There is a sizeable gap between what parents say
  they want to teach their kids, and what they do
  teach them.

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• TRAIT VALUED SUCCESS
  UNSUCCESSFUL
• Disciplined 83 34 49
• Thrifty 70 28 42
• Honest 91 55 36
• Academic focus 82 50 32
• Good nutrition 68 40 28
• Good manners 84 62 22

• Source Public Agenda A Lot Easier Said Than
  Done

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Parents Universal Truths

• Children do best when parents set limits and
  enforce them.
• Sometimes kids must make mistakes and learn from
  the consequences.
• Parents have to pick their battles.
• Being too strict can backfire.
• Things are harder when both parents have to
  work.

• Source Public Agenda A Lot Easier Said Than
  Done

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Trying their best.

• The parents we interviewed are anything but
  thoughtless about how they ought to raise their
  children. If at times they seem riddled with
  ambivalence and tension, conflicted about how
  best to respond to a given situation, they also
  convey how seriously they are struggling to
  figure out how to balance their desire to raise
  independent, self-disciplined youngsters while
  protecting them from the dangers lurking.

• Source Public Agenda A Lot Easier Said Than
  Done

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Sometimes, parenting teenagers feels
paradoxical.
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Parents feel conflicted between

• Pressuring their kids for academic success

• Their desire to make children more self-reliant

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Paradox

• Parents feel disconnected from their teenagers
  even though they are trying to stay connected to
  them.
• Parents feel dis-empowered when their teens push
  away.
• Parents often feel like failures when they have
  less control over their teens. This tends to make
  parents withdraw more and not seek the help
  they may need.

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PARENT EMPOWERMENT PRINCIPLE

• Begin with the assumption that parents care.

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PARENT EMPOWERMENT PRINCIPLE

• Validation,
• encouragement and support
• is vital.

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Parents complain about

• Culture and media
• Balancing guidance and freedom
• Teaching healthy attitudes
• Communication

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PARENT EMPOWERMENT PRINCIPLE

• Risky behavior is
• viewed in a
• broad context.

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How Parent Empowerment Links to Student Success
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What influences parents involvement?

• Beliefs
• what parents believe they are supposed to do in
  relation to their childrens education
• Welcoming attitude
• from school and students
• Efficacy
• parents confidence in their ability to provide
  the necessary help for their children

Source A New Wave of Evidence The Impact of
School, Family and Community Connections on
Student Achievement annual synthesis 2002 (44)
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Effective family involvement processes
Source Harvard Family Research Project
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From one middle school principal

• We have parents who are
• powerful but not
• empowered.

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Confidence
Empowered Parents
Knowledge
Connections
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Communicating Effectively

• Effective communication with parents is
• Personal
• One-to-one
• One-to-many
• Two-way
• Frequent advertising rule is 5 7 contacts
• Multi-channelprint, e-mail, website, signs,
  newsletters, phone calls

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PARENT EMPOWERMENT PRINCIPLE

• Effective communication
• is created intentionally

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Discuss/Update Your Plan

• Do you/how do you recognize, validate and support
  the emotional experiences of parents?
• How might you improve in this area?
• To effectively empower parents requires a broad
  spectrum of attitudes and activities. List the
  most important
• Attitudesand what you can do to foster them
• Activitieswhat needs to be added to your plan?
• How can you help parents gain the knowledge and
  the connections that are so vital?

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• Parental Development
• and
• Family Systems

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Parental DevelopmentParental Awareness Measure

• Level I
• Me Firstfocus is on parents needs
• Level II
• Follow the Rulesfocus on traditions
• Level III
• We are Individualsfocus on childs needs
• Level IV
• Living and Growing Togetherfocus on balancing
  childs and parents needs

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Parenting Process Parental Thinking

• Some parents accept everything from authority
  figures.
• Some accept only ones own concrete experiences,
  feelings, beliefs
• Some can synthesize and combine ideas from all
  perspectives.

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Family Systems Characteristics

• Boundaries
• Roles
• Rules
• Climate
• Equilibrium

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Adult Learning Principles

• Adults draw on their own experiences
• Adults learn best when adult learning strategies
  are involved
• -Listening
• -Assessing
• -Dialogue
• -Problem-solving
• -Reflection

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PARENT EMPOWERMENT PRINCIPLES

• Begin with the assumption that parents care.
• Validation, encouragement and support is vital.
• Risky behavior is viewed in a broad context.
• Effective communication is created intentionally.
  
• Address adults in a manner that respects their
  varying developmental stages, learning styles and
  their adult learning needs.

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Resources from ChangeWorks
Tips booklets
Audio programs, podcasts,
Parent discussion group program
Research
Websites Free articles, tips,
newsletter www.ParentingTeensInfo.comwww.PleaseSt
optheRollercoaster.com 1-800-234-2150