Tracking Changes

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Tracking Changes Improving Clarity

• Greg Zeck, Instructor English DepartmentNormanda
  le Community College

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Clarity just what do we mean?

• Tech writing applications
• Jargon and inappropriate tech terms
• Passive voice
• Parallel constructions
• Failure to think from audiences pov
• Other writing applications
• What does my audience know believe?
• How do I deal with text?
• How do I make my own ideas clear?

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MS Words Track Changes feature

• Revision new eyes
• Visual cues show changes in a different color
• Writers and editors changes appear in different
  colors
• Color shows changes traditional rewrites
• Showing, not telling, spurs improvements

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Redaction services

• Redaction writing, editing, or editing to
  remove sensitive content
• Redaction, in the classroom, might mean rather
  removing insensitive unclear content

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Redaction in the classroom

• A visual and dramatic attempt to show students
  the difference between night day
• Tech writing objectives include
• Clarity
• Conciseness
• Accuracy
• Organization

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Redaction software

• Freedom of Information Act requires improved
  transparency in government business
  communications
• What if hidden info in documents leaks out?
• Legal system now depends on electronic filing of
  court documents and email, so these docs must be
  secure

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Plodding along vs. hot pursuit

• Traditional editing
• Reluctant distracted students in a group
• Track changes
• Individual edits own paper
• Partner one-on-one exchange
• Group -- discussion, go to Word
• Credit for individual effort
• Credit for group effort too

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One paragraph in search of redactors

• Tech writing example on D2L
• Open the document in Word

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Problems with the redaction paragraph

• Must understand redaction
• Must understand the process, as much as possible,
  from the customer point of view
• Must understand the agents of these steps
• Must not be confused by passive voice
• Must try to keep constructions parallel
• Just whos doing what for whom?

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May I have the next redaction, please?

• In Word, turn on Track Changes
• Put your name at the top of document
• Notice the color
• The color of blood, not the color of money
• Now, redact the passage for clarity

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Talk about clarity

• Post your redaction on Discussions
• Check how we did, and how we fumbled for the
  right words
• Discuss merits of various redactions

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My students 1st redactions

• A few student redactions on D2L
• Didnt recognize passive voice all the time
• Didnt always use parallel syntax
• Didnt always make it clear who was doing what
  (agent)

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My next step in the classroom

• Discuss 1st redactions
• Explain in greater detail the criteria for
  redacting
• The process
• Passive voice
• Agency
• Parallel syntax

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And then?

• Group redactions
• Students discuss, in small groups, what changes
  are needed
• May take up specific roles, for example
• Passive voice
• Agency
• Syntax
• Change tracking posting (on D2L)

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May we have the results, please

• Groups used original text
• I reacted (redacted) with comments
• Sample group redactions
• Note improvements
• Reason for hope

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Individual approach to tracking changes

• Student writes (document lastname.rtf)
• Instructor comments using Track Changes(document
  lastname_read.rtf)
• Student revises using Track Changes on
  instructors document (document2 lastname.rtf)

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Group approach to tracking changes

• Student writes individual paper
• Instructor comments using Track Changes
• Group revises posts changes

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Freshman comp personal group redactions with
Track Changes

• Read Chekhovs Lady with the Dog
• Russian story, 1899, tends to enlist moral(istic)
  responses
• Had students write essayette on D2L
• What does Chekhov think of the two lovers?
• What do you think about them?

IT was said that a new person had appeared on the
sea-front a lady with a little dog. Dmitri
Dmitritch Gurov, who had by then been a fortnight
at Yalta, and so was fairly at home there, had
begun to take an interest in new arrivals.
Sitting in Verney's pavilion, he saw, walking on
the sea-front, a fair-haired young lady of medium
height, wearing a béret a white Pomeranian dog
was running behind her.
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The 1st essays

• Tended not to be in focus
• Tended not to use as much evidence as should
• Relied, instead, too much on personal opinion
  (2nd question)

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Pedagogical response as redaction

• My comments via Track Changes
• Look at 1-2 examples on D2L
• Something I do in online classes all the time
• Try to stress same major points for everyone

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Individual rewrites, optional

• A few revised their 1st drafts and did much
  better
• More focused on story
• More use of in-text evidence
• Separation of their opinion from authors views
• Strong subtle perceptions
• 1-2 examples

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The methods, then

• Individual redactions
• Instructor comments on draft in Track Changes
• Student revises via Words Track Changes
• Instructor makes final comments grade
• Group redactions
• Groups form
• Instructor discusses criteria
• Group discusses work
• Group redacts via Words Track Changes