HarvardRadcliffe Class of 1979

1
HR 79 2009 Report Whats more interesting than
us?
2
www.HR1979.com

• todays presentation
• Overall survey results

3
Our Agenda

• Harvard Radcliffe MJR
• Marriage family MJR
• Health, lifestyle, fertility JCS
• Careers, work money JCS
• Sex JCS

• Spirituality MJR
• Politics JCS
• Happiness MJR
• Open ended ?s JCS
• Changes across the years MJR

4
Overview - 150 responses

• 61 Male
• 89 Caucasian, 3 Hispanic, 3 African American,
  5 Asian
• 40 Urban, 51 suburban, 6 small town, 3 rural
• 93 heterosexual
• 28 Protestant, 16 Jewish, 17 Catholic, 30
  atheist or agnostic

5
Starting at the beginning Harvard?

• 52 encountered most stimulating people at HR
• 58 for women
• 48 for men
• For 19 of us, closest friends are HR folks
• 65 look back w/ pride, 78 w/ fondness, 50 w/
  gratitude, 17 regret, 3 anger

6
Impact on career and personal satisfaction

• Career
• HR significant impact on career for 57
• HR afforded me opportunities I never dreamed of
  for 10
• Personal Satisfaction
• Significant effect for 57
• Life changing for 24

7
HR Today...better or worse than 30 years ago?

• 17 no clue
• 18 worse and much worse
• 9 much better
• 56 somewhat better
• 3 X as many women think much worse, and 2X as
  many men think much better (small s)

8
Marriage, Family

• 8 of Men, 9 of Women, Never Married
• 75 both men and women married 1X
• 11 women, 15 men married 2X
• 6 women, 1 men married 3X
• Of the currently unmarried, 75 of women and 37
  of men would rather be married
• 85 With Kids
• 95 Of The Married Have Kids

9
Inbreeding

• 33 of women and 12 of men are married to a
  classmate
• 76 of classmate marriages described as great or
  very good compared to 80 of non-classmate
• 8 divorce rate for classmates vs. 24 for non

10
If not married, which of the following best
describes why you are not married?
11
My marriage or committed partnership is
12
Have you ever been unfaithful to your partner?
13
Have you ever attended counseling to attempt to
salvage or improve a marriage or relationship?
14
How old is your spouse? (3 have had a spouse
die)
15
What is your partner's highest level of education?
16
How many children do you have?
17
How old were you when you had your first child?
18
Children have changed my life
19
Who spends more time caring for the children?
20
How have children affected your relationship with
your partner?
21
My children are(check all that apply)
22
My children's high school was/will be
23
Do you have children in college?
24
Putting aside your own kid (if any) I believe the
current younger generation ( mid- to late teens)
is...
25
Again, leaving your own kids out, I believe this
younger generation is
26
Health, Fertility, Lifestyle
27
Have you or a partner undergone treatment to
enhance fertility or bring a pregnancy to term?
28
How much alcohol do you consume weekly? (1 beer1
glass of wine1 mixed drink)
29
How many cigarettes do you smoke daily?
30
How many times a week do you use recreational
drugs?
31
Have you ever been treated for substance abuse?
32
How many hours per week do you devote to exercise?
33
The level of stress in my life is
34
Have you ever sought psychiatric or psychological
counseling?
35
Have you taken prescription medication to treat
depression and/or anxiety?
36
Have you had cosmetic surgery/treatments to
(check all that apply)
37
Have you been diagnosed with any form of cancer?
38
Have you had any serious heart problems?
39
Conscientious?

• 76 of men have an annual prostate exam
• 84 of women have an annual mammogram

40
How many of your (birth) parents are still alive?
41
Are you responsible for or do you care for a
parent?
42
How many hours per month do you spend on
volunteer work?
43
Career, Work, Money

• 85 Went On To Further Education
• 77 work outside and 7 inside the home
• 58 Work In Business/Medicine/Law
• 2 retired
• 39 200K and gt Individual Income
• 65 200K and gt HH Inc.

44
What is your highest level of education?
45
If you work for money, how many hours per week do
you devote to paid work?
46
Are you a founder or co-founder of the enterprise
where you work?
47
Law, Business, Medicine 57
48
Business Law most lucrative
49
How many jobs have you held since graduating from
college?
50
How many times have you changed careers?
51
How frequently have you had to compromise your
ethical standards in pursuing a career?
52
If you work for pay, how would you describe your
feelings about your career?
53
47 of women stayed home w/ kids
54
Do you feel trapped in your career?
55
How satisfied are you with the balance you have
struck between a paying career vs. family,
friends community, self?
56
Have you ever been a victim of sexual harassment
in the workplace?
57
Have you ever been the victim of racial
discrimination in the workplace?
58
Have you ever been the victim of gender
discrimination in the workplace?
59
What was the primary factor in your choice of
work?
60
How often do you think that you might have chosen
the wrong work?
61
Have you attained the level of success you
anticipated you might enjoy 30 years out of
college?
62
Are you fairly compensated for the work you do?
63
All right, what is your annual personal earned
income?
64
And your annual household earned income?
65
And after were gone...

• 76 have a will
• 58 believe in the possibility of a significant
  inheritance for their children
• 65 not concerned about the prospect of leaving
  significant wealth to children, 35 are concerned

66
Income by Hours worked / week
67
Income by success attribution
68
Income by tenure w/ current employer
69
Income by primary motivation for career choice
70
Income by satisfaction level
71
Income by feelings about career
72
Income by feeling trapped
73
Income by satisfaction w/ balance career / family
/ friends / community / self
74
Income by level success
75
Income by feelings about compensation
76
If you won the lottery (and had zero financial
concerns)
77
And those dream jobs are...

• talk-show host
• photography, writing, teaching
• writer
• teach
• practicing psychiatry in Australia's outback
• Teaching
• Writing
• Political
• additional real estate development
• Dreaming
• volunteering overseas
• working farm in upstate NY
• helping disadvantaged people
• teaching
• Writing
• writer
• school system superintendent
• executive director of a non profit charity
• being a life coach

• photography
• setting up a film and television production co.
• Teaching or Acting
• reinventing public schools
• Writing and volunteering with kids
• Perform medical research full time.
• music and medicine,
• writing
• healthcare/public health in third world
• producing films
• writing books
• build more sentient underwater robots
• Boat captain
• Writing 
• I'd go back to Law School, get my degree.
• Write fiction
• Writing poetry composing music
• teaching
• politics / screen writing

78
SEX
79
How many times per month, on average, do you have
sex?
80
Lately, my sex life is
81
As I get older, my need for sex is
82
With how many people have you had sexual
intercourse?
83
Do you or your partner use Viagra or a similar
treatment?
84
How old is your spouse?
85
Have you ever been laid off or fired?
86
Which of the following best describes your
current marital status?
87
Lately, my sex life is
88
I live
89
Sex frequency by Spiritual Affiliation
90
If you work for money, how many hours per week do
you devote to paid work?
91
The level of stress in my life is
92
How much alcohol do you consume weekly? (1 beer1
glass of wine1 mixed drink)
93
I am a registered
94
Spirituality
95
Over the last 5 years, the importance of
spirituality to me has
96
Over the past 5 years, the importance of
organized religion to me has
97
Do you believe in God or a "higher power"?
98
How often do you attend religious services?
99
My child/ren is/are being or will be imbued with
100
Politics
101
I consider myself
102
For whom did you vote in the 2008 Presidential
election?
103
How would you rate Bush's presidency?
104
How would you rate Obama's presidency (so far)?
105
Have you changed your party affiliation since
1979?
106
Do you believe the country is better off now than
it was five years ago?
107
Do you work for social change?
108
Are you politically active in your community?
109
I am a registered
110
All right, what is your annual personal earned
income?
111
The biggest threat to the security of the U.S. is
112
Other...

• Out of control government spending
• growing national debt
• reliance on oil for energy
• Our own arrogance.
• lack of understanding other cultures/systems
• unbridled illegal immigration
• lack of proper education
• Lack of good education
• American affluence
• broken political model, can't address challenges
• oil instability
• Narcissistic "it's all about me" attitude in U.S.
• pervasive persuasive antagonism and ignorance
• government fiscal policy

• A Congress White House w/ o real-world
  experience
• Lack of education both within the U.S. and
  without
• Mediocre educational systems resulting
  extremism
• all of the above
• naive and self serving policies in government
• Misguided liberal economic policies
• increasing inequity of resources and
  opportunities
• Islamic fundamentalism
• Budget deficit
• economic!!!!
• global warming
• social, economic environmental unsustainability

113
Are term limits for elected officials a good idea?
114
I am
115
The recent economic crisis has
116
For the economic crisis, I most blame
117
Other...

• not regulating what should be over-regulating
  rest
• congress
• those who want much for little (, effort, time)
• The Democrats who required subprime loans
•  human nature

• government agencies, politicians, financial
  instit
• George Bush and his administration
• the Bush admin's failure to enforce finan regs
• Greenspan and repeal of Glass-Steagall
• All of the Above and Myself.

118
My political opinions are primarily shaped by
119
All right, what is your annual personal earned
income?
120
Have you ever sought psychiatric or psychological
counseling?
121
How would you rate Bush's presidency?
122
How would you rate Obama's presidency (so far)?
123
Have you changed your party affiliation since
1979?
124
Are you politically active in your community?
125
For the economic crisis, I most blame
126
Do you or your partner use Viagra or a similar
treatment?
127
Is your standard of living better or worse than
that of your parents at the same age?
128
How often do you attend religious services?
129
Do you believe in God or a "higher power"?
130
So, how happy are we?
131
How would you describe your spiritual affiliation?
132
What is your highest level of education?
133
Which of the following best describes the
location of your primary residence?
134
My current primary work is
135
What was the primary factor in your choice of
work?
136
Have you attained the level of success you
anticipated you might enjoy 30 years out of
college?
137
All right, what is your annual personal earned
income?
138
Do you feel you are making an important
contribution to society?
139
The level of stress in my life is
140
How much alcohol do you consume weekly? (1 beer1
glass of wine1 mixed drink)
141
I am a registered
142
Which of the following best describes your
current marital status?
143
My marriage or committed partnership is
144
Lately, my sex life is
145
I live
146
The happiest person in the class is

• Male, Buddhist, doctor, living in a small town,
  chose his career for flexibility, had low
  expectations when he graduated, making 400K /
  year, low stress, 7-10 drinks a week, republican,
  living w/ non-married partner, in a great
  relationship w/ a great sex life, and no kids
  around

147

• The biggest surprise of the last 30 years is ...

148
The personal...

• "that so many things slipped away because I was
  too busy to be there!
• How unprepared I was for the everyday challenges
  of life - raising children,
• How, inside, I'm still the same...and then I look
  in the mirror..
• that I could successfully break away from my
  parents' expectations and follow my own values
  and proclivities professionally.
• Getting sober in AA changed my life for the
  better.

149
Continued...

• I never married.
• How wonderful my kids are and how much I love
  being with them.
• I am not in jail
• How much I enjoyed being a father
• finding the love of my life after too many years
  apart
• how little I got done!

150
The philosophical

• How the world is simultaneously magnificent,
  glorious and utterly fallen and corrupt
• how much I learn each day there are very few
  days when I am not broadened in some way by the
  world around me.
• how fast they sped by
• how quickly time went by

151
The political

• Fall of Soviet Union/Russia and the rise of
  China.
• President Obama's election
• that the american people sadly elected George
  Bush
• George Bush was elected President for 2nd time
• America finally elected an African American
  President.

152
The parochial

• the Red Sox finally winning the World Series
• Red Sox winning the World Series
• Red Sox winning the World Series (twice!)

153

• The biggest disappointment of the last 30 years
  is...

154
The personal

• I never married.
• Getting divorced.
• going through two divorces
• never married, no family
• Sadness is a better word. Discovering that my
  children have behavioral, emotional and learning
  issues that I can ameliorate but not fix.
• That I'm not so head-over-heels in love that I'd
  want to get married again.
• The death of my parents before our children were
  born.

155
Continued...

• not being more famous
• not having accomplished more in my career
• what a consuming career really cost me in time
  and family without giving me more freedom and
  financial security the discovery that nice guys
  might really finish last.
• how quickly it passed by while I focused only on
  work -- I missed the ride
• the death of my wife
• That I've had repeated health problems.

156
The philosophical

• How much official morality and values are flimsy
  veneers for the coarsest, self-serving, selfish
  purposes
• Observing the moral breakdown of our society and
  being stuck in one of the epicenters -
  Massachusetts.
• The failure of our generation to have a positive
  impact on the major problems facing the world

157
The political

• The mistakes, especially on the war, economy and
  climate change, made by the country over the past
  8 years
• . The rise of the religious right
• The rise of religious, ethnic and political
  extremism everywhere.
• The strong anti-tax, me-first, anti-choice
  political voice in this country, exemplified by
  George W. Bush. I didn't know we could all be so
  selfish and short-sighted.

158
The Profound

• the last episode of Seinfeld
• finding out that some people never grow up past
  the middle school phase, like one of my freshman
  roommates

159

• What one thing do you wish you had known in 1979?

160
Self-Knowledge

• Be brave. Be bold. You really can do whatever
  you want. Think big.
• Take advantage of youth to take risks and don't
  fear failure
• It's important to be ambitious - not just to be
  talented! Talent won't open the doors, but may
  keep them open.
• What you fear is often what you should choose,
  and where you should go.

161
Continued...

• I should have been more confident about my
  intellect, appearance, and potential to
  accomplish more.
• My potential to contribute to society. I somehow
  expected less of myself than I found I was
  capable of giving. I wish I had had higher
  expectations.
• Maturity is so much more fun than it looks, and
  worth the effort to acquire. Middle age is a
  joy. We will always look at the young and
  remember ourselves they will not look at us and
  see their future.

162
Some practical advice would have been nice...

• Babies and dogs are babe magnets
• Put more money away for retirement
• Buy Microsoft.
• Buy and keep New York City real estate
• the importance of playing the field more with the
  opposite sex to get more perspective.

163
Life lessons

• how precious every moment is...
• that the time passes more quickly than you
  realize
• Take life less seriously
• Don't sweat the small stuff.

164
Finally, words to live by

• Stretching before and after exercise is really
  important to being able to continue to exercise
  comfortably.

165

• The single most important choice/ event /
  circumstance that determined the course of your
  personal life - for good or ill...

166
Continued...

• following up on meeting my wife at work
• Meeting my current partner.
• choice of spouse
• Getting married to my Harvard classmate/boyfriend
• Making the decision to live with my life partner,
  even though we were in a law firm where that was
  frowned upon.
• Meeting and marrying my wife (despite her having
  been engaged to someone else when I met her)

167
Continued...

• My choice of spouse
• My marriage.
• Meeting the man I hoped to marry when I was at
  college - and being unable to imagine life
  without him.
• Meeting my wife on a warm summer night.
• marrying my high school sweetheart
• falling for my husband's turquoise eyes!
• FOR GOOD the sweet Harvard boy that I married

168
Advice for those contemplating retirement

• Simplify your life. Focus on what is truly
  meaningful to you. Follow your bliss.
• Dont spend it idly-enjoy life, savor the moments
  with family and friends and give something back
  to society
• give yourself freedom to see if you enjoy it if
  not, reenter workforce
• "I am semi-retired and it took a long time to get
  used to a slower pace, less pay and lower status.
  But I think I have finally rounded the bend and
  found satisfaction in contributing to life on
  many different levels and then watching how the
  ripples emanate outwards.

169
Continued...

• I am no longer in need of the status or the money
  to determine my sense of self worth and that is a
  big change for the better and provides a feeling
  of freedom."
• Enjoy the free time instead of feeling like one
  should always be busy doing something productive.
• Don't feel guilty about liking it (as I sometimes
  do). Enjoy each moment fully. Keep doing things
  for OTHERS.
• Leave USA

170
Finally, anything else youd like to share?

• For all its horrors, this world and this life
  remains an infinitely breathtaking, awesome,
  blessed source of joy, majesty, delight, comedy,
  wonder and love.
• What have I learned? Appreciate and make the most
  of today. The past is gone and cannot be changed.
  The future is not here yet and can be shaped.

171
Continued

• Everything that worked for me for 45 years has
  now started to work against me and so I am
  rewiring myself to cultivate patience, grace,
  non-judgementalism, resiliency and a less
  competitive way of living, because I think that
  is the only way to embrace aging so as not to
  become old and bitter.

172
And thoughts on Harvard...

• Harvard has been a label I've carried with me my
  entire life...sometimes good, sometimes bad but
  nearly always to my advantage
• Harvard is broke and needs your help
• Thank you, Harvard. I am more thankful than ever
  today.
• If I were selecting a college, I would choose
  Harvard again.

173
Continued...

• My Harvard roommates have been a never-ending
  source of support. God bless the person who
  matched us up.
• I miss Harvard.
• It's been a good 30 years. Our kids are doing
  very well -- they're both undergraduates at
  Harvard.
• It's hard to keep loving Harvard when my own
  child - far more qualified than I was -was denied
  admittance. I wish I could compartmentalize my
  own college experience apart from my hopes for my
  children, but I find I cannot

174
Continued...

• As a parent, I continue to be surprised at how
  much better some other liberal arts colleges
  conduct their undergraduate education, e.g. small
  classes, faculty contact, academic counseling. I
  think the best thing about Harvard were the
  dorms, but I can't say that my education was
  first rate. My daughter at Brown is having a
  better academic experience (although, to use the
  vernacular, their dorms "suck").

175
Major Changes over past 15 years

• Urban dwelling down from 47 to 40, suburban up
  from 41 to 51
• serene and content w/ the balance weve struck,
  up from 59 to 71
• How we explain our success
• Intelligence down from 47 to 29
• Getting along w/ people up from 12 to 25

176
Continued...

• Making an important contribution to society..up
  from 70 to 82
• Career as first priority down from 30 to 15
• 78 of us still think time to switch careers
  down from 84
• 23 who describe stress as high down to 13
• Those who drink 7 or more per week up from 19 to
  29
• 11 care for a parent, up from 5

177
How do we see the world

• Biggest threats
• 15 years ago domestic poverty (35) and
  diminishing international competitiveness
• 10 years ago domestic poverty (26) and regional
  conflict
• Now Financial crisis (26) ...domestic poverty
  down to 5