Media love

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Love and Relationships
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Agenda

1. Link to Gender Differences
2. Factors influencing attraction
3. Theories of Love
4. Long term relationships
5. Other issues

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Links to Gender Differences
Studies by Lefkowitz (2002)
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Link from Gender Differences
What women talk about more Sexual behavior,
Sexual feelings, Dating and romantic
relationships, Making out," The dangers of sex,
Abstinence, How attractive members of the other
sex were, How attractive they themselves were,
Date rape and Contraception What men talk about
more Masturbation
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Link from Gender Differences
So where to the stereotypes come from?
Go out with Sleep with
Men 56 91
Women 47 0
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Link from Gender Differences
So where to the stereotypes come from?
How acceptable is it it to sleep with a person if
youve known them
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Link from Gender Differences
So where to the stereotypes come from?
Men are considerably more likely to misinterpret
a females friendly behavior as indicating sexual
interest (Le Bouef, in press) Evolution and mate
selection (Buss, 1995)
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Factors Influencing Attraction

• Proximity
• Physical Attractiveness
• Similarity
• Reciprocity
• Conditioning
• Courtship

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Proximity
Reasons why proximity plays a role in attraction
1) Mere exposure 2) More opportunities to
meet, interact 3) People are likely to live
near people of similar economic, social
backgrounds
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Proximity
Mere exposure (Zajonc, 1966 Moreland Beach
1992)
Ratings of attraction.
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Proximity
More opportunities to meet, interact Homes for
elderly, college campuses distance between rooms
predicts attraction (Nahemow Lawton, 1975)
Manipulating dorm assignments (Festinger, 1950)
Random (alphabetized) seating assignments in
class (Segal, 1974)
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Proximity
People are likely to live near people of similar
economic, social backgrounds Wealth, class,
ethnicity, and education levels tend to cluster
by neighborhood (U.S. Census Bureau, 1990).
People with similar backgrounds are inclined to
like each other more (Newcomb, 1956).
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Physical Attraction
People like beauty. Halo effects (Hatfield et
al, 1986) More attractive people get lower bail
set, (Downs Lyons, 1991), more easily influence
others (Chaiken, 1979), earn more money
(Hamermesh Biddle, 1994). 1 predictor of
date satisfaction for males is the attractiveness
of the partner (Sprecher Duck, 1994)
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Physical Attraction

• Beauty is objective
• High level of agreement across cultures (Langlois
  et al, 2000)
• Certain features of faces are reliably associated
  with attractiveness (Cunningham, 1986)
• Babies prefer attractive faces (Cowley, 1996).

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Physical Attraction

• Beauty is subjective
• Different cultures improve beauty in different
  ways (Newman, 2000).
• Different body types are judged to be more
  attractive in different parts of the world
  (Anderson et. al 1992)
• Body type standards vary over time (Silverstein
  et al, 1986).

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Physical Attraction

• Things that people agree on
• Symmetrical faces are more attractive

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Physical Attraction
Things that people agree on 2) More average
faces are more attractive 3) Waist/hip ratio for
women is judged similarly across culture. Men
prefer waists 1/3 narrower than hips (Singh,
1993) 4) Across culture, women prefer men to have
a V-shaped physique (Singh, 1995)
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Physical Attraction
Things that people agree on 5) Women who have
large eyes, prominent cheekbones, small bones and
a wide smile are judged more attractive
(Cunningham, 1986) 6) Men with broad jaws and
chiseled features are judged more attractive
(Cunningham et al, 1990).
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Physical Attraction

• Situational influences on attraction
• Contrast effects (Kenrick et al, 1993)
• Opinions of same sex peers (for women) (Graziano
  et al, 1993)
• Girls all get prettier at closing time effect,
  (Gladue Delaney, 1990)
• Glasses (Terry Macy, 1991)

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Physical Attraction
Good male names Alexander, Joshua, Mark, Henry,
Scott, Taylor. Good female names Elizabeth,
Mary, Jessica, Ann, Brittany, Isabella Bad male
names Otis, Roscoe, Norbert, Ogden, Willard,
Eugene Bad female names Mildred, Frieda, Agatha,
Harriet, Rosalyn, Tracy
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Similarity
Schuster Elderton (1906) Married couples
report significant agreement about politics and
religion. Friends were more similar in
attitudes, beliefs, values, and interests.
Correlation does not imply causation.
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Similarity
Demonstrating that similarity is responsible for
attraction (Newcomb, 1956) Gave students free
rent in a dorm in exchange for being study
participants. Took measures of attitudes on
different topics before students arrived on
campus. Over the course of the year, students
with similar attitudes reported more attraction
to each other
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Similarity
Proportion of similar attitudes scale (Byrne
Nelson, 1965)
Attraction Ratings
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Similarity
Rosenbaums (1986) repulsion hypothesis Smeaten
et. al (1989) proportion hypothesis After a
decade of argument, it appears that the
proportion hypothesis is correct.
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Similarity
Matching Hypothesis We like those who are like
ourselves (Galton, 1870). Romantic pairs are
similar in physical attractiveness (Zajonc et al,
1987) Even college roommates, prefer to be of
similar attractiveness (Carlie et al. 1991)
Sense of humor particularly important (Cann et
al., 1995)
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Reciprocity
People like positive feedback (Coleman, Jussim,
Abraham, 1987). Even obvious attempts at
flattery increase liking (Drachman et. al.
1978). Being liked leads to positive
interpersonal behavior (1986).
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Reciprocity
Over time, people prefer increasing affinity
rather than decreasing affinity (Aronson et al,
1965). This has been referred to as the couples
curse.
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Reciprocity
Playing hard to get Very hard to get empirical
data supporting this strategy (Walster et al,
1973) Although people prefer moderately
selective mates to those with no selectivity,
lack of perceived interest is typically perceived
as a turn off (Wright Contrada, 1986).
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Conditioning
Association with positive or negative stimulus
influences attractiveness ratings. Negative
mood leads to lower attractiveness ratings (Byrne
Clore, 1970). Unpleasant background music
when meeting a person leads to subsequent lower
attractiveness ratings (May Hamilton, 1980)
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Courtship

1. Opening Lines
2. Female Courtship Rituals
3. Male Courtship Rituals

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Introductions
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Introductions

• Kleinke et al, 1986
• Investigated what people say when trying to
  meet somebody they dont know (pick up lines)
• Typical Answers
• Hi, Im easy, are you?
• Where are you from
• Hi. Im a little embarrassed about this, but
  Id like to get to know you.

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Introductions
Kleinke et al, 1990 Cunningham, 1989 Looked
at the effectiveness of different types of
opening lines in laboratory, and then real life
settings
Likeability
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Introductions
Kleinke et al, 1990 Cunningham, 1989
Setting Best Line Worst Line
Bar Do you want to dance? Bet I can out-drink you!
Laundromat Want to have a cup of coffee while were waiting Those are some nice undies you have there
Beach Want to play frisbee? Let me see your strap marks.
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Female Courtship Rituals

• Womens flirting behavior Eibl-Eibesfeldt (1989)
• Smile
• Lift Eyebrows in fast jerky motion
• Open their eyes wide
• Lower their eyelids
• Tilt heads down and to the side
• Look away

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Female Courtship Rituals
Moore (1985 1989) Female courtship behaviors
were defined as that specific subset of nonverbal
behavior that consistently resulted in male
attention 52 items identified Courtship found to
be more important that physical attraction for
garnering male interest.
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Female Courtship Rituals
Type I, II, III glances, Eyebrow flash, head
toss, hair flip, face to face, lipstick
application, lip lick, lip pout, smiling, laugh,
giggling, kissing, whisper, arm flexion, tapping,
palming, gesticulation, hand hold, primp, skirt
hike, object caress, caress (hair, leg, buttock,
arm, torso, back), lean, brush, breast touch,
thigh tough, foot to foot, placement, Lateral
body contact, parade, approach, promenade,
pinching, tickling.
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Male Courtship Rituals
Male courtship rituals Submissive
displays Palms up, shoulder shrug, tilt head.
Dominance displays Entering personal space,
putting arm around shoulder, swagger.
Resources displays Paying for food, drink.
Wearing expensive clothes. Bragging.
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Male Courtship Rituals
Male rituals harder to chronicle (Taflinger,
1996) The less ritualized and more original
his approach is, the more likely a woman is to
accept it This leads to ad hoc courtship by
human males.
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Theories of Love

1. Love Styles
2. Triarchic Model of Love
3. Equity Theory

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Love Styles
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Love Styles
Hendrick Hendrick (1993) Had subjects write
personal account or story of a romantic
relationship. Did a factor analysis on
prevalence of different themes/adjectives
Found 6 love styles romantic partners tend to
have similar love styles (Morrow et al, 1995)
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Love Styles

• Eros Passionate Love
• Love at first sight
• 34 of subjects rate high on this scale
• Men typically have higher ratings
• Sample Question My lover and I were attracted
  to each other immediately after we first met.

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Love Styles

• Storge Friendship Love
• Very close friendship becomes love
• 66 of subjects rate high on this scale
• Women typically have higher ratings
• Sample Question Love is really a deep
  friendship, not a mysterious, mystical emotion.

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Love Styles

• Ludus Game-Playing Love
• Flirtatious and not committed
• 2 of subjects rate high on this scale
• Men typically have higher ratings
• Sample Question I have sometimes had to keep my
  two lovers from finding out about each other.

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Love Styles

• Mania Possessive Love
• Feeling of ownership over lover
• 2 of subjects rate high on this scale
• Women typically have higher ratings
• Sample Question I cannot relax if I suspect
  that my lover is with somebody else.

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Love Styles

• Pragma Logical Love
• Cognitive appreciation for others quality
• 17 of subjects rate high on this scale
• Women typically have higher ratings
• Sample Question It is best to love somebody
  with a similar background.

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Love Styles

• Agape Selfless Love
• Putting ones lover above ones self
• 2 of subjects rate high on this scale
• Highly correlated with religiosity
• Sample Question I would rather suffer than let
  my lover suffer.

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Triarchic Model of Love
Three aspects of love (Sternberg,
1986) Intimacy Closeness two people feel
psychologically, how well partners understand
each other. Passion The amount of
physical/sexual attraction and romance. Commitment
The cognitive factors such as the decision to
maintain the relationship.
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Triarchic Model of Love
Intimacy Liking
I P Romantic Love
I C Companionate Love
Consummate Love
Passion Infatuation
Commitment Empty Love
P C Fatuous Love
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Equity Theory

• Homans, 1969 Messick Cook, 1983
• Economic model of love
• Rewards include love, companionship,
  consolation, sexual gratification, social
  acceptance
• Costs include work to maintain relationship,
  conflict, compromise, sacrifice of other
  opportunities for relationships

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Equity Theory
Your Benefits Partners Benefits Your
Contributions Partners Contributions Compar
ison Level average expected outcome of the
relationship Comparisons for alternatives
expectation of what could be received in a
different relationship Investment what must be
put into a relationship that can not be recovered
if the relationship ends.

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Successful Relationships
Terman et al (1935) Investigated hundreds of
couples, and looked at the 100 happiest, 100
least happy (but still married) and 100 divorced
couples. 500 item psychological scale
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Remaining Agenda

• Successful Relationships
• Unsuccessful Relationships
• Other Things
• Homework

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Successful Relationships
Items on which happy couples were more similar
1) Avoiding arguments (yes dear) 2)
Contributing to charity 3) Reaction to illness
4) Being alone vs. being with friends during
stressful times.
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Successful Relationships
Attitudes about others on which happy couples
were more similar 1) Energetic People 2)
Dentists 3) Conservatives and Liberals 4)
Life Insurance
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Successful Relationships
Over the long haul, things that happier marriages
tend to have 1) The woman maintains passionate
love (Alexander Higgins, 1993). 2) More joint
activities and projects 3) Laughing together 4)
Satisfaction with children (if there are kids)
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Unsuccessful Relationships
Over the long haul, things that lead to divorce
1) Infidelity/Jealousy 2) Failure to
compromise 3) Failure to express
emotions/communicate 4) Dissimilarity emerging
over time (or being discovered over time). 5 )
Sexual dissatisfaction
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Other Issues
Misattribution of Arousal Loneliness Internet
Dating Soul mate vs. Work it out
theorists Breaking up
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Homework

• Watch When Harry Met Sally
• Dating for Dummies, Chapters 7 8
• 3) Quiz on what women want
• 4) The Rules
• 5) The system
• 6) Pickup lines
• 7) Commercials (will email URLs)

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The End