Families, Lifestyles

1
Families, Lifestyles Parenting

• Chapter 14

2
The Family as a System

• Marital relationships
• Parenting relationships
• Sibling relationships
• Interactive relationships

3
Timing of Leaving Home and Marriage

• Nearly half of young adults return home after
  leaving
• Many ethnic single adults tend to live at home
• In the U.S. in 2000, average age of marriage was
  25 for women and 27 for men.
• 90 of North Americans marry at least once, and
  59-60 are living as married couples.

4
Staying Single

• Singlehood
• 30 of males and 20 of females in the 30-34 age
  group are never married
• Some are by choice and others by circumstances
  beyond their control
• Altogether, in 2000, 25 of American adults lived
  alone

5
Factors in Family Function

• Factors
• One or two parents
• More or fewer children
• Extended family relationships
• Family identity, commitment
• Effects
• Stability of the base
• Role structure
• Security
• Identity

6
The Family Life Cycle

• Not experienced due to
• Out-of-wedlock births
• Delayed childbearing
• Divorce
• Remarriage

7
Sociocultural Historical Changes

• Movement to urban areas mobility affects
  extended families
• Economic depression/war demoralizes
  destabilizes families.
• Decrease in family size changes parenting role
  structure
• Divorce creates hodgepodge of family
  structures
• Media technology distractions to family life

8
Socio-cultural Value Changes

• Belief that marriage is for personal fulfillment
  rather than a social contract (or religious
  covenant)
• Belief that a stable environment is not required
  to provide the security needed for adult
  psychological function.
• Belief that parenting is gender neutral.
• Change in sexual morals and mores.
• Belief in the importance of pursuing personal
  fulfillment.

9
Getting Married

• Erikson Intimacy vs. Isolation
• A personal commitment to an intimate partner
• People fear losing their identity
• Compete rather than cooperate
• Do not accept differences
• Threatened when others get too close

10
Myths, Attitudes, Values Regarding Marriage

• Relationship Uniqueness
• Is chastity important in selecting a marriage
  partner?
• Not important in the U.S., Sweden, Finland,
  Norway, Netherlands, Germany
• Somewhat important in Japan Ireland
• Most important in China, India, Indonesia, Iran,
  Taiwan, Palestine

11
Myths, Attitudes, Values Regarding Marriage

• What is important in selection of a marital
  partner in the U.S.?
• Housekeeping is not.
• Emotional sensitivity is somewhat
• Finding our soul-mates

12
Is being in love the only reason to marry?

• Yes, in the United States
• What is being in love?
• Is it infatuation?
• How are mates chosen in other cultures?
• How is love regarded in other cultures?
• Dependency on the other
• Companionship and practical matters
• Autonomy, appreciation of the other, intense
  emotion (our culture)

13
Cohabiting Adults

• In 2000, 60 of couples were cohabiting
• 1/3 of these relationships last less than a year
• Less than 10 of them last 5 years
• They are more egalitarian than marital
  relationships (Other than sex, you may be living
  as roommates.)

14
Cohabiting Adults

• Disadvantages of cohabitation
• Social disapproval
• Emotional strain
• Legalities of joint property
• Potential problems of child custody
• Older cohabitors may be more depressed
• The experience of cohabitation changes attitudes
  and the nature of the relationship.

15
Cohabitation before Marriage

• Most studies show that it leads to
• Lower marital satisfaction
• Lower happiness
• Lower levels of commitment
• Higher divorce rate
• Some show no difference from non-cohabitors

16
Sternbergs Theory of Love

• Triangular passion, intimacy, commitment
• Consummate love all the elements
• Companionate love low passion
• Passionate love
• Commitment may be the element that insures that
  the relationship survives

17
Marital ExpectationsThe Mythical Image of
Marital Bliss

• Satisfaction increases through the first year of
  marriage.
• The best single predictor of marital satisfaction
  is the quality of the couples sex life.
• If my spouse loves me, he or she should
  instinctively know what will make me happy.
• No matter how I behave, my spouse should love me
  simply because he or she is my spouse.

18
Marital Expectations

• Unrealistic expectations are probably a factor in
  divorce.
• Young people with a religious view of marriage as
  sacred are less likely to have unrealistic
  expectations and are better able to cope.
• Couples spend little time reflecting on the
  decision to marry.

19
Reasons for Divorce among Middle Older Adults

• AARP, 2004 study of 1148 40-79-year-olds
• Women Men
• abuse (physical, verbal fell out of love
• alcohol, drug abuse cheating
• cheating value, lifestyle diff.
• Large concern are kinship ties.

20
Social-Cultural Factors in Divorce

• Poor conflict-resolution skills
• Poor communication patterns
• Younger age at marriage
• Not attending religious services
• Parental divorce
• Multiple life stresses
• Womens independence
• No-fault divorce laws
• Divorce is usually initiated by women

21
Socioeconomic Variations in Families
Sociocultural Influences

• Higher SES (Middle Class) parents
• Develop childrens initiative and delay
  gratification
• Create home atmosphere in which children are more
  nearly equal participants
• Less likely to use physical punishment
• Less directive more conversational with children
• Neighborhood variation affects child development

22
Psychological Ramifications of Poverty
Sociocultural Influences

• Powerlessness
• Vulnerable to disaster
• Alternatives are restricted
• Less prestige
• Lower quality home environments for children

23
Who is Poor?
Sociocultural Influences

• Women feminization of poverty
• 1/3 of single mothers 10 of single fathers
• Families and poverty
• Economic pressure linked with parenting
• Benefits to parents help children
• Poverty, aging, and ethnicity
• 10-12 overall, more among women and ethnic
  minorities

24
Percentage of Youth Under 18 Who are Living in
Distressed Neighborhoods
Sociocultural Influences
Fig. 15.11
25
Dual-Earner Marriage

• Role overload - conflict between work and family
  responsibilities
• Role conflict being torn by the desire to excel
  at work and spend time with the family
• These are greater for women
• Usually the housework that is sacrificed
• Career moves can be problematic
• Can provide a better standard of living (not the
  same thing as quality of life)
• Marital inequity is likely a factor in divorce.

26
Consequences of Divorce

• Depressed, anxious, impulsive (2 years)
• Noncustodial fathers are disoriented and rootless
• Women show a drop in self-esteem, become
  depressed and tend to form repeated unsuccessful
  relationships
• Despite loneliness and reduced income, women say
  they prefer this to an unsuccessful marriage

27
Divorced Adults Exiting Divorce

• Having trouble trusting everyone
• Heatheringtons Categories
• Enhancers 20 - better off
• Good enough's end up about the same
• Seekers 40 of men 38 of women
• Libertines series of relationships
• Competent loners dont remarry
• Defeated worse off

28
Remarriage

• On average, people remarry within 4 years.
• Practical matters figure into this decision
• Financial help
• Childrearing help
• loneliness
• The divorce rate is higher for second marriages.
  Only about 1/3 stay remarried.
• Negative patterns transferred
• View divorce as acceptable
• Stepfamily situations

29
Staying Married

• Most unhappy marriages dissolve between the 5th
  and 10th year
• One study shows that if people with marital
  problems will stay together for five years they
  will have returned to marital happiness
• 72 of people at midlife say their marriages are
  very good or excellent
• The majority of older married adults say that
  their marriages are happy
• Four times as many widows as widowers

30
Marital Satisfaction Is Good for Your Health

• More men than women report being happily married
• Being married is associated with gains in mental
  and physical health for men
• Relationship quality has a greater impact on
  mental health for women
• Women are dissatisfied when the demands of family
  and career are overwhelming.

31
Marital Satisfaction Is Good for Your Health

• One study of married women ages 42-50
• Happily married women had lower BMI (weight),
  hypertension, cholesterol, depression
• Overall, being happily married means being less
  stressed
• Being unhappily married is associated with higher
  rates of illness and earlier death.

32
Parenthood in North America

• 70 of N.A. couples have children
• There is a pattern of delayed childbearing
• Fewer children (1.8 average in the U.S.)
• Parenthood is still regarded as one of lifes
  most meaningful experiences.

33
Single Parenting

• Custodial Parents
• Overwhelmed
• Suffer financial decline (women)
• Go into poverty
• Non-custodial Parents
• Have too little time with children
• Feel alienated

34
Never Married Single Parents

• Largest group is African-American young women
  (60 of births)
• Why?
• May have to do with black male unemployment
• Tap the extended family
• One-third marry later
• Still have problems of poverty, poor school
  achievement of children and antisocial behavior.

35
Childless Couples

• DINKs - double-income, no kids
• How many couples are voluntarily childless?
• 3-6 or 10-15
• Often has to do with career commitment

36
Unintended Childlessness

• Career Women (Hewlett, 2002)
• 33 were childless at age 40
• 42 who worked in corporations were childless
• 49 of (6-figure) ultra-achievers were childless
• 25 of high achievers age 41-55 (31 of
  ultra-achievers) would like to have a child
• No high achiever had a child after age 39 and no
  ultra-achiever after age 36

37
Myths of Parenting

• The birth of a child will save a failing
  marriage.
• The child will think, feel, behave as the parents
  did.
• Parents can expect the child to respect obey
  them.
• The child is someone who will always love them.
• The child is a second chance to achieve.
• Parents can mold the child into what they want.
• Mothers are naturally better parents than
  fathers.
• Parenting is an instinct and requires no training.

38
Effects of Children

• Temporary dip in marital satisfaction with first
  child
• A child causes a strain on a troubled marriage
• More people seek family therapy when there are
  adolescent children in the house than at any
  other time.
• Blended families are often problematic.

39
Working Parents

• Over 50 of moms are employed
• Does this just take the time formerly devoted to
  housework more kids?
• Would parents overinvest in their kids?
• Small children in daycare may suffer in cognitive
  development, attachment, social skills.
• Being a latchkey child is associated with
  delinquency, school problems drug alcohol
  use.

40
One-minute Bedtime Stories?

• Are these a reflection of our attitudes toward
  parenting?
• The logistics of single-parenting are impossible
• Many dual-earner families just do not have time
  for their kids
• Parents do not recognize the need for time and
  succumb to busyness
• Divorce and remarriage situations create many
  difficult or impossible situations for good
  parenting

41
Many moms who can afford it are going home.

• Ivy league schools have found that only 38 of
  their female graduates of childbearing age are
  actually in the workforce.

42
Parenting Styles

• Diana Baumrind
• Authoritative
• Authoritarian
• Indulgent (permissive-indulgent)
• Neglectful (permissive-neglectful)

43
Parenting Styles - Authoritative

• Most successful Style
• Involves
• acceptance of and involvement with children,
  warm, attentive, sensitive
• reasonable control and insistence on mature
  behavior
• gradual granting of autonomy
• Results in cooperative children with
  self-control, high self-esteem, social moral
  maturity, good school performance

44
Authoritarian Parenting

• Low in acceptance/involvement, autonomy granting
• High in coercive control degrade, yell,
  command, criticize, punish
• Children are anxious and unhappy. Boys become
  defiant. Girls become dependent.
• In adulthood dont take initiative.
• Controlling strategies work for loe-SES,
  African-American parents.

45
Indulgent (Permissive) Parenting

• Warm and accepting
• Overindulging or inattentive
• Little control of the childs behavior
• Children are impulsive, disobedient and
  rebellious, overly demanding and dependent on
  adults
• Tend to be non achieving, especially boys

46
Neglectful (Permissive) Parenting

• Low acceptance and involvement
• Little control
• General indifference
• Emotionally detached, depressed
• May become child neglect
• Disrupts attachment, cognition, and emotional and
  social skills

47
Punishment

• Spanking
• Considered necessary desirable for centuries
• 70-90 of American parents have spanked their
  children
• Recent survey, 26 of parents of 3-4 year olds
  spank frequently
• 67 yell at their children frequently
• A number of countries have outlawed spanking

48
Objections to Spanking Responses

• Out of control model for handling situations
• The woodshed was never out of control
• Punishment can instill fear, rage or avoidance
• So? This is probably temporary.
• Punishment tells children what not to do rather
  than what to do
• So? Tell them what to do.

49
Objections to Spanking Responses

• Punishment can be abusive
• Abuse is abuse. It should not be disguised as
  punishment.
• Are we talking about spanking, or all punishment?
• Are we thinking that children are innately
  good?
• Do parents believe that they have lost the right
  to discipline?

50
What is Child Maltreatment?

• Physical Abuse
• Sexual Abuse
• Neglect (physical, educational, emotional)
• Emotional/psychological Abuse

51
Profile of Maltreatment

• Most common offender is a young, poor, single
  mother who is overwhelmed and engages in neglect
  and psychological abuse
• Factors are social isolation, unrealistic
  expectations of the child, substance abuse,
  depression, poverty, sickly or difficult child,
  other life stresses

52
Consequences of Maltreatment

• Physiological stress hormones, abnormal brain
  wave patterns
• Emotional rejection, anxiety, self-blame,
  psychological pain
• Social discipline problems at school, poor peer
  relations
• Eventually serious learning and adjustment
  problems, depression, substance abuse, academic
  failure, delinquency

53
Preventing Child Maltreatment

• Research indicates that a trusting relationship
  with another person is the most important factor
  is preventing mothers with childhood histories of
  abuse from repeating the cycle.
• Parents Anonymous

54
Grandparenthood

• Many people become grandparents in their 40s.
• They like being a valued elder, child indulger,
  having a form of immortality, and being able to
  transmit family history and values.
• Grandparents may offer childcare, and even
  greater support to a custodial parent of their
  grandchildren.
• Grandparents of the non-custodial parent often
  have to negotiate for visitation rights.

55
Skipped-Generation Families

• Surrogate parenting grandparents take custody
  of their own grandchildren because the parent is
  not functioning due to such factors as drug
  abuse, mental illness, incarceration, adolescent
  pregnancy, divorce.
• Includes about 5.6 million children

56
Skipped-Generation Families

• Grandparents may be tired and emotionally
  drained, but joyful at being of help to the
  children.
• Children tend to fare better in school that those
  from single-parent or blended homes.