Style

1
Style

• Can be the difference between a competent writer
  and a good writer
• Concerns sentence variety and diction

2
Wordiness and Economy

• Do not use more words than are necessary to
  express your ideas (verbose)
• Do not be repetitive
• Is a major writing problem that contributes to
  problems with coherence

3
Deadwood

• Words that need to be removed because they
  interfere with coherence
• Deadwood Improved
• His hair was red in color. His hair was red.
• The building has a height The building is of
  over 934 feet. 934 feet tall.
• The validity of such Such statements are
  statements should not be invalid
• adhered to.

4
More Deadwood

• Pollution conditions that exist in our cities are
  disgraceful
• In this day and age we live in, people seem
  totally apathetic about everything

• Pollution in our cities is disgraceful.
• People today seem totally apathetic.

5
Reword the following

• She was in a depressed state of mind.
• Disneyland struck us as a fascinating kind of
  place.
• The hero of the story was an individual in the
  high-income bracket.
• I am going to major in the field of sociology
• Because of the fact that my teacher disliked me,
  he gave me a bad grade.

6
Pointless Repetition of Meaning

• A special kind of deadwood (redundant)
• In addition to being useless, shows lack of
  confidence by writer who needs to repeat his
  point
• Suggest sloppy thinking

7
Examples of Pointless Repetition of Meaning

• Pointless Rep.
• The film was very interesting and fascinating.
• Our streams are filthy and dirty.
• This approach could end in a catastrophic
  conclusion.

• Improved
• The film was fascinating.
• Our streams are filthy.
• This approach could end catastrophically.

8
Rewrite the following

• The author gives examples of different and varied
  criticisms of the novel.
• To begin with, in the first place, the story has
  terrific suspense.
• Some early critics of Jonathan Swift called him
  an insane madman suffering from the symptoms of
  mental illness.
• There is no question about the worth and value of
  an education.

9
Inadequate Clause Cutting

• Cutting a cumbersome dependent or independent
  clause into a shorter phrase or single word
• Results in a tighter, more economical structure

10
Clause Cutting Examples

• Wordy
• The woman who had red hair was afraid
• The story was very exciting. It was all about
  ghosts.
• Some of the students who were more enthusiastic
  wrote an extra paper.

• Improved
• The red-haired woman was afraid.
• The ghost story was very exciting.
• Some of the more enthusiastic students wrote an
  extra paper.

11
Try to improve these

• Alexander the Great was a man who tried to
  conquer the world.
• The applause, which sounded like a thunderclap,
  shook the auditorium.
• No one who has a child of his or her own can fail
  to appreciate the charm of this poem.
• Passionate love is a feeling that has inspired
  many great writers and artists.

12
Delay of Subject

• The phrases there is, there has, it is, it has --
  and all tenses, are frequent causes of wordiness
• Sometimes they delay a sentence or clause from
  getting to the point

13
Examples of Delay of Subject errors

• Wordy Delay
• There are too many people who care only for
  themselves.
• It has often been commented on my great
  philosophers that philosophy solves nothing.

• Improved
• Too many people care only for themselves.
• Great philosophers have often commented that
  philosophy solves nothing.

14
Passive Verbs

• In most English sentences, the subject performs
  an action.
• The active voice is direct, clear, and concise
• Passive voice the verb combines a form of to be
  with the past participle of the verb is given,
  has been delivered, was mailed.
• So the subject of the sentence is acted upon.

15
Examples of passive voice ineffectiveness

• This poem is liked by John.
• The movie was seen by the critic.
• The bill is going to be voted for by the senator.

• John likes this poem.
• The critic saw the movie.
• The senator is going to vote for the bill.

16
Faulty Parallelism

• Parallelism means expressing ideas and facts of
  equal (or coordinate) importance in the same
  grammatical form.

17
Parallelism

• The store was filled with chairs, tables, sofas,
  and lamps. ( a group of four nouns)
• He cam home, ate dinner, and went to bed. (three
  verb phrases)
• I thought the climactic episode in the story was
  shocking, offbeat, and amusing. (three
  adjectives)

18
Faulty parallelism

• You can get there by car, bus, or fly. (2 nouns,
  a verb)
• I thought the climactic episode in the story was
  shocking, offbeat, and I found it very amusing.
  (3adj. and an independent clause)
• The teacher told us to work fast and that we
  should write on only one side of the paper.
  (shift from infinitive to clause)

19
Faulty Subordination and Sentence Combining