AECO 4020.090 5050.090

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AECO 4020.090 / 5050.090
Workplace Dispute Resolution
Dave Renfro
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How to find me

• Dave Renfro
• 972-929-7178 (office)
• 972-929-2261 (fax)
• daverenfro_at_sbcglobal.net

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What we will be doing

• Week one (January 21)
• Discuss the physical dynamics of conflict
• Discuss the origins of conflict
• Week two (February 4)
• Review the types, persuasions, and outcomes of
  mutual problem-solving
• Review approaches to workplace conflict
• Begin review of the textbooks 8 Paths
• Week three (February 18)
• Continue with review of textbooks 8 Paths
• Week four (March 4)
• Conclude with textbooks 8 Paths
• Present and turn in Book Analysis
• Turn in Final Exam

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Course is broken into 3 grade components

• Attendance and participation (20)
• Book Analysis (40)
• Final Exam (40)

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Attendance and Participation

• We have 5 sessions to complete the state required
  course work that is normally spread out in
  traditional 1-hour class meetings over an 18 week
  period.
• Absence for 1 weekend day is equivalent to
  missing 6 traditional class periods.
• Each day missed results in a deduction of 4
  points from the cumulative score.

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Book Analysis

• Answer 3 questions
• WHAT is the theme of the book as it relates to
  conflict in the workplace?
• SO WHAT is it about that theme that resonates
  with your experiences and/or beliefs that causes
  you to understand the type of conflict discussed
  in the book the way you do?
• NOW WHAT does the book say and you believe
  should/could be done, if anything, about the type
  of conflict the book discusses?

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Final Exam

• Answer 3 questions
• WHAT events and/or circumstances have you
  experienced in the workplace (or in life) that
  caused you to be in conflict with yourself or
  another?
• What happened?
• SO WHAT is it about those events and/or
  circumstances that were important (value-based)
  enough to you or others that caused it to become
  conflict?
• Why is what happened important or what was its
  value?
• NOW WHAT, if anything, should / could you do
  about it by applying one or more selected Paths
  in the text RESOLVING CONFLICT AT WORK by Kenneth
  Cloke and Joan Goldsmith?

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Format

• Double-spaced, easy to read,12 font type
• Each page numbered along with a cover page and
  course name, your name and an indication of
  whether the paper is the Book Analysis or the
  Final Exam
• Stapled together with no paperclips, dog-ears, or
  binders.
• All papers are due the last Saturday of class
  (March 4th).

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• Word Association

CONFLICT
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Getting proper PERSPECTIVE

• Perspective is the way in which we view our
  world, the circumstances in which we find
  ourselves in our world, and our relationships
  with others as we try to figure out how the world
  works.
• So first, lets make an adjustment to our
  perspectives as will talk with each other during
  these two days.

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Perspective invites analysis.

• If your perspective cant change, neither will
  your attitudes, your communications or your
  interactions.

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Understanding conflict means understanding
ourselves.

• It IS about getting to know
• What causes conflict.
• How each of us creates our own conflict.
• Why conflict is an important asset to
  organizations and individuals.
• Why conflict should be accepted rather than
  rejected and welcomed rather than avoided.
• How we can benefit from more deliberate responses
  to and more constructive approaches with
  conflict.

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CONFLICT(THE AMERICAN HERITAGE DICTIONARY,1981)

• Prolonged fighting warfare Armed conflict
  could erupt at any time (e.g. Going postal)
• A clash of opposing ideas, interests, etc. a
  personality conflict.
• Psychological The opposition of simultaneous
  functioning of mutually exclusive impulses,
  desires, or tendencies.
• NOTE None of these definitions indicate that
  conflict is between good and bad, right and
  wrong, fair and unfair, moral and immoral, etc.

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WORKPLACE DISPUTE RESOLUTION Sandra Gleason
(Ibid, p.73)

• Workplace performance and productivity and
  employee morale are directly related to the
  successful management of disputes.
• Poorly managed disputes result in costs to the
  employer that range from a dissatisfied workforce
  to the loss of productivity and ultimately to the
  loss of optimal effectiveness.
• Properly managed disputes can be stimuli to
  growth and necessary prerequisites to
  constructive organizational change.

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To get to where you want be, you need to know
where you are going.(General Sun Tzu)

• We are all on a path going somewhere, so we
  should each ask these 3 questions
• WHERE are we going?
• HOW are we going to get there?
• WHO are we taking with us?

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Tools for Resolving Conflict

• Exertion of POWER
• One side wins and one side loses.
• Losers often hold grudges and seek to get even
  later and/or by other means.
• Enforcement of RIGHTS
• One side wins and one side loses.
• Losers often respond by exercising rights not
  previously exercised or exerting power not
  previously exerted.
• Satisfying of INTERESTS
• Each party seeks to achieve their individual
  interest while assisting (or at least not
  obstructing) the other party achieve their
  interests.
• When mutual interests are at issue, each party
  attempts to achieve their mutual interests.
• Each party tends to accept the achievement of the
  other without need to retaliate as each got what
  they needed in the decision-making process.

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Persuasions for reaching agreement

• Factual / statistical
• Argues evidentiary facts and demonstrable proof
  for position for agreement
• Rational / reasonable
• Argues logic as perceived by individual
  disputants as motivation for agreement
• Emotional / psychological
• Uses anger, blame, shame and name-calling to
  harass and intimidate opponents into agreeing

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Methodologies for Managing Conflicts
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An exploration into self

• What are VALUES?
• How do they form? From where do they originate?
• What do values really mean to us individually and
  culturally?
• How do we encourage compliance with group values
  and discourage non-compliance with group values?
• Should group values apply to all individual
  citizens? Why? Why not?
• What is the difference between being a citizen
  and being a subject?

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An exploration into society

• Are corporations citizens?
• Do corporations have values? What are they?
• How do corporate values emerge?
• To whom do corporate values apply?
• Who is affected by corporate values?
• How do corporations encourage compliance with
  their values and discourage non-compliance?

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Exploring the values of both

• Between individual values and corporate values,
  which most dominates our society?
• How does the concept of FAIRNESS impact the
  values of both?
• In terms of Judeo-Christian traditions, what
  values are most culturally revered and
  individually respected?
• In constitutional democracies, what values are
  most culturally revered and individually
  respected?
• Can diverse and competing values coexist in the
  same culture without creating conflict?

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Non-compliance of group values

• Should individual citizens hold corporate
  citizens to its cultural values? If so, how?
• Should corporate citizens hold individuals to its
  corporate values? If so, how?
• Should government deregulate corporate citizen
  behavior to enable bigger corporate profit
  margins?
• Should government deregulate individual citizen
  behavior to enable greater freedom of individual
  desires?
• What difference, if any, ethically and/or morally
  is there between the two efforts to deregulate
  these respective behaviors?

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Popular Models for Resolving Conflict

• Political Model
• BLAME those who disagree with you for not
  understanding having a selfish agenda etc.
• SHAME those who disagree with you by questioning
  their intelligence, ethics, honesty, etc.
• CLAIM your injured
• NAME your what you deserve as remedy

• Media Model
• Conjure up a personal excuse or allowance to
  justify hitting, kicking, stabbing, shooting,
  drowning, choking, and/or killing those who slow,
  obstruct, insult or disagree with you.

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Examples of Political Model at work

• REPUBLICANS
• Advocate deregulation of business behaviors
• Wages, hours, workplace safety, the environment,
  trade, pricing, banking, employment,
  construction, investments, health care,
  insurance, pharmaceuticals, privacy, Social
  Security, credit, media, and gun ownership
• Advocate more regulation of individual behaviors
  
• Marriage, sex, indebtedness, employee rights,
  labor unions, indebtedness, education,
  entertainment, and non-pharmaceutical drugs

• DEMOCRATS
• Advocate more regulation of business behaviors
• Wages, hours, workplace safety, the environment,
  trade, banking, employment, construction,
  investments, health care, insurance,
  pharmaceuticals, privacy, Social Security,
  credit, media, and gun ownership
• Advocate less regulation of individual behaviors
• Marriage, sex, indebtedness, labor unions,
  entertainment, and non-pharmaceutical drugs

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How important is politics to workplace conflict?

• DOL
• OSHA
• EMSA
• DOE
• DOE
• DOD
• DOA
• DOT
• FLSA
• FMLA

• FAA
• FDA
• BLS
• NLRB
• FLRB
• MSPB
• EPA
• Legislation
• Court jurisdiction and precedent

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And finally

• We watched scenes from John Steinbecks THE
  GRAPES OF WRATH and saw examples of clashing
  cultural values of the rich and poor, land owners
  and migrant farmers, corporate citizens and
  individual citizens, and those with political
  power and those without political power.

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Dynamics of

• PART ONE Beginnings (nature) of Conflict
• PART TWO Approaches (responses) to Conflict

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The greatest enemy of learning is not ignorance,
but what you think you already know.andWe
know we cannot teach you anything you are not
willing to learn.

• RESOLVING CONGFLICT AT WORK A Complete Guide
  for Everyone on the Job by Kenneth Cloke and Joan
  Goldsmith

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TheoryDictionary of Theories, Jennifer
Bothamley, 2002

• Theory A general principle supported by a
  substantial body of scientific evidence which
  explains observed facts. As a probable
  explanation for observations, a theory offers an
  intellectual framework for future discussion,
  investigation and refinement.
• Conflict Theory Theory of politics as moderated
  antagonism. Best seen as competition or conflict
  over resources, power or prestige.
• Competitive-Exclusion Principle If two species
  have identical resource requirements then they
  cannot coexist in the same environment, unless
  resources are unlimited.

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Every conflict we face in life is rich with
positive and negative potential. It can be a
source of inspiration, enlightenment, learning,
transformation, and growth or of rage, fear,
shame, entrapment, and resistance. The choice is
not up to our opponents, but to us, and our
willingness to face and work through them.

• Mediator and author Kenneth Cloke, MEDIATING
  DANGEROUSLY

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Academic disciplines are themselves searches for
RESOLUTION to CONFLICT.

• EXAMPLES
• RELIGION A search for meaning and faith while
  confronting the conflict of uncertainty and
  temptation.
• EDUCATION A search for knowledge while
  confronting the conflict of ignorance.
• LAW A search for social order while confronting
  the conflict of societal anarchy.
• MEDICINE A search for cures while confronting
  the conflict of disease.
• PHILOSOPHY A search for logic while confronting
  the conflict of confusion.
• PSYCHOLOGY A search for mental function and
  emotional order while confronting the conflict of
  mental dysfunction and emotional disorder.
• MANAGEMENT A search for production and
  efficiency while confronting the conflict of
  competition and imperfection.
• CONFLICT RESOLUTION A search for contentment
  with self while confronting the conflict of
  discontentment in and between others.

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Fear, Assumption, Attribution, Understanding and
Acceptance

• What people are most afraid of is what they dont
  understand (the unknown).
• When people dont understand (dont know), they
  assume or attribute to explain or justify in
  order to connect the dots or fill in the gaps.
• However, what people understand they accept more
  easily.

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Important to remember

• Managing conflict is about making decisions,
  rather than controlling events or people.
• Dont confuse your right to make a decision with
  believing that the decision you make is
  necessarily right.
• Confronting conflict is being pro-active, rather
  than reactive.
• Ignoring conflict is being passive, rather than
  tolerant.
• Accommodating conflict is being self-destructive,
  not compassionate.

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Considerations for minimizing relationship
conflicts

• Making more money doesnt mean you are of more
  value.
• Making major decisions doesnt mean you matter
  more.
• Having more authority doesnt mean you are more
  significant.
• Possessing more power doesnt mean you are more
  important.
• Having more responsibility doesnt mean you are
  more responsible.
• Working more hours doesnt mean you are more
  loyal.
• And having title that is higher doesnt mean you
  are superior.

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Conflict and Self-Awareness

• To truly understand conflict, you must first
  KNOW (empower) yourself.
• Kenneth Cloke, MEDIATING DANGEROUSLY The
  Frontiers of Conflict Resolution
• The 3 hardest things in life are diamonds, steel
  and KNOWING (how to empower) yourself. Of these,
  knowing yourself is the hardest.
• Benjamin Franklin as quoted in Poor Richards
  Almanac
• Of what use is mere knowledge when the self is
  not known?
• I AM THAT Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj,
  Acorn Press

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Mahatma GandhiTHE WAY TO GOD by M.K. Gandhi
(edited by M.S. Desphande, 1999)

• Man is the maker of his own destiny in the sense
  that he has freedom of choice as to the manner in
  which he uses his freedom. But he is no
  controller of results. The moment he thinks he
  is, he comes to grief.
• It is the duty of every human being to look
  carefully within and see himself as he is, and
  spare no pains to improve himself in body, mind
  and soul.
• He is no warrior who fights outside foes of his
  imagination and is powerless to lift his little
  finger against innumerable foes within or what is
  worse, mistakes them for friends.

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Your desire to know other peoples minds is due
to your not knowing your own mind. First know
your own mind and you will find that the question
of other minds does not arise

• I AM THAT
• (Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, edited by
  Sudhakar S. Dikshit, Acorn Press, 1973, p. 257)

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Ageless wisdom regarding knowing yourself
(self-actualization)

• He who has (knows) the why to live can bear with
  almost any how. (Nietzsche)
• The last of the human freedoms is the ability
  to chose ones attitude in a given set of
  circumstances. (Victor Frankl)
• The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism
• And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy
  brothers eye, but considerest not the beam that
  is in thine own eye? (Jesus, Matthew 73)

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CONFLICT

• Origin is from Latin word Conflictus
• Literally means To cause pain, distress or
  anguish. (Greek word ang means to compete
  and is also the root word for agony.)
• Other words derived from Conflictus are
• Afflict
• Affliction

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Conflict has DYNAMIC

• Laws of thermo-dynamics
• Merging (combining) energies transfer power
  (heat) to each other.
• Energy always follows the path of least
  resistance.
• Energy can never be destroyed it can only change
  form
• Theory of Relativity
• Energy in motion becomes mass.
• Energy (such as calories) in motion (such as
  digesting) becomes mass (such as muscle or fat).

• DYNAMIC defined
• Lively
• Active
• Vibrant
• Forceful
• Vigorous
• ENERGETIC
• Chinese word for energy is qi or chi as in
  Qigong or Tai Chi.

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Work is a part of life. Conflict at work has an
origin and a dynamic similar to life in all other
respects.

• Conflict has
• Motion (momentum, speed)
• This negative attitude has spread throughout the
  workforce.
• Mass (volume, weight, depth, height, breadth)
• The tension is so thick you can cut it with a
  knife.
• Friction (temperature, resistance, force)
• His temper really rubs me the wrong way.
• Space (proximity)
• Just being in the same room with him makes me
  angry.
• Time (duration and limitation)
• How much longer are we going to put up with
  this.

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Common terms for people using computers

• Garbage in

• Garbage out

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Uncommon terms for people engaging in conflict

• Energy in!

• Energy out!

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Common phrases recognizing the physiology of
conflict

• Im steaming mad!
• Hes really hot about what happened!
• She was so mad her blood boiled!
• Hes really hot tempered!
• He threw a real temper-tantrum!
• Shes a real hothead!

• Wait until he cools off!
• Surely hes cooled down by now!
• We can talk when your temper isnt so hot!
• Has he calmed down yet?
• You dont look so stressed since you calmed down!

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• More accurately stated We release (provide
  relief for) our tempers?
• Cant we chose how to release our tempers then?
• Constructively rather than destructively?
• Deliberately rather than recklessly?
• Compassionately rather than vindictively?
• Tactfully rather than maliciously?

• The most often communicated phrase to reflect
  understanding
• I lost my temper!
• Where did you lose it?
• Can you find it again?
• Might someone else find it instead?
• If someone else finds your temper can it hurt
  them?

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People in relationships either contribute or
contaminate.

• How we each react is a choice each of us
  individually makes.

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Responsible ANGER

• Anyone can become angry (receive energy) that
  is easy. But to be angry with the right person,
  to the right degree, at the right time, for the
  right purpose, and in the right way (release
  energy) that is not easy.
• Aristotle in Ethics

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It is an engineering issue what do you want to
do with your vital energy? This is one of the
key questions of human life, and one that for
many of us is no longer well addressed through
the categories of good and evil.

• THE WAY TO GOD by M.K. Gandhi
• (Ibid)

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Origins of Conflict

• Beginnings of Conflict

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Video clip Mind Walk(A journey into the
world of interconnectedness.)
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Conflict begins in
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It is the stars, the stars above us, govern our
conditions.

• King Lear
• by Shakespeare

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Conflict in NATURE

• Nature itself is filled with the conflict of
  competing energies and forces. (Einstein claimed
  matter and energy were interchanging and
  interchangeable within space)
• Big Bang theory A cosmological theory that
  attempts to explain the origin of matter and
  radiation in the universe in terms of a
  cataclysmic explosion supposed to have occurred
  10-20 billion years ago. (DICTIONARY OF THEORIES,
  edited by Jennifer Bothamley, 2002)
• The calcium in our bones, the iron in our blood
  and the oxygen we breathe all came from the ashes
  of ancient stars, which had either exploded as
  supernovae or died slowly, releasing their matter
  into space. (Reviews of Modern Physics by
  Margaret and Geoffrey Burbidge, William Fowler
  and Fred Hoyle, 1957, in verifying all matter and
  life in the universe is composed of stardust.)

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No such thing as matter

• Physicist Max Plunck, who worked with Albert
  Einstein on atomic research, proved that there is
  no such thing as matter.
• There is only the vibrating force (energy) of the
  universe that keeps atoms moving in patterns that
  we can see, touch and predict.

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Energy releases in nature that exhibit certain
dynamic phenomena and activity patterns

• Tornadoes (competing atmospheric pressures)
• Earthquakes (competing subterranean pressures)
• Mudslides (gravity Energy in motion, becomes
  mass.)
• Hurricanes (competing temperature pressures)
• Volcanic eruptions (thermodynamics)
• Forest fires (equal and opposite forces)
• Tsunamis (multiple objects of mass occupying same
  space)

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Energy releases in our physical world or at work
are natural and they produce CHANGE.

• Family, community, church, neighborhoods, civic
  clubs, business, unions, are all forms of living
  organisms.
• The opposite of change for living organisms isnt
  stagnation or status quo it is death.
• Without your bodys cells constantly changing,
  you would physically die.
• The only thing constant in life is change.
• Alvin Toffler in FUTURE SHOCK (1970s)

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Change is a form of death in that change
constitutes a loss of what in fact had existed
before or a contradiction of held expectations.

• The 5 stages of grief (Dr. Theodore Bissel,
  Psychologist)
• Denial or confusion
• Sadness or depression
• Anger or anxiety
• Resignation or giving up
• Acceptance
• Dr. Bissel warns of flat lining in any of the
  first 4 stages as being potentially fatal to
  functionality for individuals or organizations.

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Conflict invites growth

• Conflict, crisis, and tragedy serve as the means
  by which we reach into our inner depths, learn
  our core values, and become aware of our true
  character.

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THE WAY TO GOD by M.K. Gandhi (Ibid)

• I do feel that there is orderliness in the
  universe, that there is an unalterable law
  governing everything and every being that lives
  and moves. It is not a blind law, for no blind
  law can govern the conduct of living beings The
  law and the lawgiver are one.

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Beginnings in Communications

• Language is an exact reflection of the growth
  and character of its speaker.
• -Mahatma Gandhi

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Hearing versus Listening

• To hear is a physical response and requires only
  the use of our ears.

• To listen is a psychological response and
  requires the use of our minds, ears, hearts and
  eyes!

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Communication Model

• Transmits
• Encodes (assigns value)
• Thought, concept, idea or intention originates

• Receives
• Decodes (assigns value)
• Interprets thought, concept, idea or intention

Receiver
Sender
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Creating Communication Gaps

• Encoding versus Decoding

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Perhaps you suffer from a communications gap!

• Gender gap (male v. female)
• Cultural gap (race, ethnicity, religion, etc.)
• Generation gap (age and experience)
• Language gap (languages barriers)
• Technology gap (skill levels and abilities)
• Political gap (us v. them or right v. wrong)
• Perception gap (beliefs, opinions, ideals)
• Workplace gap (all of the above)

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Communicate with the other persons perspective
in mind.

• Appreciate and respect the other persons point
  of view.
• Each of us has varying interests, needs and
  responsibilities at any given time or at the same
  time.

• The wise person seeks first to understand AND
  then to be understood.
• Confucius
• Also Stephen Coveys 5th Habit for Highly
  Successful People

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COMMUNICATION(At best, an imperfect art!)

• Average person can speak 150-200 words per
  minute, but can hear and comprehend 600-800 words
  per minute.
• 17 second zone out, 10 minute daydream
• Average person forgets approximately 75 of what
  they hear and confuses approximately 50 of what
  they remember.
• People tend to listen passively and/or
  defensively rather than attentively.
• We tend to listen for the how or why of stories,
  but we tend to speak of the what, where or when
  of it, creating frequent interruptions between
  speaker and listener.

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Communications DiscontinuityMIND WIDE OPEN
Your Brain and the Neuroscience of Everyday Life
by Steven Johnson, Scribner Press, 2004 (pp.7-8)

• THE PHYSIOLOGY OF LISTENING
• Discontinuities occur because your conscience,
  second-by-second processing of a verbal
  conversation happens in one part of your brain,
  while your emotional evaluations (the how or why
  of something) happen somewhere else.
• Most of your immediate focus on generating and
  comprehending spoken words takes place, broadly
  speaking, in the prefrontal lobes of the
  neocortex, the most evolutionary modern part of
  the brain.

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Discontinuity continued(MIND WIDE OPEN, Ibid)

• But the emotions (93 in all) largely issue forth
  from areas located below the cortex, the region
  often called the limbic system, while some of
  their bodily effects are triggered one layer
  below the limbic system, in the brain stem that
  lies at the top of the spinal column.
• The activity in the prefrontal lobes consists
  mostly of the flash of neurons talking to each
  other (interconnecting energies) while the
  limbic system starts a cascade of events that
  lead to the release of chemicals that travel
  throughout the body, including one called
  cortisol that is responsible for much of the
  physical damage caused by long-term stress.

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COMMUNICATIONS continued Dr. Albert Mehrabain,
Psychology Professor, UCLA

• Effectiveness in communication is based
• 7 on the words actually spoken
• 38 on what is heard in the tone of voice and
• 55 on what is seen in body language.
• He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may
  convince himself that no mortal can keep a
  secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with
  his fingertips betrayal oozes out of him from
  every pore. -Sigmund Freud

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Types of Listening
71
Types of Listening
72
Levels of communications

• Surface level (child)
• What theyre actually saying
• Underlying level (adolescent)
• What theyre not saying
• Subterfuge level (adult)
• What theyre saying, but not meaning

73
Remember

• Just because we may be in a position that
  requires us to communicate more doesnt mean we
  are better communicators.
• (As seen in next set of slides)

74
Beginnings in BELIEFS / VALUESThose cultural,
religious, political, economic, and other such
prejudices and positions that YOU and I both have!

• Based upon our collective and/or individual
• Always moving, often changing, and not always
  consistently in balance with each other!

75
Conflict begins with BELIEFS / VALUES

• The Creation (BIBLE, King James Version)
• In the beginning God created the heaven and the
  earth. And the earth was without form and void
  and darkness was upon the face of the deep and
  the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the
  waters. And God said, Let there be light. And
  God saw the light, that it was good and God
  divided the light from the darkness. (Chapter 1,
  versus 1-4)
• And God said, Let there be a firmament in the
  midst of the waters and let it divide the waters
  which were under the firmament, and divided the
  waters which were above the firmament and it
  was so. And God called the firmament Heaven
  And God called the dry land Earth. (Chapter 1,
  versus 6-10)
• But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil,
  thou shalt not eat of it for in the day that
  thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.
  (Chapter 2, verse 17)

76
The Biblical creation introduces us to

• DIVISIONS between
• MATTER (land and water plants and animals), TIME
  (day and night), and SPACE (heaven and earth)
• PEOPLE (man and woman)
• GENERATIONS (parents and children)
• Concepts such as
• LIGHTNESS versus DARKNESS
• GOOD versus EVIL,
• LIFE versus DEATH,
• LOVE versus HATE,
• OBEDIENCE versus DESIRE,
• HONOR versus DECEIPT and
• ACTIONS begetting CONSEQUENCES

77
According to a 2004 Lou Harris Poll

• 90 of adult Americans profess to believe in God.
• Of these, 50 also believe in ghosts (not to be
  confused with angels or the Holy Spirit).
• Approximately 35 believe in the accuracy of
  astrology.
• Another 25 believe they were reincarnated from
  other people who lived during a time before them.
• And approximately 65 of them believe in the
  devil and in hell but only a fraction believe
  they will go there themselves and expressing a
  belief that the great masses of others will go
  there instead.

78
A sampling of individual and/or group BELIEFS and
VALUES that impact how we view life and
contribute to our own conflict

• Being liberal or neo-liberal, conservative or
  neo-conservative, moderate, independent,
  internationalist, isolationist, or
  multi-nationalist
• Being rich, poor, middle class, investing class,
  owner, renter, consumer, conserver, debtor or
  indebted
• Being of a race, ethnicity, gender, religion,
  and/or family
• Being young, old, adolescent, middle age,
  retired, still working, very experienced or a
  novice, professional, technical or unskilled
• Being of or having a particular mental and
  physical ability, physical appearance and/or
  particular size and weight
• Being from the north, south, east, west,
  mid-west, northeast, northwest, southeast,
  southwest, urban, suburban, rural,, U.S.
  territories or protectorates, or from foreign
  country

79
Iceberg Theory of Conflict(Resolving Conflict At
Work by Kenneth Cloke)Issue

• Personalities
• Emotions
• Interests, needs and desires
• Self-perceptions and self-esteem
• Hidden expectations
• Unresolved issues from the past
• Socio-political, cultural, and economic
  perceptions

80
What you expect depends on your PERCEPTIONS!
(BRAIN POWER by Dr. Kenneth Albright)

• Perceptions are comprised of
• Recognition (Based upon what is seen, heard,
  felt, tasted or smelled the senses)
• Interpretation (Based upon experiences and
  circumstances the meaning or value applied)
• Expectations (Based upon mental and behavioral
  patterns)
• and they constitute the way we see things!

81
The power of expectations

• People are disturbed not by the events that
  happen to them, but by their view of them.
  (Epictetus)
• Whatever men expect, they soon come to believe
  they have a right to. (C.S. Lewis)

82
Memories alter Perception

• Memories transform our perception of the
  present, but the process is even more nuanced and
  layered than that reactivating memories in a
  new context changes the trace of the memory
  itself.
• memories effectively get rewritten every time
  theyre activated, thanks to a process called
  reconsolidation.
• MIND WIDE OPEN (Ibid, p.48)

83
Physiology of PerceptionDr. Deepak Chopra,
Chopra Center, La Jolla, California (former Chief
of Cardiology, Johns Hopkins Hospital)

• Our brains receive 4 billion bytes of information
  per second, but can only process about 2 thousand
  bytes per second.
• Therefore, what our neurological system can
  actually see, hear, feel, or experience is only
  .000054 of what is actually there.

84
Our perceptions become our realities

• Two kinds of TRUTH
• Absolute truth (physical laws)
• Cant defy deny, ignore or violate
• No intellectual interpretation needed
• Relative truth (peoples beliefs, opinions,
  values)
• All that is not absolute is relative
• Needs intellectual interpretation
• Rhetorical truth in that it invites challenge

85
PERCEPTION is the way we view things.

• If you dont see it the way I do, then you must
  be looking at it the wrong way.

86
If you are RIGHT, then they must be WRONG
Language that invites CONFLICT

• WRONG (defined)
• If used as an adjective
• Not correct
• Contrary to conscience, morality, law or custom
  Cheating is wrong.
• Unfair or unjust
• Not intended or wanted
• Not fitting or suitable inappropriate improper
• Not functioning properly amiss

87
Right versus Wrong continued

• WRONG (defined)
• If used as an adverb
• Mistakenly erroneously
• Immorally or unjustly behave wrong
• If used as a noun
• An unjust, injurious, or immoral act or
  circumstance
• A violation of anothers legal rights to his
  damage
• The condition of being mistaken or to blame.

88
Start (coloring book)
89
Part Two Approaches to Conflict
90
If conflict is part of human nature, is
resolution also part human nature?
91
Innate Neurological Responses (approaches) to
Sensory Information

• Our brains have two physiological functions
• To survive
• Fight or flee when threatened (physically,
  emotionally, or psychologically)
• To organize
• Seek order from chaos (emptiness, void,
  firmament) understand what we sense

92
Emotional Contributors to Conflict Hierarchy of
Human Needs (Dr. Abraham Maslow, Psychologist)

• Conflict occurs when basic human needs are not
  met
• Need to survive
• Physically, emotionally, spiritually,
  economically, politically, etc.
• Need to belong
• To give and receive love
• Need to be empowered
• To determine life for yourself (work, home,
  social)
• Need to be free
• To think and make decisions for yourself
• Need to have fun
• To find and know value for living, working and
  playing

93
Humans need to be RIGHTFrom THE POWER OF LOSING
CONTROL by Joe Caruso

• People have a need to be right.
• People have a need to be perceived as being
  right.
• You cant coerce people into believing they are
  not right.
• However, you can help change anothers
  perspective about what might be right.

94
Consequences of needing to be right

• People who need to be right will never be well.
• Sign on a placard in a marriage counselors office

• The need to be right is the intention to be
  ignorant.

95
Questions to answer before responding to conflict

• What?
• WHAT has happened that causes this (whatever it
  is) to be CONFLICT?
• So what?
• SO WHAT is it about what has happened that rises
  to the value of CONFLICT for me or us?
• Now what?
• NOW WHAT if anything can or should I or we do to
  constructively address the CONFLICT?

96
FEAR and LOVE act out or manifest as other
emotions and/or behaviors

• Conflict occurs when a persons needs are not met
  and behaviors of FEAR are manifested
• Jealousy
• Depression
• Hate
• Anxiety
• Resentment
• Anger

• Resolution occurs when a persons needs are met
  and behaviors of LOVE are manifested
• Confidence
• Joy
• Tolerance
• Contentment
• Acceptance
• Forgiveness

97
The Hidden Truth of ConflictResolving Conflict
at Work by Kenneth Cloke

• The hidden truth of conflict resolution is that
  every conflict already contains its own
  resolution.
• The first step in clearing a path for action and
  resolving our conflicts requires us to let go of
  what keeps us hooked, including our need to be
  right.

98
Clues contained in the conflict

• Accusation as confession
• People who feel guilty often accuse others as a
  diversion
• Insult as denial
• Insults say more about the character of the
  insulter than the character of the insulted
• Anger as vulnerability
• Expressions of anger admit needs are not being
  met
• Defensiveness as egoism
• Mistaken assumptions of self-importance to others
  in regard to their own conflict

• Withdrawal as rage
• Silencing your rage is a means of control
• Passivity as aggression
• Undermining others maintains silent control
• Attack as smokescreen
• Efforts to divert attention from self
• Apathy or cynicism as caring
• Pretense to cover deep feelings of hurt or
  protect from possible hurt

99
When you know or become aware of the nature of
someone, something, or even yourself, you no
longer have to be surprised or disappointed by
their actions or words. All creatures live by
and return their true nature.
100
Five Styles of Conflict Management

• Thomas-Killmans Personality Styles

101
Understanding approaches to conflict

• Issue
• Conflict as CONTENT
• Maslows needs
• Need to survive at any level (e.g., family,
  future, income, security, working conditions,
  etc.)
• Physiologically hardwired in the human biological
  make-up

• Relationship
• Conflict in CONTEXT
• Maslows needs
• Need to belong
• Need to be empowered
• Need to be free
• Need to have fun
• Psychologically hardwired in the human emotional
  make-up

102
The content and context of CONFLICT

• ISSUE
• Has the issue to be addressed been identified
  and/or defined
• Is it a problem to solve?
• Is it a change to make?
• Is it an idea to advance?
• Is it an agenda to coerce?
• In other words, what need is being addressed?

• RELATIONSHIP
• Motivations for communicative and behavioral
  interactions are based upon
• FEAR of something or someone or
• LOVE for something or someone.

103
Five Styles of Conflict Management(According
to Thomas-Killman personality styles)

• ISSUE Successful resolution addresses the
  issue and preserves the relationship.
• RESOLVE RELATIONSHIP

104
Conflict Management Style 1

• ISSUE
• Avoider
• RESOLVE
• RELATIONSHIP

105
AVOIDERS anger reaction style

• ISSUE
• Speak no evil
• Hear no evil
• See no evil
• Heavy personal stress toll
• Avoider
• RESOLVE
• RELATIONSHIP

106
Conflict Management Style 2

• ISSUE
• Avoider Accommodator
• RESOLVE
• RELATIONSHIP

107
ACCOMMODATORS anger reaction style

• ISSUE Passive Aggressive
• Gets even and holds grudges
• Appears to get along, but represses
  hostility
• Avoider Accommodator
• RESOLVE
• RELATIONSHIP

108
Conflict Management Style 3

• ISSUE Competitor
• Avoider Accommodator
• RESOLVE
• RELATIONSHIP

109
COMPETITORS anger reaction style

• ISSUE Competitor
• Projects anger outwardly.
• Very defensive of positions.
• Often suspicious of others.
• Openly hostile w/o guilt.
• Avoider Accommodator
• RESOLVE
• RELATIONSHIP

110
Conflict Management Style 4

• ISSUE Competitor
• Compromiser
• Avoider Accommodator
• RESOLVE
• RELATIONSHIP

111
COMPROMISERS anger reaction style

• ISSUE Competitor
• Usually controls
• Might shame anger and accepts
• and blame to give-and-take situations.
• to get leverage. Will use as a tactic.
• Compromiser
• Avoider Accommodator
• RESOLVE
• RELATIONSHIP

112
Conflict Management Style 5

• ISSUE Competitor Collaborator
• Compromiser
• Avoider Accommodator
• RESOLVE
• RELATIONSHIP

113
COLLABORATORS anger reaction style

• ISSUE Competitor Collaborator
• Healthy anger
• used when
• appropriate to
• Compromiser circumstance.
• Avoider Accommodator
• RESOLVE
• RELATIONSHIP