Earthsoft Foundation of Guidance presents Assertiveness

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Personality Development Assertiveness way to be
successful
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Index

• Objective
• Behavior skills
• Definition
• Types
• Importance
• Rules
• Rights responsibilities

• To do
• - Tools, Techniques TIPS
• Test your assertiveness
• Practice
• Demonstration
• Develop
• Quize
• Summary

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Objective

• By the end of this course, participants will
• What is assertive behavior
• To distinguish assertive behavior
• To be aware of the situations in which they find
  it difficult to be assertive
• To know how to be assertive when making and
  dealing with requests
• To have ways of dealing with aggressive people
• To draw own action plans for developing greater
  assertiveness over time

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Behavior Skills

• Decision Making
• Assertiveness
• Negotiation skills - Mission Analysis
• Communication
• Leadership
• Attitude - Adaptability/Flexibility
• Problem Solving - Situational Awareness

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Behavior Skills

• Human factors where errors occur
• Complacency
• Distraction
• Fatigue
• Pressure / Stress
• Norms
• Lack of
• Communication
• Awareness Knowledge
• Teamwork
• Resources
• Assertiveness

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Advocacy

• An advocate is someone who is willing to stand up
  by own or beside someone in support of their need
  / right
• An advocate speaks on behalf of themselves
  another person or a group
• Advocacy Skills
• To defend a right or ask a favor on behalf of
  yourself or others using
• Right language, Right method
• Right time, Right place
• Right person who can respect the right or grant
  the favor

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Symptoms
Do people take advantage of you often? Are you
volunteered to drive? Do you pay more than
your share of expenses? Do others use your
things without asking? Do you say nothing about
such situations? If this sounds like you need to
take a look at your assertiveness.
Why? Unhappiness, frustration anger often
accompany a lack of assertiveness. Being
assertive, you can serve better in many
situations at work, home, with customers,etc
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Being Assertive
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Assertiveness

• Say what you mean, mean what you say!
• It is ability to honestly express your needs,
  opinions, feelings, attitudes, beliefs rights
  that is respectful, open, honest, with the
  dignity without violating rights of others.
• It means to be positive and confident, is the
  willingness to actively participate, the ability
  to state and maintain individual position
• It begins by being aware that you are a worthy
  person created by GOD, having very own unique
  combination of qualities.

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Assertiveness

• It allows to get your point across respectfully
  honestly expressing thoughts feelings while
  commanding dignity respect from others
• It is observed in your say, behaviors actions
• Assertive behavior enables a person to act in
  their own best interest advocate for themselves
  with confidence, honesty comfortably exercising
  personal rights without denying the rights of
  others.
• It is the healthy alternative to both passiveness
  and aggressiveness

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Assertiveness

• Assertive people
• are brave
• respect self and others
• own their own feelings, thoughts, and ideas
• openly and honesty state their feelings
• understand the possible consequences of
  assertiveness
• know when and how to be assertive

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Assertiveness

• Is not the same as aggressive behavior.
• Aggressive behavior enhances self at the expense
  of others.
• Assertiveness produces positive outcomes for all
  aggressive acts result in negative outcomes.

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Attributes of assertiveness
Encompasses Situations Requiring Assertiveness
Willingness to make decisions Demonstrating Initiative /Courage to act Maintaining positions until completely convinced by facts Pre-Mission Brief Mission Execution Post-Mission Brief
Behavior Behavior
Provide Relevant information without being asked Make Suggestions, Ask Questions Confront Ambiguities Maintain Position When Challenged State Positions on decisions /procedures Refuse unreasonable request
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Attributes of assertiveness
Barriers Overcoming Barriers
Rank differences Position authority Lack of experience /New to unit Coercion Lack of confidence Get attention of receiver Use active verbs State your concerns Offer a solution, Recommend action Ask for feedback
Rule of Thumb - If a disagreement exists, take
the most conservative action until more
information is available.
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What is Assertiveness?

• When you are assertive, generally you dont
  follow others blindly. You think for yourself. If
  someone is trying to hurt you, or lead you into
  trouble, or influence you to do something wrong,
  you protect yourself.
• You show strength not to let others hurt you or
  influence you in negative ways.
• Assertiveness is expressing your own ideas,
  opinions, concerns talents. You serve the world
  in your own special way correctly using the gift
  you have!

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Types

• Passive means letting people violate your rights
  and not doing anything about it.
• Aggressive means getting what you want while
  violating the rights of others.
• Assertive means standing up for yourself without
  violating the rights of others. Assertiveness is
  more mature, effective powerful tool

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Passive
Try to avoid conflict confrontation Hide personal needs May get easily hurt leading to frustration Allow people to push when you do not stand up Others likely to take advantage Would rather ignore their own needs feelings than confront a problem in relationships. Want peace at any price, often pay the price These people, too, have problems with anger. They are afraid of it and eliciting the other persons anger. Sometimes, however follow subtle ways of retaliating of making others pay.
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Aggressive
Makes sure everyone knows his opinions, often does not allow others to voice their opinions Accomplish short term goals intimidating others Let others feel anger hostility toward aggressor This involves fighting, blaming, accusing, threatening and disregard for people's feelings They regularly assume an attack position feel an urgent need to get their way, to win. The other person becomes the enemy, whose rights and feelings are completely disregarded. Benefit is this person doesnt get pushed around Cost is few want to be around someone like this
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Assertive
Direct and clear, yet relaxed and approachable They understand, do not force their opinions Utilize eye contact relaxed gestures Feel more confident, believe in abilities, more liked respected Have less stress achieve their goals Does not let people control, take a stand express true feelings Using an assertive communication style is helpful in reducing depression, anger anxiety. Assertiveness skills also enhance self-esteem, lower stress and help you feel more in control
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Without assertiveness

• If we are passive
• React to the things would let others boss us
• Others would tell what to do/think. We would not
  figure out what we want, need or think.
• Your special way of being yourself however
  thinking would remain unexpressed
• If you are assertive
• Others respect you.
• You are offering true ideas feelings,
  protecting from things that might harm you
• You choose what to do for your own reasons

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Effects of non-assertiveness

• Personal costs
• Frustration, anxiety and stress
• Poor self esteem
• Effects on service
• Standards compromised
• Inefficiency and unnecessary costs
• Team costs
• Unresolved conflicts
• Blame game non-cultural activities
• Individuals taking advantage
• Unacceptable conduct

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Cycle of failure
NON-ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR
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Advantage

• Being assertive allows you
• To say what you want to say in a healthy,
  positive way
• To resolve conflict successfully
• To keeping your relationships healthy happy
• Others will be more apt to help to achieve your
  goals if they consider you to be a respectful and
  honest person

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Cycle of success
ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR
CONFIDENT
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Difficult situations
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Possible reactions

• May be based on...
• Personality
• Emotions
• Confidence
• Culture background
• Health
• Personal circumstances

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Chosen behaviour

• May be based on
• What we want to achieve
• Respect for our and others rights
• Our feelings
• Empathy
• Understanding the facts
• Seeking solutions, not blame
• Building long term relationships

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How to be assertive

• Say no to unreasonable expectations
• Paraphrase what others have stated to you
• Regognize and respect the rights of others
• Use appropriate tone of voice.
• Use i statements to express self
• Effective assertions require an expression apt
  spontaneous message
• Judgment is needed to select an appropriate
  occasion
• Avoid putting down /striping the other person
  (aggressive) to express feelings (assertive).
• To seek counseling to be assertive

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Key rules

• Know what you want when, be specific
• Short term Long term
• Behaviour
• Do what you say
• Control emotions
• Count to ten, meditate for a while
• Express your emotions as appropriate
• Understand the issues
• Focus on facts, not assumptions or opinions
• Active listening, Empathise and demonstrate it
• Understand issue clearly from others
  perspective
• Show personal commitment and responsibility
• Be positive, offer solution firmly, Be assertive

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Focus

• Assertiveness focuses on
• Specific problem behavior of other person...It is
  to be stated objectively, without blaming or
  reading the intentions
• To avoid negative feelingsit creates the problem
  for you e.g. an I message like I feel hurt
  /upset / used.
• The request for a specific change...to brainstorm
  mutually acceptable solutions
• Result...when the change is (or is not) put in
  place

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To do Tools, Techniques, TIPS

• Assertiveness is a learned skill to be
  practiced in low-risk safe situations.
• It can be by cautious and continuous practice
• Choose right time place to discuss issue
  involving all stake holders
• To decide what you want and do not want. Be
  direct, Use I statements,
• Content be specific, spontaneous, genuine and
  direct, Describe the facts share your opinions
  and beliefs

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To do Tools, Techniques, TIPS

• To confirm your request, express what you would
  like to happen making requests specific.
• To describe positive consequences that will be
  happen, State intentionin order to take care of
  yourself if your wishes are not accommodated.
• To acknowledge notice your feelings share
  your feedback about other person
• Respect everyone you would expect in return
• To avoid developing assertiveness debating a
  topic with a crowd. You may become more
  aggressive or passive in the process.

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To do Tools, Techniques, TIPS

• To think simple straight, Take ownership
• Be honest direct about your feelings, needs
  beliefs, while giving/receiving feedback
• To sort out the problem or change you want.
• Keep your goal in mind. Think of how best to
  arrive at the change.
• Complimenting a persons good qualities before
  pointing out negative aspect of their behavior
  can defuse defensiveness.
• Angry confrontation usually doesnt work in the
  long run without creating resentment.

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To do Tools, Techniques, TIPS

• Dont give up Learn to be assertive in
  communication. It takes practice!
• State your viewpoint without being hesitant or
  apologetic, stay politely, speak clearly firmly
  directly to specific individuals.
• Never make yourself vulnerable, keep cool
• Be reasonable in your requests
• Dont let others impose their values/ideas
• Encourage others to be clear and direct
• Be aware of body posture, maintain eye contact,
  stand firm, match facial expressions

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To do Tools, Techniques, TIPS
Consider the situation Bring effectiveness
To understand situation Cultural difference What is established liked Listen communicate Be clear in your say A level, well - modulated statement
Avoid absolutes Dont hurt others
Try to avoid words like always, never, every, Be specific to the situation To avoid judgments Express respectfully Dont adopt my way highway attitude Be confident approachable
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Components of Assertive Behavior
Basic Assertive Rights Basic Assertive Rights
Freedom of opinion expression To say, I dont understand
To be independent, judge or justify behavior To make mistakes taking the responsibility
To change your mind To feel express anger
To say, I dont know or I dont care To refuse requests without feeling guilty
To judge for finding solutions To be illogical in making decisions.
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Rights

• To be myself, the right to respect myself
• To have feelings, opinions, values, beliefs, and
  to express those appropriately, to ask for what I
  want
• How I wish to be treated, Not to be threatened
• To make my own decisions taking responsibility of
  the consequences
• How to lead my lifepursuing goals, dreams, etc.
• To change my mind, make mistakes, learn from
  those without being ridiculed.
• To change develop my life how I determine.
• To have positive, healthy, satisfying
  relationships in which I am safe and respected.
• To be happy and at peace.

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Rights responsibilities
Rights Responsibilities
To be treated with respect To respect rights of others
To express opinions feelings To welcome opinions feelings of others
To set your goals Help others to work to their goals objectives
To refuse a request Or say No To encourage others to plan their activities
To ask for what I want Let other full-fill their needs
To make mistakes Let others too learn
To get what I pay To pay for service I get
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Test your assertiveness

• Can you express negative feelings about others
  behavior without using abusive language
• Can you exercise your strengths
• Can you recognize / compliment others
  achievements
• Do you have confidence asking what is rightfully
  yours, Are you able to stand up for your rights
• Can accept criticism without being defensive
• Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments

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Test your assertiveness

• Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments
• Are you able to refuse unreasonable demands from
  friends family and colleagues
• Can you comfortably start and carry on a
  conversation by your self
• Do you ask for assistance when you need

No. of yes determines degree of assertiveness
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Practice assertiveness

• Observe your behavior keep track of
  assertiveness
• Assess your feeling behavior checking the
  effective relationships
• Make a log or diary for a week. Be honest with
  yourself!
• Observe an effective model.
• Watch someone who handles situations well for the
  behaviors and style.
• Discuss his/her approach and the consequences in
  friendly manner
• Imagine yourself handling situations differently.
  
• Visualize yourself dealing effectively with a
  variety of situations.

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Practice assertiveness
Be assertive, but be as much of your natural
self as you can. Repeat this often until you can
imagine a comfortable and effective style for
yourself. Give it a try Find a trusted friend and
role play. Get some practice saying no, I have
an idea, or that solution doesnt really work
for me. The more you practice, the greater your
confidence. Have your partner play different
roles and give you feedback
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Practice assertiveness
To be assertive, you need to remember how worthy
you are. You stand up for what you know is
right. You dont allow others to treat you
unjustly. You set limits with others by conveying
what you will and will not do. When you have
ideas, you speak out. You are your own
leader. Being assertive does not mean you control
things or get your own way. When someone asks
what you think or how you feel, you dont just
tell them what they want to hear, You honestly
tactfully tell whats true
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Practice assertiveness
When some suggestion makes you uneasy or hurt you
or get you into trouble, you stop and think. You
tell them you wont do it. You dont let other
people bully, or hurt you. For Example - If
someone consistently leaves your office space or
cubicle a mess, saying Ive picked up your
papers four times this week wont put her or him
on the defensive as much as Youre always such a
slob might. For examples I won't pass my exams
if I go out with you every night "I feel hurt"
rather than " You hurt me". I feel worried when
you are going to be late
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Conflict resolution
Approach- The key is using the best strategy
deciding right approach for the situation at
hand Avoidance - This is dodging the situation or
person. It works well for a cooling off period,
but is not helpful as a standard for solving the
conflict Competition - Seeing who can win. get
people on your side is not helpful in an
argument Compromise - Both parties get something,
but neither party gets all of. This is effective
method of resolution. To know when to compromise
when to stand firm Changing behavior is a
process. Honor your style and skills what works
for others may not work for you. Aim for more
confidence and consistency.
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Demonstration
Differences between aggressive, passive
assertive A's tone is accusing and blaming. B is
immediately put on the defensive. A You didn't
spend any time with me at the party...I really
felt abandoned. B You didn't make an effort to
have a good time. A I didn't know anybody - at
least you could have introduced me to some of
your friends. B Listen, you can take care of
yourself. I'm sick of your complaining to be
taken care of all of the time. A And I'm sick
of your lack of consideration. B Okay, you're
going to need another girlfriend next time.
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Demonstration
However, if A behaves assertively, expresses
feelings with "I" statements and accepts
responsibility, his request is specific,
non-hostile and successful. A I felt abandoned
when you ignored me at the party. I'd like you to
include me in your circle of friends. B I think
what you are saying is true. I didn't spend much
time with you and it sounds to me like you were
feeling pretty neglected. A I can see now that
I didn't make an effort to have a good time. I
could have asked you to introduce me to your
friends and not wait for you to make the first
move instead. B Okay, and I'll be more
considerate of you next time.
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Demonstration
If A behaves passively, the timid opening line is
followed by complete withdrawal. The bill problem
must be dealt alone then A Would you help me for
a moment in figuring out this bill? B I'm busy
with this essay. Come back later. A Well, I
really hate to interrupt you but its important.
B Look I need to have it in by tomorrow. A
Okay, I understand I know its hard to be
distracted. If A behaves assertively however,
she expresses her wish clearly and does not
surrender to B's negativity. A I need your help
with figuring out this bill. B I'm busy with
this essay. Come back later. A I've waited a
week annoyed you keep the matter off. B Look I
need to have it in by tomorrow morning. A I
understand that you are under pressure, but I
need to get this done. Can we do it during your
break? B Okay, let me finish this paragraph
first.
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Steps to be assertive

• Select a support system
• Evaluate and decide if you need to stop/get rid
  of destructive behavior
• Make a decision to be assertive
• Assess your assertive strengths weaknesses
• When and where do you start
• Decide if something critical needs attention
• Work on your assertive behavior continuously

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Developing Assertiveness

• Understand your real contributions to the team
• Describe communication styles that sabotage a
  confident image
• Describe non-verbal communication that sabotage a
  confident image.
• Assert yourself through use of language
• Accept praise graciously
• Develop strategies to build a positive self-image
• Participate positively in performance reviews

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What happens

• Doesnt just happen.
• Does not guarantee you happiness or fair
  treatment.
• Will not solve all your problems
• Does not guarantee you will get what you want

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Assertiveness Quiz

• Do you buy things you do not want because you are
  afraid or shy to say no to the salesperson? 
• When you do not understand the meaning of a word,
  do you ask about it? 
• Do you feel responsible when things go wrong,
  even if it is not your fault? 
• Do you eye contact when you talk to people? 
• Do people ask to speak loudly in order to be
  heard?
• Do you feel intimidated by people in authority?
• Do you generally have good posture?
• Do you know how to ask for help without feeling
  dependent?
• If someone interrupt, do you usually tell them ?

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Assertive person does..

• is not afraid or shy to say no. She or he feels
  free to make choices clear in communication
• meets the needs. Fear does not prevent the
  assertive person from asking questions.
• takes responsibility for own behavior
• maintains eye contact and suggests sincerity,
  self-confidence and the expectation that others
  will listen. 
• wants to be heard. 
• does not allow status to intimidate
• poses a good posture communicates
• asks for help without feeling dependent
• would state that he or she is irritated being
  interrupted. Can answer all questions at the end.

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Communication Saboteurs

• The Inappropriate I - Dont start sentences
  that arent about you with I. These statements
  weaken you by implying that you are not sure of
  the facts you are stating
• Dont say I have a problem with my coworker.
  He never gets on time. Say My coworker rarely
  gets to work on time
• Get Rid of the Hedges
• You hide behind words refuse to commit when you
  use these words. Avoid Well In my
  opinion Basically..
• I would like to . . . I feel . . . I think
  . . . Im not sure, but.
• Tag Lines
• A tag is a short question added to the end of a
  statement or a command. Tags weaken your
  statements because they admit doubt. Here are a
  couple of examples.
• This is the best proposal, isnt it? OR
  Thats a good idea, dont you think?

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Saying No Nicely

• When you are confident and positive, you say no
  without being hostile/ negative.
• You have alternatives when you want to resist
  pleasantly.
• Use the language of distance.
• That task cannot be completed now.
• Use the language of power.
• Cursing makes people uncomfortable. Please
  dont use it when I am around.
• Ways to Say No Powerfully
• Perhaps a better solution is available.
• That solution doesnt promise success.
• That solution doesnt sound practical.
• This solution promises to be more economical.
• Lets consider alternative to this.
• The data doesnt support this solution.

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Accepting Praise Graciously

• Accept enjoy the praise, compliments that come
  our way. Its a recognition rewards for our
  accomplishments
• Ways Not to Accept Credit
• It was really nothing.
• I got lucky.
• It wasnt me it was the team.
• I worked hard.
• I tried.
• Ways to Accept Credit
• Thank you.
• I couldnt have done without cooperation
  support of the team

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Next Performance Review

• Compile evidence about your accomplishments/goals
  
• Compile thoughts to gets recognized in the
  conversation.
• Plan how you will introduce your accomplishments
  gracefully. Practice saying it out loud.
• Use positive visualization, Expect a great
  session, Assume that you will get feedback that
  will compliment you and help you to improve.
• Use positive body language to show your leader
  you are engaged in the process and enthusiastic
  about your job and serious about doing it better.
• Take every compliment given warmly. Accept
  credit without deflecting it. Dont make your
  leader wonder if it was wrong to give you the
  credit in the first place.
• Accept constructive feedback with an open mind
  and ask questions that clarify and help you
  improve.

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Conclusion

• ASSERTIVE people
• get better results
• live longer and healthier
• enjoy rewarding relationships
• continually practice being assertive

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Be Assertive It is the right thing to do!
Thank You all whose content is utilised
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