Communicating with Emotional Intelligence

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Communicating with Emotional Intelligence
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Communication for Course Coordinators

• Learning Outcomes
• Develop strategies to monitor self talk and its
  influence on personal performance
• Use a range of processes to reframe and manage
  interpersonal conflict
• Recognise key communication competencies for
  leadership
• Integrated Competing Values Framework
• Mentor, Facilitator and Broker

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A Communication Model

FUNCTIONS Inform Control Motivate
Express Emotions
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Emotional Intelligence (Goleman, 1995)

• knowing your emotions recognising feelings
• managing your emotions ability to shake off
  anger, anxiety and gloom
• Motivating yourself marshalling emotions for
  outside good delaying gratification,
  impulsiveness
• recognising emotions in others - empathy
• handling relationships skill in interpersonal
  skills such as conflict management, active
  listening.

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Flight CancelledSam John
(Stein and Book, 2001)
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The Open Loop of Emotions

• interpersonal limbic regulation

Andy
Amy
Pre-frontal Cortex
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Climate

• Hay Group study on 4000 executives linked EI
  leadership styles to climate

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Primal leadership styles

• Resonant Leadership (positive r)
• Visionary (.54) set clear directions and goals
• Coaching (.46) help others to succeed, support
• Affiliative (.43) build emotional bonds in the
  team
• Democratic (.42) involve others in decisions
  that affect them
• Dissonant Leadership (negative r)
• Pacesetting (-.25) push for achieving higher
  targets
• Commanding (- .26) use power through
  coercion/authority

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Email (Resonant or Dissonant)
Staff.. As per correspondence received from
Linda Kristjanson (reproduced below) it is time
for the Division to begin coordinating the RQF
process by identifying eligible and
assessable RQF researchers. Check the eligibiilty
criteria listed below and advise your Head of
School if you are eligible. The timelines are
tight so move on this ASAP. Once we have a
list of eligible researchers we need to then
check that the necessary data is in SCRIPT and
that the best four requirements forevidence have
been fulfilled.  Questions? Direct them to Mary
Smith by email Mary.Smith_at_curtin.edu.au Regards
Tom Jones
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Email (Resonant or Dissonant)

• Dear Colleagues,
• I dont like to burden you with details about
  SCRIPT and RQF but were approaching some
  important deadlines that will affect our input
  into the RQF, which in turn has funding
  implications for the university.
• By early December we need to have our SCRIPT
  research publications lists complete and have
  nominated our four best publications. Tom and
  Mary are working at updating the publications
  records for staff and are very helpful with the
  details of SCRIPT. However we need your help.
  .
• Im not a SCRIPT data base guru but Im happy to
  answer any questions about what the process is
  and why it matters. Please contact me if you have
  any queries.
• Best wishes,
• Jane

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Self Talk / Mindfulness

• Self-talk is a concept which can be understood
  and developed so that an individual can become
  more competent by identifying negative thoughts
  and replacing them with positive self talk (Tice,
  1995) which in turn, has a positive impact on
  their manner in communication.

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Emotion
What really happens.

Interpretation Thought belief
Reaction Behavior
Event
Communication
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Self Talk Exercise

I have had a great many troubles in my life, and
most never happened. Mark Twain.
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Catching Faulty Thinking (Ellis, 1995)

• Exaggeration
• Overgeneralisation
• Shoulds/Musts
• Having to Be Right
• Catastrophizing
• Awfulizing
• Self-blaming
• Mind-Reading
• Fallacy of Fairness

Fuels Thinking And Resultant Communication
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Figure.. Ladder of Inference. Based on Ross
(1994) p. 243)
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The A - F Model for Challenging Beliefs(Zeus and
Skiffington, 2002187)

• A Activating event or situation giving a
  presentation in front of colleagues
• B Self limiting belief I must perform
  exceptionally well or my colleagues will think
  I am stupid (self blaming, exaggeration,
  catastrophizing)
• C Consequences of this belief (emotional or
  behavioral) anxiety, poor
• concentration, defensiveness
• D Disputing the self-limiting belief(s) have I
  never given a good presentation? Are all
  presentations perfect? Will people really laugh
  at me if I make a mistake? How have I reacted to
  other peoples presentations?
• E Effective new beliefs There is no evidence
  that my colleagues think or will think I am
  stupid if I do not perform exceptionally well. I
  have given great presentations before. I have
  received positive feedback from peers in the
  past.
• F New feelings More confident, able to approach
  the presentation as a challenge rather than an
  ordeal.

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Managing Conflict
Effects of conflict on group performance
optimal level of conflict
high
Group performance
low
high
low
Conflict
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Sources of Conflict in the Workplace

• Work Overload
• Work Underload
• Conflicting Demands
• Responsibility without Control
• Win-lose situations

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With-holds

• Are negative feelings we have towards others that
  inhibit our free expression (with-hold)
• There are costs and benefits associated with a
  with hold
• The more this with-hold is applied, the more
  negative experience escalates and takes control
  of your energy because of avoidance

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With-hold Exercise

• Identify a person with whom you have a
  'with-hold you can keep this confidential.
• Discuss with your partner the nature of the
  'with-hold you dont have to mention who it is
  with..
• What benefits do you receive by not addressing
  the 'with-hold' with the other person?
• What costs are there associated with not
  addressing the 'with-hold' with the other person?
  
• Write a statement that would allow you to express
  your 'with-hold'.
• What is the result you expect/hope to achieve
  from taking action?

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Being assertive when addressing a with-hold I
vs. You

• As an assertive person you can
• Initiate, maintain terminate a conversation
• Refuse unreasonable requests
• Handle criticism
• Express negative feelings
• Stand up for yourself
• Express positive feelings
• Ask for clarification or make requests
• Express active disagreement
• Avoid justifying every opinion

Aggressive
Assertive
Passive
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Addressing the With-Hold Active Listening

• Make an effort to listen
• Make eye contact
• Show interest, open body posture
• Avoid distracting actions
• Take in whole picture
• Ask Questions, without judgement
• Reflect. paraphrase, summarise
• Dont interrupt
• Dont talk over the other person
• Test bias evaluate the message
• Be natural

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Non-Verbal Messages

• Actions speak louder than words
• 7 of what we hear
• 38 tone of voice (paralanguage)
• 58 body language

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Calibration and Synchronization
CategoriesCalming Amy or Andy

• Territorial Position where/what space?
• Body Language
• Posture (how do they sit/balance)
• Mobility
• Gestures
• Breathing
• Facial expression
• Muscular tension
• Mouth lower lip
• Eye
• Tonality
• Values and how their expressed
• Contextual Elements

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The Meaning of Your Communication is the Response
That You GetMerlevede, Bridoux and Vandamme
(2001)