Connect: Supporting Children Exposed to Domestic Violence

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ConnectSupporting ChildrenExposed to Domestic
Violence
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Agenda

• Welcome and Introductions
• Family Dynamics and Domestic Violence
• What Children Experience
• Parenting and Supporting Children Affected by DV

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Introductions

• Tell us your name
• And share a
• nickname youve been
• called (or wouldnt
• mind being called!)

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Getting Started

• Read the question on the card and share it with
• your group
• Discuss the question
• Develop a two sentence response in 5 minutes
• Share your question and response with the
• large group

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What do you think?
1 Why is it important for resource
families to know about domestic violence?
2 How would you feel about a child if you
learned that s/he lived in a home where
domestic violence occurred?
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What do you think?
3 How would you feel about a childs birth
parents if you learned that the child
came from a home where domestic violence
took place? Would you feel differently
about the victim parent versus the abusive
parent?
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What do you think?
4 How might you support children who
have experienced domestic violence
differently than other children?
5 In what ways are domestic violence and
child maltreatment connected?
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Family Violence refers to violence between any
family members such as

• intimate partner violence
• (also known as domestic violence)
• abuse of a parent by a child
• elder abuse
• sibling abuse
• child maltreatment

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Domestic and Dating Violence
Patterns of coercive and controlling behaviors
perpetrated by an adult or teen against an
intimate partner.
Domestic and dating violence are NOT just
physical or sexual assault!
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A Few Statistics
One in four women report experiencing violence in
an intimate relationship at some point in their
life (Centers for Disease Control, 2008)
15.5 million children live in households where
domestic violence has occurred within the past
year (McDonald et al, 2006)
62 of 11-14 year olds say they know friends who
have been verbally abused by a boyfriend or
girlfriend (Liz Claiborne, Inc, 2008)
One in five 13-14 year olds say they know friends
and peers who have been struck in anger by a
boyfriend or girlfriend (Liz Claiborne, Inc, 2008)
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Why do Men use Violence In Intimate Partner
Relationships?

• Some ideas people have
• to establish control
• acting out culturally designated roles
• mirroring violence in society
• because they can get away with it
• it is learned behavior

Remember Not every act of violence between two
intimate partners is domestic violence. DV
is not an isolated incident, but a pattern of
coercive and controlling behavior.
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Power and Control Wheel
What are other examples for each section on the
Power and Control Wheel?
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Why do Women Stay???
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Why might it be difficult to work with parents
who are victims or perpetrators of domestic
violence?
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Remember

• DV situations can be hard for anyone to manage.
• Its good to seek help and emotional support.
• Where can you find help in your community?

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Exposure to Domestic Violence
Not all children are affected by domestic
violence in the same way.
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Examples of How Children are Exposed

• hearing threats of physical harm
• feeling tension building in home prior to
  assault
• being hit/threatened while in mothers arms
• hearing/seeing assault on their mother
• being denied care because mother is injured or
  depressed
• being forced to watch or participate in violence
  against their mother
• seeing aftermath of violent incident
• having their relationship with their non-violent
  parent undermined
• being taken hostage to force mother to return
  home
• being enlisted by violent parent to align
  against mother
• experiencing the loss of a parent due to
  murder/suicide

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Factor The Childs Age
The younger the child, the more harmful the
impact may be.
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Factor The Childs Developmental Stage
Exposure to domestic violence can affect the
tasks or milestones of the particular childs
stage of development.
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Factor Severity, Proximity, Duration
and Frequency of Exposure
A child directly exposed to extreme, ongoing
and/or frequent violence is more likely to be
seriously emotionally harmed.
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Factor The Childs Gender
Boys and girls may be affected differently
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Factor The Childs Role in the
Family
Children exposed to domestic violence take on
different roles in families that may change over
time.

• Caretaker
• Confidant
• Assistant
• Overachiever/ perfect
• Referee
• Scapegoat

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Factor Personal Characteristics
of the Child
Some children have a strong sense of self and are
able to weather their exposure to violence by
drawing on internal strength.
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Factor Presence or absence of
loving, supportive adults
The single most critical factor in how children
weather exposure to domestic violence is the
presence of at least ONE loving and supportive
adult in their life.
That ONE adult may be YOU!!
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Factor Responsiveness of systems
Knowledgeable and skilled professionals who
understand and respond effectively to families
can play a significant role in how children are
impacted.
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What are some of the FEELINGS and BEHAVIORS that
children in your care have displayed?
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The impact of exposure to domestic violence on
infants and young children may show up as
low birth weight exaggerated startle
response somatic complaints regression in
toileting or language sleep disturbances difficu
lty attaching to caregiver hyper-vigilance separ
ation anxiety eating disorders
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In school-aged children
Some kids over-control their emotions or
behaviors (these are internalized effects of
exposure to DV). These children hold things
in.
Some kids under-control their emotions or
behaviors (these are externalized effects of
exposure to DV). These kids are more likely to
explode, act up or act out. They cannot manage
their impulses.
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• A good way to understand the effects of DV on
  children is to look at their drawings.
• An eight-year-old was asked to draw a picture of
  his father. He wrote in Spanish This is how I
  see my father because he often gets angry and
  drunk and his eyes turn red.

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For adolescents, exposure to DV can result in
kids being more likely to . . .

• Use drugs or alcohol
• Be harmed when they intervene in an assault
• Display attitudes supporting the use of violence
• Use violence in their own intimate relationships

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Another example of a drawing in response to the
Question How do you see your father? In
this case, the artist is a 13-year-old boy.
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What Does Trauma Look Like?

• Children who may need professional help
• Cry easily or constantly
• Appear emotionless or extremely withdrawn
• Have repeated or intrusive thoughts about the
  event
• Have trouble sleeping and/or nightmares
• Be triggered by a sound, smell, or other
  reminder of the experience
• Have difficulty concentrating
• Worry excessively leading to physical complaints
  (i.e. stomachaches)

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Questions

• Which of these effects in children are
• easier for you to handle as a parent? Why?
• Which of these effects drive you crazy
• or makes it hard for you to parent? Why?

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Supporting Children Affected by Domestic Violence
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Resource Parents Need to Know

• Many children will worry about their mothers
  safety
• and will miss their family
• Tender loving care (TLC) is important but may not
  
• always be enough
• Children need to move from unpredictable danger
• to reliable safety
• Relationships may be too close for comfort
• There is no quick, easy fix

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Resource Parents can Support Children and
Promote Healing

• Create a predictable world
• Add structure and clear expectations
• Pay close attention to non-verbal cues
• Avoid struggles for power
• and control
• Model healthy and respectful
• relationships

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Resource Parents can Support Children and
Promote Healing

• Give children choices whenever possible
• Help children learn not only what not to do, but
  what to do instead
• Teach children to put feelings into words
• Validate childrens feelings about their parents
• Create opportunities for children to be
  successful (i.e. sports, music, art, academics,
  peer relationships)
• Send the right messages

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Resource Parents can Support Children and Promote
Healing

• Prepare children for visits
• Advocate for children when they
• need help in other settings
• Be respectful of the childrens
• parents
• Have fun together!
• Get support for yourself!

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Group Activity

• Read the case study
• Discuss the questions at the end of the case
  study as a group
• Pick a spokesperson to share with the
• large group

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You have the power to help children heal
Final Questions?
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Thank you for your participation today! Please
visit the Family Violence Prevention Fund at
www.endabuse.org