Why Relationships may Change or End

1
Why Relationships may Change or End

• By Mr Daniel Hansson

2
Models of Relationship Dissolution

• Lees sequences of separation model (1984)
• Ducks model of dissolution (1999)

3
Lees Sequences of Separation Model (1984)

• Based on a survey on 112
• romantic break ups of premarital couples, Lee
  identified
• the following stages
• Dissatisfaction-Recognising there is a problem
• Exposure- Problem brought out into open.
• Negotiation- Discussion about issue raised
• Resolution Attempts-Each partner attempts to
  problem solve.
• Termination-Resolution attempts are unsuccessful.

4
Ducks Model of Dissolution (1999)

• Duck supposed there were five stages
• which could be triggered by a threshold.
• Breakdown-Dissatisfaction leads to crisis. Repair
  strategy correct own faults
• Intra-psychic phase-Thinking about relationship
  in private, then with close friend. Repair
  strategy- re-establish liking for partner.
• Dyadic phase- Deciding to break up/repair repair
  strategy- recalculate rules for future.
• Social phase. Include others in your argument
  i.e. take your side. Repair strategy outsiders
  encourage reunion.
• Grave Dressing- Public private dissection of
  relationship. Repair strategy- Try to salvage
  friendship and agree upon acceptable version of
  events.

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Evaluation

• These models show that dissolution is not a
  sudden step but a process
• They identify stages where things start to go
  wrong

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Some Reasons for Break Ups

• Withdrawal (social penetration theory)
• Rule violations
• Individual Differences (e.g. communication,
  cultural, gender)
• Reduced proximity
• Changes in lifestyle
• Negative emotion and poor communication

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Rule Violations

• Argyle Henderson (1984) 160 participants aged
  17-34 were asked on the dissolution of
  friendships
• The most critical rule violations were jealousy,
  lack of tolerance for a third party relationship,
  disclosing confidences, publicly criticizing the
  person and not volunteering when helping
• Individual differences Women identified
  emotional support, younger participants public
  criticism, over 20s lack of respect or request
  for personal advice

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Individual Differences

• Brehm Kassin, 1996 Women are more likely to
  stress unhappiness and incompatibility whereas
  men are more upset by sexual withholding
• Caspi Herbener (1990) A longitudinal study of
  135 married couples found that similarity between
  was related to marital satisfaction
• Hill, Rubin, Peplau (1976) A two year study of
  dating relationships among college students.
  Found differences such as age, education,
  intelligence, unequal involvement in the
  relationship, and physical attractiveness. The
  desire to break up was seldom mutual.

9
Reduced Proximity

• Shaver et al. (1985) Moving away from each other
  often leads to the dissolution of relationships
• Holt and Stone (1988) Found out that there was
  little decrease in relationship satisfaction for
  long distance relationships if lovers were able
  to unite regularly.

10
Changes in Lifestyle

• Hays Oxley (1986) Found that the most adaptive
  social networks for first-year university
  students involved new friends who were also
  university students rather than old school or
  neighborhood friends.

11
Negative emotion

• Rogge, 2010 222 volunteers in romantic
  relationship conducted a computer task where they
  were to associate their partners first name with
  positive or negative words. Volunteers who found
  it easy to associate their partner with bad words
  and difficult to associate her with good things
  were more likely to separate over the next year.

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Negative emotion

• Gottman (1988) has developed a model to predict
  which newlywed couples will remain married and
  which will divorce four to six years later. He
  claims that his model has 80-90 accuracy. His
  prediction method relies on Paul Ekman's method
  of analyzing microexpressions of couples in the
  laboratory (observation analyzed by content
  analysis). Gottman believes that the four
  emotional reactions that are most destructive for
  relationships are defensiveness, stonewalling
  (withdrawal from relationship), criticism and
  contempt. He considers contempt to be the best
  predictor for marital success.