Stages of a Relationship

1
Stages of a Relationship

• Emotional Stages
• Development of a Love Relationship
• Six Stages of Love
• Couples Journey Stages
• 10 Stage Model of Interpersonal Relationships
• Five Stages from Beginning to End
• Stages of Marriage
• 7 Types of Marriage

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5 emotional stages according to ages

1. 20-28 Getting into Adult World
2. 29-34 Starting to question Who am I?
3. 35-43 Midlife scare inner changes
4. 44-54 Rediscovering (apart of together)
5. 55 Growth toward wisdom

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Development of a Love Relationship(Jerry Braza)

• Attraction bring two people together,
  similarities draws them together. Differences
  allow them to grow.
• Positive Feelings most of the time when
  together. Strong feelings. Temporary and illusion
  (sometimes)

4
Development of a Love Relationship, cont.

• Depth begins
• Faith in each other begins to build
• Novelty continues/sexual attraction strong
• Communication is excellent, talk easily
• Little or no criticism, mutual discovery (feels
  good)
• Stability newness wears off
• Develop rational strength through many activities
• Openness is the KEY

5
Development of a Love Relationship, cont.

• Crossroads 1
• Assume friendship will last without any work
  needed to keep it going
• Take each other for granted
• Dont develop common interests (do most things
  independently)
• Talk less and less begin to be critical and
  indifferent
• Tension increases, fighting, arguing sex
  becomes less enjoyable
• Relationship falls apart

6
Development of a Love Relationship, cont.

• Crossroads 2
• Develop and expand common interests
• Work at relationship/communication
• Do things for and with each other
• Shared journey
• Strong bond can handle stress
• Relationship offers more fulfillment
• Lasting sexual enjoyment

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Six Stages of LOVE (Judy Jim Sellner)

1. ROMANCE Love as a giddy, enthralling,
   passionate, and largely conflict-free condition.
2. EARLY COMMITMENT high expectations, incomplete
   knowledge and understanding, the couple decide to
   become committed to each other.

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Six Stages of LOVE, cont.

• 3. POWER STRUGGLE AND CONFLICT the bloom is off
  the rose and reality starts to intrude, as two
  individual identities emerge.
• 4. RESOLUTION AND ACCEPTANCE the couple learn
  how to confront each other constructively and
  resolve major hostilities.

9
Six Stages of LOVE, cont.

• 5. COMMITMENT OR ETHICAL LOVE a transformation
  of emphasis from What can this relationship do
  for me? to What can I do for this
  relationship?
• 6. LOVE MADE VISIBLE or MATURE ROMANTICISM you
  inspire each other to do creative things that
  have an effect on other people

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Couples Journey Stages (Susan Campbell)

1. Romance happily-ever-after
2. Power struggle accept each other at end
3. Stability no risking, too comfortable
4. Commitment love even though dont always like
5. Co-creation beyond relationship, outer world

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Couples Journey Stages (Berkeley Therapy
Institute Stages)

1. Happy Time romantic, enjoy togetherness
2. Conflict and Regrets begins in disappointment,
   reality, disillusionment (question wisdom in
   being together), differences emerge, mutual
   disapproval
3. Reaching an Accord give up blame, develop
   realistic expectation, mutual acceptance,
   accommodation, and attraction.

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10 Stage Model of Interpersonal Relationships
-Knapp

• GROWTH Stages
• Initiating Stage
• Impressions
• Checking out
• Clothes
• Physical Attractiveness
• Intelligence
• Testing
• Ideas
• Opinions
• Attitudes
• Beliefs

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Knapps 10 Stage Model (cont.)

• GROWTH Stages
• Experimenting Stage
• Seeking common ground
• Testing the waters with self-disclosure
• Provide personal histories

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Knapps 10 Stage Model (cont.)

• GROWTH stages
• Intensifying Stage
• Swap possessions
• clothes
• CDs
• Use pet names for each other
• Increase self-disclosure
• Increase risks
• Increase openness

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Knapps 10 Stage Model (cont.)

• GROWTH stages
• Integrating Stage
• Constantly nearby
• Share friends
• Others identify the dyad as a couple or best
  friends

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Knapps 10 Stage Model (cont.)

• GROWTH stages
• Bonding Stage
• Formal commitment
• Engagement
• Marriage
• Signing a lease
• Going into business together

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Knapps 10 Stage Model (cont.)

• DECLINE Stages
• Differentiating Stage
• Focus on the differences
• Increased conflict
• Increased time apart

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Knapps 10 Stage Model (cont.)

• DECLINE Stages
• Circumscribing Stage
• Superficial conversation
• Safe topics
• Conflict avoidance
• Appear to be committed in public
• Focus on the relationship

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Knapps 10 Stage Model (cont.)

• DECLINE Stages
• Stagnating Stage
• Lack of relationship growth
• Lack of communication on relationship
• Introduction of emotional pain

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Knapps 10 Stage Model (cont.)

• DECLINE Stages
• Avoiding Stage
• Physical separation
• Direct communication
• Hostility
• Antagonism

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Knapps 10 Stage Model (cont.)

• DECLINE Stages
• Termination Stage
• Preparation to end relationship
• Indication of trying to "work it out
• Possible transformation of relationship
• Rules for new relationship
• Seeking alternatives
• Transitional person
• End of Relationship

22
Levingers Theory that Relationships Pass through
Five Stages from Beginning to End
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Stage of Relationship INITIAL ATTRACTION

• Positive Factors
• Proximity and repeated exposure
• Positive emotions
• High affiliation need and friendship motivation

• Negative Factors
• Absence of proximity and repeated exposure
• Negative emotions
• Low affiliation need and friendship motivation

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Stage of RelationshipBUILDING A RELATIONSHIP

• Positive Factors
• Equivalent physical attractiveness
• Similarity of attitudes and other characteristics
• Reciprocal positive evaluations

• Negative Factors
• Nonequivalent physical attractiveness
• Dissimilarity of attitudes and other
  characteristics
• Reciprocal negative evaluations

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Stage of RelationshipCONTINUATION

• Positive Factors
• Seeking ways to maintain interest and variety
• Providing evidence of positive evaluation
• Absence of jealousy
• Perceived equity
• High level of mutual satisfaction

• Negative Factors
• Falling into a rut and becoming bored
• Providing evidence of negative evaluation
• Jealousy
• Perceived inequity
• Low level of mutual satisfaction

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Stage of RelationshipDETERIORATION

• Positive Factors
• Much time and effort invested in relationship
• Work at improvement of relationship
• Wait for improvement to occur

• Negative Factors
• Little time and effort invested in relationship
• Decide to end relationship
• Wait for deterioration to continue

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Stage of RelationshipENDING

• Positive Factors
• Existing relationship offers some rewards
• No alternative partners available
• Expect relationship to succeed
• Commitment to a continuing relationship

• Negative Factors
• A new life appears to be the only acceptable
  solution
• Alternative partners available
• Expect relationship to fail
• Lack of commitment to a continuing relationship

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Six Stages of Marriage (Mel Krantzler)

1. Now we are a couple high hopes, great
   expectations (3 years)
2. Whats happening to my career concern with
   status, income, achievement
3. Here we are parents caring environment, now more
   than a couple, change in relationships

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Six Stages of Marriage, cont.

• Suddenly were older disenchantment, aging
• Is the past my only future (50-65) in touch with
  self, accepted by spouse as is
• Summing up shared interests

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7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE

• The following seven styles were based on a 125
  question survey of 8,385 couples.
• by David Olson, Professor of Family Social
  Science at the University of Minnesota. Published
  in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.
• (from article in Salt Lake Tribune, 11/22/93)

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7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE

• VITALIZED
• These couples are most satisfied with marriage
  and feel comfortable with their spouses habits
  and personality. They rank particularly high on
  scales measuring ability to resolve conflict and
  communicate. They tend to be older, married
  longer, more educated and have higher incomes and
  job status. More husbands work part time, and
  fewer of them have two jobs.

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7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont.

• HARMONIOUS
• They score moderately high on resolving conflict,
  communicating and accepting spouses habits and
  personality. But they have drastically lower
  consensus on issues involving parenting, although
  they frequently have only one child. They tend to
  be older, married for a shorter period of time
  and have the fewest children of any group. They
  are more educated and have higher status jobs,
  but men have lower incomes more often than
  expected and women earn more. More wives work
  full time and are less often unemployed.

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7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont.

• BALANCED
• These couples communicate well and are satisfied
  with problem-solving strategies. They also have
  higher than average agreement on leisure
  activities, child-rearing issues and sexuality.
  They value their nuclear family and try to
  balance family life with outside interests. But
  financial management is a problem in the
  relationship.

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7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont.

• TRADITIONAL
• Couples fitting this profile were most satisfied
  of all groups in how they handle children and
  parenting duties. They scored above average on
  conflict resolution, communication and acceptance
  of spouses habits and personality. Scores were
  even higher on the part religion plays in their
  marriage. They marry younger, have more children
  and the wives tend to work less than in other
  couples. Most have never considered divorce.

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7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont.

• CONFLICTED
• Moderately low scores overall with relatively
  greater agreement on egalitarian roles in the
  marriage and making religion an important part of
  the relationship. Their lowest scores indicate
  difficulty communicating and resolving conflict.
  They have less education, lower income and job
  status and more religious differences. Many
  couples consider divorce, but they are no more
  likely to be separated or previously divorced
  than other couples.

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7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont.

• FINANCIALLY FOCUSED
• Money, or financial rewards, appear to hold this
  type of couple together. They are dissatisfied
  with six other relationship issues. A majority of
  both partners have considered divorce.

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7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont.

• DEVITALIZED
• Pervasively dissatisfied with their marriages,
  these couple tend to be younger, less educated
  and have lower status occupations and incomes.
  More husbands have two jobs. Their acquaintance
  before marriage is shorter. They are more
  racially and religiously dissimilar. They are
  twice as likely to be separated as conflicted
  couples and 10 times more likely to be separated
  than other types. Also, 20 percent of the
  partners have been divorced previously.