Communication

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Communication
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Model of Interpersonal Communication
Senders Intentions
Effect on Listener
Senders Actions
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Talk Table

• Gottman, Notarius, Gonso, Markman, 1976
  Partners are asked to rate intended impact of
  message with buttons ranging from super negative
  to super positive. The partner then rates
  perception of message using the same buttons.
• Unhappy couples dont differ from happy couples
  in what they are trying to say, but in unhappy
  relationships partners perceive messages to be
  more critical and disrespectful

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Nonverbal Communication

• Facial Expressions
• Gazing Behavior eye contact
• Body language gestures
• - posture
• Touch
• Interpersonal Distance
• Intimate Zone a foot and a half
• Personal Zone 1.5 ft to 4 ft
• Social Zone 4 12 ft
• Paralanguage
• Rhythm, pitch, loudness how they say it

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Nonverbal Sensitivity

• The sensitivity and accuracy with which couples
  communicate nonverbally predict how happy the
  relationship will be
• When problems do occur, its often the husbands
  fault.

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Husbands and Unhappy Marriages

• Men in troubled marriages sent more confusing
  messages, and misinterpreted communications from
  their wives that were legible to strangers. And
  the husbands were clueless about the mistakes.
• However, other studies have shown both partners
  in unhappy marriages have troubled communication

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Communication and Relationships

• Nonverbal skills determine how satisfying
  relationships are.
• Relationship satisfaction determines how hard
  people work to communicate.

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Verbal Communication Self Disclosure

• Self-disclosure the process of revealing
  personal information to someone else.
• Integral component in relationships.
• Social Penetration Theory development of
  relationship is tied to changes in communication
• Changes in breadth
• Changes in depth
• Breadth Increases faster than depth.

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Reciprocity and Self-Disclosure

• Early communication between partners is
  characterized by reciprocity of self-disclosure
• Immediate reciprocity occurs less often as
  relationship progresses
• Responsiveness becomes more important

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Self-Disclosure and Relationship Satisfaction

• The more spouses self-disclose, the happier they
  tend to be.
• Happy couples use idioms
• Happy couples conversations are marked by
  obvious knowledge of the other person and
  relaxation
• Self-disclosure is linked to happiness because
• We reveal things to people we like
• Revealing things to people makes us like them
  more
• We like to be entrusted with self-disclosures

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Privacy

• Social penetration is rarely total, partners tend
  to value privacy too
• A healthy balance between self-disclosure and
  privacy is ideal
• The number one taboo topic is

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Gender Differences in Verbal Communication
Topics of Conversation

• Women talk about feelings and people.
• Men talk about objects and actions.

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Styles of Conversation

• Women speak with less forcefulness (e.g. I am
  kind of interested It seems that way
• Women often make statements with rising
  inflection at end (e.g.I skipped class last
  Thursday?)
• Women are less profane

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Self-Disclosure

• Women are more self-disclosing
• Men disclose more with women than with men
• Wives express feelings so if a husband doesnt
  complain wives tend to interpret that is
  everything is ok
• Men tend to interpret a lack of overt signs of
  affection as hostility

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Miscommunication

• Kitchen sinking drag several topics into
  converstion (e.g. its not just that youre
  always late, its the fact you drink all the time
  and hang out with those friends and never clean
  up after yourself)
• Off-beam jumping from topic to topic
• Negative-mindreading
• Interrupt
• Yes butting
• Cross - complaining

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The four horsemen of the apocalypse

• Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and
  withdrawal

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Good Communication

• I-statements and XYZ statements vs. You-always
  statements
• Paraphrasing
• Perception Checking
• Avoid negative reciprocity
• Validate (e.g.I dont blame you for feeling that
  way, I understand that