Communication and Conflict Resolution

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Communication and Conflict Resolution

• Introduction
• Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication
• Gender Differences in Communication
• Developing Communication Skills
• Power, Conflict, and Intimacy
• Intimacy and Conflict
• Experiencing and Managing Conflict

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Introduction

• Intimacy and communication are inextricably
  connected.
• Communication for its own sake involves the
  pleasure of being in each others company, the
  excitement of conversation, the exchange of
  touches and smiles, and loving silence.

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Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication

• There is no such thing as not communicating.
• The functions of non-verbal communication include
  conveying interpersonal attitudes, expressing
  emotions and handling the ongoing interactions.
• A relationship exists between verbal and
  non-verbal messages.
• Three of the most important forms of nonverbal
  communication are proximity, eye contact, and
  touch.

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• Making eye contact with another person, if only
  for a second Is a signal of interest.
• Touch is the most basic of all senses It is
  extremely important in human development, health
  and sexuality.

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Gender Differences in Communication

• Premarital communication patterns are related to
  marital satisfaction.
• 1. How well a couple communicates before
  marriage can be an important predictor of later
  marital satisfaction.
• 2. Self-disclosure, the revelation of deeply
  personal information about ones self, prior to
  marriage is related to relationship satisfaction.
• 3. A couples negative or positive communication
  pattern has little effect on marital satisfaction
  the first year of marriagethis quality is known
  as the honeymoon effect.

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• Gender differences in partner communication are
  influenced by gender differences in general
  communication patterns.
• 1. Wives send clearer messages to their husbands
  than vice-versa and tend to be more sensitive and
  responsive to their husbands messages, both
  during conversation and conflict.
• 2. Husbands tend to give more neutral messages
  or to withdraw.
• 3. Although communication differences in
  arguments between husbands and wives are usually
  small, they nevertheless follow a typical pattern
  and wives tend to set the emotional tone of the
  argument.

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• Studies suggest that poor communication skills
  precede the outset of marital problems.

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Developing Communication Skills

• We can learn to communicate but it is not always
  easy.
• Traditional sex roles encourage men to be
  strong and silent, to talk about things instead
  of feelings.
• Personal reasons such as inadequacy,
  vulnerability, or guilt may restrict
  communication.
• Fear of conflict due to expressing real
  feelings and desires may lead to their
  suppression.

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• Before we can communicate with others we must
  first know how we feel.
• Feelings serve as valuable guides for action.
• Communication which reveals ourselves to others
  is self-disclosure, an important aspect to
  intimacy.
• In the process of revealing ourselves to
  others, we discover who we ourselves are and
  self-disclosure is often reciprocal.

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• Trust is the belief in the reliability and
  integrity of a person.
• Three conditions must be met for trust to
  develop.
• a relationship must exist and have the
  likelihood of continuing
• we must be able to predict how the other person
  will likely behave and
• the other person must have other acceptable
  options available to him or her.
• Trust is important in close relationships because
  it is vital to self- disclosure, and it
  influences the way in which ambiguous or
  unexpected messages are interpreted.

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• Giving feedback, the ongoing process in which
  participants and their messages create a given
  result and are subsequently modified by the
  result, is a critical element in communication.
• We can engage in dialogue and feedback by
• focusing on behavior rather than the person,
• focusing feedback in terms of its value to the
  recipient,
• focusing feedback on the amount the recipient
  can process, and
• offering feedback at an appropriate time and
  place.

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• Mutual affirmation, along with self-awareness,
  self-disclosure, trust and feedback, are
  essential to communication in close
  relationships.
• Mutual affirmation is made up of three
  elements mutual acceptance liking each other
  and expressing liking in both words and actions.

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Power, Conflict and Intimacy

• The more intimate two people become, the more
  likely they may be to experience conflict It is
  not conflict itself that is dangerous to intimate
  relationships it is the manner in which the
  conflict is handled.
• Conflict is natural in intimacy and does not
  necessarily represent a crisis in the
  relationship.
• Power conflicts within families over who decides
  and does what are both complex and explosive.

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• Traditional roles supported the subordination of
  the wife to the husband, but these roles are
  changing with women working and egalitarian
  standards emerging.
• There are six bases of marital power, according
  to French and Raven coercive power, reward
  power, expert power, legitimate power, referent
  power, and informational power.

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• Power vs. Intimacy may reflect mutually exclusive
  traits For genuine intimacy to exist, there must
  be equality in the power relationships.
• Power is the ability to or potential ability to
  influence another person or group.

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Intimacy and Conflict

• Conflicts may be basic or non-basic.
• Basic conflicts challenge the fundamental
  assumptions of rules of a relationship, and may
  offer no room for compromise.
• Non-basic conflicts are disagreements that do
  not strike at the " heart of a relationship and
  resolution is possible.

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• Conflicts may occur because of a situation or
  because of the personalities of the partners.
• Situational conflicts or realistic conflicts
  occur because of a need to make changes in a
  relationship.
• Personality conflicts arise because of
  personality, such as the needs to vent
  aggression, dominate or overpower They are not
  directed toward making changes, but simply toward
  releasing pent-up tensions.
• Conflict in natural intimate relationships.
  Handling conflicts in a healthy way is the task.

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Experiencing and Managing Conflict

• Dealing with anger takes skill and sensitivity
  and may require negotiation.
• Differences between people may lead to anger,
  which transforms differences into fights and
  creates tension, distrust, division and fear.
• Most people have learned to handle anger by
  either venting or suppressing it.
• Many couples experience a love/anger cycle
  involving anger at the point a couple become most
  intimate with each other.

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• Suppressed anger ultimately leads to resentment
  and low-level hostility.
• Anger can be recognized as a symptom of
  something that needs to be changed, leading to
  negotiation.

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• The way in which a couple deals with conflict
  resolution both reflects and contributes to their
  marital happiness.
• Happily married couples display distinctive
  communication behaviors including
• - summarizing of what the other person says into
  his or her own words,
• - paraphrasing to put what the other person ways
  into ones own words,
• - validating the others feelings and,
• - clarifying the communication it there is
  uncertainty

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• Unhappy couples display the following patterns
• - confrontation rather than trying to understand,
• - confrontation and defensiveness as alternating
  patterns,
• - complaining and defensiveness as alternating
  patterns.

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• Fighting about sex involves issues that are
  sexual as well as using sex as a scapegoat for
  underlying issues, which are unresolved. Couples
  disagree or fight over money for a number of
  reasons, one of the most important being power.
• Money issues tend to support male dominance.
• Financial priorities are a major source of
  disagreement.
• Talking about money is often taboo, although
  our society is obsessed with money.

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• There are three major ways conflict can be
  resolved through negotiation
• - Agreement as a gift occurs when a person agrees
  without coercion, threats, or resentment It is a
  gift of love.
• Bargaining involves making compromises, seeking
  the most equitable deal for each partner.
• Co-existence involves living with the
  differences without undermining the basic ties.
• Communication is the basis for good
  relationships.
• Communication and intimacy are reciprocal.