I am Safe

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• I am Safe
• Protecting the Space called Childhood
• Safer Schools
• Safer Communities
• Safer World
• www.iamsafe.ca

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Introduction

• The following presentation is intended to offer
  some snippets of wisdom and information about
  bullying
• and provoke thought and discussion.
• The quotes are from a number of experts,
  professionals, youth and those interested in
  furthering the cause!
• Some come directly from comments made by
  delegates and presenters at three hugely
  successful national
• conferences presented over a five year period in
  Ottawa, Canadas capital city.
• We are currently attempting to reference as many
  of the quotes as possible (a daunting task) and
  hope to
• have this completed soon till then feel free to
  get in touch and we will try to secure the author
  and the
• reference.
• We will add to the presentation on a monthly
  basis.
• We hope you enjoy!
• Thank you

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The extent to which bullying behavior and
violence in schools and other places where
children gather, can be reduced before the
culture itself changes, is debatable. A
society that begins to care better for its people
diminishes the conditions that lead to bullying
and shows the younger citizens that there are
better and safer ways to live. It is time that
we built communities where aggression towards
others is totally unacceptable, not because of
strict laws and severe punishment, but because it
makes greater sense to reach out and care for one
another.
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• Everyone is always making fun of me because of
  how I look
• well I will get you all back.Whatever I do
  people make fun
• of me, and sometimes directly to my face.
• "Your children, who have ridiculed me, who have
  chosen not to accept
• me, who have treated me like I am not worth their
  time are dead."
• From the diary of Eric Harris
• Eric David Harris and Dylan Bennet Klebold were
  the
• perpetrators of the Columbine High School
  massacre.

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Bullying is a widespread problem that permeates
our society. It occurs not only on school
playgrounds, but also throughout society--at the
workplace, in the media, and on the Internet.
Moreover, bullying is associated with criminal
behavior, school dropout, poor psychosocial
adjustment, and other problems with long-term
negative effects on society. Victims experience
feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and
depression. Leona Onderdonk
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Almost every classroom in every school has two or
three students who live in hell because they are
teased and ridiculed by their schoolmates. They
often get into verbal and physical altercations
with their tormentors, and comprise the majority
of those students who are regular visitors to the
principal's office. They are social pariahs,
avoided by other children who are too embarrassed
to be seen associating with such "losers". They
are convinced that their peers hate them and that
there must be something terribly wrong with
themselves. In class they stew in anger,
nervously anticipating the next insult, planning
their response, and fantasizing grand scenes of
revenge against their tormentors. This makes it
hard for them to keep their minds on their
studies, and their grades suffer.
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• WHAT IS BULLYING?
• Bullying is any behaviour that is deliberately
  intended to hurt, threaten or frighten another
  person or group of people. It is usually
  unprovoked, persistent and can continue for a
  long period of time. It reflects an abuse of
  power.
• Bullying behaviour can include
• Physical aggression, such as hitting, kicking,
  taking or damaging possessions
• Verbal aggression, such as name calling,
  threatening comments, insults, racist remarks,
  taunting, sending nasty notes or making nuisance
  calls
• Indirect social exclusion, such as deliberately
  leaving someone out, ignoring someone, spreading
  rumours about someone or about their family.
• Racial, sexual or homophobic harassment involves
  the same kinds of behaviour directed against
  someone because of their cultural or ethnic
  identity, their gender or sexuality.

Bullying can be difficult to identify because it
is often subtle, covert and rarely witnessed by
adults.
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• We have some idea of the number of children who
  have died or been
• seriously hurt by bullying but we know little
  about the number of
• children who suffer quietly every day in schools,
  camp settings,
• community programs and the sports arena.
• Many cry out in silence for fear that their
  disclosure will make their lives
• more intolerable.
• We make educated guesses about the numbers of
  children involved and
• because of our struggle with definitions we
  cant always make up their
• minds about who is really hurting as a result of
  bullying and who is not.
• Children deserve more than this!
• The tragedies reported in the media generally
  elicit an immediate sense
• of alarm and stir us into action and yet despite
  our commitment and
• best intentions, we so often take a quick fix,
  piecemeal approach that
• can create the illusion that the problem is being
  addressed! Its not
• unlike sticking a small band aid on an oozing
  wound.

Bullying Finding a weakness, Playing on
it! Controlling it!
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Bullying is not a new phenomenon. What is new is
the increasing awareness of the consequences for
students, schools and communities that are
brought about by bullying behaviour. The myths
that bullying is a right of passage something
that kids have to endure simply contributes to
the problem. The good news is that it is a
learned behaviour Because it is learned, it can
be unlearned! Bullying affects the social
environments of schools and those other places
where kids gather and often can create a climate
of fear inhibiting their ability to thrive,
socialize and learn. It generally begins in the
early grades, peaks at the intermediate level and
persists in different forms into secondary
school. The long and short-term psychological
effects on both those who perpetrate and those
who are targets of bullying have been well
researched. Victims often experience loneliness,
isolation and report having trouble making
friends and emotional adjustments in later years.
Humiliation, insecurity, loss of confidence,
depression and other mental health problems can
accompany victims of bullying into adulthood.

Many children become bullies through an
acculturation process that begins before they
enter school. When parents bully, a new
generation of bullies is being created.
Dr. Wayne Nesbit
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Its not just about building safer and better
schools it is about wanting kids to become
better people!
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• Adults must be mindful of their own behaviour for
  the
• children watch, copy and emulate what goes on
  around
• them. And what goes on around children is
  sometimes
• criminal and modeling of the very worst kind!
• Bullying happens in all communities and it most
  certainly
• happens in all schools.
• Beware of the school administrator who denies
  bullying and
• victimization happening at their school. It
  happens in any and
• all schools to a greater or lesser degree, but it
  happens - and it
• affects student learning, teacher morale and
  school culture.
• As painful and disruptive as any acts of
  aggression and
• violence can be, it is important to remember that
  such
• incidents may not define the character of the
  school.

The stereotypical thinking tends to focus on the
physical the size of the nose or the ears, the
glasses, limp, lisp or stammer - yet more often
its likely to be related to other things! Those
who react strongly to initial overtures may also
be the ones considered as perfect targets e.g.
the boy who sheds a tear ! Sometimes it's the
smartest who are targeted. These students can be
as socially disadvantaged as they are
intellectually advanced the smarter are often
forced to dumb down their intelligence on the
schoolyard. Sad!
Bullying prevention is crime prevention!
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Bullying a pattern of deliberate, repeated,
intentional, hurtful, aggressive behaviors or
acts that work to shift the balance of physical,
emotional, or social power.
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  Bullying occurs where young people gather. It
can occur on the way to or from school,
playgrounds, school washrooms, eating areas,
change rooms and in classrooms. It happens at
camp, sports groups, recreation centers and at
home. It can happen on the cell phone or in
internet chat rooms. It can happen most places
where there is inadequate supervision. If
bullying is largely about the imbalance and abuse
of power - adults need to move beyond targeting
child to child/student to student bullying and
appreciate the ways in which gender, race, class,
sexual identity, religion and ability position
some children as more powerful and privileged
than others. We need to move beyond the
behaviour! We also need to look at the way
adults are relating to one another and their
charges and we need to be most mindful of ethos
and milieu community - are often the very last
considerations in dealing with bullying. It is
so much easier to target the school as being the
agent in the childs life that has to address and
fix all of the problems Where are the
parents? We seem to expect more and more of kids
and yet less and less of parent's to bring them
up!

It is easier to reduce the number of children
being victimized than to reduce the number of
bullies... victims want the situation to
change... they can be helped to change their
behaviour. They can be helped to become more
assertive... Bullies on the other hand are not
interested in changing... its not a bad life for
them...theyre often admired and
acclaimed. Ken Rigby
Children have never been very good at listening
to what their parents tell them, but they never
fail to imitate them.

James Baldwin
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Dont bully the bully it licenses such
behavior. The antecedent to changing a bullys
behavior is the cultivation of empathetic
thinking, not punishment. Punishment does not
empower. Rather, have bullies own their
behavior. Evaluate bullying events within
a framework of just consequences.
Dr.
Wayne Nesbit
The worst advice to a victim is to sort it out
for yourself. Adult involvement and support must
not be denied. Victims were chosen as victims on
the basis of their vulnerability!
Dr. Wayne Nesbit
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Violence always travels from the strongest to the
weakest or from the most powerful to the least
powerful. People who are the object of violence
absorb it, modify it and pass it on. Young
children, who are the bottom of this vortex,
often do not have anyone to pass it on to...They
absorb it, accumulate it and wait until they are
old enough, big enough or strong enough to erupt
in some dramatic way that hurts other people
Bruce Perry
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• Relational problems, demand attention to
  something that is more
• complex. ... In the absence of a shared language
  to identify and
• discuss the behavior, student harassment policies
  are generally
• vague and favor the acts of physical or direct
  violence.
• Rachel Simmons

A human being who lives day-to-day having to
continuously 'energize his shields' for
protection has little remaining energy to direct
toward positive endeavors, such as schoolwork,
meaningful classroom participation, or healthy
peer-adult interaction.
Rico Racosky
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Here's to the kids who are different. The kids
who don't always get A's! The kids who have ears
twice the size of their peers and noses that go
on for days. Here's to the kids who are
different, the kids they call crazy or dumb, The
kids who don't fit, with guts and grit, who dance
to a different drum! Here's to the kids who are
different, the kids with the mischievous
streak. For when they have grown, or history's
shown, It's the difference that makes them
unique. Digby Wolfe
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Any student, through no fault of their own, may
be bullied. It is not unusual to find that there
are many children victimized through bullying who
are popular and socially well adjusted. There
are also those who unwittingly invite attacks by
behaving in ways that cause tension and
irritation in their immediate vicinity. These
children, often referred to as provocative
victims may have inadequate social skills and
learning difficulties. Bullying prevention
programs that have the best results are those
that engage staff and students, and create a
democratic school climate. It is school culture
and ethos, not policies that prevent bullying in
the long term. No amount of cameras and
surveillance equipment can make up for the school
that prides itself in a culture of peacefulness,
nurturing and caring.
When you plant a lettuce, if it does not grow
well, you dont blame the lettuce. You look for
reasons it is not doing well. It may need
fertilizer or more water or less sun. You never
blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with
our friends or family, we blame the other person.
But if we know how to take care of them, they
will grow well, like the lettuce.
Thich Nhat Hanh
Anti-bullying efforts need to consider what is
driving a child to bully before they can hope to
understand and prevent this behaviour. Bullying
for defence reasons may be particularly linked to
victimization, and indirect bullying that is
motivated by social or enjoyment reasons may
require a very different motivation from bullying
due to emotive, surface or personality reasons.
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Bullying generally involves one or perhaps a
handful of students but typically others are
indirectly involved as bystanders - they withess
the behaviour and choose to remain silent.
Those who observe do not always play a neutral
role rather they may encourage and perpetuate the
bullying by either directly joining in the
bullying, or indirectly, by not taking a stand.
By failing to stand up to bullies, peer groups
play a key role in locking bullies and victims
into their respective roles, conversely when
bystanders do take an active role the bullying is
stopped often within a matter of seconds.
Dan Olweus, Debra
Pepler, Wendy Craig
Turning a blind eye to bullying is in itself an
endorsement. To walk by is to condone it.
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In the end we will remember not the words of
our enemies but the silence of our
friends. Martin Luther King
There are no innocent bystanders William
Burroughs
The world is a dangerous place, not because of
those who do evil but because of those who look
on and do nothing. Albert Einstein
It is not enough just to save the children. We
have to prepare them to save US. Karl Eric
Knudsson
All that is needed for evil to prosper is for
people of good will to do nothing. Edmund Burke
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Africans have this thing called UBUNTU. It is
about the essence of being human it is part of
the gift that Africa will give the world. It
embraces hospitality, caring about others, being
able to go the extra mile for the sake of others.
We believe that a person is a person through
another person, that my humanity is caught up,
bound up, inextricably, with yours. When I
dehumanize you, I inexorably dehumanize myself.
The solitary human being is a contradiction in
terms and therefore you seek to work for the
common good because your humanity comes into its
own in belonging.

Desmond Tutu
There is concern that adults contribute to the
promotion of childhood aggression when we do
nothing to redirect such behaviors.  Lack of
perceived concern by adults may be viewed by
young people to be implied acceptance of
aggressive behaviors. Boys demonstrate
aggressive behaviors differently than girls Boys
tend to be direct. They employ verbal abuse,
physical threats, push, shove, hit or take extort
money or property.  Girls on the other hand tend
to spread gossip, start rumors, or exclude
others.  Boys use direct bullying far more than
girls and are victims twice as often.  However,
girls use either direct verbal bulling tactics
and as well as indirect methods.  Children are
more likely to bully others if they have
difficulty seeing anothers perspective, tend to
be more egocentric, appear to lack empathy
towards others, seem to have higher levels of
anger, and need power or control.  Many
researchers have shown that children who bully
have been subject to erratic and harsh treatment
at home and/or have experienced permissive
parents who do not set clear limits. Children
are more likely to be bullied may have difficulty
reading social cues and have deficits in social
skills.  It is overly simplistic to assume that
kids are targeted because of different physical
characteristics such as eyeglasses, an unusual
dialect, or being over-weight.

•  

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Children exercise their rights not receive
them.
Without childrens rights There are no human
rights
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If a school or school board is unable to come up
with its own definition that is based on the work
of skilled research scientists then that school
or board becomes a significant part of the
problem. Administrations must be clear about
what bullying is, and equally important, what it
is not! It is only at this fundamental stage
that the process of building a school approach to
bullying can begin! It could be argued that
the definition is akin to the Mission Statement
in organizational strategic planning and integral
to all anti bullying school programming. Simply
put, if you cant define it, you cant measure
it and if you cant measure it perhaps it
doesnt exist! As disciples of Strategic Planning
are prone to say, If you dont know where you
are going, any road will get you there.
Despite the number of supposed anti bullying
programs that have been developed, in some cases
with the best of intentions, it is very difficult
for untrained school personnel to select one that
they believe might work for their particular
ecology. Some administrators and staff have
little understanding of the extent and nature of
bullying within their schools, others may be
naysayers or skeptics, and despite media and
other awareness efforts of late, there are still
those who believe bullying to be a right of
passage...or a normal part of growing up!
Clearly, no matter how well researched and
effective an anti bullying program is reputed to
be it will fail if the administrator and staff
are not on side and supportive. It is in these
cases where schools must conduct surveys to test
student opinion. It is only when this happens
(and again providing that there is a clear
definition of bullying) that adults can
substantiate that bullying truly exists, and
hurts, both individuals and school culture.
Behaviour - An area where we often expect too
much and yet teach so little.
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Letter to Jay (the ringleader of attacks on his
3rd-grade classmate Andy) from his teacher. The
letter was not replied however the bullying
ceased. Dear JayAndy's mother has told me
that her son has been made very unhappy this
year. Name-calling and ostracizing have left him
sad and lonely. Your experience as a leader in
our class makes you a likely person for me to
turn to for advice. I value your ability to
sympathize with those who suffer. Please write
me your suggestions about how we can help
Andy. Mrs. Spaulding Haim Ginott
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Dont Laugh At Me Im a little boy with glasses,
the one they call a geek A little girl who never
smiles cuz I got braces on my teeth And I know
how it feels to cry myself to sleep I am that
Kid on every playground, whos always chosen
last A single teenaged mother trying to overcome
her past You dont have to be my friend if its
too much to ask Dont laugh at me, dont call me
names Dont get your pleasure from my pain In
Gods eyes were all the same Someday well all
have perfect Wings Dont laugh at me Im a
cripple on the corner You pass me on the street I
wouldnt be out here begging if I had enough to
eat And dont think I dont notice that our eyes
never meet I lost my wife and little boy when
someone crossed that yellow line The day we laid
em in the ground was the day I lost my mind Right
now Im down to holding this little cardboard
sign Dont laugh at me, dont call me names Dont
get your pleasure from my pain In Gods eyes
were all the same Someday well all have perfect
Wings Dont laugh at me Im Fat, Im Thin Im
Short, Im Tall Im Deaf, Im Blind Hey, arent
we all Dont laugh at me, dont call me
names Dont get your pleasure from my pain In
Gods eyes were all the same Someday well all
have perfect Wings Dont laugh at me
Allen Shamblin and Steve
Seskin
You laugh because I am different I laugh
because you are afraid of being different.

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It's not so much about waging war on the bullies
but building environments that breed peace.


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Re-culture not restructure the school
Michael Fullan
Participating in and contributing to a safe,
respectful and positive learning environment is
both the right and responsibility of children and
youth, their parents/caregivers, school personnel
and all community members. Schools, acting in
partnership with their communities, can create
and maintain these environments that foster a
sense of belonging, enhance the joy of learning,
honour diversity and promote respectful,
responsible and caring relationships. www.
safehealthyschools. org/ positivelearning.Htm
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• A comprehensive school-wide plan is critical to
  any initiative that addresses the
• issue of bullying in the elementary school.
• An effective plan
• is collaborative in nature (especially strong
  student representation)
• creates a shared understanding about the nature
  of bullying and its effects on the lives of
  individual students and the school community
• assists the members of the school community in
  acquiring the specific knowledge, skills, and
  language to respond to bullying situations
• is proactive, not punitive
• provides a framework for bringing the plan to
  life
• directs the development of a wide array of
  prevention and intervention strategies
• Considers methods of self accreditation and
  evaluation is prepared to openly ask the
  question, How safe, and friendly, is our school

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There is no trust more sacred than the one the
world holds with children.
Kofi Annan
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When a comprehensive approach to character
education is used, schools create a positive
moral culture in the school, developing a total
school environment that supports the values
taught in the classroom. This is accomplished
through the leadership of the principal, school
wide discipline, a sense of community, democratic
student government, a moral community among
adults, and opportunities to address moral
concerns. They recruit parents and the community
as partners and foster caring beyond the
classroom by using inspiring role models and
opportunities for community service to help
students learn to care by giving care.
Character education fosters ethical,
responsible, and caring young people by modeling
and teaching good character through emphasis on
universal values that we all share. Character
education is not a "quick fix." It provides
long-term solutions that address moral, ethical,
and academic issues that are of growing concern
about our society and the safety of our schools.

Thomas Lickona
The culture of the school is what makes it
uniquemoves it away from the status quo
culture is what school is all about - the
culture sets and drives the behaviour the
principal sets the culture You tell your people
teachers and students what is important and
acceptable and from that comes the ethos, the
values.
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Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it
can only be attained through understanding.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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We adults have to get out of our seats -- we
cannot afford to be a passive, inattentive,
bored, alarmed, or deeply saddened audience. We
can't walk out, close the show, and send it
somewhere else. We can't merely banish the bully
and mourn the bullied child. It's the roles that
must be abandoned, not our children. Our children
need a new play, and we adults can become active
participants in a total rewrite. Before we can
begin the rewrite, though, we need to analyze and
understand the original tragedy.
Barbara Coloroso
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The hidden curriculum
Not all children enter school having mastered the
ability to get along with others. The ability to
resolve conflict, empathize with others, play
fairly, and to treat others with kindness are
skills that must be learned. And they are the
very skills that the most effective anti-bullying
curricula address.
A comprehensive approach uses all aspects of
schooling as opportunities for character
development. This includes what is sometimes
called the hidden curriculum (e.g., school
ceremonies and procedures the teachers example
students relationships with teachers, other
school staff, and each other the instructional
process how student diversity is addressed the
assessment of learning the management of the
school environment the discipline policy) the
academic curriculum (i.e., core subjects,
including the health curriculum) and
extracurricular programs (i.e., sports teams,
clubs, service projects, after-school
care). Philip Jackson
Teaching a child not to step on a caterpillar is
as valuable to the child as it is to the
caterpillar! Bradley
Miller
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Either intentionally or unintentionally, teachers
shape the formation of character in
studentssimply by associationthrough positive
or negative example. Character education is thus
not optional in schoolsit is inevitable, and
therefore merits intentional focus and priority
status in the school. Adults, including
educators, may unwittingly or otherwise, engaged
in, instigate, or reinforce bullying behaviour in
a number of ways. This may be through the use of
sarcasm or other insulting demeaning forms of
language when addressing students. This can
happen, non of us is perfect, however when it
becomes a part of the culture and goes unchecked
then the children suffer and the school
suffers! Humiliating a student (directly or
indirectly) is not only demeaning but sends a
strong message of endorsement to other students.
If it is okay for the adult to say those things
then it is okay for everyone! Teachers using any
gesture or expression of a threatening or
intimidating nature, or any form of degrading
physical contact need to recognize that this
simply promotes a we/they ethos. The adults
are in competition with the students a battle of
wills that rarely generates any winners.
If we want a respectful school community, we need
to be quite clear that we really are "all in it
together." There is a lot of talk about community
in the discourse about schools but we must ask
how much is rhetoric? Some schools just have
it! That positive atmosphere as soon as you step
in the door. Hard to describe but you just know
that there is an administrator who understands
the power of school ethos in minimizing bullying
behaviour.
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The curriculum can be used to raise awareness of
the types of behaviours classed as bullying and
the problems that these can cause. This enables
teachers to introduce the subject of bullying and
victimization and explore what they are and how
they impact of students and schools. By itself
this will not necessarily lead to long term
change or elimination of bullying but it can for
a significant part of the whole school thrust. It
can also be used to address empathy and to teach
students how to manage their relationships more
constructively. Episodes from history,
politics and religion can be used to illustrate
bullying behaviour in the broader social context.
The only way to discover the extent of bullying
is to carry out a survey of students Sad that
this so rarely happens! It might be as simple
as asking each student to think about his or her
classmates and to write down Who is hardly ever
bullied? Who is bullied a lot? Who bullies other
people a lot?
Because students who are victimized are much more
likely to seek help from students rather than
teachers, there is much to be said for selecting
and helping to train students to provide support
to peers in need of help. Roles can be created
for interested students to help with problems of
peer relations, such as in orienting students
prior to and when they start their new school and
supporting students who are rejected or isolated
by their peers. Students should also play a role
in the school bullying prevention coordinating
committee. Such work provides students with the
opportunity to experience success in helping
relationships.
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• School bullies are created by conditions around
  them.
• Change conditions and transform bullies into good
  citizens!
• School ethos, milieu refers to the sum of the
  values, cultures,
• practices, rituals, and administrative and
  staffing structures
• within a school that cause it to function and
  react in
• particular ways.
• Some schools are said to have a nurturing
  environment that
• recognizes children and treats them as
  individuals others
• may have the feel of authoritarian structures
  where rules are
• strictly enforced and hierarchical control is
  strong.
• Teaching practices, diversity, and the
  relationships among
• administrators, teachers, parents, and students
  contribute to
• school climate.
• Although the two terms are somewhat
  interchangeable,
• school climate refers mostly to the school's
  effects on students,

The media is rife with glorified bullies who use
counter-aggression packaged as justifiable
violence. These powerful negative models must be
addressed through education.
Dr. Wayne Nesbit
42
A community that excludes certain groups of
people cannot be vibrant nor can it form an
effective learning community, for it ignores the
fundamental diversity of life. In other words, a
learning community must embrace the concept of
belonging. Attributed to Jean Vanier
43
With great clarity, principals must send out an
unyielding message of intolerance for bullying. A
line in the sand a message of Respect and
Protect. If a child discloses that he/she has
been bullied, it must be taken seriously and
acted upon immediately. As important, it must
appear to all that it is taken seriously and
acted upon!
Good character education is good education
period!
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• Features of a positive school ethos might
  include
• Strong sense of community
• Good interpersonal relationships
• School spirit, traditions and citizenship
• Parent/stakeholder engagement
• Student participation in overall life of the
  school
• Strong leadership
• Student and teacher cohesion
• Strong academic emphasis
• Positive teacher expectations of students
• Positive teacher attitudes toward students
• Stress on positive rewards celebration
• Consistent and shared values and standards.
• What to look for
• Initial contact and access to the principal
• Front office reception

45
We all pay a price for turning a deaf ear! We
should worry when young people are repeatedly
victimized by bullying ,and little is done to
stop it! The costs are high on many levels -
some will internalize the pain and suffer mental
health problems others may externalize and lash
out at their environment. When bullies are
allowed to progress through school without their
intimidating and violent behavior being
addressed, they can become a danger not only to
the school, but also to the community. Without
intervention, too many of these chronic bullies
will grow up to be workplace bullies at best and
serious criminals at worst. We pay a price for
turning a blind eye!
No program will be an effective antidote to
bullying unless it involves an entire
school The challenge in implementing a program
is in changing people's behaviors.... Attitude
change comes first, behavioral change is second.
For behavior change the culture has to support
it.
Wendy Craig
46
Im standing outside the closed door of
Cordelias room. Cordelia, Grace and Carol are
inside. They are having a meeting. The meeting is
about me. I am just not measuring up, although
they are giving me every chance. I will have to
do better. But better at what?... Carol is in my
classroom, and its her job to report to Cordelia
what I do and say all day. Theyre there at
recess, and in the cellar at lunchtime. They
comment on the kind of lunch I have, how I hold
my sandwich, how I chew. On the way home from
school I have to walk in front of them, or
behind. In front is worse because they talk about
how Im walking, how I look from behind. "Dont
hunch over," says Cordelia. "Dont move your arms
like that. But Cordelia doesnt do these things
or have this power over me because shes my
enemy. Far from it. I know about enemies With
enemies you can feel hatred, and anger. But
Cordelia is my friend. She likes me, she wants to
help me, they all do. They are my friends, my
girlfriends, my best friends. I have never had
any before and Im terrified of losing them. I
want to please. Cordelia says, "I think Elaine
should be punished for telling on us, dont you?
"I didnt tell, I say. I no longer feel the
sinking in my gut, the held-back tearfulness that
such a false accusation would once have produced.
My voice is flat, calm, reasonable. "Dont
contradict me," Cordelia says. "Then how come
your mother phoned our mothers? "Yeah, how
come?" says Carol. "I dont know and I dont
care," I say. Im amazed at myself. Margaret
Atwood Cats Eye
47
Civilized surroundings produce civilized behaviour

Whats really important is not whats wrong, but
what is right No community was ever built on the
needs and problems of its people. It has always
been built on their gifts and capacities, and the
use of the assets that are there         
                          John L.
McKnight
48
The school that is committed to character and
culture works to become a microcosm of a civil,
caring, and just society. It does this by
creating a community that helps all its members
form caring attachments to one another. It is
about developing caring relationships among
students (within and across grade levels), among
staff, between students and staff, and between
staff and families. These caring relationships
foster both the desire to learn and the desire to
be a good person. All young people have needs
for safety, belonging, and the experience of
contributing, and they are more likely to
internalize the values and expectations of groups
that meet these needs. Likewise, if staff
members and parents experience mutual respect,
fairness, and cooperation in their relationships
with each other, they are more likely to develop
the capacity to promote those values in students.

It is worth asking whether the stated aims of
most schools actually impinge on the day-to-day
lives of those working in them. Does the average
teacher know what the school aims are, far less
have had a part to play in their
formulation? McMichael and Boyd
A code of conduct imposed on students can widen
the divide between them and us the best
school codes of conduct are lived and not stuck
to a wall!
49
We are showing increasing intolerance for
children who are aggressive, yet societies dont
want to look at underlying conditions that
contribute to their aggression. Most of the time,
communities would rather take the easy route- and
scapegoat children- as though when they act out
their rage and pain, it originates from nowhere
except themselves. It is difficult for adults to
accept their part in the creation of aggressive
youth- to accept their part of the
responsibility. There is no systemic thinking
involved. Instead, it is common for communities,
and the legal system, to blame children for their
violent and immature response to chronic,
intolerable situations at school, at home, and in
their communities.


Ellen deLara
Ive come to a frightening conclusion that I am a
decisive element in the classroom. Its my
personal approach that creates the climate. Its
my daily mood that makes the weather. As a
teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a
persons life miserable or joyous. I can be a
tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.
I can humiliate or humour, hurt or heal. In all
situations, it is my response that decides
whether a crisis will be escalated or
de-escalated and a person humanized or
dehumanized.
Haim Guinott
50
"The secret message communicated to most young
people today ... is that they are not needed ...
For society to attempt to solve its problems
without the full participation of even very young
people is imbecile.
Alvin
Toffler
51
Simply having an anti bullying policy or school
code of conduct does not cut it! Dossiers that
gather dust on a shelf will not change school
culture or student behaviour. Rather, policy
should be owned by the administrator, teaching
and non teaching staff, students and parents and
perhaps most importantly, it should be lived as
opposed to posted on a wall or lost on a shelf.
Many schools are starting to recognize that a
specific anti-bullying policy written by
committee at the board office and accompanied by
little or no training is hardly worth the paper
it is printed on! An effective policy, as
distinct from a general behaviour management
program, must come first and it must have the
buy in of staff and students if it is to be
successful. Anti bullying policy and
procedures should be drafted using similar
constructs to an organizational or strategic
plan. First there is the formation of a
bullying prevention coordinating committee or
better yet a school culture committee
(administrator, teachers, non teaching staff,
students and parents and community stakeholders),
an environmental scan to assess the nature of
bullying in the school and larger community, a
vision and mission statement, followed by three
or four key goal areas where results are to be
sought. From the goals there comes the work plan
which includes short and longer term objectives
and indicators of success.
There are over 300 published violence prevention
school-based programs however less than a quarter
of these programs are empirically
validated. Howard, Flora Griffin, 1999
52
Sample Code of Conduct I will accept my peers
and will not provoke or discriminate. I will not
use abusive language and will refrain from taunts
and gossip I do not intrude on others nor touch
their possessions I will do what I can to insure
that my peers are not isolate or ostracized. If
anyone is being obstructive to me, I will request
them to stop. If that does not help, I will ask a
teacher for help. I will expect under all
circumstances that my teacher WILL help In a
fight, I will not act as my own judge. I will
threaten no one, nor bring weapons and drugs to
school. I use no violence either at school or
outside school. I will help others, including the
adults in the school, to uphold these rules.
53

• Imagine a very fragile vase
• It is beautiful and new, and you are very fond of
  it. But what
• happens? You dont take care of it properly, and
  the vase
• breaks. You are upset, you get angry with
  yourself, you
• reproach your negligence, you detest this
  subconsciously
• Deliberate mistake, and you ruminate over your
  sadness.
• But, well, its not serious. There exist good,
  transparent glues
• on the market expensive, certainly, but solid. So
  you glue the
• Broken pieces back together and pretend that the
  vase is the
• same.
• We are experts at repairing what we neglect
• but quite insufficiently concerned with
  preventing
• breakage.
• Educational negligence as regards to children is
  unthinkable.
• With a great many experts, we invent research and

Creating an untested program and calling it
bullying prevention doesnt mean it will
work in fact it rarely does!
54
There is something wrong when adults believe they
have all the answers and the kids have none!
55
Knowing how to read and not reading is almost the
same as not knowing how to read. There is nothing
as useless as doing efficiently that which should
not be done at all Peter Drucker Never talk
when you can nod! Listen twice as much as you
speak! If you think you are too small to have an
impact try going to sleep with a mosquito in
the room! Anita Roddick Kids move when their
emotions are moved! The best principals move on
getting to solutions rather than focusing on the
problems! The paradox of the wired world is that
as we become more connected electronically, we
become less connected emotionally. Everything
that iritates us about others can lead us to an
understanding of ourselves Carl Jung

School ethos is the actual - rather than the
ideal school climate. Its an important
difference.
56

• Listen to the mustnts child.
• Listen to the don'ts.
• Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the
  won'ts.
• Listen to the never-haves.
• Then, listen close to me.'
• ''Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.
• Shel Silverstein

57
Every blade of grass has its angel that bends
over it and whispers, 'Grow, grow.' 
The
Talmud
58
DAVID MILLEN I AM SAFE 613 296 5245 www.iamsafe.ca
kidscan_at_sympatico.ca